UO Thursday!

SusieBW · May 2014

I have low-top uggs. They look a little like slippers and I only wear them with jeans. But I love them.

PC0909 · May 2014

I hate masculine names for girls. It's not socially acceptable to name your son Cathy so why would you name your daughter Ryan? It also takes away from having a son. Girls get the cute clothes, the hair accessories, and now they are taking boy names too? This probably stems from the fact that it's really hard to buy cute boy clothes without spending a ton of money, but still a thing of mine.

LightBright515 · May 2014

*sigh* who hurt you?

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

amcclindon said:

lrobi13 said:

I hate that I can't discipline my child without the fear of CPS being called. My mom only spanked me once and to this day can tell you why. It was effective form of punishment for me.

I agree although I was spanked more than once, it was times that were absolutely warranted and needed. There is a BIG difference between discipline and abuse. I wish people understood that difference.
Yes to all of this^^. My daughter is very head strong and we have swatted her butt more than a few times. It is in no way abuse. It's not like I'm beating her. I also should add that ot is never our first tool for discipline. I ALWAYS try talking/reasoning/etc. Before and spanks are reserved for the times when they're needed. *edited to add*

Coming from a household that had other people call CPS, nothing ever happened. They came, we lied because my mom convinced us that it would be worse if they broke our family up, they left. My mom beat me up until I physically threatened to kill her. CPS didn't do shit.

Liss1481 · May 2014

TheOtherJacobsons said:

I think it's complete crap that nowadays people are pushing for no winners/losers in sports. This is part of the reason why kids feel so entitled now.
Oh and I also think it's crap that I hear so many people complaining when their kid gets hurt playing sports. Hello... You (general you) LET them play football, soccer, baseball, etc. You knew the dangers involved when signing up for said sport. You KNEW they would get a concussion and possibly a broken bone or two while playing football (or any other sport). Don't bitch when they do.
I'll add to this because I think it is the breed of parent we're talking about here. I hate when people blame teachers for why their child is going poorly/isn't excelling. I believe that we have a responsibility to help our children at home and teach them integrity. Of course there are exceptions, but I am talking about this general not my problem attitude. How will handing our children everything help them to go after what they want or make them responsible for their own actions?

I have an acquaintance that has 3 kids who literally does not think parents should have to do anything regarding school work at home. She thinks it's totally up to the teachers to handle everything and never gets involved with working with them. One of the kids is special needs as well.

I also know a teacher who had a parent call and complain to the principle that the school never taught their straight-A high school student any life skills (how to do laundry, handle money, deal with disappointment...). Seriously??! I want to smack people sometimes.

8-|

youngin12 · May 2014

FamousEa said:

youngin12 said:

I think it's complete crap that nowadays people are pushing for no winners/losers in sports. This is part of the reason why kids feel so entitled now.
Oh and I also think it's crap that I hear so many people complaining when their kid gets hurt playing sports. Hello... You (general you) LET them play football, soccer, baseball, etc. You knew the dangers involved when signing up for said sport. You KNEW they would get a concussion and possibly a broken bone or two while playing football (or any other sport). Don't bitch when they do.

Yep. My nephew plays sports(football, basketball, baseball and soccer) even if the team loses they still get a trophy. My nephew also cannot stand to lose, when they lose a game he can be found crying(he's 10) he is difficult to play board games with too.
Also along the lines of "everyone wins"I think it's stupid that if you want to send birthday invites to school EVERYONE has to be invited to avoid hurt feelings. Call me cruel but when I was in elementary school my mom sent invites in the back pack and teacher put them in the designated backpacks. If you didn't hear about a party or get an invite it usually meant you weren't close friends with that person. My feelings were never hurt by this and my mom didn't get all butthurt if I wasn't invited to Susie Q's birthday.

Ha! I told DH the other night that if I have to beat my kid at every single board game, every single time I will gladly do it. They will know what it's like to be a graceful loser. Everyone can't win and everyone doesn't deserve to win. That simple.

Liss1481 · May 2014

I also hate when schools eliminate Honor Roll, honors classes, etc just so no one feels left out. I guess that goes along with the whole "everyone gets a medal for participation" movement.

