Playdate: Ask a second (or third, or fourth) time Mom anything!

LadyXaverian · May 2014

calindi said:

The hospital closest to my home (10 mins) does not have a lactation consultant. The second closest is 45 mins away. Is it worth going further to have an LC available? What other resources are available? What books or websites did you find informative about breastfeeding?

The lactation consultant at my hospital was no help to me at all, but maybe I just got a dud.

BackseatDriver · May 2014

I had a small internal tear. I had a resident and my OB was walking her through how to make sure the tear was small. He knew it was going to tear a little, but I'm not sure how. He used pressure to guide the tear. I dunno. I couldn't feel it. He did put a stitch in it after. It was up inside so it wasn't noticeable to me.

MNgirl326 · May 2014

LadyXaverian said:

calindi said:

The hospital closest to my home (10 mins) does not have a lactation consultant. The second closest is 45 mins away. Is it worth going further to have an LC available? What other resources are available? What books or websites did you find informative about breastfeeding?

The lactation consultant at my hospital was no help to me at all, but maybe I just got a dud.

The one through the hospital was awful. I contacted my local Le Leche group and they were very helpful.

BackseatDriver · May 2014

calindi said:
The hospital closest to my home (10 mins) does not have a lactation consultant. The second closest is 45 mins away. Is it worth going further to have an LC available? What other resources are available?

What books or websites did you find informative about breastfeeding?

I liked the Nursing Mother's Handbook. And I found Kelly Mom to be extremely helpful (online website). Your local Le Leche League is worth checking out as well.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

@jconno‌ I didn't have any tearing and my dr said it was because I pushed for so long and the baby came out very slowly giving my skin time to stretch slowly as opposed to coming out quickly. Who knows if that was true or not

also I didn't poop. My body did a good job of flushing itself out the night before.

Beauxbaton · May 2014

I think the bump messed up my account

Lanatir · May 2014

@jconno-- I didn't poop. I did get an episiotomy. I pushed for less than 15 minutes. They had to suction my daughter's airways because she wasn't in the birth canal long enough to get the heimlich on the way out.

@calindi-- Definitely my postpartum depression was the worst and not expected at all. Everyone tells you you're supposed to be happy and everything's perfect. Well, it isn't. You've gone through major trauma. You don't get adequate sleep. IF you're lucky, your husband will help with the baby, but my experience with IRL people is that men are useless after the baby is born. They're afraid of diapers and afraid of the fragile baby. To make things worse, if you're NOT a physical contact person (which I'm totally NOT), you have a completely dependent being who clings to you and can only cry to say something isn't right for him/her. PPD doesn't happen to everyone, but I highly suspect it happens a lot more frequently than is ever reported/diagnosed/treated because there is still this stigma with what is classified as mental illness. 2 years postpartum and I JUST NOW finished my psychotherapy for it. It drags on FOREVER.

MNgirl326 · May 2014

I also didn't realize how easy it is to isolate yourself if you are not careful. I was so afraid that LO would cry someplace and I wouldn't know what to do, or that I would have to NIP which I wasn't comfortable with or something would happen...that I stayed home. A lot. I didn't get out, didn't go for walks, nothing.

My husband worked out of town at the time and was only home on weekends. So it was me and baby alone every day. it really took a toll on my psyche. I should have asked for help, or at least visitors, I should have gone places, even if to the park down the road or my own back yard.

My advice, ask for help, visti people or ask people to come over, go places even if the baby cries, and get out of the house. It makes it so much easier.

thumper7912 · May 2014

jconno said:

1) What are some things you can do to prepare for breast feeding? I've heard it can be difficult and I want to be successful. 2) I'm nervous about tearing/having an episiotomy during delivery. Is there any way to avoid it? Do you know it happens when it happens? ETA: 3) I know this will be the least of my worries, but how common is it to poop while pushing?

I didn't do anything to prepare for breastfeeding. I guess I did do a l&d class that touched on BF but I didn't go to the whole class for it (it was offered). I latched DD on immediately after she was born… she didn't lose any weight in the hospital (it's very common for babies to lose weight in the hospital) and she's still BFing at almost 23 months.

