Any working moms already dreading going back to work?

ed16564 · May 2014

I just made the decision to breast feed (c/o some amazing advice from you ladies!) and ever since I've had the feeling that I wish I could take that whole first year off to be with the baby. I feel like it would make sticking to breast feeding easier, getting back in shape easier, and the whole first year in general just easier. I'll probably take about two months and I'm already finding myself wishing it was longer.

missnacholover · May 2014

Yeah. I really don't know how this is going to play out. DH and I have discussed me quitting my job or cutting back hours. I think our decision will be easier to make once we start pricing out daycares.

I like working but I know myself and I can just see me really struggling with coming back. I'm hoping we can find a good balance.

absolutelymaybe · May 2014

Totally. I'm not even sure what we're going to do. DH priced out daycares and for two infants it is slightly less than what I make per month. We need to decide if it's worth those extra few hundred dollars to be separated from them all the time.

ed16564 · May 2014

@missnacholover‌ yes that's the thing- I make about 4 times what we'd pay each year in day care- so it definitely makes sense for me to go back to work. Right now the plan is that I'll go back as a 40 hr a week employee (I'm an accountant so in the winter the office goes to 55 hours per week)

If I went any more part time it would be 32 hours- which I think would cut my pay down by about 25% a year- which is pretty significant. And if I did that it would only be so that I could clean, start laundry, and grocery shop all on a day so that I wouldn't have to use up time when DH was home and we could have family time.

wildflower75 · May 2014

MOST DEFINITELY!!
With my first baby I took off 5 months and it was emotionally very hard for me. I will do the same this time around. And I am already dreading it... I feel like it will be worse than last time because I will be leaving 2 babies instead of just one!

I will say that getting back in shape was easier for me because breastfeeding burns a ton of calories and going back to work (when I weaned from nursing) I drank a lot of coffee.

My tip for sticking to the breastfeeding is to make sure you also pump so that you have a stash/supply in your freezer for when you return to work. My motto is pump early, pump often!!

ed16564 · May 2014

@absolutelymaybe‌ if it's just slightly less than what you make in a month it's probably not- because all your income is taxed so you'd probably end up paying any different back to the gov.

missnacholover · May 2014

ed16564 said:

@missnacholover‌ yes that's the thing- I make about 4 times what we'd pay each year in day care- so it definitely makes sense for me to go back to work. Right now the plan is that I'll go back as a 40 hr a week employee (I'm an accountant so in the winter the office goes to 55 hours per week) If I went any more part time it would be 32 hours- which I think would cut my pay down by about 25% a year- which is pretty significant. And if I did that it would only be so that I could clean, start laundry, and grocery shop all on a day so that I wouldn't have to use up time when DH was home and we could have family time.

I make about double what we'll pay in daycare, so our plan is to bank my paycheck and live off of DH's. However with some sacrifices, we could live off of his alone easily. I don't know what we'll end up doing.

Luckily, I'm able to work 4 10s so at least I have an extra day every week. However, I imagine those 10 hour days are going to be very, very long when LO isn't sleeping through the night, I have to wake up early to nurse, etc. I may end up doing a traditional schedule for a while.

Ideally, I'd love to work T-Th, 8 hour days. I don't know if that'll work though (or if my company will allow it!)

Le sighe. Guess we just gotta keep playing the lottery!

ETA: I will say that having that extra day to do laundry and grocery shopping has been very, very helpful. It's nice to have time on the weekends to actually relax and do fun stuff and not feel like I have this checklist of crap hanging over my head!

ed16564 · May 2014

@wildflower75 yes! Def planning to pump!

sparklingwhit · May 2014

Sort of. I love working. LOVE it! Like, I can't imagine being a SAHM ever. It's just not my thing. I just know that it is going to be SO HARD going back after 12 weeks off with the little bugger!

mander82 · May 2014

I dread the thought of it.....for years when people asked me when I was going to have a baby, I would reply with "when I can afford to stay home and raise one" Silly me learned that will never happen.

