Can we talk about BFP warnings?

PinkCamino · May 2014

Lately, I've noticed that almost every check in has a BFP warning in the title. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who feels this way and if I am, i'm more than willing to shut up and deal with it. But, I find it really hard to see check-in after check-in have a bfp warnings. Lately, these bfp warnings have even crossed over into lifestyle check-ins like the healthy living check-in.

Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy for the ladies who are fortunate enough to graduate but on particularly hard days it's hard to see the front page of our board plastered with warnings in all the titles. I feel like it's pretty much common knowledge at this point that there will be BFPs in the check-ins and that it's a reader beware type of situation since most if not all the check-ins also have a pretty noticeable bfp warning within the thread itself.

In addition, there have been some grads who've been congratulated in multiple check-ins - how do you feel about that? Again, I'm thrilled they get to move on but I'm really struggling with BFPs warnings in the healthy living check-in since some of the ladies in that check-in are benched long-term and are focusing on healthy living to get themselves through.

Opinions?

P.S this has absolutely nothing to do with the recent graduates who have moved on to PGAL. Some of our beloved regulars have moved on and I am beyond thrilled for them. This thread is not designed to bring up the discussion about who can and cannot post their BFPs on the main board - it's simply about BFP warning in the check-ins.

jbasore1123 · May 2014

I agree, it can get hard to see. As a check in leader, I admit I have done it because that's how I learned to do it and have just gone with status quo. But I am open for change if others agree.

LaRomana09 · May 2014

I agree 100% with everything you've said. Especially about the "BFP WARNING!!!!" in the title, it just draws attention to it and makes it feel like there are BFPs all over the front page. I think BFP Warnings in the title of BFP posts make sense (people can skip it if they're having a bad day), but for check-ins, I think it can just go in the body of the post. I don't think people are going to skip their check-in for the week because of BFP announcement, are they?

Unknown · May 2014

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PinkCamino · May 2014

HoldingOutHope said:

I'm glad you brought this up, PC. (((Hugs))) I posted May this morning and was on the fence about how to proceed, but followed typical protocol. I noticed that meladoriestar polled her newbie check-in participants, and I thought that was a great idea. I'm of the opinion that we leave the BFP warnings out of the post titles, but include a warning within the body of the actual check-in post for the participants to see. I'm completely flexible, though, and happy to hear how everyone else feels.

Although I think meladoriestar did a good thing by polling her check-in, I do think we need to look at this from the most vulnerable view point. What would be the safest way to do this without making the most vulnerable in this community struggle on a particularly hard day kwim?

Who is most vulnerable is a debate I don't want to get into because everyone here is vulnerable for very valid reasons. I think the newer members are so fresh from their losses that seeing multiple BFPs stings, I think the members who have been here a long time might need the protection so as not to feel like they are constantly being lapped and wont ever move on.

As a result, I think that acknowledging that check-ins may congratulate a member moving should be at the back of everyone's mind when and if they decide to participate. I don't think it's necessary to put a huge BFP warning in the title because it simply calls more attention to it. Maybe putting a warning at the top of the post would be enough? I don't know, that's probably something we'll have to figure out with time.

Denise91980 · May 2014

meladoriestar said:

HoldingOutHope said:
I'm glad you brought this up, PC. (((Hugs))) I posted May this morning and was on the fence about how to proceed, but followed typical protocol.

I noticed that meladoriestar polled her newbie check-in participants, and I thought that was a great idea.

I'm of the opinion that we leave the BFP warnings out of the post titles, but include a warning within the body of the actual check-in post for the participants to see.

I'm completely flexible, though, and happy to hear how everyone else feels.
I agree. I think posting it in the title is more obvious and painful than seeing it in the thread. I agree that some of the check-ins don't need the announcements at all.

I agree with this. If it is in the body, you can know exactly which post it is and scroll past. Sometimes we want to read the other posts and without it in the body is like "BAM" being smacked in the face with it. Some days we are feeling more sensitive than others and I feel like this way gives us more control over it.