Eastie156 · May 2014

youngin12 said:

lrobi13 said:

I hate that I can't discipline my child without the fear of CPS being called. My mom only spanked me once and to this day can tell you why. It was effective form of punishment for me.

I agree although I was spanked more than once, it was times that were absolutely warranted and needed. There is a BIG difference between discipline and abuse. I wish people understood that difference.

I was spanked too, but I'm of the mindset of how does hitting your child solve anything?

bumpuser10309732 · May 2014

nooooo this is an eski-ho

I have a pair of wool uggs that I wear constantly in the winter.

MissMandyD · May 2014

VCGolfNYC said:

LightBright515 said:

I guess my fear with dopplers at home is getting too comfortable with telling myself everything is ok just cause I can find a HB. My heart goes out to the May moms and the mother who lost her baby at term. But the one comment that stuck with me is that she would've went to the hospital sooner if she didn't have it. I'm sure the reassurance in the early stages is lovely though..

This is a very good point.

To add to that, as someone who had an a/s from hell at her last pregnancy, I have to say that sometimes I can't even read posts where people say, "I promise everything will be okay!" or "you're worrying for nothing!", because while comments like that are somewhat reflective of statistics, there are always black swan events.

This. After 16 ultrasounds last time including the final one at 20 weeks we discovered that they had both died I hate posts like this. Sometimes things go badly and there is nothing you can do about it.

fireflyrebirth · May 2014

I feel like people get confused and equate "not saying no" with "letting your kid do whatever the heck they want." Um, yes, let's remember that kids come into the world not knowing ANYTHING about how it works...it's our job to teach them that boundaries exist. I think redirection is appropriate for very young children, but it's never too early to start explaining the reasons why you are doing something/not doing something, why something can happen/can't happen.

I'm not a parent yet but I've been working in childcare the past three years and my philosophy is to let a kid do what he/she wants if it doesn't actually matter. When I decide something needs to happen/not happen, I am firm. I don't negotiate or back down. I will calmly explain the situation over and over if it's not a time sensitive issue, and use order of events in a way young kids can understand ("We can go play after you try to go on the potty.")

Of course I am married to a psychologist so behaviorism is always on my mind when dealing with kids...

LightBright515 · May 2014

@Nicb13‌ do you have a parenting book you used to guide you? Or did you just wing it and do your own thing?

Heartwood0519 · May 2014

Di_126 said:

SusieBW said:

youngin12 said:

I think it's complete crap that nowadays people are pushing for no winners/losers in sports. This is part of the reason why kids feel so entitled now.
Oh and I also think it's crap that I hear so many people complaining when their kid gets hurt playing sports. Hello... You (general you) LET them play football, soccer, baseball, etc. You knew the dangers involved when signing up for said sport. You KNEW they would get a concussion and possibly a broken bone or two while playing football (or any other sport). Don't bitch when they do.

Agree 100%. It follows that whole thing where parents don't ever say the word "no" to their kids, they find some other word or just redirect instead of ever letting their kids hear "no." I think that's completely ridiculous, too. Kids need to learn how to lose and how to accept no as an answer, or they will develop that disgusting sense of entitlement that we're already seeing in today's high school kids. It's gross. Putting folks like the Kardashians and other rich fools who are famous just for being rich and famous on a pedestal isn't helping the situation, either. I think shows like that are also gross.

Ugh, this is my sister, and it kills me. She won't tell my nephew "no" and he is ridiculous in his behavior sometimes because of it. He's super picky and has to have his way or he completely melts down and never gives it up.

He wanted a particular chair at our family dinner, that my Dad was sitting in (his grandfather), and he would not let it go. They did nothing, and he was being flat out rude and disrespectful. They kept saying, "your choices are this chair or that chair, you can be upset, etc."and it just went on and on. Eventually my dad got so annoyed he scarfed his food down and went into the back room. They were apparently oblivious to this.

