UO Thursday!

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

jcsumm0 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

jcsumm0 said:

If a husband spanked his wife, it would be domestic violence. I'll never understand why it's ok for your child but you would never treat another adult that way.

I would actually just call that a Thursday night!

I honestly think this is really inappropriate but clearly I'm a stick-in-the-mud since several people "liked" your post.

I actually was just trying to lighten the mood, not take away from your comment. I am not saying that spousal abuse or child abuse is a laughing matter.

lrobi13 · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

snip snip snip
I love all you gals on here but this is hot topic for me I'm sorry if I've made anyone mad by my honesty.

It is called UO for a reason. I think it can be healthy to see other ideas and views. I also think that healthy debate such as the one we have been having is ok. There has been no name calling or in my opinions hurt feelings.

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

jcsumm0 said:

TheOtherJacobsons said:

jcsumm0 said:

If a husband spanked his wife, it would be domestic violence. I'll never understand why it's ok for your child but you would never treat another adult that way.

I would actually just call that a Thursday night!

I honestly think this is really inappropriate but clearly I'm a stick-in-the-mud since several people "liked" your post.

ETA: To clarify, I don't care if consenting adults spank each other as part of sex, DH and I swat each others butts jokingly all the time. I just felt like the joke was inappropriate in the context of talking about abuse. But I'm probably just being overly sensitive.

I don't think you are a stick in the mud. I think you made a serious statement and then someone made a joke about it when it wasn't appropriate (IMO of course). I'm all about jokes, but I don't find anything funny about the spanking conversation, domestic violence, whatever it may be.
I love all you gals on here but this is hot topic for me I'm sorry if I've made anyone mad by my honesty.

Dude, I already took it back.

ADH0906 · May 2014

LightBright515 said:
I don't know. I think those that are speaking from an abusive childhood have more than physical discipline to take into account, and that creates a major bias.

To each their own. Your kid, your rules.

But sometimes there is no straight, bold line between abusive childhood and non-abusive childhood...my dad spanked us hard and often with a belt. I love my dad, I absolutely know he loves me and felt he was acting out of love, but I would consider the spanking in my childhood household excessive and violent. The 'Spare the rod and spoil the child' mentality is no joke. I was not abused, but I do know that I felt equal parts love and fear for my dad. I don't want that for my child...doesn't necessarily indicate a bias. There's something to be said for having experienced corporal punishment and the emotional affects of it.

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

LightBright515 said:

I don't know. I think those that are speaking from an abusive childhood have more than physical discipline to take into account, and that creates a major bias. To each their own. Your kid, your rules.

Holy cow, I almost missed this. Physical discipline in part created the emotional baggage that I have and that should definitely be taken into account. Especially since I was able to recall exactly how the action made me feel. I don't think that my experience should discount any part of this argument. If anything, it should apply more weight to it.

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

theresat858 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

I think its ridiculous that you assume she thinks physical punishment is the only form of punishment that exists. Thats not at all what she's saying. Clearly there are other forms of punishment. Jesus.

She said she couldn't discipline her child without CPS being called. Pretty sure CPS isn't called for a large variety of different kinds of discipline that don't involve hitting your child.

Maybe it's the wording, but if I read you correctly, then you are saying that CPS isn't called for things that don't involve hitting your child. Though I think you meant that they are called for other reasons. Double negatives get me every time.

CPS can be called for a wide variety of reasons. Neglect, poor living conditions, malnourishment, physical and emotional abuse, etc.

Maybe @miss.brittany would like to weigh in on this conversation since she works for CPS?

dana2die4 · May 2014

theresat858 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

I think its ridiculous that you assume she thinks physical punishment is the only form of punishment that exists. Thats not at all what she's saying. Clearly there are other forms of punishment. Jesus.

She said she couldn't discipline her child without CPS being called. Pretty sure CPS isn't called for a large variety of different kinds of discipline that don't involve hitting your child.

