Guilt over wanting to work

ChevelleRivers · May 2014

So, I've been home with DD since she was born. I'm a nutritionist and take private clients now and then on the weekends, but lately I've been feeling like I need to work more. (And weekend work is not ideal because it cuts into family time.) Even when I was pregnant, I never thought I was the type who could stay at home full time and do it well. However, I fell into that situation because at my former FT gig I would have barely been making more than would cover daycare in our urban locale. Lately I've been feeling depressed. And, as I stare down the barrel of potentially continuing to stay home full time, I feel worse. (Although I'm embarrassed to admit it.) I find that when I'm working more I feel better and parent better as well. Ideally I would like to go back to work three days a week... But I feel terribly guilty for wanting this! Of course I am grateful to have so much time with DD, but it just doesn't seem like being a FT SAHM is right for me or our family. Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice?

SingleMom31 · May 2014

I have been back at work since DD was 3 months old. The first few days were hard, but I was a lot happier being back at work than I was at home. I hate admitting to that too, but I got really depressed being at home all day without adult conversations. I know plenty of moms that would love that opportunity, but I really think that she's better off being with her teachers and around other kids at school all day and then having a happy mom for a few hours in the evenings and on the weekends than having me at home and not enjoying my time with her.

kescalera · May 2014

I went back to work after a month and worked from home after the first week and I regret not taking that time to just "be" with Killian.

I also love my job and love working. I find that being away from him during the day makes me so happy to see him in the evenings and weekends. I treasure the moments we do get together because we do have that break while I'm at work. I get adult interactions, my lunch hours are spent running errands or coffee with girlfriends, etc.

Don't feel guilty. Not everyone is wired to be a SAHM and that doesn't mean you/we are any less of a mother or love our kids any less. We just need this extra part to our lives to be fulfilled.

ChevelleRivers · May 2014

@kescalera‌ That is so reassuring. Thank you for addressing my actual fear... Which of course is, "Does wanting to have a job make me a bad mother?" Ha.

kescalera · May 2014

>:D<

Yea I was worried about that for so long and then I picked Killian up from his daycare. Huge smile on his face running as fast as his chubby legs can go, arms open wide, "Mamamamamama!" - makes my day every time.

ChevelleRivers · May 2014

@kescalera‌ Yes! The few times I have taken DD to an in-home daycare, she has been so sweet when I picked her up. And I felt so much more able to give her my all after working.

LittleFish1 · May 2014

ChevelleRivers said:
when I picked her up, I felt so much more able to give her my all after working.

This is exactly how I feel. We all have to find the balance that works for us. Will be different for each individual.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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ChevelleRivers · May 2014

@JandACoffee‌ Great input. Thank you!

CafeRed · May 2014

Are there opportunities for you to go part time (you mentioned the possibility of three days a week)? Sometimes getting the chance to work a little, but not being away from home full time, can fulfill the desire that you have, but still allow you to be with your little one pretty often. Everyone looks at things differently, but you have to do what is best for your family - and only you know what's best.

I didn't have the option to stay home full time (I would have loved to), but I worked part time and made the most of the situation. You sound like a very involved momma and you obviously love your daughter very much. Best wishes to you as you find just the right balance for your family.

JessAnnJ · May 2014

Don't feel bad. I hate that there is so much pressure on women to want to stay at home with their children. I think very few men think twice about going to work. DH basically said there is no way he would ever be a SAHD. I cried and worried and hated going back to work when DD was 16 weeks old. But, as she has gotten older I truly believe that daycare is good for her. She loves it there. She loves it with us too, but she likes the variety of doing different things. Some days she is so interested in what she is doing that she doesn't want to go home. I think part of the reason she is so outgoing and independent is because of daycare. Our LOs are also getting close to the age where they will start to actually make friends. Right now most of DDs classmates play near each other rather than with each other, but my co-worker who has a son six months older was telling me about how her son asks about his friends by name when he is at home. Yes, I wish I had more time to spend with my daughter, but going back to work and giving it some time made me realize that I would never really be happy staying home full time. In a perfect world I would reduce my hours, but I would not stay home full time. I do feel bad that I can't spend more time with her, but I do not feel bad that I work if that makes sense. You need to do what makes you happy and it sounds like you have already figured out the answer to that question. Good luck.

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