I did find out though that I will get paid my full salary for the first 5 weeks. (very first week will be 5 of my vacation days, so 6 full pay weeks total) Then after that, if its considered medically necessary, I can take up to 12 weeks total.....however after the 6th week, I would only get 60% of my pay. OUCH!!! but damn its tempting!!!!

Pretty sure we would have to live like paupers to survive on DH's salary alone. He makes more than me, but we would have to cut out ALOT for me to stay home. Not to mention we are on my health insurance, so that would make his pay even less if we were on his.

I must return to work, that sucks, but what can ya do ?

ed16564 · May 2014

@sparklingwhit‌ yeahhhhh it probably doesn't help that I don't love my job..

@missnacholover‌ yes. Seriously. Play that lotto! But 4 10s sounds hard. I hate long days esp in the winter when you miss the day light. Are you in a type of nursing where you could easily transition to a company that would allow you more flexibility?

missnacholover · May 2014

ed16564 said:

@sparklingwhit‌ yeahhhhh it probably doesn't help that I don't love my job.. @missnacholover‌ yes. Seriously. Play that lotto! But 4 10s sounds hard. I hate long days esp in the winter when you miss the day light. Are you in a type of nursing where you could easily transition to a company that would allow you more flexibility?

Haha, I'm not a nurse! I just dress up as one when DH asks nicely.

I'm a GIS Specialist. I make maps and analyze them and shit.

ed16564 · May 2014

@mander82 so jealous!!! I am trying to save one week vacay for pay on mat leave bc short term disability will pay for only 5 weeks at 67% of my pay!!! Which is made worse by it being the holiday season! I'd take all 12- just start saving now

ed16564 · May 2014

@missnacholover‌ yep- not sure where I pulled nurse from! I know exactly whatcha do- I have two friends,.... Three?... Four??... Who do that lol!

mander82 · May 2014

@ed16564 awwww, that sucks! That puts it in perspective for me I guess. I better stop complaining!

ed16564 · May 2014

@mander82 lol! Whatever- complain away! I'm aware my situation stinks- doesn't mean yours can't too!

uncharted01 · May 2014

Yes, but mostly because I get SO upset at the thought of someone else watching my baby! It breaks my heart when I think about it. But we cannot afford for me to stay home. I might try to go back part-time, at least until baby is a little older. We shall see!

JamieK1882 · May 2014

@mander82-that's not that bad! My first 6 weeks I get full pay, but then can take an additional 6 weeks totally unpaid. Ugh.

Randazzle · May 2014

Definitely! When my daughter was born I was able to stay home with her and them started working part time when she was 8 months old. I want to breastfeed as long as possible, and the thought of going back to work after 8 weeks is stressing me out already!

I work 4 10s as well, but I'm on a swing shift. 6pm - 4:30am Monday & Tuesday. 6am - 4:30pm Friday & Saturday. I hate it, lol. I really don't know how it'll work out if I'm on this schedule when the baby is born.

Stephaniegiboney · May 2014

I definitely have to go back to work too. I'm completely dreading it. I'm jealous of your job @mander82‌, I only get 6 weeks at 60%, the rest unpaid!

Nfranco973 · May 2014

I have to go back. I will probably be out of work a month or so god willing. I have already priced day care and have the same lady that took care of DS when he was a newborn. She's like family so she gave me a really good deal. I do have off weekends so that would be time to spend with baby and the kiddos.

sunflwra · May 2014

It's tough but I will also say that I took 4 months off with my DD and during that time it became very clear to me that I was not meant to stay home full time.

I did work out a deal with my job to let me work 7am-5pm 4 days a week. Since I never take my lunches, it's still 40 hours a week and I take Wednesdays off so that my DD is never in daycare more than 2 days in a row. It also makes it nice bc if we have a trip or something, I can switch my day off for that week and it reduces the number of vacation days I have to take.

