January 2015 Moms

Playdate: Ask a second (or third, or fourth) time Mom anything!

In chat a few nights ago, a couple of us talked about doing a thread like this from time to time. A thread where first time moms can ask those of us who have BTDT (been there, done that) anything they want. Kind of like the "newbie playdate" thread on TTGP, it is intended to truly be flame free and a place where you can ask all of the silly (or not silly) questions you want without worrying what others will think.

These can be questions about pregnancy, delivery, newborns... whatever. I expect that the types of questions asked will evolve over the months as our pregnancies progress.

This isn't MY thread to start, and I don't think it needs to be a thread that is always started on the same day by the same person, but if we want to do that, that's fine, too.

Anyway, first time moms, ask away! 2nd, 3rd, 4th time moms, feel free to chip in! :)


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Our sweet girl is 3!


Lilypie - (R7Ux)


«13

Re: Playdate: Ask a second (or third, or fourth) time Mom anything!

  • This is a fun thread!! 
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                BabyFruit Ticker
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  • This is a fun thread!! 
    I think so! I hope it isn't a bust. I might have posted it too late in the day. 
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    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)


  • I'll answer what I can :) good thread idea!
    Stephanie Ella ~ 6/15/2012
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  • @YaMrWhite side-note: Did you get my PM earlier?
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    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)


  • Umm maybe? What time did you send it? If it came after I left work I'll take care of it in the morning since I am mobile until then and don't check PMs when I'm mobile. Is it to add you to the spreadsheet?
    Stephanie Ella ~ 6/15/2012
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  • Or you can just tell me your due date here and if you're finding out and I'll add you right now :)
    Stephanie Ella ~ 6/15/2012
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  • YaMrWhite said:
    Umm maybe? What time did you send it? If it came after I left work I'll take care of it in the morning since I am mobile until then and don't check PMs when I'm mobile. Is it to add you to the spreadsheet?
    To change my name on the spread sheet. Morning is fine. Thanks!
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    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)



  • YaMrWhite said:

    Umm maybe? What time did you send it? If it came after I left work I'll take care of it in the morning since I am mobile until then and don't check PMs when I'm mobile. Is it to add you to the spreadsheet?

    To change my name on the spread sheet. Morning is fine. Thanks!

    I was intrigued so I checked it. You sneak ;) I'll change it now!
    Stephanie Ella ~ 6/15/2012
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  • Ok, so I hope this isn't offensive....to any of the 2,3,4+ mamas who had vaginal deliveries. Is it looser down there? I'm having a hard time visualizing how you can give birth 2+ times and have your vagina be as tight as it once was. So what's the real deal?
    image
  • EllenMAEllenMA member
    Everything 'bounced back to normal' after DD by the time I had any interest in sex (8 weeks pp). DH has no complaints and says sex feels just as good as always.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I don't know if anyone asked it, but I can share some things that I know I didn't know when I had my first....

    1. you won't be wearing regular clothes, or even your smaller maternity clothes home from the hospital. You will still look 9 months pregnant. It was effing depressing for me, lol. Nobody told me it would take weeks and months to look like I wasn't pregnant, lol.

    2. @NatureLovers um no... definitely tighter. Trust me, after 6 weeks post vaginal delivery, you will be scared shitless to have sex because it's like virgin sex all over again, lol. That thing is like elastic and gets just as tight again after being left alone. God says "you're welcome" lol!

    3. If you're lucky (or maybe not so lucky, lol) your boobs are going to engorge like the Hoover Dam a few days after you give birth. If you think pregnancy boobs are big, just wait. I swear to you, I think I had like freaking E size boobs when my milk came in. I chose not to breastfeed, so I was all kinds of miserable. Nothing made it feel better... the only thing you can do to make it feel better is to express it, and you can't if you're not breastfeeding because you'll just make more milk. I swear I could have breastfed a small village if I had wanted to. I had a breast augmentation a few years after I had my daughter, and that was NOTHING compared to when my milk came in. My advice: get in the shower with the water on your back, lean over, and let that milk flow out, lol. Put towels on the bed, constantly wear a bra, and bind your boobs with an ACE bandage if you aren't going to breastfeed.

    When I think of more things, I'll let you know!
    image
    Me: 33 DH: 31
    DD: 10 (born August 2004)
    Married 03/01/14
    TTC#2
    BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
    BFP: 01/31/15 MMC: 02/25/15 





  • I got one!!! How did you change your screen name? I want to too!
  • Ok, so I hope this isn't offensive....to any of the 2,3,4+ mamas who had vaginal deliveries. Is it looser down there? I'm having a hard time visualizing how you can give birth 2+ times and have your vagina be as tight as it once was. So what's the real deal?

