FFFC

LeadMitten · May 2014

FFFC: I never knew how awful morning sickness could be. When my friends told me they had it I was like "awwww that sucks" and forget about it. I was a bad friend. I think I might die.... I want to be hospitalized.

P.S. I might be a little dramatic, but this puking till 3pm is for the freakin birds.

Ktbug613 · May 2014

dimples12 said:

Ktbug613 said:

dimples12 said:

I think judging strangers with unruly children is bad karma. Perhaps they do suck as parents. I have seen it. But I'd rather put out good vibes towards a kid and/or a parent in distress than make it worse with judging.

I must have a lot of karma coming my way because this is the one and only parenting thing I judge every time I see. Occasionally Im sure there are kids who have legit issues making public outings difficult but 95% of the time its lack of discipline and I can't stand it. You aren't doing your child any favors by not giving them boundaries and your setting them up to fail in the adult world

I don't disagree with your sentiment about the impact of lack of discipline. I just don't find that unruly kids always = bad parents. Of course, I am jaded from years of working with kids on the autism spectrum whose parents were judged. Of course, how would you know, @ktbug613? That is why my rule of thumb is to not judge because I don't know what battle that person is facing (kid or parent).
To prove I am not a saint, I do judge a parent on phone ignoring unruly kid.

Pretty sure I mentioned in my post that there ARE occasions when the child has an issue that makes public outings difficult for them, but most of the time its not the case. Also I did not say unruly kids=bad parenting. To me bad parenting is neglecting your child, puting them in danger ect. Unruly kids DOES = lack of discipline/boundaries most of the time.

Ktbug613 · May 2014

@dimples sorry not sure I understand your age question?

Ktbug613 · May 2014

dimples12 said:

Ktbug613 said:

@dimples sorry not sure I understand your age question?

No it's my fault. What I was trying to say was that if we are talking about kiddos with the capability to be behaved (respectful, controlled, etc.), then I wholeheartedly agree with you about lack of structure, discipline, boundaries leading to poor behavioral choices. I have seen DH and some others IRL judge unruly 2 year olds which I think is harsh. Toddlers have some capability but not enough to be well behaved 24/7 IMHO.

I err on the side of caution with judging because of past experiences. However, I do agree with your point. It just makes me want to make sure CJ and sibling do have boundaries and proper discipline from us.

Disclaimer: When you say judging, I picture a death stare. I am probably totally wrong making this whole thing a mute point.

ohh okay agree on the age to an extent. You are right 2 year olds are just learning they can't be expected to behave perfectly, BUT just because they are only two doesn't mean I want to hear them scream and bang things any more than I want to hear it from a 6 year old, while Im trying to enjoy a dinner out. Either we figure it out and calm down or we leave. DD is 9 month old. If shes too cranky and won't be calmed we just leave. She obviously doesn't get punished at her age, but just because shes little doesn't mean I subject others to excessive wailing.

Pips09 · May 2014

There is a difference between no discipline at all and not hitting your children. No discipline at all is a problem. But hitting your kids to get them to behave? I just can't. It doesn't teach them to respect you, it teaches them to fear you. I was spanked and slapped as a child and I'm sure my mom thought I deserved it. I fucking hated it. No kid should go through that.

You can have a disciplined, behaved child without spanking or slapping them.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

Pips09 said:

There is a difference between no discipline at all and not hitting your children. No discipline at all is a problem. But hitting your kids to get them to behave? I just can't. It doesn't teach them to respect you, it teaches them to fear you. I was spanked and slapped as a child and I'm sure my mom thought I deserved it. I fucking hated it. No kid should go through that.

You can have a disciplined, behaved child without spanking or slapping them.

Yes. I don't feel respect is earned through force. Also, it just seems silly to me that I would tell my child it is not nice to hit other people but yet I would hit her. Doesn't make sense.

Ktbug613 · May 2014

@dimples that is awesome of you, I wish more parents did that. I think thats my point, my main judging stems from parents just ignoring it and acting like everyone else around them should just deal with it. I don't automatically judge just because a child throw a tantrum. Its when its allowed to go on and on without intervention that I judge. I don't think I was very clear on that.

