Can we talk about BFP warnings?

MyFirstRaspberry · May 2014

I just picked up the Sept. check-in. We decided a while ago to do an first post of the month graduate edition. So I will make a warning of that at the top of the post that the list of graduates is included.

Additionally, I'm going to do a BFP warning in the body of the post from now on rather than the title.

buggirl72 · May 2014

Mrs Sweet Tea said:

EurydiceNymph said:

What if there was a "Graduation Check-in"? That way everyone who go their BFP is still recognized and they can receive our love and congrats, but if we are having a bad day we can avoid that post and we won't have to endure seeing "BFP WARNINGS" on as many posts. I am still extremely new to this board though and still figuring out how things work so don't be to harsh on me if this is a really bad idea. Just thought this might be a middle ground for all of us regardless of whether we are on the bench, off the bench, or graduating.
That just feels like rubbing salt in a wwound. Especially considering how long checkins stay bumped up. Grad Checkin is PGAL. We dont need one here in our safe place.

Personally, I don't know that I feel like we have a "safe place" with the BFPs in each of the check-ins. To me "safe" means I know I can click on a thread and not worry about seeing any BFPs, unlike going on my Facebook account where it seems there is at least one a week lately. I just don't see a difference between having them spread out or all in one place. They are still there regardless. If the majority feels differently, then that is what I will accept and work with as I do think these women should be able to get congratulated in some way shape or form by those ready to see BFP announcements.

@PinkCamino, I was not clear about who I thought the check-in-leader could be (was trying to type quickly on a break at work and did not complete my thought, I apologize). My thought was it could be someone from PGAL, that way they are sensitive to those of us on here and someone the graduates will be getting to know on their new board, kind of like a liaison. No offense was meant by what I said and cursing at some of us on here is not appreciated. Obviously I am in the minority and that is fine that the board elects to go a different way. It was merely a suggestion meant to further the discussion.

*The above comments are not meant to have any attitude associated with them so please don't take them that way.*

You obviously have strong thoughts about this. Please remember that you have only been on this board for less than a week. I'm not saying that to imply that you or any newbies opinion means less but I do want to make sure you are aware that something happens when you are on this board for six months or longer - you look at BFP posts differently. Most newbies are hopeful when they see someone graduate. At around six months, you realize you have been left behind. It's painful. You are still happy to see people graduate but it's really difficult to see people who intro'd after you leave before you. You cannot understand that until you have been there and hopefully you will never understand that.

Also, this is TTCAL. TTC is part of the name. We are not and cannot be a BFP free zone - and that really is the only way to keep a "safe" place. If you are having a hard time seeing BFPs within check-ins and feel like they are taking away from this being a safe place, you may have moved over here too soon. There is nothing wrong with spending time on miscarriage/loss while you are still fresh from your grief. Part of coming over here is saying you are emotionally ready to deal with TTC. Part of that is being able to see people on this board graduate. A BFP on here is not the same as FB pregnancy announcements.

We have an established etiquette on BFP posting to try and minimize people seeing new people come on here and graduate immediately. We keep this place pretty safe but getting a BFP is not a dirty little secret that needs to be hidden in a corner.

One post per week moderated from a PgALer or whomever is just not a viable or reasonable solution. Think about it this way: you are on year two of being on this board. If you want to see if one of your friends got a BFP, you have to go through the plethora of newbie BFPs that would dominate in a thread like that. Trust me when I say it is a bad, bad idea and that it's time you dropped it.

PinkCamino · May 2014

Mrs Sweet Tea said:

EurydiceNymph said:

What if there was a "Graduation Check-in"? That way everyone who go their BFP is still recognized and they can receive our love and congrats, but if we are having a bad day we can avoid that post and we won't have to endure seeing "BFP WARNINGS" on as many posts. I am still extremely new to this board though and still figuring out how things work so don't be to harsh on me if this is a really bad idea. Just thought this might be a middle ground for all of us regardless of whether we are on the bench, off the bench, or graduating.
That just feels like rubbing salt in a wwound. Especially considering how long checkins stay bumped up. Grad Checkin is PGAL. We dont need one here in our safe place.

Personally, I don't know that I feel like we have a "safe place" with the BFPs in each of the check-ins. To me "safe" means I know I can click on a thread and not worry about seeing any BFPs, unlike going on my Facebook account where it seems there is at least one a week lately. I just don't see a difference between having them spread out or all in one place. They are still there regardless. If the majority feels differently, then that is what I will accept and work with as I do think these women should be able to get congratulated in some way shape or form by those ready to see BFP announcements.