    Mine was at first (I asked dh) but he mostly said it went back
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • ...your boobs are going to engorge like the Hoover Dam a few days after you give birth.  

    Just as evidence that no 2 people are the same, this was not true for me at all. My milk never came in well, and I never got engorged at all, even when I stopped breast feeding after a tumultuous 3 months. I hardly needed those breast pads that you can put in your bra-- I don't think I leaked at all. 
    image
    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)


  • calindi said:
    I will bite! What's the thing that has been least like your expectations? About pregnancy, labor & delivery, breast feeding, or having a baby.
    Well, losing the weight was not as easy for me as I thought it would be. I was young (22/23) when I had my daughter, and I didn't know anybody else that was pregnant with me or before me... so I had no idea about a lot of things. I had no idea that they stuck you so many times to draw blood when you were pregnant. Like, seriously. That's effing ridiculous! I felt like "How on earth am I still alive when they keep drawing blood?" LOL. I didn't really realize the emotions I would feel. It was a rollercoaster, I tell ya. Be prepared that, even if you aren't an emotional person, the hormones will bring it out of you.
    image
    Me: 33 DH: 31
    DD: 10 (born August 2004)
    Married 03/01/14
    TTC#2
    BFP: 05/17/2014 EDD: 1/25/15 MMC: 06/30/2014
    BFP: 01/31/15 MMC: 02/25/15 





  • I got one!!! How did you change your screen name? I want to too!
    E-mail community@thebump.com and request it. They'll change it randomly after a few days, weeks, months, or never. ;)

    I think I sent my request a few weeks ago. It changed this afternoon with no warning. 
    image
    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)


  • Ok, so I hope this isn't offensive....to any of the 2,3,4+ mamas who had vaginal deliveries. Is it looser down there? I'm having a hard time visualizing how you can give birth 2+ times and have your vagina be as tight as it once was. So what's the real deal?



    I had pretty easy deliveries and minimal tearing on the 1st...but everything goes back.
    TTC January 2010
    BFP #1 10-11-10 ectopic discovered 10-22-10, 10-23-10 methotrexate & emergency surgery, lost right tube BFP #2 12-1-10 Found to be tissue dropped from salingectomy or missed heterotopic pregnancy from BFP #1 BFP #3 1-30-11 DS arrived on due date 10-10-11 BFP #4 Surprise 9-3-12 EDD 5-9-13 DS2 arrived 5-5-13 BFP #5 5-14-14 Emergency D&C 6-16-14 9 weeks
  • calindi said:

    I will bite!

    What's the thing that has been least like your expectations? About pregnancy, labor & delivery, breast feeding, or having a baby.

    Pushing a baby out. It didn't hurt. I thought it would be the most painful thing I've ever experienced. It wasn't. I did throw up from sheer exhaustion bc I pushed for 2.5 hours but even that was ok. I didn't make noise. No screaming. Just concentration and a little Tosh.0 on in the background :)
    Stephanie Ella ~ 6/15/2012
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  • Thanks for the responses. You all have reiterated what I've heard from friends, that it was either very tight and felt like they were losing their virginity all over again, or that it was a bit looser at first but after a few months it healed up and was fine. Our bodies really are amazing!
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  • ...your boobs are going to engorge like the Hoover Dam a few days after you give birth.  


    Just as evidence that no 2 people are the same, this was not true for me at all. My milk never came in well, and I never got engorged at all, even when I stopped breast feeding after a tumultuous 3 months. I hardly needed those breast pads that you can put in your bra-- I don't think I leaked at all. 

    It was more than true for me. I cried and cried. I did not think they could get any bigger and it hurt like fuck. I had no clue what to do with them. I had zero bras that fit them and that size was not sold in any store so I had to order some and wait for them to arrive and hope and pray they fit. Ugh. So much crying lol
    Stephanie Ella ~ 6/15/2012
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  • calindi said:
    I will bite! What's the thing that has been least like your expectations? About pregnancy, labor & delivery, breast feeding, or having a baby.
    Everyone is going to be different, obviously, but for me...

    - Pregnancy: Most unexpected was the unsolicited rude comments. I hope to be able to ignore them better this time. Oh, and pregnancy carpal tunnel is a thing. It's what made 3rd tri so miserable for me. I don't wish this on anyone.

    - Labor & Delivery: I found it incredibly empowering and actually liked being in labor. My hypnobirthing is to thank for that. I ended up with a c/s, but I bet I was the most zen c-section patient ever because of how empowered I felt. Yeah, I'm a weirdo lol!

    - Breastfeeding: Is a lot of work and isn't some beautiful, natural phenomenon for many people. It's the one thing I am going to work harder at and try to be more prepared for this time.

