Age separation between siblings

KM0715 · June 2014

Not that I'm anxious to sign myself up for this sleep deprivation circus again anytime soon, but I was just talking with DH about family planning and when to start thinking about baby #2. DH is an only child and I only have one brother that is 4.5 years younger. (I sometimes wish we were a little closer in age, but have nothing to compare it to.) Curious to hear others thoughts with the understanding that of course nothing can be perfectly planned!

STMs+ what is the age separation btwn your LOs and how has it been? Would you have done it differently?

FTMs, if you're planning on more what are you thinking in terms of timing?

MalyJ · June 2014

DS1 will be three in July and DS2 is almost 2 months. Right now it's kind of crazy, because DS1 can't completely occupy himself, he likes us to play with him constantly. However, I think when they're both older they will be close.

DS1 had zero issues with adding another one to our family. Our pedi said before they turn 3 is good because the emotion of jealousy doesn't really kick in until they're an older three. True or not, I don't know but it's been the case for us.

I am also the oldest of four girls (27, 22, 17, and 15) and although I like it now, I did NOT like it growing up. I was 16, they were annoying little kids. I was in college, they were immature high school and middle schoolers. We all get along well and are close now, but that's only been the last two years or so. It's a big reason I wanted mine closer.

mooncusp22 · June 2014

FTM, but we are going to try again starting next July. I will be 36 then so I have a shorter window to wait! Ideally I like 2-3yrs in between.

babym6705 · June 2014

My DD is 4.5 yrs old and my DS is 7 wks old. I like that my DD is old enough to entertain herself when I am busy and I like that I don't have to pay for two in diapers at the same time, but I do worry their age gap will effect their closeness. Oh and I just realized I will only have 1 in college at a time! (Hopefully)

HNRomance · June 2014

we are shooting for 2-3 years gap between this first LO and our next one. I have 2 younger sisters and we are each a little less than 2 years apart. I didn't like it growing up. There was always an odd one out because of being an odd numbered set and the middle sister was always wavering between too old for some things with the younger sister and too young for the next step that I was taking. I think a bigger gap would have been better. We are only hoping for 2 kids so 3 years would be ideal for us. Hopefully we will only have 2 in daycare for a short time that way or we might be in a better financial situation to where one of us can stay at home.

Yogini6911 · June 2014

FTM here...DS is 2 months and I really don't know if I can do this again. I always thought that I would have 2-3 children but I'll be 33 and if I wait a few years I'll be past 35. If I do get pregnant before I'm 35 I'm afraid that I'll lose my mind.

Kyllarae · June 2014

I can't even think about more right now, but I definitely want to get Eden in preschool before another one comes along. I'm the third of four kids (24, 21, 19, 8) and we're all pretty close even with the weird age gaps.

belindahampton · June 2014

FTM and we're going to ttc again just after little one turns a year old.

Jodash24 · June 2014

Ds1 is 7, ds2 is 5 weeks! I like this age gap it seems more relaxed than my sister who has a 10 month gap between her girls. DS1 is quite independent around the home and is my little helper, I don't think I would have done it any different but IF we decide to have any more children I wouldn't leave it too long this time

hordol · June 2014

We will wait anywhere from 3 to 5 years because of financial reasons, we only want one in daycare at a time. If DH gets a higher paying job though I would not mind staying home. It will also be nice to have our older one be a little more independent before we have another one come.

AmberLiz99 · June 2014

Ds will be 3 next month and dd is 5 weeks. It's a good gap for us, ds is potty trained and over all the baby phase, and although he requires a lot of attention, he can reason and communicate really well which helps a lot. If we have a third I think I want a similar spacing

MapleLeafMama · June 2014

5 years less two months. I'm enjoying the difference more than I thought. DS is independent and is being a fantastic helper and loves his sister so freaking much. And plus, he's in full day kindergarten which is a god send!

rockstarlaw · June 2014

I keep asking myself the same question. The issue that I am having is that I am 36 years old, so I feel like I have a limited window of time. Ideally I would like to not have to in daycare at the same time... But I'm not sure that is an option for me. Also, there is no guarantee I would get pregnant right away, as I didn't this time, so I'm a bit nervous about how long it may take to conceive the second one.

Bluebird2318 · June 2014

My kids are 22 months apart (or 20 months if you account for the fact that DD was a preemie) and I enjoy the difference. We are done having children but if that weren't the case I would want something similar for the difference between #2 and #3--something around the 2-year mark. My sister and I are 23 months apart, so that may have something to do with my preference. It's a little trickier in the sense that DD is not old enough to be helpful and having two children in diapers can be a hassle. On the other hand I haven't had to deal with any jealousy issues (I think DD is still too young for that) and I think they will be good playmates when DS is a little older.

ricekez · June 2014

DS1 and DS2 are 2.5 years apart. We thought 2-3 years would be a good gap and so far, it's great. DS1 is just getting over the "terrible" part of being 2 and is able to communicate pretty well without throwing a tantrum. Jealousy has been minimal. I think we'll aim for a 2.5 year gap between #2 and #3.

cwm11985 · June 2014

21 months and its been perfect for us; I wouldn't change it.