I think my ideal would really be to work 3 days a week but I make a really good living and not working or even working 2-3 days a week would make a big dent in our overall income and it's just not in our plan.

mockingjay1 · May 2014

I am pretty nervous about going back to work. I get 12 weeks paid off (you earn time off each pay period), but I would love double that at least. I don't do that well without sleep right now (hopefully my body will get used to it), and it scares me going back on probably little sleep and working 12 hour shifts. Right now we can't afford for me to stay home, and it will probably be 4-5 years before I can. We need to get our student loans paid off first.

turtles7 · May 2014

I've asked if I could take modified maternity leave because I don't want to leave. I told them I want to work for a couple hours to keep my mind on work while I'm gone. However since I will be on short term disability, I have to take those 6 weeks off and they will shut off my access to the network. REALLY??

I will be take an additional 6 weeks after FMLA since I have enough sick days to cover the whole 12 weeks (even without short term disability). Might as well use them while I can since I can't cash out sick days if I ever leave the company.

pennyandandy · May 2014

I was so nervous after DS was born-he was a February baby, so I was off on mat leave until the beginning of April, and school got out in the middle of May. My sister came and leaved with us, so he didn't have to go to daycare until after the summer. I don't know what I was so worried about-we all love our DCP so much, and I feel way better about taking this baby to daycare at 10 weeks old. I love my job, I don't think I would want to SAH, and we can't afford for me to.

NunyaBennis · May 2014

Yeah, but I'm hoping to ease back into it... I'd like to take STD, then ML (12 weeks total), and then WFH PT (with CC of course) using PTO and/or LWP to get caught up with the admin stuff for 2-3 more weeks before things get crazy (increased field work) in the spring and I have to travel quite a bit. The due date couldn't have been planned much better though! Most of our annual holidays will fall within my leave period which means (a) that will help stretch time off with pay, (b) I don't have to worry about missing meetings and deadlines since everyone is chewing through "liberal leave" per the use-or-lose policy, and just in time for (c) typically limited travel due to weather.
... but first I have to present this plan, and, well, tell my company I'm pregnant ... and soon. My project manager is flying out to our next branch meeting to do our reviews in a couple of weeks. I feel like I should probably give him a heads-up before then. I have no idea why I'm dreading that so much! They've always been fairly supportive.

brichar31 · May 2014

I am truly blessed when it comes to maternity leave, I get an entire year off and 95% of my wages paid to me that year. The university I work for is amazing. With DS I hadn't realized how much sick and vacation time I would be spending on him! I come to work when I feel terrible to save time for when he's sick, I'm nervous about having 2 babies and trying to balance work and home life. I will definitely be coming back (since the terms are you have to return for a year after mat leave or you owe the company money for topping you up all those months). It will be $1000/month in daycare for our 2 babies but we know that now already so we can try to prepare. The new baby will go to our current Daycare

missnacholover · May 2014

brichar31 said:

I am truly blessed when it comes to maternity leave, I get an entire year off and 95% of my wages paid to me that year. The university I work for is amazing. With DS I hadn't realized how much sick and vacation time I would be spending on him! I come to work when I feel terrible to save time for when he's sick, I'm nervous about having 2 babies and trying to balance work and home life. I will definitely be coming back (since the terms are you have to return for a year after mat leave or you owe the company money for topping you up all those months). It will be $1000/month in daycare for our 2 babies but we know that now already so we can try to prepare. The new baby will go to our current Daycare

Damn! I'm anticipating it will be over $1000/month for just one for us!

That's great that you get a year though!

hiketheworld · May 2014

I'm dreading retuning to work because DH and I both have extremely time-demanding jobs and I feel like it isn't fair to the baby and I'm not sure what the solution is. I'm going to look at going part time when I return, which in my job doesn't always mean a lot.

I am salaried but my work expectation is in hours billed to clients. If I don't have work to bill, my time in the office doesn't count and this is true either full or part time. Part time just means that the hours I'm required to bill each year are decreased, say by 20% and my salary would be decreased by 20%. It doesn't even mean I can leave at a certain hour or that I can stay home one day a week. So daycare scheduling is a huge problem.