I can't help you with the tearing.. I didn't tear at all. I was in labor for awhile, maybe that helped with stretching. Also was on the ball anytime I could be.

I didn't poop either… DH would have told me

:P :P

EllenMA · May 2014

I pushed for 2.5 hours and still had a 2nd degree tear. Had no idea it was happening at the time and didn't really care. Being stitched up after bothered me more. In the last 4 years I have had 5 close friends deliver 7 babies, 5 deliveries poop happened. It's NBD, the nurses are discrete and make it go away quick. When you are giving birth you will have more significant things to worry about.

LadyXaverian · May 2014

This is fun. We should do it every couple of weeks. I hope it can be a thread where people feel free to ask anything! I also hope (and I hope this doesn't come across as snatchy) that we can refrain from just throwing out tons of unsolicited advice but instead focus on answering the questions that the FTMs ask.

thumper7912 · May 2014

@LadyXaverian I agree with the unsolicited advice. I think someone needs to ask the question instead of "seasoned" moms throwing random things at first time moms.

12chachacha · May 2014

After the baby is born and you leave the hospital... then what? Did you just know what to do to take care of the baby? How do you prepare for the part where you have to take care of the baby?

I don't have a lot of kids around me and haven't spent a lot of time around babies. How do you learn this stuff?

LadyXaverian · May 2014

12chachacha said:

After the baby is born and you leave the hospital... then what? Did you just know what to do to take care of the baby? How do you prepare for the part where you have to take care of the baby?
I don't have a lot of kids around me and haven't spent a lot of time around babies. How do you learn this stuff?

Oh gosh, I remember that feeling of leaving the hospital and thinking, "Are they really letting me take this thing home with me?" lol I think a lot of it was just instinct. Some came from asking other moms around me for advice or help. I read some books, too, like "What to Expect: The First Year", not that it was terribly helpful.

This group has the potential to be a really big help, too. There will, no doubt, be a group of people who stay really loyal to this group and become really close. I know the ladies from my April '11 board have been an invaluable resource.

Seriously, though, a lot of it will come from your gut, and when in doubt, as a trusted mom friend or family member.

longcat07 · May 2014

12chachacha said:

After the baby is born and you leave the hospital... then what? Did you just know what to do to take care of the baby? How do you prepare for the part where you have to take care of the baby?
I don't have a lot of kids around me and haven't spent a lot of time around babies. How do you learn this stuff?

you sort of learn this stuff by the seat of your pants, as you do it. if you're lucky, a family member with recent experience can help you. a nurse at the hospital helped me change my first diaper and showed me how to clean the umbilical stump, but aside from that, you just kind of have to wing it. they unfortunately don't come with owner's manuals. lol

as for preparing the home...have your bedding ready (crib, bassinet, whatever you're using) and all the clothes washed and put away, and have a spot for feeding baby ready. it's better if you give your house a good thorough cleaning ahead of time because who knows when you'll have time afterward, but it's not the end of the world if you don't. DS was born 1 day past full term (37w), so literally, all i had done was crib sheets and clothes washed. i didn't even have the car seat in the car yet.

edit: i was also in the unique situation of single parent at the time because LH had just passed away a few weeks before...my mom was there and she helped, but not "full partner" helping, so i was on my own for a lot of it. when babies are brand-new, they don't need much more than a dry butt, regular feedings, and a warm comfy place to sleep. it's stressful and they're very demanding, but their needs are simple.

MNgirl326 · May 2014

12chachacha said:

After the baby is born and you leave the hospital... then what? Did you just know what to do to take care of the baby? How do you prepare for the part where you have to take care of the baby?
I don't have a lot of kids around me and haven't spent a lot of time around babies. How do you learn this stuff?

We took a childbirth/baby care class, which covered the basics.

Other then that, it is A LOT of trial and error. You will get sent home with a chart where you can monitor and write down input (nursed/bottle fed) and output (pee and poop). So, you keep track of things. Other then that you spend a lot of time watching them sleep, sleeping too, changing diapers a lot, and trying to figure out why they are crying.

I will never forget the first night, DS was screaming and I didn't know what to do, DH didn't know what to do, and we just looked at each other, like now what? Well we figured it out.