    - Having a baby/being a mom: The love I feel for my daughter is so unlike anything I've ever felt. I never could have anticipated it, and it's indescribable. I often equate it to the feeling of being "in love" but even more intense (but without the romantic feelings, obviously). 

    image
    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)




  • I got one!!! How did you change your screen name? I want to too!

    E-mail community@thebump.com and request it. They'll change it randomly after a few days, weeks, months, or never. ;)

    I think I sent my request a few weeks ago. It changed this afternoon with no warning. 


    Thanks!! I'll have a new name in no time!

  • For the boobs thing I got engorged like many other ladies but I had no pain. I didn't even know until my mom pointed it out and then I realized they were rock hard. No leaking either
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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  • My lady bits are tighter than ever, and I have had 2 vaginally deliveries.

    It didn't hurt much when my milk came in, and I breastfed fine with #1.

    I was pretty smug about breastfeeding after #1 was so easy, and assumed that I would be great at it. I had to quit at 6 months after trying everything to BF #2. Boy did I feel dumb.

    The epidural did not slow down my labor. It made it possible to have labor without being arrested for homicide.

    Losing weight...is so hard. I still wear maternity clothes sometimes. I actually never stopped. The maternity sundresses are so darn comfortable!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • calindi said:

    I will bite!

    What's the thing that has been least like your expectations? About pregnancy, labor & delivery, breast feeding, or having a baby.

    TBH I didn't have expectations of anything. So its hard to say something was least like my expectations.

    I guess the thing I wasn't expecting to not be able to breastfeed nearly at all. But my thyroid levels were all over the place and j was so stressed because we were in the process of buying a house. I'm hoping this time it will go better.
  • ZoebotZoebot member


    ...your boobs are going to engorge like the Hoover Dam a few days after you give birth.  

    Just as evidence that no 2 people are the same, this was not true for me at all. My milk never came in well, and I never got engorged at all, even when I stopped breast feeding after a tumultuous 3 months. I hardly needed those breast pads that you can put in your bra-- I don't think I leaked at all. 
    Same here!
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  • calindi said:
    I will bite! What's the thing that has been least like your expectations? About pregnancy, labor & delivery, breast feeding, or having a baby.
    I was expecting to still have pain after the epidural, but I didn't have any. Labor and delivery went way easier than I thought it would. Recovery was easier than I thought too. I heard women talk about the "dreaded first pp poop" but everything was normal.

    I was also surprised at how easy it was for me to lose weight while BF.

    Dec '12 & Jan '15
    I could hold you for a million years to make you feel my love.
  • Ok, so I hope this isn't offensive....to any of the 2,3,4+ mamas who had vaginal deliveries. Is it looser down there? I'm having a hard time visualizing how you can give birth 2+ times and have your vagina be as tight as it once was. So what's the real deal?
    @NatureLovers This will be my third - both my boys were vaginal deliveries, and I had an episiotomy with both. Neither DH or I can tell a difference.  I did lots of Kegels, before and after labor.  I can feel a small scar from the episiotomies, but other than that, nothing is different.


    I got one!!! How did you change your screen name? I want to too!
    @GrahamSchneider You have to e-mail community@thebump.com and request a screen name change.  Don't expect it to be fast - I had to request twice and still wait nearly a month.


    calindi said:
    I will bite! What's the thing that has been least like your expectations? About pregnancy, labor & delivery, breast feeding, or having a baby.
    @calindi I think the most unexpected was people treating me like an invalid, especially during 2nd and 3rd tri when I was really showing - they would refuse to let me do everyday things like load a case of water into my shopping cart, and things like that.  Also, the unsolicited parenting comments and baby-touchers post-birth.


    Anniversary
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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      DS #1 born 8/3/06, DS #2 born 10/2/08
    TTC since 8/13 BFP 11/27/13, EDD: 8/3/14
    US 12/9 found 2 Gestational Sacs, MC 12/10/13 6w3d
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  • jconno said:
    1) What are some things you can do to prepare for breast feeding? I've heard it can be difficult and I want to be successful. 2) I'm nervous about tearing/having an episiotomy during delivery. Is there any way to avoid it? Do you know it happens when it happens? ETA: 3) I know this will be the least of my worries, but how common is it to poop while pushing?
    1. Right now I'm looking into a BF "diet". I also plan to pump this time, which I didn't last time. I'm only early in my research (since I sucked at it last time), so that's all I've got for now. I think there is a BF board here on the Bump, though. I need to start lurking there.

    2. I can't help with this one. Sorry.

    3. I don't know how common, but I pooped. I was so embarrassed. The nurse didn't even tell me it was happening but I figured it out and asked LOL!
    image
    Our sweet girl is 3!


    Lilypie - (R7Ux)


  • I didn't do anything to get my boobs ready to breastfeed. I did call the lactation nurse the first few times I nursed my daughter in the hospital, and called the other nurses as well. I think that helped me get off to a good start.

