Don't know what to do

MoFree · May 2014

First congratulations to those of you who just had babies or are newly pregnant.
I wish I knew where I belonged. I am not really allowed on the IFV board because I already have a child and don't know anyone on the Secondary Infertility Board.
Please don't be upset but every day and every new pregnancy or birth announcement makes me happy for those who have succeeded but reinforces my feeling of not belonging. I hate to leave a wonderful community of caring, compassionate and intelligent women but need to protect myself from the pain of being the last one standing. I wish there was a board for people like me and don't know what to do.

Cwhitaker27 · May 2014

Mo I'm soo sorry you're feeling this way! I don't really have a suggestion on where you might feel you belong but no matter each of our individual circumstances i know we are all deeply rooting for each and everyone of us to be able to complete the families we all desire.

I totally understand if you need to step away for now to take time for yourself but I want you to know we are all here for you, always. **hugs**

Mnerani · May 2014

I'm sorry you are feeling down and not knowing where you belong. Of course, I'd love to see you stay on this board, but if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you might need a break. Others have done this and everyone understands.

Cwhitaker27- we are all rooting for you and everyone else like crazy. We're here to listen to you vent and to share in your joyful moments over DD and we'll be here to celebrate with you if you're blessed with a second pregnancy.

I don't know exactly where you belong, but I hope it's here!

TJ1979 · May 2014

Hugs M. I was just thinking about that when I was reading chi's post. It sucks that you girls have to be in this position, and that you kind of lose your safe home.
On the other shoe, even though I know you girls are happy for me, I feel guilty posting baby stuff on here when I know that it hurts girls like you, chi, and kaf. So know that we are cognizant of that, and that it breaks our hearts too that we have been so lucky and so many of our IF sisters have not.
There have been rumblings and requests for a OAD, NBC board for some time. Although I would hate for SAIF to not be your home, I'm happy to keep at the Bump Gods on this, if you girls would like. Y'all would have to promise to check in periodically though, we love you and would miss you.
Big hugs. I'm sorry.

ccam · May 2014

I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this, Mo. I hate that you ladies feel like you don't know where you belong. We are always here and rooting for you though! Hugs to you!!

kbeach82 · May 2014

I am so sorry that you are hurting. Some of us have found ourselves on very different paths along the IF road, and it is unfortunate that sometimes we once again find ourselves "divided." I may not be able to walk a mile in your shoes, but I can offer support and encouragement for you when you need it. I understand very well your need to protect yourself, and your heart, and I hope that you find what you need, Mo.

efhoping2010 · May 2014

I say join Secondary IF, I did a long time ago, there is a weekly check in and lots of people cycling and going through treatments. The rule is really that you are welcomed as long as you or your DH/SO has an IF diagnosis. I know the feeling about not belonging, I tried the IF Vets route too and was denied.

itsmevkb · May 2014

MoFree, I hope you can find a way to stay. I know that it's hard to see others moving forward when you're stuck in the same place. But, despite all of our struggles being different, we do all have a shared pain of infertility, and some of us of unsuccessful cycles and losses, and we'll always be here to support you whatever you go through. When I was struggling with secondary infertitility there was no board for that and so I landed on the infertility board. Awkward? Yep, as I already had a child, but thankfully I was still welcomed.

Which leads to a short rant:

I don't frequent many other boards and have been around here so long that I can remember when this board was created. Boards like secondary infertility, IVF Vets, etc. weren't even around when I came here and this post is making me both sad and mad that boards now have "rules" which although I'm sure stem from a good place, instead end up making the boards exclusionary to those who could really benefit from their support. There will never be a way to have a board for everyone's particular situation, and I just am saddened that we can't find a way to include all women struggling with wanting to have children, be it their first or fifth. That is what this board used to be before all the little shoot-offs game along. You got pregnant and you came here. If you miscarried you were welcome to stay and we'd all help you along with your loss and struggle to get pregnant again. You had a baby? Great! Everyone celebrated and were here when maybe a year later you were thinking about trying for another. People took time off because things got too painful or just plain too busy but typically they found their way back and I think the board was better for it.

Rant over.

Huge hugs to you Mo. I'm truly sorry for what you're going through. There is a Facebook group of ladies who all used to be on this board and there are some in the same place you are so if you'd like to join us over there you are welcome.

mdiblasi10 · May 2014

Big hugs Mo. I am so sorry. Others have said it better than me... we do all share the pain of Infertility, so we will be here for you, support and encourage you. I hope you can feel at "home" here, but also understand the need to protect yourself. I am hopeful for you!

kaf7 · May 2014

I could've written this post myself. I want everyone to be able to post about their happy TTC or PG or new baby celebrations but at the same time I find them hard to read and it hard to feel left behind. I too have considered joining other boards but am not really sure where to go and I still feel like everyone here are my friends since we've been through a lot together. It's tough though to start a thread to complain about pregnancy announcements when the post just below is about a friend who just got a bfp...much as it is in real life. I did start a OAD NBC check in but I haven't been around much to continue it. Maybe we need that back again. I'm not sure if that would be enough for all of us or if pursuing a board for OAD NBC is better. In the meantime you have my sincerest sympathy and I hope you know you're not alone.

Also, I appreciate everyone's support on the board. I know we've all been there at some stage in the IF game.

nawlinsgrl · May 2014

Another 2IF grad. Along with Leah and efhoping, I found it to be a very welcoming and supportive environment, and I didn't know anyone when I got there either. I ended up with cycle buddies there and it really felt like the right place for me as I geared up and cycled for TTC #2. You need to do what's best for you, but I highly recommend at least giving 2IF a chance.

pb_bride · May 2014

Big hugs to you, Mo!

imoverit · May 2014

Hugs Mo. I had also needed to leave the bump for awhile at one point so I hear what you are saying. You need to do what is best for you. You will be missed around here so dont stay away too long. Still rooting for you!!!

Ruthie04 · May 2014

PPs have said so many of the things I want to say (and in such a beautiful way!). I don't have much more to say other than, I SO understand what you are saying. I know it feels as though you are being left behind and it is hard to hear others' success stories right now. But, please know that you aren't alone on SAIF. I haven't cycled since the boys were born, but I do empathize with a lot of your feelings. We are here to listen and support you- no matter what you decide!

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · May 2014

Huge ((HUGS)). I am so sorry that you are feeling this way.

queenbone · May 2014

I have been taking a break from the board myself because it is hard for me to see everyone cycling knowing that I won't be doing it again. Which may seem crazy, or insensitive, because I have 3 children already. But I don't feel done, so I've been keeping my distance.

I love the idea of resurrecting a weekly OAD, NBC thread. I also think it would be helpful if we did more weekly posts about our children. If we fill up the board with lots of posts about what our children are doing, perhaps the ttc posts won't be as noticable or dominant. SaIF used to be like that, just general chit chat, but I don't think we have recovered from that mass exodus 3 years ago. I'll try to do my part to participate here more consistently with random, non ttc posts.

Don't know what to do

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