Edit: posted too soon

WillCMyInk · May 2014

kawess said:

Today I woke up to find that my DH best friend at all my granola last night and not just granola...expensive Fresh Market granola, which I warned him not to eat

Ummm...this isn't really a confession...

Sunflower9939 · May 2014

It annoys me at this stage of pregnancy when people are like, "oh, look at my bump." You don't have a bump, sorry. It's not physically possible.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

dimples12 said:

YaMrWhite said:

Pips09 said:

There is a difference between no discipline at all and not hitting your children. No discipline at all is a problem. But hitting your kids to get them to behave? I just can't. It doesn't teach them to respect you, it teaches them to fear you. I was spanked and slapped as a child and I'm sure my mom thought I deserved it. I fucking hated it. No kid should go through that.

You can have a disciplined, behaved child without spanking or slapping them.

Yes. I don't feel respect is earned through force. Also, it just seems silly to me that I would tell my child it is not nice to hit other people but yet I would hit her. Doesn't make sense.

No joke - CJ bit me and I lightly hit his mouth to encourage him not to do so (that has been DH's intervention so I followed suit). That boy then bitch slapped me. I then announced to DH no more. It is NOT working. Time outs are much more effective for our boy.
My 1.5 year old bitch slapping me was pretty funny in hindsight.

Ok I am so glad you said the bolded because I couldn't help but laugh a little when I read "that boy then bitch slapped me" lol. I am sorry you got bitch slapped by a 1.5 year old though!

UberBiz · May 2014

Sunflower9939 said:

It annoys me at this stage of pregnancy when people are like, "oh, look at my bump." You don't have a bump, sorry. It's not physically possible.

Meh, I think you CAN call it a bump, just because it's not actually baby yet, it's still physical (as in, yes I can see that my stomach is sticking out farther than it was two weeks ago), and being caused by the pregnancy even if it's just bloat. I think people get too bent out of shape about this.

KerBear8 · May 2014

I sometimes use my pregnancy exhaustion as an excuse not to have sex. My sex drive is non-existent right now...

WillCMyInk · May 2014

It drives me irrationally crazy when people make up their on phrases by inserting incorrect words into a real phrase. For example, PP said "mute point" when in reality there is no such phrase as "mute point"... it's a "moot point".

Sorry, really not trying to pick on everyone on the board with my confessions today. I just seem to be reminded of a lot of them based on things that have happened on the board the past few days.

WillCMyInk · May 2014

Oh, there's another one. I plan on eating sushi with raw fish in it during my pregnancy. After speaking with my midwife about it, she doesn't have a problem with it. If women in Japan do it all the time and have lower incidents of all the craziness we experience with birth here in the US, then how can it really be all that bad?

Why does the US always say "no" to things during pregnancy when most of the rest of the world is totally fine with it?

(Apparently I want to get all my FFFCs out this week.)

GromMom · May 2014

I know it's not a healthy option but I just ate a mango fruit cup and it was resplendent! I wanted chocolate and I convinced myself that it was fruit so it was "healthier" I should be eating the fresh fruit that was already cut up but I'm sick of it.

BookitBoo · May 2014

A lot of single 'friends' say they would never take their child to a nice restaurant because they wouldn't want to be rude or disruptive to the other patrons. They think you should only take a child to a place that has a playset I guess. I point out that if the restaurant has a kids menu and/or crayons obviously they are expecting small people to dine there. Its fun because We're at the exciting stage where if you breathe wrong DS can (and usually does) have a melt down. I've learned to ignore all the people who might be Judging my son/my parenting and focus on calming him down or working it out. Surprisingly, calming him down is not an instantaneous thing, and depending On the severity of 'the issue' it could take 5-10 minutes. 2 1/2 is definitely not the same as 8 months, 1 year, 16 months, or even 2.