They were also late to an event because apparently my BIL lets him start the car (I can't even explain that, I don't know) and then puts him in his seat. Well, they were running late, so BIL said they didn't have the time this time, and he throws a holy fit. Well, my sister sides with my nephew! So halfway down the street they pull over, turn off the car, get him out, let him start it, and then put him back in the seat. She explained this to us as their reason for being late and we all sat there dumbfounded. I can understand gentle parenting, but there is a difference in that and letting your kid walk all over you. I absolutely love her dearly, but this aspect of her parenting drives me up the wall! Also, out of our 5 grandchildren, he is by far the meanest and most violent...so, mmmyeah.

This is my cousin and their kids. They always let them choose everything and their oldest kid is very rude and disrespectful. She has no manners and is not pleasant to be around.

youngin12 · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

amcclindon said:

lrobi13 said:

I hate that I can't discipline my child without the fear of CPS being called. My mom only spanked me once and to this day can tell you why. It was effective form of punishment for me.

I agree although I was spanked more than once, it was times that were absolutely warranted and needed. There is a BIG difference between discipline and abuse. I wish people understood that difference.
Yes to all of this^^. My daughter is very head strong and we have swatted her butt more than a few times. It is in no way abuse. It's not like I'm beating her. I also should add that ot is never our first tool for discipline. I ALWAYS try talking/reasoning/etc. Before and spanks are reserved for the times when they're needed. *edited to add*

Spanking is never necessary IMO. So your LO didn't listen well enough so you thought spanking would get her attention? How does using violence (for lack of a better word), teach a child anything other than you can hit when you are mad? (Not trying to attack you but....)
I realize that a lot of people on here, myself included, were probably spanked as a child but I will never, EVER do that to my child.

Like @lrobi13 said, it was effective for both my brother and I. Once we were spanked, we knew the action we had done was inappropriate and shouldn't (wasn't) be done again. It wasn't for something as simple as not listening; it was for harsher, more serious reasons. This is definitely one of those to each their own topics...

fireflyrebirth · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

LightBright515 said:

@Nicb13‌ do you have a parenting book you used to guide you? Or did you just wing it and do your own thing?

I just recently started skimming through the Happiest Toddler on the Block so I could UNDERSTAND toddlers more but I just sort of winged it with DS.
It took time for me to figure him out and what worked/what didn't work for him. I feel like it all just came in time and by no means is my child perfect, but we have a good system going and he knows by now that mom and dad are boss and they follow through with what they say so I better listen! It's a lot of trial and error IME and the #1 most important thing with a baby or a toddler is to be CONSISTENT. They thrive on consistency so they know what to expect.

Behaviorism! It's what for dinner.

lrobi13 · May 2014

TheOtherJacobsons said:

snip

Coming from a household that had other people call CPS, nothing ever happened. They came, we lied because my mom convinced us that it would be worse if they broke our family up, they left. My mom beat me up until I physically threatened to kill her. CPS didn't do shit.

In your case they absolutely failed you. I am truly horrified that you had to go through that. My perspective is a total 180 from yours and I think there is a big difference in what happened in my home once versus what happened in yours.

My mom was not angry when she spanked me (in the closet, bare butt with a belt). She wanted me to know instantly what I did was wrong. This happened when I was six years old. It was very controlled and not over done. For me it sent the message that my mom meant business. From that moment on all she had to do was look at me a certain way to make me behave.

I was also paddled at school and am not damage from it. I follow rules and have a huge respect for authority figures.

I don't plan on yelling at my child or raising a hand to him. But if it is necessary I will punish him in an age appropriate matter. Every child is different and I will do what works best for us. And the word NO will be used.

I understand that others feel differently and I respect your choice.

Emerald27 · May 2014

MrMrsandBaby said:
I don't like when women call each other "mamma" or any variation of that. No idea why, just don't!

Guilty! $:\$ ">

MissMandyD · May 2014

I also don't believe in hitting, swatting or spanking kids for any reason. As much as I think kids should be taught manners and to be safe I don't think that fear of authority is a good thing. Questing the world you are presented with is how you learn to think for yourself and I think spanking is an impediment to that.

Eastie156 · May 2014

youngin12 said:

Nicb13 said:

amcclindon said:

lrobi13 said:

I hate that I can't discipline my child without the fear of CPS being called. My mom only spanked me once and to this day can tell you why. It was effective form of punishment for me.