    And...the my breast friend pillow (NOT boppy) and the football hold for nursing saved my life. For real.
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  • jconno said:
    1) What are some things you can do to prepare for breast feeding? I've heard it can be difficult and I want to be successful. 2) I'm nervous about tearing/having an episiotomy during delivery. Is there any way to avoid it? Do you know it happens when it happens? ETA: 3) I know this will be the least of my worries, but how common is it to poop while pushing?
    @jconno

    1) My first wasn't easy for me.  I hadn't done enough research on how to help baby latch, and I was unaware of available help, like La Leche League.  I didn't take advantage of the help that was made available because I wanted to do it myself.  I was also very unaware of how much water it would take to keep my milk supply up, and I didn't drink enough, and therefore dried up sooner than I wanted.  Also, the nurses in the hospital I delivered in were feeding my baby from a bottle against my will, so I'm sure that didn't help him wanting to latch and work a bit for his food.  

    My 2nd was much easier because I took advantage of the help that was available, I knew to drink more water, and I had learned tips and tricks from the 1st.

    2) I had episiotomies with both my deliveries.  I don't know that there's a way to avoid them.  I know my nurses tried perineal massage, and my first tear wasn't as bad as my second, so maybe that helped.  Not sure, though.

    3) I didn't poop for either delivery, so I'm not sure how common it is.  I would recommend going as soon as you think you might be in labor, if you can.  That will help lessen your chances of doing it on the table. 
    Anniversary
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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      DS #1 born 8/3/06, DS #2 born 10/2/08
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    US 12/9 found 2 Gestational Sacs, MC 12/10/13 6w3d
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  • calindi said:
    I will bite! What's the thing that has been least like your expectations? About pregnancy, labor & delivery, breast feeding, or having a baby.

    I was not prepared for BFing problems, reflux colic  and dairy allergies.   I mean I knew about it, but I didn't really GET it until I was there.

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  • Oh, and i had an episiotomy with #1 and tore with #2. I had no idea at the time it happened.

    I did not poop. Either time. My DH would have gleefully let me know if I did.

    I would say that one thing to do with breastfeeding is to drink a TON of water. More than you think you need. And eat lots of healthy foods all day long. And to not worry and give baby a bottle because you don't think he/she is getting enough. Their tummies are so small at first-the size of a marble.

    And you can pump extra in the beginning, but don't pump to replace a feed (like, don't pump while DH gives a bottle) for as long as possible. Like until you go back to work or have to leave the baby for some reason.

    If you don't feel like you are pumping enough, get help immediately. More water. Fenergeek. Lactation consultant. Hospital grade pump. Don't wait-remedy that right away.
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  • I'm currently on my third and no it's not loser. Your body is actually pretty impressive with healing itself... And kegals always help lol
  • MNgirl326MNgirl326 member
    edited May 2014
    jconno said:
    1) What are some things you can do to prepare for breast feeding? I've heard it can be difficult and I want to be successful. 2) I'm nervous about tearing/having an episiotomy during delivery. Is there any way to avoid it? Do you know it happens when it happens? ETA: 3) I know this will be the least of my worries, but how common is it to poop while pushing?


    1. Read books, visit kellymom.com, talk to BFing moms, get a good pump.  Feed on demand.  Throw everything you know about baby "schedules" out the window and feed, feed, feed.  Know that dairy can take 2 weeks to leave your system so if you expect a dairy allergy you have to really give it up, not just kind of give it up.  Seek help, seriously, seek help when it gets hard.   LC are there for a reason, use their help. 

    2. I tore, it hurt, I got stitched up and everything is fine.  My first poop after giving birth was um, difficult, other then that I survived.

    3. I was terrified of this, and I really think it effected my pushing and made me an ineffective pusher.  if it happens it happens.  Nobody cares. 

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    A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014

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  • I was not prepared for reflux, physical delays, or a 'high needs' child. I thought I had it figured out after my first. Haha! How wrong I was!
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  • jconno said:

    1) What are some things you can do to prepare for breast feeding? I've heard it can be difficult and I want to be successful.

    2) I'm nervous about tearing/having an episiotomy during delivery. Is there any way to avoid it? Do you know it happens when it happens?

    ETA: 3) I know this will be the least of my worries, but how common is it to poop while pushing?

    1. You've received good advice already, but I'll add that I think not having any formula on hand was a huge help. Removing that as an option made me stick it out when I'm sure if I had any I would've quit.

    2. I'm pretty sure you either tear or get cut. I don't think you can avoid it. I tore sideways and I wish they'd have given me an episiotomy. I cried every time I peed for two weeks.

    3. Common. Your nurse will be discreet. Shit happens.

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