I think she was being somewhat sarcastic. There are many people out there that believe "swatting your child" is a form of abuse and will call CPS, trust me I've seen it happen multiple times.

lrobi13 · May 2014

theresat858 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

I think its ridiculous that you assume she thinks physical punishment is the only form of punishment that exists. Thats not at all what she's saying. Clearly there are other forms of punishment. Jesus.

She said she couldn't discipline her child without CPS being called. Pretty sure CPS isn't called for a large variety of different kinds of discipline that don't involve hitting your child.

I felt the need to respond because I feel like Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolia "Don't talk about me like I'm not here"

The point I was making wasn't articulated well in my first comment. I was stating that there are times that people over react. Also, some kids do lie or misspeak about what actually goes on at home. I didn't propound on this argument because of the numerous women that had much different experiences than I did (I felt as though it would be insensitive to them).

I feel like they are some over-reactions made in an attempt to do the right thing.

A direct example from my life is that I had a terrible reaction to Mr. Bubbles as a child. It caused severe vaginal discomfort and the on-call doctor (not my primary) went about questioning me, my dad, and my grandfather. That was more traumatic to me than the ONE spanking I received from my mother.

I went on to state that I don't plan on using spanking my first response to disciplining my child but if I chose to it will be when I am in control and not angry.

I see other people's point of views about this topic (which is a hot button issue) and I understand their well made points. I have stated I respect their choices.

But if you choose to see that as ridiculous go ahead because that is your right.

MrsL2B · May 2014

My UO for the day is that I am starting to hate what a big fuss all my nurses and US techs make about my baby having a penis. I know they'd make a fuss if it was a girl, too, but they really seem to get hung up on the whole visible penis thing. Maybe it's because I've known from the genetic testing for weeks that it's a boy, but I just think it's weird that they want to put his genitals on display every time I get an ultrasound or when they see the images. I'd much rather they focus on his cute little feet or hands and less on his penis. They're all starting to seem like a bunch of phallus worshipers.

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

dana2die4 said:

theresat858 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

I think its ridiculous that you assume she thinks physical punishment is the only form of punishment that exists. Thats not at all what she's saying. Clearly there are other forms of punishment. Jesus.

She said she couldn't discipline her child without CPS being called. Pretty sure CPS isn't called for a large variety of different kinds of discipline that don't involve hitting your child.

I think she was being somewhat sarcastic. There are many people out there that believe "swatting your child" is a form of abuse and will call CPS, trust me I've seen it happen multiple times.

CPS should be able to weed out these types of cases from real ones. Considering CPS the problem is not really helpful however. Sure, people get bogus calls like this, but I am certainly glad that CPS exists because without it, the legitimate abuse cases wouldn't be found. While having them in your home is an inconvenience, I do believe that it is a necessity. I really don't see the harm if there is nothing to hide.

AppleGrapeMSTK · May 2014

starla487 said:

My attempt to not jump into the spanking debate.
I think the term "pre-diabetes" is a misnomer. You either have diabetes because your pancreas isn't working properly or you don't. I think telling someone they have pre-diabetes only delays the treatment because someone doesn't want to hear they have a chronic illness.
Article for your review on the topic: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/riva-greenberg/prediabetes_b_3023146.html

This is something my husband is very passionate about. MIL's doctor told her she had pre-diabetes. She didn't think it was an issue because it wasn't diabetes yet, and she didn't pursue it any further. She ended up a diabetic with multiple strokes and is now immobile.

MrsSinner402 · May 2014

theresat858 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

theresat858 said:

I think its ridiculous that you assume she thinks physical punishment is the only form of punishment that exists. Thats not at all what she's saying. Clearly there are other forms of punishment. Jesus.

She said she couldn't discipline her child without CPS being called. Pretty sure CPS isn't called for a large variety of different kinds of discipline that don't involve hitting your child.

