How to support a MoM

HopingforChange · May 2014

Hi, all! I'm sorry to just drop in. I'm the mom of a singleton, but a friend of mine is expecting twins. She already has three boys. When the twins arrive in December, she will have 5 under 5. What are the best twin-friendly products you think she could use? What would you have liked others to do for you before and after your babies arrived? Thank you! Hope it's ok to ask this here.

LittleLady77 · May 2014

Meals, cleaning service or taking the older ones when the twins come. Those would be the most helpful things. As for products, rock n play, swing, diapers etc.

Ylvelill · May 2014

Concrete offers of help. If your friend is anything like me she will have a hard time asking for it even when you tell her to. It would be so helpful is someone would just say "hey I would love to take your kids for the day" or "I am making some easy prep freezer foods, what would be better, chicken or beef?"

NBA0703 · May 2014

My family made up a whole bunch of meals and put them in our freezer! This helped sooo much!

Also go and take her boys for the day and let her have some bonding time with the babies or offer to watch the babies for a good stretch so she can get some sleep! I had a hard time asking for help in the beginning and unless someone said "Hey we are coming to watch them so you can sleep" I didnt seek out for the help! I really didnt realize how worn out I was until they actually came and I crashed! My family has been my saving grace : )

Diapers, Diapers, and more diapers!

Cleaning service sounds great too : )

bumpuser924057 · May 2014

Meals were such a huge help in the beginning. My moms club set up a mealtrain for me and people signed up to bring us dinner three times a week for six whole weeks in the beginning, and I tell you, that was absolutely life saving. Most people brought enough to feed us for 2-3 meals, so we seriously barely cooked anything for that whole time. I will be paying it forward for the rest of my life.

carrotcake06 · May 2014

Definitely entertainment for the older ones. I had no energy for my big one and was always so grateful when someone would take him to the park or let him run around outside.

Meals with little clean up are also great. More than once family would come over to "help", which involved bringing groceries for me to cook dinner and then clean up a messy kitchen and dishwasher full of dishes. While they held babies. Not helpful.

Manada · May 2014

All the above. We are expecting our first kids and while we do need baby things, the best stuff is offers of help, or support towards help (ie. a meal service, cleaning, dog-walking). Those are the things we are really convetting.

Also - help in pregnancy is wonderful too. The first tri is brutal, and your body welcomes time to adjust from there on out. Support before the babies come is also likely welcome as well

Pittpanther · May 2014

Yea meals would have been awesome the first few monthS! We ate take out so often in the beginning and it really got old. My sil is now pg with twins and I plan to ask them what they like and then make them a bunch of meals. I would also offer to help with the older ones too. The guilt over my 3 year old not getting as much attention mixed with hormones was so overwhelming for me in the beginning.

HopingforChange · May 2014

Thanks so much, ladies. I'll start with freezer meals and will be specific about coming over to take the boys or the babies instead of waiting on her to ask. A cleaning service is also a brilliant idea that I would never have thought of on my own.

RayRay007 · May 2014

Also, if you want to visit with her (she might enjoy some adult conversation) tell her not to tidy up and that you'll do dishes or fold laundry or something while you're visitng. I hated having to tidy and entertain when DD was a newborn, it was nice when people were comfortable enough to just come in and pick up the dish cloth.

sasky · May 2014

I appreciate these ideas as a
MoM close to delivery, and someone who will turn down offers of help for fear of inconveniencing others. I really have to get over that, especially since our support network would gladly do anything we ask. But unfortunately their idea of "help" is holding babies. Sometimes you just gotta speak up or they won't know.

whitehousem · May 2014

My boys are 3 weeks old and the best thing so far has been people who brought dinner, left their kids at home, didn't stay long, and didn't stay and eat with us.... Oh and the person who did all that and brought a case of diapers wins!

Also, anyone who wants to take DD on a walk or to the park is greatly appreciated!!! I would love a cleaning service right now or just someone to vacuum.

nebrasskagal · May 2014

With meals find out likes and dislikes
When the kids were in the hospital a friend brought salad in a bag, fresh fruit and lunch meat. This way we could grab a quick meal whenever and not have to worry about being home when someone dropped off food.

I love when people come help me feed the kids. Now that we FF both babies often want to eat at once and an extra set of hands is awesome. Or if there is a fussy time of day offering to come hold a baby and soothe them is great. I hate when both kids cry at once and I am home alone.

Offer to do the overnights once in a while so they can sleep.

I also like it when people say can I come help on Tuesday? This way I know they really want to help and I am not imposing.

I also like to let people play with the kids while I get stuff done. I find it easier to do chores than to tell someone else where things go, but that may just be me.

MrsP419 · May 2014

This is so thoughtful of you!!

I echo much of what everyone else said. If you are able, offer to help BEFORE the twins come. When I hit third trimester, I was basically useless, and I am forever grateful for the people who came to take my kids to the park or do my laundry when I could not bend to lift things out of the dryer. After my twins come, I am hoping people come regularly just to spend time with us and either hold babies while I pay attention to my big two, or play with the big two and talk to me while I nurse…I imagine things getting lonely if no one is around! Bringing meals is a HUGE help, but it is also helpful to bring snacks or things that can be made into easy lunches. With my other kiddos, I found I never had time to fix myself real meals with all the breastfeeding. I ate a ton of trail mix, granola bars, snacks, etc. Or one time, a friend brought things to fix tacos and the individual containers of meat, rice, veggies, etc., lasted for several quick meals.

Again, these are just ideas. Your friend is lucky to have you!

Mrs.Guz · May 2014

Ditto others: cleaning service, meals, and keeping the older kids. All great for before and after the babies come.

HopingforChange · May 2014

Thank you! Snacks are a great idea. Even with a singleton eating while breast feeding is hard so I imagine it's more of a challenge with twins!

ceechie · May 2014

whitehousem said:
My boys are 3 weeks old and the best thing so far has been people who brought dinner, left their kids at home, didn't stay long, and didn't stay and eat with us.... Oh and the person who did all that and brought a case of diapers wins! Also, anyone who wants to take DD on a walk or to the park is greatly appreciated!!! I would love a cleaning service right now or just someone to vacuum.

This! I had people just come to bring food but then would just sit on the couch to "visit". Well, I had a million things to do and just sitting wasn't one of them. I found that stressful bc my house was a mess. Or I wasn't dressed or showered. Also, I had friends who were excited to help bc of the love of us and the babies. But I also had some that treated us like the local charity case. "I bought you diapers bc it's probably so expansive and I don't know how you're going to pay for it all." Vs "I bought you diapers! I love those babies!" And I second taking the big kids to the park. That's huge for the kids and parents.
Congrats to your friend! Busy hands, full heart!

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