@PinkCamino, I was not clear about who I thought the check-in-leader could be (was trying to type quickly on a break at work and did not complete my thought, I apologize). My thought was it could be someone from PGAL, that way they are sensitive to those of us on here and someone the graduates will be getting to know on their new board, kind of like a liaison. No offense was meant by what I said and cursing at some of us on here is not appreciated. Obviously I am in the minority and that is fine that the board elects to go a different way. It was merely a suggestion meant to further the discussion.

*The above comments are not meant to have any attitude associated with them so please don't take them that way.*

This entire thread is irritating me. What started off as a simple question about potentially removing the warnings has become a board etiquette thing and that was not my intention. My question was very specific, why is it so hard to stick to the topic at hand here?

As for you not feeling like this is a safe place, TTCAL involves TTC, therefore it's assumed and expected that ladies will eventually move on - some sooner than others but nonetheless there is constantly a wave of people in and out of here. Those BFPs should be celebrated kindly, those ladies who are fortunate enough to move on deserve to have their BFPs acknowledged - the warnings were the issue from the get go here not the BFPs itself.

PinkCamino · May 2014

Soulbyte said:

Could do a once a week one off graduates thread titled graduates. Those who don't want to see don't have to (knowing also it could be zero anyway) and any bfps are therefore all in one place.

No. Can we stop suggesting this now? Please?

uneek1323 · May 2014

I solved the problem 5 hours ago.

BethKate2 · May 2014

Man, this went off in a few different directions.

I completely agree about the warnings in the thread titles. Some days, it's rough. There's been a huge wave of bfps lately and some days it seems like there are warnings in every thread title on the main page. I've put warnings in the January check-in title because that's just how I thought it was supposed to be done, but I'm fine with just having a warning in post.

PinkCamino · May 2014

wickedsugar said:

lav17 said:

PinkCamino said:

lav17 said:

PinkCamino said:

No I don't think it's a good idea. I know there's something like this on TTGP but here on TTCAL I really don't think this is a great idea.

My initial post was simply about removing the warning from the titles, not ditching BFPs altogether or relocating them to an entire new thread.

@PinkCamino, I understand. I really didn't mean to come off as making shitty assumptions about long-time members or moderators ) I appreciate all the time and work that goes into making this a safe community! If we are not taking about any other options then yes, I agree that warnings should be taken out of titles.

Basically it's myself & Petra, and I'm sorry but there is no way in fucking hell am I going to do a "Grad check-in " or weekly BFP post.........

No kidding.

I doubt we could find any regular poster here who would like to do this.

((hugs)) wicked. I think I made it clear it was a no-no but you know reading is hard.

uneek1323 · May 2014

Petra and Wicked :-* :x

AggieBeth06 · May 2014

At first I was:

Then I was:

Now I'm just:

Thanks @PetraStonegirl‌ and @wickedsugar‌.

I really appreciate how @meladoriestar‌ handled it for the newbies. we have had several BFPs lately and it just sort of stings because DH and I are TTA for another 6 months. I was happy for the grads, but I still felt sort of crappy. I just want to offer love to people who have been on this roller coaster for a while or for multiple times. This is seriously the best worst place to ever go. (((Hugs)))

ashlee113085 · May 2014

As a newbie, I get a little sense of hope seeing so many BFPs on the front page. If I'm having a bad day, I like that I know to avoid a post (even if it's only one part of the post). When I'm having a good day, I have definitely gone back to read and check out those BFPs. I don't know if my response is remotely helpful to this discussion, but I agree that everyone should feel safe and it should be presented in the safest possible way. If BFP warnings aren't in the title, I know I can always read within the check-ins.

buggirl72 · May 2014

PetraStonegirl said:

For clarity: Check-In thread titles should not have BFP warnings, but there should be a warning in the body of the post. We are NOT going to ban BFP announcements (as currently written) from this board. Those rules are there not only to protect people from drive-by and flash-in-the-pan newb BFPs, but to protect the right of well-known, established, and participating board members to share their news on the way out the door. We will not be entertaining any kind of weekly/monthly Grad Check-In on the general board, whether it is run by the mod, an oldie, a PGALer, or my screwball aunt from Minnesota. There is an entire board for that, it's the next step after TTCAL and if you are fortunate enough to be shown the door, for Pete's sake, take it. It's time to end this discussion.

I think everyone who is still posting needs to re-read what Petra (the moderator) wrote above.

I also want to say that I wish I had the ability to love tit things more than one time because that post deserved 1000 love tits.

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