It gets easier. At some point, things just click for you the parent and for the kid. You start to recognize cries (hungry cry, vs, cold cry) You start to see signs (2 yawns and and eye rub means sleep NOW). You get into a pattern/routine and it all works out.

LadyXaverian · May 2014

SassyMommaC said:

I have so many answers... but most of the questions have been answered already. I don't know where to jump in.

Maybe if you have something different to add to one of the questions that hasn't been said? The more the merrier.

Lanatir · May 2014

12chachacha said:

After the baby is born and you leave the hospital... then what? Did you just know what to do to take care of the baby? How do you prepare for the part where you have to take care of the baby?
I don't have a lot of kids around me and haven't spent a lot of time around babies. How do you learn this stuff?

@12chachacha--- Maybe that's some of how I ended up with PPD? Not preparing? I just figured I'd get home and know what to do. Mostly I did. But stuff like colic and BFing issues you just can't prepare for, maybe not even by trying to prepare.

The good news is I'd estimate 85% of the time if you feed, burp, change baby, your problem diminishes. Not necessarily goes away, but from what I remember, it became more manageable.

MNgirl326 · May 2014

Oh and the bump. Seriously, I don't know what I would have done without the age boards, especially the 0-3 board. There is where I learned about reflux, mobys, the seahorse, sound machines, and other little tricks that saved my sanity.

Lanatir · May 2014

@LongCat07-- really, it's a lie. We don't deliver a baby and then deliver a placenta. We deliver a baby and the manual and those dang doctors throw it out. It's a conspiracy, I tell you!

12chachacha · May 2014

Thanks ladies. It's a little scary because we don't have family where we live. I hope my mom will come for a visit after the baby is born.

BookitBoo · May 2014

12chachacha said:
After the baby is born and you leave the hospital... then what? Did you just know what to do to take care of the baby? How do you prepare for the part where you have to take care of the baby?
I don't have a lot of kids around me and haven't spent a lot of time around babies. How do you learn this stuff?

I've always been around children (big family, volunteered for VBS and worked at a daycare through huh school and first two years of college). I thought I was super prepared. It's a totally different experience when it's your child.

I was so unprepared for the emotions that I cried all the way out of the hospital and made DH pull over, crying hysterically, and made called a cop to come check the car seat because I just knew it wasn't sitting right with the baby actually in it.

I suggest reading books and maybe volunteering. Just realize that it will not prepare you 100%, and that's fine. I promise, You'll find your wings as a mama!

As for the most unexpected thing about giving birth -- you really can't will your birthing experience to go any certain way. For real, it is not always up to want you want to happen.

The most unexpected thing about having a baby is the love and protectiveness that comes with it. I'm normal a laid back kind of person, but I transformed into this huge mama bear when DS was born. Like, ripping people's heads off and hovering. I never wanted to be a helicopter mom and even now I have to remind myself to back up and let DS explore life without me 10 inches away.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

12chachacha said:
After the baby is born and you leave the hospital... then what? Did you just know what to do to take care of the baby? How do you prepare for the part where you have to take care of the baby?
I don't have a lot of kids around me and haven't spent a lot of time around babies. How do you learn this stuff?

DDs BMB came in handy. Anytime I had a question, I would pop on and ask. Also a lot of trial and error. When baby cried I'd go through a check list. Hungry? Needs a diaper? Wants to be rocked? Needs swaddling? Try the swing? Take a walk? Sing to her? Lots of trial and error!

MoreThanSparrows08 · May 2014

12chachacha said:

After the baby is born and you leave the hospital... then what? Did you just know what to do to take care of the baby? How do you prepare for the part where you have to take care of the baby?
I don't have a lot of kids around me and haven't spent a lot of time around babies. How do you learn this stuff?

@12chachacha I had never been around a baby in my life and I didn't have a clue what to do. Most of those first few months were trial and error, and a whole lot of help from DH, who had been around babies before. When he cried, I learned to check certain things in a certain order - feed, burp, change diaper, overtired or just needing cuddles, etc. Anything with a vibrating feature was amazing - the bassinet vibrated, the bounce vibrated, and it all soothed my LOs. I didn't have the Bump around when mine were born, but I'm sure it will be a big help to all the FTMs here.

longcat07 · May 2014

calindi said:

@LongCat07-- really, it's a lie. We don't deliver a baby and then deliver a placenta. We deliver a baby and the manual and those dang doctors throw it out. It's a conspiracy, I tell you!
Oh yeah, the placenta! Movies never deal with that part - how's it go down?

ha. honestly, i hardly noticed it at all. i was too busy looking over at my newborn where they were doing the APGAR thing and cleaning him off. delivering the placenta was almost pleasant compared to the rest of labor and birth. one last push, about 10min after baby was out.

