TTC After a Loss

**living child mentioned** Lengthy Intro for a super lurker

rslh10rslh10 member
edited May 2014 in TTC After a Loss
Hi Everyone! 
I've been a part of the knot/nest/bump for nearly 10 years, always lurking and finally posting a little when I had my DS in 2011. I have since erased that account and have chose to start a new one due to privacy issues I had with it. I'll start with my introduction. 

I'm 28, have a healthy 3 year old DS who came 6 weeks early by emergency c-section due to preeclampsia. He was a little jaundice but otherwise healthy as a horse weighing in at 6.9oz. Fast forward to August of last year, DH and I decided that we wanted to start trying for a second child. Each month would go by and I would get a BFN, but end up with bad clots around AF time, but this never happened to me before having my son. We tried for 6 months before I told DH that I knew in my heart something was wrong because we had zero problems getting pregnant before. I made an appointment with my OB, who dismissed me and said that she doesn't do blood work until couples have been trying for a year and a half, and then proceeded to tell me that I should just "relax", and just "let it happen"... If I had one more person tell me that I was going to scream. I knew something wasn't right. t went home and told DH what the OB said, and told him I was seeking a second opinion. I made an appointment with a Nurse Practitioner and I finally felt like someone was listening to me. She drew blood at my first appointment after I told her about the clots, cramping, and a little bit of hair loss I was having. When my blood work came back I was absolutely floored when she told me she ran a test called AMH, and that mine was pretty low for my age. It came back at .58, when it should be 2.5-3. She said that she couldn't tell me the quality of my eggs, but that I had very low egg reserve, and she recommended we didn't waste any cycles and start trying with medication asap. She set me up on Clomid and a trigger for the following cycle. I was monitored via U/S and everything looked, so she gave me the go ahead to trigger and get busy. DH and I didn't feel like it was the cycle because a lot of issues had come up during our bd time and we only could get 2 times in, all before O though. 

On May 2nd (12 dpo) I tested and got a BFN. I thought I was out this cycle, and got bummed. The next day I noticed a few of the symptoms  ( frequent urination, tender nipples) and thought ah what the hell...Tested at 7pm on 13 dpo  and got a very very faint positive on a dollar general test. A FRER didn't even pick it up. The next day I kept testing and it got darker, but barely. I had my hcg drawn and it was low from the beginning. 14 dpo was 29, 16 dpo was 55, and 21 dpo was 277 and my Dr said she didn't want to run any more hcg and would just see me May 20th for a 6 week ultrasound. We were happy, but I felt concerned even with my Dr and DH trying to convince me that it was all going to be okay because the #'s were doubling like they should be. Friday the 16th I had some brown blood while wiping and freaked out. I called the on call physician who told me to head to the ER if it increased or didn't subside within an hour. The bleeding stopped all together about 45 minutes later. Sunday night I started cramping at about 5pm. When my DH came home from work at 10, I got out of bed to use the restroom and put my progesterone in, and as I wiped it was bright red. I started to cry immediately and told him we needed to go to the ER. 

When we arrived they checked my hcg, did a pelvic exam, and tried to cheer me up. My HCG had gone down to 234. I don't think it ever went up past my last weeks hcg draw of 277 to be honest. The ER Dr said that my cervix was still closed, so that was a good sign, but that she wanted to send me to a bigger hospital because she wanted to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. 4 hours later DH and I were sitting in another ER waiting room, where we waited for almost 1.5 hours for the ultrasound tech to be called in. When she finished the U/S, The ER Dr came in and stated that I had no baby or sac in my uterus, there was fluid in my pelvic area, and that he didn't see anything in my tubes but, they couldn't rule out an ectopic. I felt like they had no idea what was happening with me. I felt like I had no concrete answer about what was going on. They contacted my Dr's physician on call who advised a methotrexate shot be given. No one expects to have an ectopic pregnancy, so I hadn't done much research on the shot or ectopics in general. I feel like the whole thing was very rushed, even thought it was a 12 hour process. I understand that if it was ectopic that it is an urgent situation but I still feel confused about it all. To make matters worse, I went to my Dr the next morning and she didn't even know I had been in the ER all night and was floored when I told her that I was given the MTX shot. She kept saying she didn't think it was an ectopic, and that I probably just had a miscarriage at the first hospital. I am just confused, sad, upset and don't feel like I have a solid answer as to what happened. I'm sure that's a normal feeling but it sucks. 