That said I probably wouldn't quit my job even if it were financially reasonable right now. If you are talking about leaving the workforce you also have to factor in the lost wages and experience over time. Ten years from now when your kids won't need you as much you will likely be making less if you took some years off to raise your kids than if you stayed in the workforce, even if you were working part time only. There are long term consequences to your pay and experience for most jobs.

The other thing I think about is how I want my kids to perceive me in the long run. Though it is totally unfair, many people do not think of a SAHM as working. It's probably the hardest job ever, but it isn't perceived as a career/job that requires an education or specific skills. I've spent a lot of time and money to get the career I have and I want my kids to see me as a woman who has benefitted from that hard work. I also do not want them to feel neglected and see me as a workaholic, so I think I need to find something that has more work-life balance than my current position if the part time doesn't work as I hope.

Lastly, I want to be around adult, smart working professionals at least part of the time. I want to be able to have a conversation about politics, current events or really any topic. I feel like as a SAHM I may not get that opportunity as regularly.

2ndGeneration · May 2014

Well, in my 21 years of motherhood-five kids-I've done just about every possible arrangment. Worked full time, part time, sahm, part time and then full time again.

At this point and age, with kids in college/nearing it and the thought that I need to think about retirement someday-I will be returning to my job, full time. I'm taking the 12 weeks of FMLA, and I believe that I can use sick leave for the first 6 and AL (vaca time) for the last 6, to get paid. Then DH is going to take 4 weeks of FMLA (he also is entitled to 12 but only has enough AL for 4) so that I can delay using daycare till about March-I am trying to miss cold and flu season.

I haven't really figured out our care arrengement yet. I'm kind of dreading doing that.

lisaren · May 2014

I've been a sahm, working mom, going back to work mom and I can promise you, when staying home you find other ways got social interacting. I joined a stroller club, there are parks with other moms, the little gym, so many places where you have intriguing and educational conversations about many things. Bring a sahm does not prohibit life happening, it def does take a little getting used to.

When my daughter was diagnosed at 4 months old I had to quit working, I made the higher paycheck then, we made it work.
Now I work very part time, and not sure if I'll go back, but if baby would have been born in November, I would have taken a year off.

krgriffin26 · May 2014

I know I will be sad going back to work but I am not dreading it. Even if I wanted to be a SAHM I couldn't justify it with the salary I get. I make 5-6 times the cost of daycare and my husbands expensive truck will be paid off the month we will need to start paying the center.

I believe in daycares so I am not worried about the LO being there. My mom ran a center and I worked at a great center out of high school. I know what I am looking for and I know that he or she will be just fine and enjoy making so many new friends.

wildflower75 · May 2014

sparklingwhit said:

Sort of. I love working. LOVE it! Like, I can't imagine being a SAHM ever. It's just not my thing. I just know that it is going to be SO HARD going back after 12 weeks off with the little bugger!

sparklingwhit I LOVED working too... I NEVER in a million years would have thought that I would want to be a stay at home mom and it hit me when my baby was 2 months... and then it hit me even more when she was about 6 months and I went back to work... everyone is different and you may not change the way you feel but all I'm saying is sometimes you even surprise yourself with the things you start thinking after the baby is here...

DoubleUp8 · May 2014

wildflower75 said:

My tip for sticking to the breastfeeding is to make sure you also pump so that you have a stash/supply in your freezer for when you return to work. My motto is pump early, pump often!!

Question for STM: How early can you/did you start pumping?

DH works 3 days a week and is completing his PhD so I will back to work after 12 weeks (6 weeks leave and 6 weeks with what I have been able to bank in PTO in anticipation of a baby). I will be going back to work full time and DH will be doing 2 days of childcare a week so the baby will be in daycare 3 days a week.