MNgirl326 · May 2014

bump burp

Lanatir · May 2014

@calindi-- With DD's delivery, I was induced. I got the epi. So I delivered DD, they put her on my chest, and I believe they told me to push again, and the placenta came out. Something like that. I just remember weird alien pinky mess with hair sitting on the outside of my belly after it had been inside so long and it felt like an out of body experience.

Then I think there's also a hand check where they need to look inside and make sure all of the placenta came out. If not, you can hemorrhage or get infections.

All in all, after delivering the baby, I don't remember much about the placenta coming out. Easy peasy there... I imagine most placental deliveries are.

motherboy · May 2014

calindi said:

Lanatir said:
@LongCat07-- really, it's a lie. We don't deliver a baby and then deliver a placenta. We deliver a baby and the manual and those dang doctors throw it out. It's a conspiracy, I tell you!
Oh yeah, the placenta! Movies never deal with that part - how's it go down?

I didn't even notice it. I was too busy looking at my beautiful baby. My husband saw it and is still haunted by it. He refers to it as a bloody jellyfish.

You're welcome for that visual. ; )

mmooki · May 2014

Dh wanted to take a class, know exactly where to go in the hospital.... We signed up for 3 classes... All in April 2012. Dd was due May 2012. She showed up March 25, 2012. Things don't go as planned. But that doesn't mean things won't be ok. I wanted to nurse. I was pretty insistent on it, even though my ils were concerned that dh wouldn't be able to feed baby. Dd was in the nicu as a feeder and grower and wouldn't latch at all. I know next time to demand support for nursing. Luckily for us, a wonderful nicu nurse helped me with a shield and we nursed successfully for 22 months. My point is be flexible. Even if things don't go as planned, that doesn't mean they won't be ok. Dd is now a smart, funny, adorable, curious 2 year old. Being 6.5w early didn't hinder her at all. She's a tad on the small side, but not everyone can be in the 90th percentile!

MaPetiteFamille · May 2014

jconno said:
1) What are some things you can do to prepare for breast feeding? I've heard it can be difficult and I want to be successful.

2) I'm nervous about tearing/having an episiotomy during delivery. Is there any way to avoid it? Do you know it happens when it happens?

ETA: 3) I know this will be the least of my worries, but how common is it to poop while pushing?

1) Besides checking out KellyMom and La Leche League, prepare your SO to be your support person. You'll spend many nights stuck on the couch or wherever during cluster feeding and it's important to have someone around who will understand and help you. My husband was always fetching me water, my phone, snacks-- and most importantly, he did his homework and he knew such frequent feedings were normal. It helps to be able to remind each other of that late at night when doubt is setting in.

2) Aside from speed of delivery, one factor that can influence tears is method of pushing (i.e. coached or spontaneous). Different hospitals also have different episiotomy rates. I'd recommend looking into both of these things.

3) It's common enough to be NBD, as others have said.

12chachacha said:
After the baby is born and you leave the hospital... then what? Did you just know what to do to take care of the baby? How do you prepare for the part where you have to take care of the baby?
I don't have a lot of kids around me and haven't spent a lot of time around babies. How do you learn this stuff?

I liked the book "Heading Home With Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality." It really only covers the first few weeks, but that's what I felt I needed.