Now I'm wondering how long I should wait to TTC because my Dr told me I can induce AF after my bleeding stops and hcg is 0, and then start the clomid + trigger again after AF stops. I'm not a Dr, but my god that seems like a lot for my body to have to deal with in a very short time period. Do any of you have a similar story? I feel like 100 people are telling me 100 different things, and I'm driving myself crazy googling everything, and randomly crying. I'm sorry this is so long, but it feels SO great to tell my story as it's so fresh and I'm still trying to hash out what the heck happened! Thanks for reading ladies!
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Hubs & I -29 • Met 5/18/04 • Married 5/8/10
BFP #1 DS 2/7/11 (Born @ 34 wks via ECS due to Pre-e) TTC #2 since Aug '13
DX Low AMH (.58) March '14 • FSH-7.5 • E2-35.5 (Nov '14)
SA- Great numbers • SIS- Clear (Nov '14)
 Cycle 1- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-BFP • EDD 1/12/15 
Ectopic @ 5w6d • Methotrexate Shot 5/18/14
Cycle 2,3,4- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-- BFN
Cycle 5- Letrozole CD3-7 & Trigger BFFN
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• Everyone Welcom
TTCAL January Siggy Challenge • Animal Snow Interactions
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Re: **living child mentioned** Lengthy Intro for a super lurker

  • LisaG09LisaG09 member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. My situation isn't very similar but I just wanted to show some support and welcome you to the board. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope you find the comfort, support, and advice here that you are looking for. I always do!

    TTC #1: February 1, 2014
    BFP #1: 2/21/14 EDD: 10/31/14 (my birthday!) MMC: discovered 3/31/14 (blighted ovum) D&C: 4/3/14 at 9w6d

    TTC #1 (Round 2): May 16, 2014 

     Names | Blog | Chart

    "Everybody wants to be happy. Nobody wants to feel pain but you can't have a rainbow without the rain."

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  • rslh10rslh10 member
    Thank you both for the warm welcome! Quanda2013 after I posted I was wondering if I should have put something on there as a warning. I will add it now! I just finished reading the blog and read the rules before posting, but wasn't sure! Thanks :)
    image
    Hubs & I -29 • Met 5/18/04 • Married 5/8/10
    BFP #1 DS 2/7/11 (Born @ 34 wks via ECS due to Pre-e) TTC #2 since Aug '13
    DX Low AMH (.58) March '14 • FSH-7.5 • E2-35.5 (Nov '14)
    SA- Great numbers • SIS- Clear (Nov '14)
     Cycle 1- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-BFP • EDD 1/12/15 
    Ectopic @ 5w6d • Methotrexate Shot 5/18/14
    Cycle 2,3,4- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-- BFN
    Cycle 5- Letrozole CD3-7 & Trigger BFFN
    image
    • Everyone Welcom
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge • Animal Snow Interactions
    image


  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Married April 9, 2011
    TTC since October 2011
    Me 34, DH 40

    IUI #5 w/ Tamoxifen+Ovidrel+Acupuncture Oct 24, 2014-->BFP!!! EDD July 17, 2015. Panorama=low risk...and it's a GIRL!
    DD born July 10, 2015
    --------------------------------------------------------
    Trying for baby #2!
    IUI #1 w/ Tamoxifen+Ovidrel+Acupuncture July 10, 2017-->BFP!!! EDD Apr 2, 2018. Panorama=low risk...and another GIRL!