I feel like the more I can pump and the earlier I can pump the sooner DH can start helping and getting custom to being part of the baby's care routine. So, again, when do you think that would be? TIA.

tilelady85 · May 2014

Ugh.. where do I begin??!! This issue is the big elephant in the room at work. I work in the family business and play a MAJOR role in all operations.Currently I work 6 days a week because that's simply the nature of the job (retail). I KNOW that I will take a long leave and will not return with my current schedule, but I feel like my family is expecting me to bounce right back into the 6 day 60 hour work week. They are not planning on hiring anyone else to replace me, and I don't know how or even if I should bring it up.

kstirton · May 2014

I'm dreading it.

I am really about 50% of our income after health insurance comes out of his and all that ... it's going to be a struggle to try and take the 10-12 weeks I'm really hoping for. I start out with 60% of my pay the first 5 weeks, and NOTHING after that.

NO FAIR!! lol Ok I'm done.

momtojad · May 2014

Honestly pumping at work is relaxing. I get to sit and play on facebook for 20 minutes and no one bothers me. I know I am definitely looking forward to maternity leave.

jf198400 · May 2014

I have been a WM since my oldest was born. This is my third baby and I will be SAH (cost of 3 in daycare would be my entire take home pay). I dreaded going back to work, and it was hard, but somehow I got through it. I do wish we could take a whole year off. I feel like maybe I could manage being a WM of 3 kids, but I can't manage being a WM of 2 kids and an infant- the pumping, bottle prep, sleep deprivation, etc. it would truly be so much better if we could stay home longer, even 6 months would be awesome.

momtojad · May 2014

DoubleUp8 said:

wildflower75 said:

My tip for sticking to the breastfeeding is to make sure you also pump so that you have a stash/supply in your freezer for when you return to work. My motto is pump early, pump often!!

Question for STM: How early can you/did you start pumping?

DH works 3 days a week and is completing his PhD so I will back to work after 12 weeks (6 weeks leave and 6 weeks with what I have been able to bank in PTO in anticipation of a baby). I will be going back to work full time and DH will be doing 2 days of childcare a week so the baby will be in daycare 3 days a week.

I feel like the more I can pump and the earlier I can pump the sooner DH can start helping and getting custom to being part of the baby's care routine. So, again, when do you think that would be? TIA.

I started pumping at 10 weeks and went back at 12 weeks. I had about 40 oz when I went back as a buffer. A month in I was able to start donating a couple hundred ounces a month to another mom.

wildflower75 · May 2014

DoubleUp8 said:

wildflower75 said:

My tip for sticking to the breastfeeding is to make sure you also pump so that you have a stash/supply in your freezer for when you return to work. My motto is pump early, pump often!!

Question for STM: How early can you/did you start pumping?

DH works 3 days a week and is completing his PhD so I will back to work after 12 weeks (6 weeks leave and 6 weeks with what I have been able to bank in PTO in anticipation of a baby). I will be going back to work full time and DH will be doing 2 days of childcare a week so the baby will be in daycare 3 days a week.

I feel like the more I can pump and the earlier I can pump the sooner DH can start helping and getting custom to being part of the baby's care routine. So, again, when do you think that would be? TIA.

DoubleUp8
I personally would say start pumping about 5 days after your milk comes in. Milk usually comes in a few days after giving birth (the first few days it's just colostrum). You want to get a good handle on your feeding routine/schedule and then pump based on that.
The main reason why I said Pump Early and Pump Often is because in the beginning I pumped so that my DH could feed the baby at least once a day (for them to bond) and then I would rest...what I should have been doing was pumping while he fed DD instead of napping!!
That's just my personal opinion, there are plenty of books and lactation consultants that can better advise, I'm sure... Actually I might head over to the Breastfeeding board (which I have never read) and see what they say...

LadyBird9 · May 2014

I can't even think about going back to work without crying. I do not want to do it. We *could* make it would with just DH's salary but it would be too tight for us to be comfortable. I wish I didn't make as much money as I do so I could use the "daycare costs as much as my paycheck" argument... but it's not happening.

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