BookishMomma · May 2014

HoldingOutHope said:

I'm of the opinion that we leave the BFP warnings out of the post titles, but include a warning within the body of the actual check-in post for the participants to see.

I agree with this.

MrsG80inTN · May 2014

I'm glad you brought this up Pink... I thought long and hard about whether or not to post the BFP in the Healthy-Living thread, but felt like I should since it was the current leader who had gotten her BFP and since I was posting one and we had two that week I felt like it would be rude not to post both. You are probably correct that it's not the place to post BFPs in a thread like Health-Living and I will remember that for next time.

Perhaps a poll of the board to determine what people feel is appropriate? Post in title vs. post in body of the post vs. no post at all and ask TTCALers to check PGAL if their friends are missing vs. continue on as we have been... etc.

Bottom line is whatever is best for the board is what matters. Sorry if I overstepped bounds on Healthy-Living - it was slightly uncharted territory for me.

Unknown · May 2014

This content has been removed.

PinkCamino · May 2014

meladoriestar said:

I'm glad you brought this up Pink... I thought long and hard about whether or not to post the BFP in the Healthy-Living thread, but felt like I should since it was the current leader who had gotten her BFP and since I was posting one and we had two that week I felt like it would be rude not to post both. You are probably correct that it's not the place to post BFPs in a thread like Health-Living and I will remember that for next time.

Perhaps a poll of the board to determine what people feel is appropriate? Post in title vs. post in body of the post vs. no post at all and ask TTCALers to check PGAL if their friends are missing vs. continue on as we have been... etc.

Bottom line is whatever is best for the board is what matters. Sorry if I overstepped bounds on Healthy-Living - it was slightly uncharted territory for me.
Part of my poll of newbie ladies was whether we should discontinue announcements entirely and everyone said keep them. Part of me struggles because when people PM me about getting one, there's so much guilt about how their BFPs will hurt others. I don't think it's right to completely ignore them and not acknowledge that our fellow board members are moving on. I just think it should be done in the most sensitive way (no warning in title, warning in thread, plus in the newbie check-in I will be asking everyone not to post congratulation comments in their responses but to pm or oh to pgal to post those congratulations).

This. I personally don't see the usefulness of a poll to determine whether BFP warnings should remain in the title. A poll will have mixed responses and going with the majority on this may or may not protect the most vulnerable.

QuigleyCat1 · May 2014

Personally, the warnings in the titles don't tend to bother me; then again I'm in a totally different place than I was a year ago. I do agree though, that a warning needs to be somewhere because if not then so many will be completely blind-sided. I think a taking a poll is a good idea to get a majority opinion. I'm just thinking out loud here...is it the acronym "BFP" that is hard to see? I can understand if it is, for sure! If so, maybe just "warning" could be in the title instead of including the acronym? Just a thought. And again, I'm fine with it either way, but can definitely see where it can be tough on many of us.

Another thought: Since most of us have been here far too long or too many times (unfortunately) is it safe to assume that at the bottom of every check-in there may or may not be a BFP Warning in place? And if this is okay with the majority, maybe the TTCAL Blog can be edited to include something like this: "There are weekly check-ins on this board and there may or may not be BFP Warnings at the bottom of the original post on any given day". A disclaimer of sorts, possibly? Does that make sense? I'm just trying to come up with suggestions that are compassionate to those who may be having a bad day, yet still celebrating a fellow TTCALer's move to PgAL. Hopefully, these ideas don't offend or confuse anyone. Let me know if I need to clarify!

$:\$ "> >:D< ;;)

buggirl72 · May 2014

meladoriestar said:

I'm glad you brought this up, PC. (((Hugs))) I posted May this morning and was on the fence about how to proceed, but followed typical protocol. I noticed that meladoriestar polled her newbie check-in participants, and I thought that was a great idea. I'm of the opinion that we leave the BFP warnings out of the post titles, but include a warning within the body of the actual check-in post for the participants to see. I'm completely flexible, though, and happy to hear how everyone else feels.
I agree. I think posting it in the title is more obvious and painful than seeing it in the thread. I agree that some of the check-ins don't need the announcements at all.