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • I am so sorry for your loss. It seems like there are a multitude of opinions on "how long to wait" even among physicians. I was told 1 full cycle, but I can tell you my body wasn't acting normal after one post-mc cycle. I am now on my 3rd and we are still TTA for the moment. Don't let anyone pressure you into jumping back in if you are not quite ready. Your instinct says that your body might need a small break and I would say that it is wise to listen to your body. Welcome to the board.
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow

    image

      
    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

    image

    My Ovulation Chart
  • kbedfoxkbedfox member
    I'm very sorry for your loss and all that you went through. Different doctors will tell you different lengths of time to wait to TTCAL, so from a medical standpoint, I would wait as long as your doctor says before trying. However you had a pretty traumatic experience and if you're not ready mentally or emotionally, you should not rush into TTC. Take some time to heal.. If you're ready after 1 cycle or 10 cycles, it has to be when it's right for you. ((Hugs))

    imageLilypie - (zxAe)

  • Welcome. It sounds like you have good intuition with your body but medical professionals that aren't providing you with the best backup. Have you considered possibly switching practices? I would be livid knowing what you know know about the mtx shot.

    I'm so sorry you have gone through this. (((Hugs)))


    image

    PG#1 - 3rd cycle BFP. Team Green. HELLP syndrome @ 34 weeks.
    Later diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, possible link to HELLP.

    PG#2 M/C 3/14 - Surprise BFP 2/13. Beta's doubled every 52 hours from 3w5d-5w5d
    Viable pregnancy scan at 5w5d; 2nd u/s showed 2 days of growth in 7 but a HB of 120
    3rd u/s on 3/10/14 had no HB and baby had only grown 7 days over 14
    D&C 3/17/14 - complications - DX Retroflexed uterus, multiple tears to cervix

    All Welcome

    Chart

  • smcniffsmcniff member
    So sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board.


    BFP #1 11/02/13, EDD 07/04/14, BO diagnosed 12/12/13 at 9w5d
    BFP #2 6/12/14, DD born 2/21/15

  • I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you are thinking about taking some time to emotionally and physically heal. Methotrexate takes a toll in your body. I was told to undergo some testing after my ectopic loss because it was my third loss prior to trying again. Sorry you are dealing with this situation.((hugs))
    image

    BFP #1 1/1/11 EDD 9/10/11 dx:no hb DNC on 2/2/11
    BFP #2 12/28/11 natural m/c on 2/6/12   BFP#3 2/16/13 dx:ectopic on 2/27 (given methotrexate) HSG 6/13-all clear BFP#4 11/18/13 natural m/c on 11/23  IVF #1 (Natural IVF Cycle) May 2014- Cycle failed (embryo did not make it to blast) BFP#5-7/26/14 GROW BABY GROW    IT'S A BOY DUE 4/5/15!

  • No advice, but welcome to the board. I'm sorry for your loss.
    j & m
    married July 2012
    My Angel - Amelia Hope - 3/13/14, 22 weeks
    BFP #2 - 6/10/14     Hoping for our rainbow baby    due February 2015

    image
  • So sorry for your loss, hon. Welcome to the board.
                          January Siggy Challenge: You had one job
     
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I am so sorry for your loss and the trauma and confusion around it.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15

    image







  • I am so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs))

    I have no experience with MTX, but I want to echo what PPs said about finding a doctor/midwife you trust.

    Welcome.

    Married August 2003

    BFP: January 8, 2012
    Due: September 5, 2012
    DS: August 14, 2012

    BFP: November 5, 2013
    Due: July 11, 2014
    MMC Detected d&c: December 29, 2013 12w5d

    BFP: June 10, 2014
    Due: February 16, 2015


    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I don't have a recommendation on how long you should wait to TTC. It's different for everyone and each loss, depending on what your doctor recommends. I would listen to your doctor and also to your heart.

    Welcome to the board. I'm sorry for your loss.
    image
    image
    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


  • tlc35tlc35 member
    I am sorry for your loss and welcome to the board.
    Me: 37                                               
    DH: 45
    BFP #1 3/19/14  EDD 11/29/14 MMC D&C 4/24/14
    BFP #2  12/4/14 Beta #1 218 at 12dpo Beta #2 1055 at 16dpo
    Saw heartbeat 12/29.  Please be a rainbow.
    imagerainbows
              
    All welcome                                   
                              
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome.

