How do people hold it in???

ImJessesGirl · May 2014

I want to shout the fact that I'm KU from the rooftops!!! I just don't know how people hold it in for 12 weeks, lol. I told our parents already and my very best friends. I am not a very private person anyway, so it is extremely hard for me to not tell EVERYONE lol.

Have you told anyone? Who have you told??

AlfiesMOM · May 2014

It is hard! I become a hermit in the first 12 weeks because I want to tell people! Work is the hardest for me and I will likely tell them after my first appointment (as long as everything is okay)! Otherwise, I just try and avoid people!

ImJessesGirl · May 2014

@AlfiesMOM that's definitely going to have to be my new strategy! LOL.

liladelphia215 · May 2014

We've only told my parents, my best friend, and cousin.DH has told a couple of work buddies. The rest of our family will be told Father's day at around 8 weeks. I'll probably be "FB Official" around 4th of July (11 weeks). I just don't want to have to untell a lot people. I want to see the bean via ultrasound first (I had a dating/viability ultrasound with DD so I assume I'll have the same this time). My first appointment isn't even until June 3 - they don't take you until 8 weeks LMP, so I kind of want to get into a doctor to be checked out that all is hunky dory.

[Deleted User] · May 2014

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ImJessesGirl · May 2014

@GrahamSchneider I totally understand. I guess I have four weeks to go to get to 8 weeks to get my appointment!!!

longcat07 · May 2014

i've only told my sister and best friend. SO hasn't told anyone. honestly, i'm not having much trouble not telling. after the reactions our parents had to our loss, i'm kind of not looking forward to telling.

now, i AM having trouble holding in my bloat-bump, so if anyone has any advice there...

YaMrWhite · May 2014

I am becoming a broken record on this board. Loss yada yada, FB official when sex is determined, families after U/S, etc etc.

UberBiz · May 2014

I've told here (obviously), my group of [former] single moms, and my son's bmb FB group. I'm good at secrets, and I'm a private person, I don't like too many people up in my business, I mean, I didn't even tell my parents I was buying a house until I got news that it was off for final approval, and I was like, "Oh btw, I bought a house and we'll be moving in 3 weeks." that's just my MO, though, I like keeping things in until after the fact, or til the very last moment, and then be like, "Oh yeah, BTW..." Like no biggie. I'm not going to tell work or my family or anyone else until we are moved and settled into our house for a little while.

JerseyHopeful · May 2014

I completely understand. I've told more people than I'm sure my hunny would like and he hasn't told a soul. My parents and brothers know and quite a few close friends. Basically I told anyone who I told about my mc because I know they will be supportive regardless. We have a viability scan Wednesday which will be 6wks1day. I hope my BF will feel good enough to at least tell someone so he has someone else to talk to about it after that. Though we are 30 and 32 and have been together for 3+ yrs I know he is terrified to tell his parents. He will wait as long as possible to tell them just to avoid the unpleasant judgment.

liladelphia215 · May 2014

ImJessesGirl said:

@GrahamSchneider I totally understand. I guess I have four weeks to go to get to 8 weeks to get my appointment!!!

Well, not all doctors are 8 weeks. Most are somewhere around there, though, maybe yours does earlier. But 8 weeks LMP is actually 6 weeks and some change for me from O.

motherboy · May 2014

Our immediate families know. I've had a couple friends ask me directly and I say there's nothing to report. It's not a lie, and I like that. I keep it to myself bc I am private. If it's killing you to not share then I say do it; to each their own.

ktkoala · May 2014

We haven't told anyone yet. I think DH wants to tell parents after our 8 week appt (which is our first appt.) I may tell my parents before that though. I will probably also slowly start telling my best friends as I see them in the next couple weeks.

IHeartScience · May 2014

Not telling anyone until 12 weeks, but I think my office will know again before I spill. I can't get to the bathroom without paying our admin, so she sees my lovely morning sick self.

TXUltraRunner · May 2014

I've told more people than I planned on telling (parents, close friends, and my running partners)but I'm also not a very private person. I talk about things going on in my life. It's hard for me not to be open. I think we will not be "hiding" it anymore at 11 weeks. The statistics for 11 weeks and 13 weeks are pretty much the same so we don't see a reason for us to wait until 13. I will NEVER do a facebook announcement though, it's just not my style. I'd rather people just figure it out on their own or all of a sudden there will be some kid on my newsfeed.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

TXUltraRunner said:

I've told more people than I planned on telling (parents, close friends, and my running partners)but I'm also not a very private person. I talk about things going on in my life. It's hard for me not to be open. I think we will not be "hiding" it anymore at 11 weeks. The statistics for 11 weeks and 13 weeks are pretty much the same so we don't see a reason for us to wait until 13. I will NEVER do a facebook announcement though, it's just not my style. I'd rather people just figure it out on their own or all of a sudden there will be some kid on my newsfeed.