All of the above.

I don't think we need the warning in the post title of the check-in. It's pretty common knowledge that the check-ins with BFP areas will have internal warnings within the thread. That is more then enough. Members of those check-ins do not need three levels of cautionary warnings that they will need to skip over a small area of the check-in post.

Of course, I think the board knows my general stance on warnings and the overuse of them on the board so getting rid of one of the biggest *warning* whores is something I'm totally in favor of.

QuigleyCat1 · May 2014

QuigleyCat1 · May 2014

Ugh! My edit does not work! When I go to edit, it takes away the body of my orig post so I can make any changes/additions! :-q Anyone else with this problem???

Anyway, after reading @PinkCamino comments, I agree and want to retract my statement about polls. Generally, polls are a great thing to get a "majority rules" effect. In the case of TTCAL, however, the minority would be vulnerable and hugely affected by that type of decision. We've always stuck together as a whole and supported each other and we need to continue to keep the most "vulnerable" safe. Thank you for opening my eyes to that fact PC!

PinkCamino · May 2014

QuigleyCat1 said:

Ugh! My edit does not work! When I go to edit, it takes away the body of my orig post so I can make any changes/additions! :-q Anyone else with this problem???
Anyway, after reading @PinkCamino comments, I agree and want to retract my statement about polls. Generally, polls are a great thing to get a "majority rules" effect. In the case of TTCAL, however, the minority would be vulnerable and hugely affected by that type of decision. We've always stuck together as a whole and supported each other and we need to continue to keep the most "vulnerable" safe. Thank you for opening my eyes to that fact PC!

Q, you see that white box with the two <> on the top right when you open to edit. Click that and then delete all the contents that should work to fix your edit!

TVLily · May 2014

I think it'd be appropriate to take them out of the titles also.

I agree that since the warning is typically always included in the body of the post also that would suffice.

QuigleyCat1 · May 2014

PinkCamino said:

QuigleyCat1 said:

Ugh! My edit does not work! When I go to edit, it takes away the body of my orig post so I can make any changes/additions! :-q Anyone else with this problem???
Anyway, after reading @PinkCamino comments, I agree and want to retract my statement about polls. Generally, polls are a great thing to get a "majority rules" effect. In the case of TTCAL, however, the minority would be vulnerable and hugely affected by that type of decision. We've always stuck together as a whole and supported each other and we need to continue to keep the most "vulnerable" safe. Thank you for opening my eyes to that fact PC!

Q, you see that white box with the two <> on the top right when you open to edit. Click that and then delete all the contents that should work to fix your edit!

@PinkCamino Thanks, but unfortunately I don't get that symbol when I open to edit.

(

PinkCamino · May 2014

QuigleyCat1 said:

PinkCamino said:

QuigleyCat1 said:

Ugh! My edit does not work! When I go to edit, it takes away the body of my orig post so I can make any changes/additions! :-q Anyone else with this problem???
Anyway, after reading @PinkCamino comments, I agree and want to retract my statement about polls. Generally, polls are a great thing to get a "majority rules" effect. In the case of TTCAL, however, the minority would be vulnerable and hugely affected by that type of decision. We've always stuck together as a whole and supported each other and we need to continue to keep the most "vulnerable" safe. Thank you for opening my eyes to that fact PC!

Q, you see that white box with the two <> on the top right when you open to edit. Click that and then delete all the contents that should work to fix your edit!

@PinkCamino Thanks, but unfortunately I don't get that symbol when I open to edit.
(

are you sure? it's to the left of the smilies! It's white with these symbols in red <>

smcniff · May 2014

I agree that taking the BFP warning out of the title is a good idea. For some reason I just can't stop myself from looking, even when I am having a bad day. I would rather remain blissfully ignorant on bad days and look for my friends on PGAL on good days.