I agree although I was spanked more than once, it was times that were absolutely warranted and needed. There is a BIG difference between discipline and abuse. I wish people understood that difference.
Yes to all of this^^. My daughter is very head strong and we have swatted her butt more than a few times. It is in no way abuse. It's not like I'm beating her. I also should add that ot is never our first tool for discipline. I ALWAYS try talking/reasoning/etc. Before and spanks are reserved for the times when they're needed. *edited to add*

Spanking is never necessary IMO. So your LO didn't listen well enough so you thought spanking would get her attention? How does using violence (for lack of a better word), teach a child anything other than you can hit when you are mad? (Not trying to attack you but....)
I realize that a lot of people on here, myself included, were probably spanked as a child but I will never, EVER do that to my child.

Like @lrobi13 said, it was effective for both my brother and I. Once we were spanked, we knew the action we had done was inappropriate and shouldn't (wasn't) be done again. It wasn't for something as simple as not listening; it was for harsher, more serious reasons. This is definitely one of those to each their own topics...

That's good that it worked for you and your brother. It never worked for us. It made us angry as kids and only taught us to be angry adults.

bumpuser10309732 · May 2014

On spanking- I am a FTM but I have a ton of nieces and nephews. With that being said I think that all kids are different therefore they respond differently. I don't think there's a one size fits all for kids. I also feel like a belt is excessive. I was a kid that never had to be spanked but I was threatened once or twice with a belt and that's a little much for me. But I don't personally see the harm in a little swat on the behind that says hey I mean what I'm saying to you. There's not really a need in my experience to leave a mark. Although I do have a 15 year old nephew that I'm pretty sure needs to be smacked. :-)

linnae939 · May 2014

erawka said:

Okay, I've been thinking about this one all week. It might be a little controversial. I think that the kidnapping of the schoolgirls in Nigeria is an absolute tragedy. It's seriously breaks my heart. That being said, The American media response to the situation really bothers me: 1. I'm not a terrorist, but I'm pretty sure this sort of media response was exactly the thing that Boko Haram was looking for. 2. Horrible things happen to women and young girls all over the world every day, in our country as well as abroad. I understand that something on this scale is more likely to catch our attention, but it seems a little ridiculous that all of a sudden these are "our girls." Please. We didn't care about them before and probably won't care about them after. This whole media campaign is just to make us feel good about ourselves. I know I'll catch some flames for this, but something about it feels so hypocritical, mismanaged, and wrong to me.

They were spreading awareness of this at school by telling kids to hashtag it. What, exactly will that do? "Oh, twitter say everybodys really mad about this, we should give them back?"

And, in talking about this I said to my kids (high schoolers) that they wanted to sell some of the girls into marriage or slavery. They were all shocked that slavery still exists. Seriously. They also didn't realize that it had happened anywhere but America, ever.

jcsumm0 · May 2014

1. Numerous research studies have shown spanking to be an ineffective discipline technique. I feel strongly that it is not right for my family.

2. I avoided using the word "no" with DD when she was little because I didn't want an 18 month old who only said "no" all the time. I think it worked. That does not mean I let her do whatever she wanted.

3. I can't imagine having a "dream diaper bag" or spending a lot of time and money picking one at. Actually I feel that way about all bags and purses.

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

On spanking. The one time my mom spanked me, it was humiliating and degrading. I never ever want my child to feel like this. I don't think it matters at any age when this happens. I didn't learn anything from the experience other than what it was like to feel shame.

There are other ways to discipline your children without making them feel like a lesser human being.

SusieBW · May 2014

Nicb13 said:

fireflyrebirth said:

I feel like people get confused and equate "not saying no" with "letting your kid do whatever the heck they want." Um, yes, let's remember that kids come into the world not knowing ANYTHING about how it works...it's our job to teach them that boundaries exist. I think redirection is appropriate for very young children, but it's never too early to start explaining the reasons why you are doing something/not doing something, why something can happen/can't happen.

I'm not a parent yet but I've been working in childcare the past three years and my philosophy is to let a kid do what he/she wants if it doesn't actually matter. When I decide something needs to happen/not happen, I am firm. I don't negotiate or back down. I will calmly explain the situation over and over if it's not a time sensitive issue, and use order of events in a way young kids can understand ("We can go play after you try to go on the potty.")