Tferr02 · June 2014

Mine are just over 2 years apart. I wanted 3-4 years apart, but life happened! It's been going pretty good, DS1 is great with DS2.

Jessimax · June 2014

My first was so bad it took awhile for DH to convince me so have another. DS will be 4 in August. I think it's a great age gap now, he is potty trained, can dress himself get himself snacks etc. however, people say later on it's better when they are closer so they are in the same activities and you don't have to drive to a million different things. As far as being close goes I don't think age matters, my brother and I are close in age but aren't that close friend wise (and never have been) and you can get siblings that are 10 years apart and a super close.

Starfish+77 · June 2014

16 months. Considering I'm about to lose my shit and can barely brush my teeth each day, I wouldn't recommend it. I know it will get easier and eventually DD and DS will be BFFs but I swear this has shaved years off my life. Neither were/are particularly easy newborns so perhaps I'll feel differently once he's 3-4 months.

mandacann · June 2014

If we have another (big if) I'd like to wait 4-5 years. I was miserable pregnant so I'd like DD to be fairly self sufficient and in school for at least part of the day. Also DH will be done or about done with his military commitments by that time.

chichi589 · June 2014

We won't have another if any until Chase is in prek at least. I have DSD (who lives with us the majority of the time) who is 2 yrs 4 months and DS who is 2 months. But at that time I might want 2 more because I would want them close as well.. I have 3 brothers 31 26 25 (me) and 19 and we are all close but weren't growing up. My little brother is the one who were least close to but I'm sure that'll change in time

WifeofaComposer · June 2014

My oldest (from a previous relationship) is 7, and my LO is almost 7 weeks. It works really well in the sense that my older boy can do everything for himself and he doesn't rely on me so much - HOWEVER, he has started displaying regressive behaviors because he is jealous and he wants my attention. It pisses me off. He is really sweet around the baby, but his attitude toward me sucks. My DH is ready to have another baby as soon as possible, and our doctor said we should wait until our LO is a year old before TTC, because I had a C-section and need time to heal before adding a heavy baby to my ute. I'll start weaning LO from breastfeeding when he turns 1, and then we will TTC again. I'm already 35, so we don't want to wait too long. We'd like to have 2 more children, and it would be nice to keep them all about 2 years apart in age. My DH is the 2nd oldest of 5 siblings, and the 2-year age gap was perfect in his family. I have a half brother who is 7 years older than I am, and he hates me because I stole his thunder when I was born.

nicole mackenzie · June 2014

I have three other siblings. I'm 5 years away from my oldest and youngest brothers and 2.5 years younger than my sister. I'm pretty close to all of them.

DH and his siblings are closer in age.

I think I'd like only one in diapers at a time... So maybe we'll try for number two in 2-3 years.

KatieGummow · June 2014

3 minutes

Jk we will wait probably about 1.5-2 years until we try again

moonsparkles · June 2014

What an interesting thread. Thanks for starting it.

Lizmullen · June 2014

Ftm. I am a twin so I never had the older or younger sibling experience. (For being as close as you can be in age we were not close at all growing up)
My husband on the other hand is the oldest and all his siblings are 1-2 years apart. We are hoping to do that because he has such fond memories with his siblings that he has shared with me over the years so I'm on board.

RedDawnsRevenge · June 2014

My girls are 23months and 12hrs apart (yes exactly). It took 8years and 3 mc to have DD1. I really thought it would take longer to have DD2, I had another mc when DD1 was 7 months when we weren't trying to conceive. DD2 was conceive the 2nd month of trying, I didn't think "it would be so easy". I really thought we'd try for a few years and give up and I'd get my way of 1 and done.
I have 3 sisters, my older adopted sister (and BFF) Michele is 3 years older than me, my middle sis Kate is 3 years younger and my littlest sister Elle is 13 years younger than me! Me and Kate were constantly trying to kill each other as children. Everyone thought Elle was my daughter. My parents adopted my best freind Michele at 16 after her mom died of cancer, other than that I would have preferred to be an only child.

abbeylanecb · June 2014

My first two are 15m apart, 4 & almost 3. I love it now but it was difficult the first six month.

Having this baby with a slightly larger age gap is much easier! We are done but if we had one more I would wait until she is 3.

*sparky* · June 2014

Ours are 8 yrs apart. It is not what we had planned but so far it is working out well. Fortunately DS really wanted a sibling so he dotes on his little sister and has been very understanding and helpful. It will be a pain in that they will always be at different schools and in totally different activities but at least they won't ever be in competition with each other.

sherks11 · June 2014

My husband has a brother who is 4 years older than him and a sister who is 1 year younger. He's not close at all to his brother but we are both so close to his sister. Because of this, he wants our kids to be really close in age as well- as close as hoping to conceive in July (again). I'm a little scared but am I nuts for agreeing to do all this again?