Mrs Sweet Tea · May 2014

What if there was a "Graduation Check-in"? That way everyone who go their BFP is still recognized and they can receive our love and congrats, but if we are having a bad day we can avoid that post and we won't have to endure seeing "BFP WARNINGS" on as many posts. I am still extremely new to this board though and still figuring out how things work so don't be to harsh on me if this is a really bad idea. Just thought this might be a middle ground for all of us regardless of whether we are on the bench, off the bench, or graduating.

PinkCamino · May 2014

Mrs Sweet Tea said:

What if there was a "Graduation Check-in"? That way everyone who go their BFP is still recognized and they can receive our love and congrats, but if we are having a bad day we can avoid that post and we won't have to endure seeing "BFP WARNINGS" on as many posts. I am still extremely new to this board though and still figuring out how things work so don't be to harsh on me if this is a really bad idea. Just thought this might be a middle ground for all of us regardless of whether we are on the bench, off the bench, or graduating.

No - that's not going to work. 1) who the hell would want to run it? I for one would not like to be getting PMs from dozens of women telling me they are knocked up. 2) That defeats the purpose of my entire post. My issue is not with the actual BFPs, it's with the warnings that call an enormous amount of attention to them 3) the last thing we need is another check in. 4) I'm in no way arguing that we don't congratulate them, my point is to protect the ladies who are here and not moving on from seeing BFP WARNING plastered all over the board day after day.

QuigleyCat1 · May 2014

@PinkCamino Yep. All I get when I edit is the tool bar, no body of text and then the <> is under my italic "I" but is not clicky. It's all wonked up! Booooo!

buggirl72 · May 2014

snegde said:

My thought is... bfp announcements in birth month check-ins or the IF check in only. No BFP warning in the title just at the start of the post. Everybody else (TTA, Newbie, Healthy Living, LIW, Bible Study, etc.) just takes them out of the check-in. This is mainly for the importance of maintaining a safe community. Even check-in leaders just disappear, if your check-in leader disappears and you wonder where they went then go look for them.

What about AMA, LIW, and Multiple Loss Ladies? Those are check-ins that have always had BFPs in them. I don't think we can say certain check-ins can't have BFPs in them (with the exception of TTA). I will say that I don't see the point of BFPs in Healthy Living because I feel like that check-in is not about being TTC but the rest of the board check-ins do focus on being TTCAL to some extent (not sure on Bible Study) with the check-in leader chart stalking and people updating where they are in the TTC process.

While BFPs can be hard there is still a large group of people who get hope by seeing people leave this board. We can't require people to go to PgAL and stalk it to find out who graduated. Yes, we need to protect those who are hurt by them but we also need to help them get stronger. TTCAL is not a BFP free zone it is just a BFP controlled zone. I don't think the BFP warnings in title is necessary. The internal post has warnings and everyone who takes part in that check-in knows that BFPs are included in a specified area. Call it a desire to get rid of the clutter.

As a check-in leader, I will not tell my AMA ladies they cannot congratulate each other. We get far to few graduates in that check-in and participation tends to be over a very long time. We are close to each other and we have a lot of things stacked against us. If someone can't handle seeing one of our members congratulate another, they can PM me and we will discuss it as a group.

HeyMrsPotter · May 2014

Piling on to say I strongly agree that warnings would be best left out of check-in titles. When they are included, just browsing through the list of posts on our board leaves me no choice about learning that yet another person has moved on and left me behind. And if it's not a check-in I participate in, I likely don't even know the lucky person. I'd really rather not have to see it.

As others have said, this has nothing to do with my feelings about BFP posts from longtime board regulars, who I know and therefore I am happy to celebrate their news.

I'm posting the November check-in today, and I'm going to try out the approach described above... BFP's are mentioned at the bottom of the body of my post with plenty of warning, but no warning goes in the post title. I won't decide on my own to regulate whether people post congrats to our grads within the thread, but my check-in members could PM me, as Bug said, if they want to discuss this.

buggirl72 · May 2014

EurydiceNymph said:

What if there was a "Graduation Check-in"? That way everyone who go their BFP is still recognized and they can receive our love and congrats, but if we are having a bad day we can avoid that post and we won't have to endure seeing "BFP WARNINGS" on as many posts. I am still extremely new to this board though and still figuring out how things work so don't be to harsh on me if this is a really bad idea. Just thought this might be a middle ground for all of us regardless of whether we are on the bench, off the bench, or graduating.
That just feels like rubbing salt in a wwound. Especially considering how long checkins stay bumped up. Grad Checkin is PGAL. We dont need one here in our safe place.