Yes, I can read. But I also know she didn't mean it in the literal sense that there is no way possible to discipline her child without physical abuse. She was simply stating how quick people are to call CPS nowadays.

ohioloveyou · May 2014

I'm super late to the game here, but I just wanted to add my 2 cents.

I was spanked a few times as a child, and while I don't think I have been hurt long-term by it, it's not something I would consider doing to my own child. And pretty much for just one reason: because if I were to spank, it would be because I was that mad and not because the child deserved it. Hitting out of anger is just too out of control for me, and I don't ever want to get that close to the "edge."

LightBright515 · May 2014

starla487 said:
My attempt to not jump into the spanking debate.

I think the term "pre-diabetes" is a misnomer. You either have diabetes because your pancreas isn't working properly or you don't. I think telling someone they have pre-diabetes only delays the treatment because someone doesn't want to hear they have a chronic illness.

Article for your review on the topic: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/riva-greenberg/prediabetes_b_3023146.html

I think it's insurance related to be honest. It reminds me of people qualifying for Dialysis. They have to wait in most cases until they have 10% of their renal cells or something like that functioning properly for the companies to pay for it.

I think you can have a failing pancreas and not be full out diabetic. But, if somebody tells me I'm borderline diabetic and *I* don't take it serious, then that is also a reflection on the individual IMO.

LightBright515 · May 2014

This probably belongs on the FFFC thread tomorrow, but I still enjoy deli meats at least once a week, and find it interesting that listeria is popping up in foods that I should be eating :-S

dana2die4 · May 2014

TheOtherJacobsons said:

dana2die4 said:

theresat858 said:

MrsSinner402 said:

I think its ridiculous that you assume she thinks physical punishment is the only form of punishment that exists. Thats not at all what she's saying. Clearly there are other forms of punishment. Jesus.

She said she couldn't discipline her child without CPS being called. Pretty sure CPS isn't called for a large variety of different kinds of discipline that don't involve hitting your child.

I think she was being somewhat sarcastic. There are many people out there that believe "swatting your child" is a form of abuse and will call CPS, trust me I've seen it happen multiple times.

CPS should be able to weed out these types of cases from real ones. Considering CPS the problem is not really helpful however. Sure, people get bogus calls like this, but I am certainly glad that CPS exists because without it, the legitimate abuse cases wouldn't be found. While having them in your home is an inconvenience, I do believe that it is a necessity. I really don't see the harm if there is nothing to hide.

I'm not saying that CPS is the problem, I am saying that people can and will call CPS or the police for things that shouldn't be called on.

bennikki · May 2014

starla487 said:

My attempt to not jump into the spanking debate.
I think the term "pre-diabetes" is a misnomer. You either have diabetes because your pancreas isn't working properly or you don't. I think telling someone they have pre-diabetes only delays the treatment because someone doesn't want to hear they have a chronic illness.
Article for your review on the topic: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/riva-greenberg/prediabetes_b_3023146.html

Ugh! I totally agree with this! I own a gym, and our personal trainers want to pull their hair out when they get a new client who's 200 lbs overweight, drinking a DIET soda, and saying, "yeah, the Dr. says I should lose some weight. They tell me I have pre-diabetes." The trainers then go on to develop a plan for them at the gym and inevitably ask them about how they're changing their diets, and the client comes back with, "well, it's ONLY PRE-diabetes, so I switched to diet soda," or, "I eat frozen yogurt instead of ice cream now." Please, having pre-diabetes is like being a little bit pregnant. You are or you aren't, and once people can accept that their unhealthy lifestyle is fueling this, the sooner they can get their health under control.

My sister's a nurse, and she gets patients who complain about the hospital food, and she'll look at their chart, and it's say, "well, it looks like you're diabetic, so the cafeteria formulates a meal that won't raise your blood sugar." To which the patients answers, "No, I only have PRE-diabetes."

I realize there are people out there who develop diabetes without leading unhealthy lives, and I'm not speaking to that population. It's those who are in denial that they did this to themselves through horrible diet and no exercise for years and years.