Edit: I used to think that I would take DS out of the restaurant if he threw fits at any age, and we did until recently. Then I found that he would throw fits just to get to go outside and play. I think he's at the age where he needs to learn to sit down, and unfortunately that may mean that other people who are in public will have to put up with my toddler learning how to behave in public.

My FFFC: when someone says that they can reason with a 2 year old or younger, I want to pull my hair out. Pretty sure reason and logic are still developing at that age. My 2 1/2 is still working on it. The 4 and under set at my daycare haven't quite got the hang of it either.

In connection: When people say that spanking (aka a couple of firm pats on the bottom or a smack on the back of the hand) is abuse I want to pull *their* hair out. A friend recently told me that in her opinion,it was the same thing as stabbing her child.
Vomit.
You don't agree with spanking, that's fine. You don't want to spank your child, that's cool too. But saying it's abuse, and by logical extent calling me a child abuser is just ridiculous IMHO.

dragontears507 · May 2014

I get irrationally annoyed at all the posts about c-section vs. vaginal delivery, epidural vs. natural, etc. We're all in the first trimester here. I mean, I'm thrilled and love to think ahead about some things, but as far as making a birth plan.... nope... leave me out of it for now.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

A couple of firm pats to a childs rear seems pointless. What does that teach the child? I firmly pat DDs back for a job well done. To me, spanking to that degree seems like a lazy way to reprimand your child. You can teach them why what they did was wrong in a much more effective manner. Too young to understand? Then they probably won't understand why you are hitting them either. Redirection is a much better way to teach a child right from wrong if they are too young to be reasoned with.

kaybeeknits · May 2014

Lanatir said:

My FFFC-- Probably not that flamable, but I like making people laugh.

Right now, with pregnant nose, there is a bathroom in the house that is the poop bathroom. Momma don't need to walk into the regular bathroom just to pee and end up puking her guts out because someone had stinky poops.

I had to read this like three times to figure out that you weren't saying your FFFC was that you like to make people laugh. I was all, "WhoTF doesn't like to make people laugh??" lol

kaybeeknits · May 2014

I avoid intro posts because I find them boring.

<--------jerk

In regards to spanking, I used to think I was pro spanking ("It was fine for me, would be fine for my kid"), but teaching has made me realize that there are better ways to get through to a kid (mostly thinking of older kids, here). I'm not allowed to smack the shit out of a kid who is being rude, and really, I have to model how adults solve problems, not always rely on forcing them to submit to me as the one in charge with no discussion.

That isn't to say that I don't tell kids 'No, because I said so" sometimes, but I do try to go back when I have calmed down or timing is more appropriate to have a conversation about why.

BookitBoo · May 2014

It seems you think spanking is hauling off and beating/punching a child. It's not.

Why it's effective to use firm pats: It's the sound. It's a 'popping' sound that DS associates getting in trouble (that he does not like). It's not being 'lazy' and it's definitely not the first or even second response. We try redirecting and 'reasoning' It's usually a three strikes you're out policy at my house.

For instance
1. 'Ds, please don't run into the road! You'll get hurt and mommy and daddy will be very sad'

2. 'DS, mommy asked you not to run into the road. You're too small to go into the road yourself and no one can see you. You'll get squished and mommy will cry. If you run into the road again, you'll get a spanking and sit in time out until you can listen and play in the yard. Now let's play with this soccer ball!'

3. 'Mommy asked you not to run into the road again. You're going to have to have a spanking and sit in time out for 4 minutes.'

(Actual convo we've had twice this past weekend)

Popping his hand when he is helping me cook supper and reaches for a hot eye on the stove/knife/whatever is a natural response. 'Do NOT touch that! Hot hot!'

Too young to reason/logic =/= too young to understand. At this point, understanding that mommy said 'no, that will hurt' is all I need. We'll work on reason and logic when he's older and understands cause and effect (running into a road=being run over)

If just talking to and redirecting your kid works for you, more power to you. It does not work for my son, and I'm going to teach him how the world works to keep him safe.