This. I know the grad check-in works on TTGP but we are working with the added dimension of loss. The established culture on this board is that as soon as you get a BFP you move on. Having a check-in that is dedicated to grads would be too much for many people here. Those that are strong enough to want to keep tabs on graduates go lurk on PgAL. It works and it keeps TTCAL safe for those who are not up for that.

This idea has been discusses previously over the years and it's a no.

PinkCamino · May 2014

lav17 said:

I want to suggest something, but, like @MrsSweetTea, feel that it may be out of place since I am not the most active participant here... Please ignore if inappropriate!

I think it would make sense (maybe for a moderator?) to create a BFP thread once a week or so where members could post their own announcements/thanks or where check-in leaders could post announcements about their members. That way there wouldn't be one person bombarded with BFP pm's and all the other members could love-tit all they wish out of those posts or send pm's to congratulate grads.

I feel a bit guilty about it, but I am in a space where surprise BFP announcements sting... Having them contained in one thread would be easier to deal with, especially if the title didn't mention BFP's and said something like "This week's grads" instead. If that doesn't work, then I'd vote for keeping BFP warnings out of Check-in titles, just in the body of the post.

The moderator does enough for us already weading through the shit shows that happen pretty frequently.

Also, I think it's pretty shitty to assume that someone (presumaby a long time member) will have the heart and courage to run some sort of grad thread. Being here for a long time sucks, having to create and run and keep track of a bunch of ladies who get KU and move on is a nightmare and heartache waiting to happen.

PinkCamino · May 2014

lav17 said:

PinkCamino said:

lav17 said:

I want to suggest something, but, like @MrsSweetTea, feel that it may be out of place since I am not the most active participant here... Please ignore if inappropriate!

I think it would make sense (maybe for a moderator?) to create a BFP thread once a week or so where members could post their own announcements/thanks or where check-in leaders could post announcements about their members. That way there wouldn't be one person bombarded with BFP pm's and all the other members could love-tit all they wish out of those posts or send pm's to congratulate grads.

I feel a bit guilty about it, but I am in a space where surprise BFP announcements sting... Having them contained in one thread would be easier to deal with, especially if the title didn't mention BFP's and said something like "This week's grads" instead. If that doesn't work, then I'd vote for keeping BFP warnings out of Check-in titles, just in the body of the post.

The moderator does enough for us already weading through the shit shows that happen pretty frequently.

Also, I think it's pretty shitty to assume that someone (presumaby a long time member) will have the heart and courage to run some sort of grad thread. Being here for a long time sucks, having to create and run and keep track of a bunch of ladies who get KU and move on is a nightmare and heartache waiting to happen.

I was thinking more along the lines of just creating a space and let it be run by the grads themselves, but if that person would get notifications for each new reply then, yeah, that sounds like a bad idea... Would it get too messy to let one of the grads create the thread and trust that others would follow and not create new ones for a week?

No I don't think it's a good idea. I know there's something like this on TTGP but here on TTCAL I really don't think this is a great idea.

My initial post was simply about removing the warning from the titles, not ditching BFPs altogether or relocating them to an entire new thread.

PinkCamino · May 2014

lav17 said:

EurydiceNymph said:

lav17 said:

I want to suggest something, but, like @MrsSweetTea, feel that it may be out of place since I am not the most active participant here... Please ignore if inappropriate!

I think it would make sense (maybe for a moderator?) to create a BFP thread once a week or so where members could post their own announcements/thanks or where check-in leaders could post announcements about their members. That way there wouldn't be one person bombarded with BFP pm's and all the other members could love-tit all they wish out of those posts or send pm's to congratulate grads.