MrsL2B · May 2014

starla487 said:

My attempt to not jump into the spanking debate.
I think the term "pre-diabetes" is a misnomer. You either have diabetes because your pancreas isn't working properly or you don't. I think telling someone they have pre-diabetes only delays the treatment because someone doesn't want to hear they have a chronic illness.
Article for your review on the topic: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/riva-greenberg/prediabetes_b_3023146.html

I agree. "Pre-diabetic" makes it sound like something could possibly go wrong, not like something already has gone wrong. Unfortunately testing in only the pre-diabetic range usually just means that it's harder to get a GP to put the patient on medication or refer her to an endocrinologist.

dana2die4 · May 2014

Obviously this "spanking/swatting" is a to each their own kind of subject. But I just have to say, I was spanked a couple times as a child and slapped in the mouth as a teenager for calling my Mother a Bitch! My parents are the most loving and caring people you will ever meet, I was NEVER afraid of them growing up. They set ground rules and verbal warnings, and if I didn't listen then I suffered the consequences (it only took once or twice to catch on to that). I thank my parents to this day for how they raised my brothers and I, and I will practice those same guidelines in our home. DS is very well behaved, and we have only had to resort to "swatting his booty" a couple of times.

pinkshades05 · May 2014

SusieBW said:

LightBright515 said:

Wait, not telling your kids no is a thing now?

Yup, it's a whole thing.
https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/tips/discipline-without-saying-no/

I think it's a part of the whole attachment parenting thing that dude Dr. Sears is behind. I'm not saying all of AP is bad, either - there are aspects of it that make sense - but a lot of it is just too much. I think it breeds coddling. And coddling breeds entitlement. And entitlement is gross.

No, I don't think Dr. Sears ever says not to tell a child "no." In fact, this is what his website says:

It’s necessary for a parent to say “no” to a child so the child can later say “no” to himself. All children—and some adults—have difficulty delaying gratification.

Like others mention, he just suggests other ways to say 'no' so that you can teach your child at the same time. I just want to clarify because I feel like we do attachment parenting (we're not hard-core) and I tell DD 'no' all of the time. However, there are times when using "no" isn't necessary. Today, DD saw balloons and she was so enamored with them. I had to explain to her that they weren't our balloons and that she could look at them, but not touch them. I repeated this several times and she just stood there and stared at them and then moved on to the next activity. It's a great example of how well our children can comprehend what we are telling them if we give them a chance and I didn't need to say, "No, you can't have those/can't tough those!" which wouldn't have relayed the same message.

Also, I confess that I have spanked DD a few times and I'm not proud of it. I also found that it really doesn't work for her and I have moved on to other ways to disciplining. For DD, I really have to get to down to her level and talk to her in a calm, but firm voice. I know a lot of you ladies swear you won't do one thing or another, but sometimes you lose it in the heat of the moment. I'm not perfect, but sometimes we all slip up from time to time.

lrobi13 · May 2014

I personally don't feel like crap after UO. It is okay that people think differently from one another. That is what makes the world go round. It would be so boring if we didn't discuss topics that can led to meaningful discussion.

Some people get uncomfortable at the sign of any type of conflict but I really feel most people are really respectful on our OU threads.

ADH0906 · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

scottysgirl77 said:

My UO is that I don't like the UO thread. Every week, there is someone who worded a post wrong and they go away from it feeling like crap. I think it is fun to have discussions like this as long as posters are respectful (which this board is good at) but I think threads like these are just people looking to start drama.

What?! I don't agree at all. Sure, feelings might get hurt but that's because the topics can be sensitive ones. I don't think anyone is purposely trying to create drama.

And as far as I know, the folks that have had their feelings hurt (myself included), haven't left the boards because of it. We move on.

Right?