    TTC since May 2013
    BFP #1 11/22/13 EDD 7/31/14
    MMC 13 weeks - discovered 2/13/14 at 16 weeks - Trisomy 13 - D&C 2/14/14
    BFP #2 10/9/14 EDD 6/22/15
    ~Everyone is welcome~
    image
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I have no personal experience with mtx, but I'm pretty sure like someone said before that you need to wait a few cycles to build your folic acid back up.

    BFP #1: 8/17/13     Due Date: 4/26/14      MMC discovered @ 9w 4d       D&C: 10/2/13
    BFP #2: 12/23/13       Due Date: 9/6/14      MMC discovered @ 8w 5d    D&C: 2/6/14
    BFP #3 8/26/14     Due Date: 5/7/15  

    imageimage


  • rubysirubysi member
    Welcome. I am sorry for your loss.

    image
                ***TTCAL January siggy challenge ***
  • As everyone has said, so sorry your having to go through all this! If it were me I would ask the nurse practitioner to refer me to a RE due to the concrete evidence with your eggs and the recommendation of going on clomid. A RE could do better testing and have a way of monitoring the use of clomid, which is powerful! Many RE's don't want to see you until you've had a few losses; however if your practitioner sends the request with the reasons they found for you not conceiving naturally you should be able to get an appointment without any issue.
        BFP: 2/24/14 | EDD: 10/22/14 (triplets) 
    US (with RE) 3/24/2014 (two healthy HB), US (with OB) 3/31/2014 (three healthy heartbeats)

    US (with RE) 4/7/14 No Heartbeats :(  | D&C 4/8/14
    BFP#2: 10/22/14 | (beta  #1 75, beta # 2 219) | EDD 7/3/15 ~*Please be our RAINBOW*~
    DX: MTHFR hetero C677T


  • rslh10rslh10 member
    Thank you all so much! I just feel so in the dark even after hours of googling and reading these boards. I have an appointment on Tuesday to get my hcg checked and I'm hoping it will be really close to zero as I've almost stopped bleeding. I passed some tissue Thursday afternoon (ugh) and I've felt better and my bleeding has slowed down since then, so I'm hoping it's coming to an end. I want to thank you all for the condolences. I find it hard to talk with most people (family, the friends that knew etc) about it because they all have the same opinion (while trying to help, I'm sure) that the pregnancy was very early on and things like that...but it doesn't matter. That was still my baby in there, and something happened and I have the crappiest answers as to what that exactly was. I also want to thank you for the suggestions of finding a new OB. I am going to go to my appointment Tuesday with a few questions, and hope for some solid answers :)
    image
    Hubs & I -29 • Met 5/18/04 • Married 5/8/10
    BFP #1 DS 2/7/11 (Born @ 34 wks via ECS due to Pre-e) TTC #2 since Aug '13
    DX Low AMH (.58) March '14 • FSH-7.5 • E2-35.5 (Nov '14)
    SA- Great numbers • SIS- Clear (Nov '14)
     Cycle 1- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-BFP • EDD 1/12/15 
    Ectopic @ 5w6d • Methotrexate Shot 5/18/14
    Cycle 2,3,4- Clomid CD3-7 & Trigger-- BFN
    Cycle 5- Letrozole CD3-7 & Trigger BFFN
    image
    • Everyone Welcom
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge • Animal Snow Interactions
    image


  • Welcome to the board, I am so sorry for your loss.



    imageimageimage
    image
    My FF Chart:
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/490dd7
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14

    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


  • Km380Km380 member
    Welcome to the board I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you went through during it. I agree with PP about waiting as long as the dr says and then until you are ready emotionally. I also agree maybe finding a new dr - maybe friends have recommendations? One last thing - betas can take awhile to go down to zero even after the bleeding stops, that is pretty normal. (((hugs)))

    PgAL welcome


    Married 6/11/2011

    Me & Hubby: 34

    TTC journey started 12/2012

    BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks

    BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)

    Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.

    Also have hypothyroidism

    Started TTC again 12/2013

     

    IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN

    IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN

    Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.