Of course I am married to a psychologist so behaviorism is always on my mind when dealing with kids...

Well said and I basically do what you are describing in the second paragraph. This has worked like a charm so far with DS.

Yeah, ITA with all of this too. But I still tell DD no. It's just "No, because . . ." instead of straight "no." I think kids that get explanations are generally better behaved than kids who don't. I think kids whose parents talk to them like people instead of baby talking are more mature and better behaved, too. Give your kids the credit and respect they deserve as people, and they will act accordingly.

I have also never spanked or "swatted" my kid, and never will. I think it would be hypocritical. I'm teaching her that it's never okay to hit anyone, so how ridiculous to then turn around and hit her. Duh.

Eastie156 · May 2014

MrsBabe614 said:

On spanking- I am a FTM but I have a ton of nieces and nephews. With that being said I think that all kids are different therefore they respond differently. I don't think there's a one size fits all for kids. I also feel like a belt is excessive. I was a kid that never had to be spanked but I was threatened once or twice with a belt and that's a little much for me. But I don't personally see the harm in a little swat on the behind that says hey I mean what I'm saying to you. There's not really a need in my experience to leave a mark. Although I do have a 15 year old nephew that I'm pretty sure needs to be smacked. :-)

That's straight up child abuse, not excessive.

Eastie156 · May 2014

Kgrosskopf27 said:

Ok so we haven't decided on the whole to spank/swat whatever you want to call it - but for those who have and have found it effective - what age did you start that at? I realize every kid develops differently of course.
DD just turned 1 and I want to discuss it with H before we might think of it as a consequence.
Just curious and yes I need to read some of the toddler books as officially moving into that "more mobile, more opportunities to find trouble stage"

I honestly can't believe this is even a discussion we are having..

Eastie156 · May 2014

TicketTuesday said:

Nicb13 said

But I'm not gonna lie, the few times I have spanked, it was because I was the one out of control and angry - and I felt like the worst mom in the world after (not saying parents are the worst for doing it, but with my

I've felt this way a few times. Most recently a few days ago with my 20 month old son. I had to put him down and walk away.

Eastie156 · May 2014

Eastie156 said:

TicketTuesday said:

Nicb13 said

But I'm not gonna lie, the few times I have spanked, it was because I was the one out of control and angry - and I felt like the worst mom in the world after (not saying parents are the worst for doing it, but with my

SusieBW · May 2014

Di_126 said:

Ugh, this is my sister, and it kills me. She won't tell my nephew "no" and he is ridiculous in his behavior sometimes because of it. He's super picky and has to have his way or he completely melts down and never gives it up.

He wanted a particular chair at our family dinner, that my Dad was sitting in (his grandfather), and he would not let it go. They did nothing, and he was being flat out rude and disrespectful. They kept saying, "your choices are this chair or that chair, you can be upset, etc."and it just went on and on. Eventually my dad got so annoyed he scarfed his food down and went into the back room. They were apparently oblivious to this.

I'm a big fan of giving kids choices, and I think it helps with behavior a lot, but there is a limit. Your choices are this chair or this chair, and if you don't pick in the next 5 seconds, I'm picking for you. The end.

And this whole situation is severe. It sounds like your sister's kid walks all over them, and they're reinforcing it by letting him get away with this stuff. Holy cow. I would be embarassed if my kid acted like that, I think.

Eastie156 · May 2014

I don't have a clue why my quotes aren't working..., @TicketTuesday, I've felt that way too. Just a few days ago (see quotes above)

[Deleted User] · May 2014

I don't think I will ever spank my children. I grew up in an abusive household and I've seen the toll that has taken on my siblings. It often started as just a "swat" but it always lead to more, whether it be emotional abuse or physical abuse.

Even now I can't be around really aggressive people or I'm completely uncomfortable. We had a tenant at work that came in cussing, pointing in my face, and waving his hands in the air because his copier couldn't be delivered and I had to leave for a bit.