I'll second this. I've had my ass handed to me or been butthurt plenty of times, and I'm still around. In fact, I'll argue that the opposite of the original point is true: without a few threads like these to encourage conversation and debate, this board would be a snooze fest. How else will we get to know members if not with a little stimulation?

[Deleted User] · May 2014

Sorry just caught up on this. I absolutely in no way think that anyone here that has swatted their child is an abuser. I apologize if it came off that way. In my personal and work experiences, it is just too easy for that line to be crossed in the heat of the moment. I still love all of you ladies and I, too, am glad that we can have these conversations with differing opinions.

monkeybutt61612 · May 2014

@SusieBW‌ lurker here, but my old boss used to have me call people for him all the time. It was so awkward, and I secretly loved when people got pissed. I had to call his friends to set up lunches. Ridiculous

lilmissfancy · May 2014

whew...I finally caught up on all the UO lol. It's too much to qoute

1)My parents were divorced before I was 2. I remember my mom spanking me when I was younger.It must not have been that bad or often because I don't remember it in detail. My dad never spanked me, he just talked a lot. My parents had two different approaches to discipline but I was a good kid.

My husband and I decided not to use spanking as our first option. If the Duggars can raise 19 respectful kids without spanking, I think I can do it.

2)In regards to the Nigerian girls, the media show what they want . There're thousands of girls and boys being sold into sex trafficking right here in the US. It's a fast growing crime that's not being addressed.

jcsumm0 · May 2014

@crawford411 are you reading Husband Coached Childbirth? Because that book is wack-a-doo. You need to read Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. MUCH better. Very helpful IMO.

Emerald27 · May 2014

I'm just going to leave these here

I find spanking to be a very confusing punishment for a child. They're not supposed to hit, but they can be hit? In parenting DS, I've always tried to consistently model the behavior I expect from him. I expect him to be calm and gentle, to always use his hands in a loving fashion. So I model that behavior.

That doesn't mean there's no discipline in my house, though. We follow a "natural consequences" form of discipline in which the natural consequence of improper action befalls DS when he does something he shouldn't. For example, if he presses the buttons on the dishwasher in the kitchen when I've asked him not to, then clearly he can't manage being in the kitchen right now (so he is removed from the kitchen). If he can't play gently with a toy, then he needs to play with something else and that toy goes away for a bit. If he won't hold my hand and walk safely in a parking lot, then he can't walk right now and must be carried.

ETA: edited to remove image from graphic above...worried it could be a trigger for some.

LightBright515 · May 2014

These anatomy scan posts need to be consolidated.

archi35 · May 2014

TicketTuesday said:

I think in most cases taking offense is a conscious choice. And while that's okay and there are times to call something out, I can't stand when people choose to find/take offense in everything.

Coming in late and biting off this - I hate when people think that just because they are offended it means something. So what? So you're offended. Slow claps for you - who cares? In general, and I think most often, there is waaaaayyyyy too much attention paid to people who are offended by something - regardless of the situation. Just because you are offended doesn't make you right and the other person wrong.

ADH0906 · May 2014

starla487 said:

LightBright515 said:

These anatomy scan posts need to be consolidated.

Agreed... I can't keep up with them anymore. I'm really happy everyone is having great scans, but I just can't.post.in.every.single.one.

I agree. I think it's ridiculous, but this board is very against the consolidation of these types of posts. Trust me, I've tried.

angeltennis3 · May 2014

jalara48 said:

starla487 said:

LightBright515 said:

These anatomy scan posts need to be consolidated.

Agreed... I can't keep up with them anymore. I'm really happy everyone is having great scans, but I just can't.post.in.every.single.one.

I get very tired of hearing this said about every single pregnancy milestone the board hits. It's the same argument every time - it clutters the board.

But I still think that every posters deserves to AW and it's just a post on an internet forum - who really cares that much? Does it really makes that much of a difference in a day that you need to take that small piece of individual celebration away from people?

