Biting/hitting

ambmama · May 2014

First, so sorry I've been MIA. Since my m/c, it's been a bit hard to get on tb. I'm going to try harder to get on more!

Question for you all and especially those with babes in daycare. Taylor was in a school that he was doing really well in, but we moved and had to change daycares. We actually had him in one school for a week, but I really hated it and after DH dropped him off one day he pulled him out (long story for another time). Anyway, we found a school we really like and for the most part Taylor is doing well. However, he's started biting and hitting! He has always been so sweet, so this came as a surprise and really started at the new school. He's the youngest one in his class (it's for 18-24m but they felt he was ready at 16.5m). He is teething, but really he is just not interacting well. For the first time he has started saying 'mine' and will either bite or hit he kids if they try to take a toy. He hits some at home, but we've been able to curb it with firm 'no' and redirection. At school, they have to address anything physical, especially biting. I had to meet with the director and his teacher and we are hoping a teether and teething tablets will help some.

My question is if anyone has dealt with this yet and if so, what did you do? He doesn't see kids outside of school so I am honestly unsure how to improve his interactions. We actually made the decision to put him in school in February (instead of the nanny we had) so that he would develop social skills, but this has me worried. Thanks for any advice!

sekura · May 2014

DS does a lot of biting at daycare. They are very accustomed to it there, are really don't make a big deal out of it--they report it to both sets of parents (without naming the other child), and do their best to redirect and manage. But this is a very normal developmental stage, and it just has to be managed. Don't worry; your son will grow out of it.
At home we do sometimes try to provoke a biting response so we can discipline him--when he seems to get possessive of a toy, we will intentionally take it away to provoke the reaction. If he does bite DH or I (which is rare), then we are able to discipline and work with it.

ambmama · May 2014

Thanks ladies, good to know. It worried me because he seems to be the only one in his class doing it - but I think most of the kids are more in the 20-24m stage so maybe they are over it? @sekura‌ I like the idea of provoking it at home so I can address it - any advice on what really works?

littleheaven · May 2014

we've had 2 days of incident reports the last couple of days....2 kids and one teacher on tuesday (biting) and yesterday she pinched a kid's neck and clawed at him, and then bit a teacher when she tried to pull her away

she bit a couple of times in the past, but then it stopped...her front teeth were coming in...and she would bite me too....and i would redirect her, the dr suggested leaving her in like, time out, but we don't really have a good place to leave her...i try to be stern and say no teeth, we don't do that etc....but i don't know what to do...

her last top front tooth is coming in (she has 4 on bottom 3 on top)...so i'm attributing it to that for now, and also, she's almost out of the infant room, she's the oldest one there so i think she's getting bored? the dc kind of thinks that too, she's been in and out of the infant room and the toddler room (they are transitioning her) and they said the rest of the day yesterday she was in the toddler room and was ok....i really hope this is a phase and she grows out of it...i don't want my kid being the bully....

at home though, she only tries to bite me, not dh....and she's been biting the couch pillows and blankets too lately....

don't really have advice, just here to commiserate...we're in the same boat

Mom2anAngel2 · May 2014

DS doesn't do much biting, but hitting has become an issue. We just try yo redirect and know that this stage will pass.

@ClaryPax‌ - do you mind sharing some of the names of the books you are reading. I would be very interested in them as well. Thanks!

bennikki · May 2014

My Dr. just addressed this at DS's appointment last week. Due to scheduling conflicts, DS didn't really have a 15 month appt, more of an almost 16 month one. My Dr. asked if DS had been hitting or biting yet (apparently this is the time they can start to do this).

DS has taken a few swats at me, mostly out of frustration if I'm taking him away from something he wanted, but he's never bitten me. Dr, said, they usually choose one or the other, and the problem with biting is, the remedy is to ignore it which is really hard to do because they get such a reaction at daycare (the kid they bit is crying, the adults freak out...) When DS swats at me, I take his hand and make the same gesture he just did, but more gently have him pat my face while saying, "nice touch, no hitting." You can't nicely show him how you or anyone else wants to be bitten, so it's tough.

As far as struggling with the other kids at daycare, DS is starting to show some real jealousy that I haven't seen before, and this just started once he stopped crying when I dropped him off, so I think we went from the separation anxiety phase to the jealousy phase. The other day at daycare (we're at a small home daycare-so all kids in one play area), one of the infants crawled in my lap while I was sitting on the floor waiting for DS to bring me his shoes. DS was totally ignoring me and playing with the other kids until he saw the other baby sit in my lap. He didn't push the baby out or anything, but he came right over to me and put his arm between myself and the other baby as to say, "this is my mom, you don't get to snuggle with her." Once the baby crawled off, he was in my lap in no time. He also get's mad when I hold my nieces or nephews now.

Suffice it to say, I think your son is acting totally normal for his age, and it's just a tough time as they figure out more appropriate behavior. I'm sure the new school is throwing a bit of a wrench in the situation, but kids are resilient, and I'm sure he'll find his groove.

littleheaven · May 2014

so another incident report today....a little boy had a toy she wanted so she bit him...apparently breaking skin
awesome
fantastic
my kid is a bully ugh!
just ordered those books
she's bitten before like months ago but never 3 days in a row

sekura · May 2014

littleheaven said:

so another incident report today....a little boy had a toy she wanted so she bit him...apparently breaking skin awesome fantastic my kid is a bully ugh! just ordered those books she's bitten before like months ago but never 3 days in a row

She definitely needs out of the infant room--she has to be really bored. But this is just a phase; it will likely pass. Is she teething?

littleheaven · May 2014

@sekura her molars are coming in but i think her 4th top front tooth is coming in...when her other front teeth were coming in she bit, but not like this...my shoulders are all marked up....and the poor kids!
i don't know why they're waiting til 18 months...she's been ready for the last month or two....i hope this passes soon and/or hope changing her room helps

cozybluebear · June 2014

My husband's cousin was having this problem with their 1 year old daughter. She was biting, hitting, constantly throwing tantrums, and just miserable. She felt that there were too many kids and her daughter was getting frustrated. I'm a SAHM so I volunteered to watch her during the week. I figured it would be good for my son to have a playmate. She pulled her out of daycare and day one they noticed a difference. Her and my son play so well together and she gets the extra special attention that little ones need. She doesn't bite or hit anymore and is an all around happier little girl. I know it's not an option for everyone but could you find a private sitter... a SAHM, retired relative or someone from your church? Daycare is tough on the little ones.

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