I know my previous situations may have been extreme, but I know how I felt as a child and how I feel now and I wouldn't want to ever inflict that on my own children.

jcsumm0 · May 2014

If a husband spanked his wife, it would be domestic violence. I'll never understand why it's ok for your child but you would never treat another adult that way.

SusieBW · May 2014

Yeah, I never want my kid to be afraid of me. There's a difference between fear and respect and I don't think it's hard to keep that balance.

fireflyrebirth · May 2014

SusieBW said:

Di_126 said:

Ugh, this is my sister, and it kills me. She won't tell my nephew "no" and he is ridiculous in his behavior sometimes because of it. He's super picky and has to have his way or he completely melts down and never gives it up.

He wanted a particular chair at our family dinner, that my Dad was sitting in (his grandfather), and he would not let it go. They did nothing, and he was being flat out rude and disrespectful. They kept saying, "your choices are this chair or that chair, you can be upset, etc."and it just went on and on. Eventually my dad got so annoyed he scarfed his food down and went into the back room. They were apparently oblivious to this.

I'm a big fan of giving kids choices, and I think it helps with behavior a lot, but there is a limit. Your choices are this chair or this chair, and if you don't pick in the next 5 seconds, I'm picking for you. The end.

And this whole situation is severe. It sounds like your sister's kid walks all over them, and they're reinforcing it by letting him get away with this stuff. Holy cow. I would be embarrassed if my kid acted like that, I think.

This is me too now with the almost three-year-old I watch. I give him choices and if he resists I say, "Okay, you want me to choose or you choose?" (or "Do you want to walk to the potty or you want me to carry you?" Potty is a struggle with him right now...)

Usually this strategy works and he'll make a choice. If it doesn't I go through with what I said I would do (making the choice for him).

TheOtherJacobsons · May 2014

jcsumm0 said:

If a husband spanked his wife, it would be domestic violence. I'll never understand why it's ok for your child but you would never treat another adult that way.

I would actually just call that a Thursday night!

lrobi13 · May 2014

theresat858 said:

I hate that I can't discipline my child without the fear of CPS being called. My mom only spanked me once and to this day can tell you why. It was effective form of punishment for me.

I think it's ridiculous that you think physical punishment is the only form of discipline that exists...

I don't and I explained myself further in the thread.

LightBright515 · May 2014

I don't know. I think those that are speaking from an abusive childhood have more than physical discipline to take into account, and that creates a major bias.

To each their own. Your kid, your rules.

bumpuser10309732 · May 2014

Eastie156 said:

MrsBabe614 said:

On spanking- I am a FTM but I have a ton of nieces and nephews. With that being said I think that all kids are different therefore they respond differently. I don't think there's a one size fits all for kids. I also feel like a belt is excessive. I was a kid that never had to be spanked but I was threatened once or twice with a belt and that's a little much for me. But I don't personally see the harm in a little swat on the behind that says hey I mean what I'm saying to you. There's not really a need in my experience to leave a mark. Although I do have a 15 year old nephew that I'm pretty sure needs to be smacked. :-)

That's straight up child abuse, not excessive.

Yeah-I just didn't know how to say it without the words "bat shit crazy". I would definitely say that there were things that my parents did out of frustration that I would not repeat on my own kids, ever!

jcsumm0 · May 2014

TheOtherJacobsons said:

jcsumm0 said:

If a husband spanked his wife, it would be domestic violence. I'll never understand why it's ok for your child but you would never treat another adult that way.

I would actually just call that a Thursday night!

I honestly think this is really inappropriate but clearly I'm a stick-in-the-mud since several people "liked" your post.

ETA: To clarify, I don't care if consenting adults spank each other as part of sex, DH and I swat each others butts jokingly all the time. I just felt like the joke was inappropriate in the context of talking about abuse. But I'm probably just being overly sensitive.

MrsSinner402 · May 2014

theresat858 said:

lrobi13 said:
I hate that I can't discipline my child without the fear of CPS being called. My mom only spanked me once and to this day can tell you why. It was effective form of punishment for me.

I think it's ridiculous that you think physical punishment is the only form of discipline that exists...

I think its ridiculous that you assume she thinks physical punishment is the only form of punishment that exists. Thats not at all what she's saying. Clearly there are other forms of punishment. Jesus.

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