Edited to fix iPhone typos

longcat07 · May 2014

motherboy said:

@LongCat07-- really, it's a lie. We don't deliver a baby and then deliver a placenta. We deliver a baby and the manual and those dang doctors throw it out. It's a conspiracy, I tell you!
Oh yeah, the placenta! Movies never deal with that part - how's it go down?
I didn't even notice it. I was too busy looking at my beautiful baby. My husband saw it and is still haunted by it. He refers to it as a bloody jellyfish. You're welcome for that visual. ; )

it's funny, i DO remember seeing the placenta, even if i don't remember delivering it really. the doctor asked me if i wanted to see it and showed it to me. it was kind of beautiful, in a gross, sciency, "i grew this organ just for this" kind of way. lol. he didn't do a hand check, he just examined the placenta to see if there were any chunks missing because i guess it should be perfectly pancake-shaped.

also...how do you do that neat quote-collapse thing? seems convenient when nested quotes get miles long.

12chachacha · May 2014

Thanks again for all your advice. :-)

I'm weirdly interested in seeing the placenta. I didn't know about the hand check though... yikes!

kibylou · May 2014

Here is my 2 cents:

I didn't even notice the placenta coming out... Never pushed or anything. DH said the dr just pulled it out with the cord. I never saw it.

I don't know if I pooped. I told DH not to tell me if I did. I have asked him to tell me since, but he says I didn't. I think he is lying cuz it felt like I did, but it was no big deal compared to everything going on. It's not like it sat there on the table or something. The nurses were right there and must have whisked it away if I did.

Back labor sucks... Seriously. Even with an epidural, it sucked.

Going poop after was the worst for me. My mom brought me some stool softeners and I started taking them the 2nd day. They helped a ton!

Breastfeeding was so hard for me. I exclusively pumped for 10 weeks and wish I would have gotten some support and kept trying to bf instead of pumping. My supply tanked and I ended up switching to formula when I went back to work.

I had no idea how often to feed baby or bathe her or clean the cord or anything. I asked the nurses lots of questions and then my mom stayed with us for a week. I needed her.

The hospital gave us a DVD about what to do if baby won't stop crying and it's getting on your last tired exausted nerve. At first I thought it was dumb, but during those sleepless nights, that DVD helped me to walk away and not lose my cool. There are days and mostly nights that I wanted to yell at my baby. It's so frustrating when you don't know why they are crying. I would also recommend making your DH help in any way that he can. If you don't make him, he might not. And doing it alone was nearly impossible for me.

This all sounds kinda negative, ha ha! It's really not that bad and different people struggle with different things.

alibc123 · May 2014

@ImJessesGirl thank you for all your helpful unsolicited advice!! And thank you everyone else for your information too.

I do have one question for all of you. Is it true that after the baby comes, your hair falls out in chunks? A friend of mine who had a baby in February was telling me that the other day, but I hadn't heard that before. Thanks.

tripletoe · May 2014

@alibc123‌ I think at about 4 months pp my hair started to fall out! So much hair it was gross!

alibc123 · May 2014

tripletoe said:

@alibc123‌ I think at about 4 months pp my hair started to fall out! So much hair it was gross!

Don't tell me that, I love my hair

NatureLovers · May 2014

I've had multiple mom friends have significant PP hair loss.

LittleMsLewis · May 2014

Just to cover a different side of things...I had an emergency c-section and wasn't prepared for things that I thought were VB related! First poop, scary as hell and first sex afterwards HURT! So fyi, having a c doesn't get you out of that joy! Another thing, maybe because dd was a nicu baby? While I instantly would have taken a bullet for her, I didn't really fall in love with her, until she was home and around 5 weeks old. And that's ok!!! I feel like a lot of moms on the 0-3 felt terrible if they didn't feel that unconditional, nothing like it, connection, right away, so just know that that isn't the reality for everyone and it's ok! As far as figuring it out, you go into survival mode and figure out what works for the both of you and eventually, it all works out. Or they move out for college.

growinghope · May 2014

12chachacha said:

Thanks ladies. It's a little scary because we don't have family where we live. I hope my mom will come for a visit after the baby is born.

I echo these thanks. DH and I are in a similar situation as first time parents. None of our immediate family is in the area, so we will be figuring it out like the grown ups people say we are suppose to be! I've appreciated this board so far and I hope to have this resource throughout the pregnancy and early stages. This thread is especially helpful. i got some nerves out that I didn't even realize creeped up.

growinghope · May 2014

A question that came to mind. Cord blood? Did anyone save it? If not, why not? My OB gave us all these pamphlets about it. Seems like a good idea, but it is kind of expensive.

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