LauraEppert · June 2014

I def think there are pros and cons to both having them close in age and more spaced out. Since we didn't really have a choice our kids are 5 years apart. We had a alot of fertility issues and a mc in between. Since it worked out this way I have tried to look at the positives and I am actually loving the gap. Ds is so independent and helpful and very sweet with dd. We will save lots of $ with only 1 in daycare and save my sanity as well. Honestly I don't know how u moms do it with a newborn and little toddler. I would lose my shit. I have 1 brother and were 2 years apart and about as not close as you can be so I'm hoping age doesn't matter much with closeness

Yogini6911 · June 2014

I'm relieved to hear that others may be one and done too. I know if that is what DH and I want then we shouldn't care what others think but everytime we mention that we may be one and done everyone always says negative things about this.

BR · June 2014

Mine are 23 months apart. I wanted them close in age because all of my brothers and sisters (5 in total) are spread out in age and I always wished there wasn't such a big gap. It is working out fine because dd1 goes to daycare 3 days a week. If they were both home all week I might have a different answer. My oldest always wants me to play with her and it's hard with the baby.

I come from a big family and have always wanted a lot of kids. Both of my babies were/are relatively easy but for some reason I can't imagine having more than two. Besides being 36 & running out of time, I just can't imagine having any more. We're done.

Dianakdee · June 2014

Ftm too I think we want to try for #2 in two years. If I weren't going back to nursing school it would be within a year but I think two years works.

*sparky* · June 2014

Yogini6911 said:
I'm relieved to hear that others may be one and done too. I know if that is what DH and I want then we shouldn't care what others think but everytime we mention that we may be one and done everyone always says negative things about this.

I really hate that people make you feel like you have to have more children. Especially when, in our case, there were medical reasons we weren't popping out more kids but I didn't feel like discussing it with every random jackass who told me I had to give DS a sibling. I am an only child and have always been fine with it and ultimately we knew DS would be fine as an only child too. Life is what you make of it and there is no one-size-fits-all family.

On another note, to the PP who commented about going crazy having kids close together, I have a friend who has five children under the age of 9 (all single births) She has been PG and/or nursing for 9 years straight. I would go out of my mind but she is as calm as can be and her children are so well-behaved and follow her like a family of little ducklings.

edoliesmom · June 2014

Before I had my daughter, I was wanting 3 kids before 30, but now I think I might have just 2 because of how my labor went. I also don't really want to put that pressure on myself (I'll be 26 in August). If we decide to stick with 2, I'll probably wait until she's 2.5 to start trying.

eireyes · June 2014

DH and I want to try for about 2 years between this LO and our next one. He and his siblings all have 1-2 years between them and we like the dynamics of that spacing.

MamaFantastic · June 2014

we initially intended to do 3 years apart but it ended up being 4 years apart. i love the spread!

katiedidthat · June 2014

We aimed for 2 years, got 18 months and ended up with 16 months because DS2 came early. If you had asked me 2 months ago, I would have told you to never consider less than a 5 year age gap, but it has gotten much, much easier now that DS1 is 19 months and DS2 is 3 months. DS1 was completely oblivious to us having another baby and there was no transition- we just came home with DS2 and life continued. I think after about a week, DS1 didn't even remember a time without our second being around. Now he is so loving to DS2 and wants to help with everything. He was a very independent baby even before DS2 was born though, so that has helped. The first few weeks with DS2 in the NICU were the hardest part since I had to choose which child to spend time with, and even once DS2 came home, I found it hard to divide my time without feeling like I was cheating one of them. Now that we're into a rhythm- I can't imagine changing it for anything. We'll be done with diapers so much faster than if we'd waited, they have a built-in playmate, and I'm still young enough to keep up with two very small kids. Personally, its working great for us since we got out of the newborn sleep deprived cluster feeding stage.

IF we try for a third (we're still on the fence due to DS2's health issues), we're planning to do it around 12-15 months again to get a similar (but slightly bigger since this time I won't be EBF and get pregnant sooner) age gap.

Calla123 · June 2014

Dd1 is 3 and completely potty trained. She is also independent when playing and old enough to help me. I also like that she goes to preschool twice a week, and that she is old enough to wait for something if I am busy. She wasn't jealous at all and is thrilled to be a big sister!

Smores730 · June 2014

My 1st gap was 2 years, 4 months and it was probably as close as I'd want them. She was potty trained and had no problems with independent play and that helped tremendously.
My 2nd gap is 3 years, 4 months and my DS has adapted successfully as well. He was a very difficult 2 year old and I would have been miserable introducing another child while he was still 2.

Personality of the child definitely plays a huge part in this but unfortunately you can't predict how your kiddo will behaving 9 months from any point! My DS was the happiest and easiest baby and then turned into a horrible toddler.

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