    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498

    image imageimage

    image


  • So sorry for your loss and the whole experience. ::hugs:: 
    -Megan


    Started dating Hubby May 17 2005. Married since Aug 20 2011 
    Me:30   Hubby:31
    TTC since May 2012 
    HSG Dec 2012 Fill no spill on left side, right side normal (most physically painful experience of my life..)
    Metformin Started May 2013
    PG#1: BFP 10-21-13. EDD 6-17-14 mmc 12-9-13 m/c occurred with cytotec on 12-11-13 
    PG#2: BFP 07-25-14.  EDD 4-5-15   *Hoping this is my rainbow*
    Diagnosed with PCOS, Hypothyroid,IBD/UC, (UC in remission as of July 2014)
    *I will always love you Fetey the first.* 
    image

    ALL WELCOME!



  • jap618jap618 member
    I'm sorry for your loss ((hugs)) Welcome to the board.  I'm also 28 and got the dx of a low AMH (0.44) in January.  It's a huge kick to the gut.  I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  I'm here if you want to talk. I don't have any experience with MTX so I'll leave that to the other ladies!
    Married the love of my life June 18, 2011 -- Me (28) DH (29)
    TTC #1 since June 2012
    BFP #1 6.29.12 EDD 3.12.13 MMC discovered 8.11.12 9w5d D&C 8.15.12
    BFP #2 11.2.12 EDD 7.14.13 MMC 6w5d discovered 8w6d 2 failed rounds miso D&C 12.27.12
    BFP #3 8.5.13 EDD 4.18.14 MMC 7w4d discovered 9.25.13 at 10w6d -Trisomy 13- 1 round miso & emergency D&C 10.2.13
    RPL Testing. DX Asherman's November 2013. Low AMH (0.44) January 2014. 
    Operative Hysteroscopy January 2014 to remove scar tissue.
    BFP#4 6.18.14 EDD 3.3.15 Team Pink
    --AL always welcome--
        image  
  • alm288alm288 member
    I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you've hint through. My situation was very different, so I don't have any advice. Welcome.
    TTC: Since July 2013
    BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
  • Welcome and so sorry for your loss.  I don't have any experience with mtx either, but I definitely feel that you should only TTC again when YOU are ready.  Big (((hugs)))

    Me 34 DH 31, Together since 2003, Married August 20, 2011,  TTC since May 2013
    BFP #1 August 24, 2013! MMC discovered Oct. 3, 2013, D&C Oct. 4, 2013
    BFP #2 December 17, 2013! MMC discovered Jan. 28, 2014, D&C Jan. 30, 2014
    Testing done: male with complete Trisomy 16, not hereditary. Tested me for clotting disorders, all normal.
    Feb. 2014 all clear again to TTC!  Will start progesterone supplementation with the next BFP just in case.       Oct. 2014 more testing just because, thyroid and autoimmune panels = normal.  Diagnostic U/S = no abnormalities.  Will keep trying for 3-6 more months, doctor still optimistic!

    BFP #3 December 11, 2014!  Beta #1 14DPO = 122.4 Beta #2 17DPO = 296.8 Please stick little one and be our Rainbow!

            Perfect little heartbeat of 156 seen 1/7/15 :)

    ***Everybody Welcomed***  :)  

    EDD 8/21/2015 Team Green!

    IAmPregnant Tickerrainbows                

     photo Multiple4_zps436a50cc.jpg photo April3_zps882432ab.jpg August 2 

    August 2015 Siggy Challenge: Favorite mean girl from a movie or show:  Kathy Bates in "Misery"

  • Julz81Julz81 member

    Sorry for your loss, I don't have any any advise with this but welcome.

    BFP: 04/03/2014  EDD: 12/15/2014  HB: 04/30/14 (75bpm) MC: 5/2/2014 (natural)

    image

    BabyFetus Ticker

  • edited May 2014
    Welcome to the board.  I was also recently diagnosed with low AMH (.20/.30).  I'm in the 2WW of my second IUI and then we're moving to IVF if this one is unsuccessful.  There is a check-in over on PAL (parenting after a loss) for women who have living children.  It posts on Thursdays, you should check it out.  OOPS I'm losing my mind, I see I welcomed you above :)



    imageimageimage
    image
    My FF Chart:
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/490dd7
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14

    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


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