I feel a bit guilty about it, but I am in a space where surprise BFP announcements sting... Having them contained in one thread would be easier to deal with, especially if the title didn't mention BFP's and said something like "This week's grads" instead. If that doesn't work, then I'd vote for keeping BFP warnings out of Check-in titles, just in the body of the post.

eta: trying to tag Mrs Sweet Tea, but it's not working... also, I think once-a-week bfp announcements would be different than a grad check-in - basically acknowledge and move on, although not sure if that would be any easier for other members to see...

I understand where you're coming from, but again: Grads go to PGAL. If you are feeling strong enough to keep up to date with them than you are strong enough to go lurk PGAL, don't force those who are not strong enough to see a Grad list on the board.

I meant it as an alternative to BFP warnings that are popping up anyway. I agree about grads going straight to PGAL, but if the community doesn't "ban" announcements, I think just one thread would be easier to deal with than a bunch of warnings (in titles or in threads).

what announcement are you talking about exactly?

buggirl72 · May 2014

No grad check-in. No special thread for grads to post in.

We have pretty hard-core well-established etiquette on this and there is no really good reason to change this. It works and it keeps this place safe.

1. Grads go to PgAL.

2. Check-ins they belong to will announce a BFP in that check-in (if the grad takes the time to PM the check-in leader about the BFP). Check-in leaders are okay with this and with receiving the PMs.

3. If a grad is a long-standing member who is also a regular poster (re-read BFP posting etiquette in blog) may post a BFP announcement where people will love tit and congratulate all they want.

4. If an OP has PgAL/PAL welcome in their sig, a grad may reply with proper warnings. But grads do not give updates on this board and we do not carve out a special place for them to post on this board.

PinkCamino started this thread about the narrow question of whether a check-in needs to have a BFP warning in the title. Let's keep on topic.

BackstreetPixie · May 2014

Just wanted to say I agree with taking the warnings out of the titles, but leaving a them in the body, and asking posters to PM or go to pgal to congratulate graduates so that the check in responses don't have triggers. Just my 2 cents on that.

uneek1323 · May 2014

This is getting unnecessarily complicated. Can't we just agree to not putting warnings in the title and be done with it?

PinkCamino · May 2014

uneek1323 said:

This is getting unnecessarily complicated. Can't we just agree to not putting warnings in the title and be done with it?

yes!

buggirl72 · May 2014

uneek1323 said:

This is getting unnecessarily complicated. Can't we just agree to not putting warnings in the title and be done with it?

uneek1323 · May 2014

buggirl72 said:

uneek1323 said:

This is getting unnecessarily complicated. Can't we just agree to not putting warnings in the title and be done with it?

:x

Poppy715 · May 2014

uneek1323 said:

This is getting unnecessarily complicated. Can't we just agree to not putting warnings in the title and be done with it?

No wa! We need to take the most complicated route. This is not even close to hard enough yet! Isn't that the TTCAL way?

MSU_Girl1202 · May 2014

uneek1323 said:

This is getting unnecessarily complicated. Can't we just agree to not putting warnings in the title and be done with it?

Yes please!
Also, @ poppy715: that gif made me laugh so hard!

buggirl72 · May 2014

snegde said:

I guess I misunderstood. I thought the problem was that a person can be on the board for a week and have multiple BFP announcements made for them in check in threads. I'll save my thoughts for UO Thursday. Please disregard my earlier post.

(((Hugs))) lovely. I think that is a collateral issue to this problem. I'm not sure if there is really any real way to solve that. Even if BFP announcements were limited to only certain check-ins, that person could still belong to multiple check-ins that do BFP announcements. And I don't think there is a fair way to limit which check-ins get to include BFPs and which ones don't. At least by removing the BFP warnings from the title, people who do not take part in the check-ins are not having to see the multiple BFP announcements for one person.