@mrs.kay+emm

Definitely the way to go with older kids. Younger kids (1-4), I honestly haven't seen 'reasoning' work effectively yet.

LadyXaverian · May 2014

There is no "reasoning" anyone can give that will convince me spanking is appropriate, reasonable, or effective under any circumstance. Thankfully for all of us, though, we all get to decide how to discipline our own children.

kaybeeknits · May 2014

BookitBoo said:

@mrs.kay+emm

Definitely the way to go with older kids. Younger kids (1-4), I honestly haven't seen 'reasoning' work effectively yet.

You're right.. I'm really talking about 5/6 +

kaybeeknits · May 2014

Also, I have no kids so lol... Who knows what I'll say in three years

BookitBoo · May 2014

SarahL77 said:
There is no "reasoning" anyone can give that will convince me spanking is appropriate, reasonable, or effective under any circumstance. Thankfully for all of us, though, we all get to decide how to discipline our own children.

I wish you all the luck and hope that it works out for your family.

It just didn't for mine.

LadyXaverian · May 2014

BookitBoo said:

There is no "reasoning" anyone can give that will convince me spanking is appropriate, reasonable, or effective under any circumstance. Thankfully for all of us, though, we all get to decide how to discipline our own children.
I wish you all the luck and hope that it works out for your family. It just didn't for mine.

No luck necessary- it's a conscious decision we made before our daughter was born 3+ years ago and that we make every day. Parenting is tough. I know we can all agree on that, at least.

BookitBoo · May 2014

SarahL77 said:

BookitBoo said:

SarahL77 said:
There is no "reasoning" anyone can give that will convince me spanking is appropriate, reasonable, or effective under any circumstance. Thankfully for all of us, though, we all get to decide how to discipline our own children.
I wish you all the luck and hope that it works out for your family.

It just didn't for mine.

No luck necessary- it's a conscious decision we made before our daughter was born 3+ years ago and that we make every day. Parenting is tough. I know we can all agree on that, at least.

Parenting is definitely tough. It's not something for the faint hearted

I'd definitely say there is an aspect of 'luck' in it. Unless you're saying that all children are equally high spirited, have the same exact experiences and backgrounds, and all respond the same to outward stimuli? Which I can't agree with.

Not saying that I'm 'unlucky.' My son is amazing; I just so happen to discipline him differently than you do. Doesn't make me bad, abusive OR lazy.

Mdm159 · May 2014

I have 2 little boys and get pissed when people say "Oh, you must want a girl" or "Trying for a girl next time?".
Bc, you know what? I WOULD love to have a girl but I have a feeling this is boy #3

BookitBoo · May 2014

Mdm159 said:
I have 2 little boys and get pissed when people say "Oh, you must want a girl" or "Trying for a girl next time?".
Bc, you know what? I WOULD love to have a girl but I have a feeling this is boy #3

I get this. I honestly don't care if I get a boy or a girl, as long as I get a healthy happy baby in ~9 months! I don't need a 'matching set'

Mrs_Bennett · May 2014

Mdm159 said:

I have 2 little boys and get pissed when people say "Oh, you must want a girl" or "Trying for a girl next time?". Bc, you know what? I WOULD love to have a girl but I have a feeling this is boy #3

This EXACTLY! I've already been trying to come up with a sarcastic reply when people ask/tell us that #3 really should be a girl. "Ugh, a girl? No way, I'd have to trade her in for another boy....!"

MahriM23 · May 2014

My son is 21 months and has been FF in the car for awhile. He screamed so much when he was RF that neither I nor DH could concentrate while driving, which made it a driving hazard EVERY time we were in the car. He also would get carsick all over the place and we would have no idea that he threw up until we started smelling it. This happened several times before we made the decision to put him FF.

Zoebot · May 2014

KerBear8 said:
I sometimes use my pregnancy exhaustion as an excuse not to have sex. My sex drive is non-existent right now...

I use mine as an excuse to not do the dishes or half-ass putting laundry away... Sex is so much easier than any household chore. (And amazingly, I still enjoy it, despite the constant exhaustion.)

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