It'll slow down in a couple of weeks until the next milestone hits and then people can complain about that. Rinse and repeat.

It's a birth month board. What exactly do you think people should be "allowed" to post excitedly about if not when they find out if they are having a boy or girl?

I tend to agree here. I don't normally even open the A/S posts unless it is clear the OP needs support. That is no different than there being one consolidated post that I also don't open. If people want to AW let them, that doesn't mean you have to be one of the attention providers.

ADH0906 · May 2014

jalara48 said:

starla487 said:

LightBright515 said:

These anatomy scan posts need to be consolidated.

Agreed... I can't keep up with them anymore. I'm really happy everyone is having great scans, but I just can't.post.in.every.single.one.

I get very tired of hearing this said about every single pregnancy milestone the board hits. It's the same argument every time - it clutters the board.

But I still think that every posters deserves to AW and it's just a post on an internet forum - who really cares that much? Does it really makes that much of a difference in a day that you need to take that small piece of individual celebration away from people?

It'll slow down in a couple of weeks until the next milestone hits and then people can complain about that. Rinse and repeat.

It's a birth month board. What exactly do you think people should be "allowed" to post excitedly about if not when they find out if they are having a boy or girl?

Yeah dude, that's why I gave up the fight about it. Doesn't mean that I can't agree with another person who thinks it's weird to not consolidate them like other boards do. Consider me really tired of hearing that I can't have this viewpoint because the majority disagrees.

Emerald27 · May 2014

@amcclindon‌ I know, it really was sort of a drive by...but I wanted to give my $0.02 too! And I think those graphics each have some really good points to consider. I wasn't trying to pick the conversation up again, just figured if anyone returned to the thread, they might see my post and think about it.

I did want to share what method of discipline has worked for us, so I did that too. Wasn't trying to step on toes...should have checked the UO thread earlier in the day. Lol

Emerald27 · May 2014

FamousEa said:

LightBright515 said:
These anatomy scan posts need to be consolidated.
I would overlook them if they were consolidated. I don't mind opening each one and congratulating them. It would be highly annoying to have to sift through one big thread.

Samesies

lilmissfancy · May 2014

@FamousEa I didn't know that about the duggars. They don't show all of that on TV. I knew it was too good to be true lol

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

amcclindon said:

Emerald27 said:

@amcclindon‌ I know, it really was sort of a drive by...but I wanted to give my $0.02 too! And I think those graphics each have some really good points to consider. I wasn't trying to pick the conversation up again, just figured if anyone returned to the thread, they might see my post and think about it. I did want to share what method of discipline has worked for us, so I did that too. Wasn't trying to step on toes...should have checked the UO thread earlier in the day. Lol

No, it wasn't a drive by. I actually had been waiting to hear what Emerald had to say on the topic. Everyone else was able to have a say in it, why can't Emerald? She came late to the thread but so what? Because she's against spanking she is self-righteous and judgy? Me thinks not.
Sorry, I know this is a thread from yesterday...whatever.
It was just my feelings on it. Like I said, I know she is entitled to her opinion. **edited** For example:I'm not religious. At all. But if we got into a debate on religion there is no way Im posting a shit ton of qoutes from non religious people stating why they think religion is wrong/silly whatever. I can give my opinion w/o making other people feel like shit about it. Thats all im saying. I have no hard feelings and Im sorry if I sounded pissy. It was just my reaction when I read it.

I don't think that the images were any different than what PPs wrote in words. I am not really sure it is anyone's responsibility to sensor their opinion to not hurt your feelings. If something makes you feel a certain way, it could be that you may need to take a minute to understand why you feel this way. I don't think this is the same or similar as being disrespectful to someone's religion.

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

Fair enough

LightBright515 · May 2014

Consolidation doesn't equate to stealing their AW moment or joy. I will love tit the hell out of your post whether you are team green with a perfect baby, team pink, or blue.

But when I log on and the first two pages are A/S...I can't help but to think there is a better way.

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