Personally, I no longer do BFP announcements for people who don't show me the courtesy to PM me or let me know in some other way that they had a BFP. If they do PM me and they are brand new to the check-in, I explain to them why I will not announce their BFP (because they just joined the check-in). Maybe I'm in the minority as check-in leaders go but that system has worked for my check-ins.

HeyMrsPotter · May 2014

*snip*

snegde said:

I guess I misunderstood. I thought the problem was that a person can be on the board for a week and have multiple BFP announcements made for them in check in threads. I'll save my thoughts for UO Thursday. Please disregard my earlier post.

It's unfortunate that this happens. It wouldn't if people would avoid making intros or joining new check-ins during the 2WW. But that's another rant for another day, I guess.

edited to snip and to add:

buggirl72 said:

*snip*
Personally, I no longer do BFP announcements for people who don't show me the courtesy to PM me or let me know in some other way that they had a BFP. If they do PM me and they are brand new to the check-in, I explain to them why I will not announce their BFP (because they just joined the check-in). Maybe I'm in the minority as check-in leaders go but that system has worked for my check-ins.

I've been doing this as well.

Mrs Sweet Tea · May 2014

EurydiceNymph said:

What if there was a "Graduation Check-in"? That way everyone who go their BFP is still recognized and they can receive our love and congrats, but if we are having a bad day we can avoid that post and we won't have to endure seeing "BFP WARNINGS" on as many posts. I am still extremely new to this board though and still figuring out how things work so don't be to harsh on me if this is a really bad idea. Just thought this might be a middle ground for all of us regardless of whether we are on the bench, off the bench, or graduating.
That just feels like rubbing salt in a wwound. Especially considering how long checkins stay bumped up. Grad Checkin is PGAL. We dont need one here in our safe place.

Personally, I don't know that I feel like we have a "safe place" with the BFPs in each of the check-ins. To me "safe" means I know I can click on a thread and not worry about seeing any BFPs, unlike going on my Facebook account where it seems there is at least one a week lately. I just don't see a difference between having them spread out or all in one place. They are still there regardless. If the majority feels differently, then that is what I will accept and work with as I do think these women should be able to get congratulated in some way shape or form by those ready to see BFP announcements.

@PinkCamino, I was not clear about who I thought the check-in-leader could be (was trying to type quickly on a break at work and did not complete my thought, I apologize). My thought was it could be someone from PGAL, that way they are sensitive to those of us on here and someone the graduates will be getting to know on their new board, kind of like a liaison. No offense was meant by what I said and cursing at some of us on here is not appreciated. Obviously I am in the minority and that is fine that the board elects to go a different way. It was merely a suggestion meant to further the discussion.

*The above comments are not meant to have any attitude associated with them so please don't take them that way.*

Soulbyte · May 2014

Could do a once a week one off graduates thread titled graduates. Those who don't want to see don't have to (knowing also it could be zero anyway) and any bfps are therefore all in one place.

Soulbyte · May 2014

buggirl72 said:

EurydiceNymph said:

Mrs Sweet Tea said:
What if there was a "Graduation Check-in"? That way everyone who go their BFP is still recognized and they can receive our love and congrats, but if we are having a bad day we can avoid that post and we won't have to endure seeing "BFP WARNINGS" on as many posts. I am still extremely new to this board though and still figuring out how things work so don't be to harsh on me if this is a really bad idea. Just thought this might be a middle ground for all of us regardless of whether we are on the bench, off the bench, or graduating.
That just feels like rubbing salt in a wwound. Especially considering how long checkins stay bumped up. Grad Checkin is PGAL. We dont need one here in our safe place.

This. I know the grad check-in works on TTGP but we are working with the added dimension of loss. The established culture on this board is that as soon as you get a BFP you move on. Having a check-in that is dedicated to grads would be too much for many people here. Those that are strong enough to want to keep tabs on graduates go lurk on PgAL. It works and it keeps TTCAL safe for those who are not up for that.

This idea has been discusses previously over the years and it's a no.

Sorry just saw this (first time on mobile trouble with pages! Duh). I see where you're coming from.

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Can we talk about BFP warnings?

Re: Can we talk about BFP warnings?

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