People who announce super early

raelynn71109 · May 2014

I used to be one who side-eyed people for announcing before second trimester, but not anymore. After two losses I have learned that, for me, I want the support of others when going through a loss.

With my first loss, a CP, the only person who knew was DH and I felt so alone. It really made me more depressed.

This time I had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks. I had already told several family members, friends, and coworkers and I don't regret it at all. When I returned to work after my D&C I had several ladies who had experienced their own loss or losses reach out to me. It really helped. I didn't have to hide my pain or pretend.

I had not yet announced my pregnancy on Facebook but I am seriously considering posting something about my loss. It is really important to me for people to know about my baby even though they will never meet her. I carried her for 13 weeks, she had a heartbeat, she was real. I can't just pretend that she never existed. I read a quote the other day. "When you have a child, it's your instinct to protect them. When you lose a child, it's your instinct to protect their memory."

There is nothing shameful about miscarriage. Yes, it's extremely painful, but I don't think it's something that needs to be hidden. (Side note, I hate the phrase "un-telling people". It's not like you can just erase the pregnancy.) If I get pregnant again, I will have no problem telling people "early" again. Loss can happen at any time. There is no true "safe" zone. I will enjoy and celebrate every minute of my pregnancy if I am lucky enough to experience one again.

lisaren · May 2014

Hugs @raelynn71109‌ you said it perfectly.

Ineedmorecoffee · May 2014

No. I announced to everyone right after the first ultrasound at 6 weeks.

nonoemily · May 2014

I've been kind of thinking about not announcing on fbook at all. My parents probably told everyone in our family right away and I've told a few friends. Plus anyone who's seen me since about ten weeks can tell.

I'm friends on the internet with just about everyone I've ever met. If I actually talk to you, you know. If we don't really talk, you probably don't care.

I'm sure it will become obvious at some point, if people are really curious.

ccam · May 2014

I might cringe as I would never do it (beyond our parents and best friend) but to each their own.

brichar31 · May 2014

The whole "cringe" thing makes me think of my mother. My first pregnancy I told close friends and family at 6 weeks when I found out and then we told everyone else at 8 weeks. My mother scolded me and wouldn't even talk about my pregnancy, it made me feel horrible. Thankfully my dad was amazing

I started to bleed around 10 weeks...a lot. My HCG levels were dropping and I had a week where I didn't know what was going to happen with baby, luckily he pulled through and I delivered DS at 41 weeks!
This time because of the issues with DS we waited to tell people after our U/S last Friday. I agree when you are naive its easy to tell the world. I also made sure I told the people closest to me this time because I knew if something happened I would need them for support.

MrsDL · May 2014

DH and I got pregnant in September with a June 10th due date. About 2 weeks after our BFP my FIL texted us and asked if we saw his cousin's wife's facebook post. So I looked, she had this huge chalkboard and wrote "welcoming Baby X June 2014" on it with her next to it (she's a bit of an AW and loves selfy pics). She also posted pics of her taking a bread out of the oven with a note saying "we have a bun in the oven" and they gave onsies to their parents so she posted pics of that - basically pics of her reveal to their parents. I said to my MIL "wow, it's really early, I wonder what her due date is?" - June 18th - so she literally did all this the second she found out. Of course we kept quiet and only told close family and ended up with a MMC at 9 weeks.

That said, all her posts are beyond ridiculous and annoying - I get she's excited, but it's everything from advice to other mom's (this is her first) to "what notebook/ipad should I buy for baby L for learning apps?" I miscarried right before Thanksgiving so my ILs decided to tell the family so we wouldn't have to endure a day of baby and pregnancy talk. Umm, she sat and talked about it the whole freakin' day. Everyone kept looking at me (at least that's how I felt) like they were waiting for me to lose it (and wanting her to shut-up). Some people are just clueless and to them, positive test means healthy baby so I think the "what if's" don't even phase them and they announce ASAP. Having been through a loss, there is no way I'd want to tell everyone I know about the ordeal. I still haven't put anything on fb - maybe I'll do this after the anatomy scan.

Jenpuckett1 · May 2014

I announced on FB at 6 weeks, but it wasn't by choice. My mother was apparently too excited to wait and put it on FB and tagged DH and myself in her post. So, it was already out there. DH and I wanted to wait until second trimester.

jaminjeff · May 2014

After two losses I still announced at 7 weeks with DS1 and 9 weeks with this one. ::shrugs:: I like to share.

Soonergirl131 · May 2014

We announced at 7 weeks. Mostly because our families are very close and it's difficult to keep things from them, so when family knows at 4 weeks and they have a history of telling every bit of exciting news that happens in their lives, well we thought 7 weeks was pretty good. Also we decided the more people that knew could pray for us no matter what the out come was. I didn't want the fear of miscarriage to rule my pregnancy and sharing the news is one of things that can bring great anxiety if you let it.

Soonergirl131 · May 2014

Also I should add that we heard the heartbeat at 6w

TeeJ526 · May 2014

I'm in the TETO like @missnacholover‌. My niece and cousin announced between 6-7 weeks because they heard the heartbeat and were excited. I waited until I was 14 weeks. As long as you're comfortable that's all that matters.

sparklingwhit · May 2014

The only time it has ever annoyed me was when my friend announced that she was 4 weeks along on FB and I was 8 weeks and still waiting to tell anyone. I was so jealous that she told and I wasn't going to for another month!

Other than that it just really makes me nervous. I have an acquaintance who posted a picture of her pee stick the day she found out and she miscarried a week later. Then did the SAME THING a couple months later. For a while I wondered if she was just looking for attention or something, but who wants that attention? I think people just get excited and ahead of themselves and post. If it were up to my mom I would have posted something the day I found out!

mommymeg143 · May 2014

I totally agree with @raelynn71109‌.

With my first pregnancy, we planned to surprise our families after my 12 week appointment. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. We were devastated and had no idea what we were supposed to do. I woke up that Saturday morning and was bleeding very heavily. The on-call nurse suggested that we go to the Emergency Room. DH had to call my mom and tell her 1) That I was pregnant. 2) We had lost the baby. 3) I wanted her to meet us at the hospital. It was a horrible experience for all of us. We ended up telling our friends and family about the loss and the support we received really helped us through everything. With this baby, I told my mom right after I found out because I needed/wanted her support in case the same thing happened again. We told the rest of our family around 8 weeks. I didn't announce on Facebook until I heard the heartbeat and measured correctly at my first OB appointment around 10 weeks.

I think bringing awareness to miscarriages is very important. When I had my miscarriage, I thought I had done something wrong. I never realized that it was a very common occurrence in pregnancy because no one ever talks about it. Before joining TB, I had never heard anyone talk about losing their baby. So, I thought I was the damaged one and that I had caused the loss of my baby. I don't want other moms to go through those feelings.

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