I should do this. The comments I would get would be worth it.

melsner · May 2014

@ImJessesGirl‌ So happy to see you here! Congratulations! I'm not a particularly private person either. I've told my parents, siblings, my 2 close girlfriends, a random lady I met at the pool, and an 11 week pregnant doctor I met at a party. And DH told his close friends. We just haven't told his family, but that's because we don't get along.

The pregnant doctor had a loss at 5wks late last year. She was saying loss is more common than most women know and if people didn't always hide it, maybe it would be better for everyone. I'm not advocating everyone should blab about it if that's not your nature. As for me, I know it would be very very hard to take back who I've told, but me not being a private person, I feel I could handle it. Don't get me wrong, I'm unnaturally scared everyday and DH has to constantly remind me not to be negative, but when I am around other people, I just want to be happy and share when they ask.

Sorry....long winded!

JerseyHopeful · May 2014

@melsner‌ I have a feeling we have a pretty similar attitude. Like that doctor hinted at mc, especially before 6 weeks, is much much more coming than I ever imagined. Learning that made me feel so much less broken and I also started thinking if more women talked about it perhaps many of us could heal more quickly emotionally realizing how many of our peers experienced the same thing.

LadyXaverian · May 2014

Oh yeah, I've told a few people who I'm really close with, like my parents, my sister, and my SIL. I know from my 1st pregnancy that they can be trusted not to say anything.

I think what makes it easy for me to not should it from the rooftops is 1. Having too many friends who have had early losses. 2. I have my April '11 moms FB group plus the Bump to talk to about it all day long if I want.

We plan to tell extended family on Father's Day and I'll put something on FB after I'm out of 1st tri.

ImJessesGirl · May 2014

That is exactly my thinking. I would never wish a loss on anyone, and pray it doesn't happen to me... but if it were, I can't imagine hiding it. It is far more common than most realize, and it would be nice to talk about it. I can't understand hiding it. But that is just my personality. I am a very open person, as I've stated before.

YaMrWhite · May 2014

ImJessesGirl said:

That is exactly my thinking. I would never wish a loss on anyone, and pray it doesn't happen to me... but if it were, I can't imagine hiding it. It is far more common than most realize, and it would be nice to talk about it. I can't understand hiding it. But that is just my personality. I am a very open person, as I've stated before.

Have you suffered a loss? I felt the same as you...until I suffered a loss. I did not want to talk about it unless I brought it up. People looked at me like I was an injured fawn unable to take care of myself. I got treated with kid gloves. It was quite annoying. Not saying this would be you...just saying you don't know how you will react until it happens to you. Hopefully it never does!

alibc123 · May 2014

I've told a few people because I had to tell someone. A few people at work know and most of my family but DH hasn't really told any of his side yet.

ImJessesGirl · May 2014

YaMrWhite said:

ImJessesGirl said:

That is exactly my thinking. I would never wish a loss on anyone, and pray it doesn't happen to me... but if it were, I can't imagine hiding it. It is far more common than most realize, and it would be nice to talk about it. I can't understand hiding it. But that is just my personality. I am a very open person, as I've stated before.

Have you suffered a loss? I felt the same as you...until I suffered a loss. I did not want to talk about it unless I brought it up. People looked at me like I was an injured fawn unable to take care of myself. I got treated with kid gloves. It was quite annoying. Not saying this would be you...just saying you don't know how you will react until it happens to you. Hopefully it never does!

That is very very true. I don't know until it happens to me. I have never lost a child/pregnancy, but I have suffered a very devastating loss in my life and I sometimes just didn't want to talk about it. I hope it never happens...

BookitBoo · May 2014

Because DH had a brain fart and let his mom know early, we will be letting close family know today rather than in 6 weeks like we had planned.

He did try to 'take it back' by saying it was a false positive and the Doctor office declared it negative but now his mom is excited and asking about my symptoms and if I've started my period yet.

I'm not as annoyed as I thought I would be; if I have another miscarriage our families would definitely find out.

cali4niagirl · May 2014

I told a couple of close friends and we will tell family sometime this week-- just need a Big Sister shirt! I tell those close to us b/c if God forbid something happened, I'd want them there for support.

JerseyHopeful · May 2014

I actually think part of the reason people act so dramatically or treat people a certain way after a loss is BECAUSE no one seems to talk about early losses so people treat you like you are broken. Maybe bc I have a rare auto immune disease so I think knowledge is power but I know that if I was aware of how many people go through the same thing I wouldn't have been so hard on myself.

JacieBee · May 2014

TXUltraRunner said:

I've told more people than I planned on telling (parents, close friends, and my running partners)but I'm also not a very private person. I talk about things going on in my life. It's hard for me not to be open. I think we will not be "hiding" it anymore at 11 weeks. The statistics for 11 weeks and 13 weeks are pretty much the same so we don't see a reason for us to wait until 13. I will NEVER do a facebook announcement though, it's just not my style. I'd rather people just figure it out on their own or all of a sudden there will be some kid on my newsfeed.

I suck with mobile and can't bold, but your last line is exactly what I did with DD and what I'll do with this one. If someone will only know I'm pregnant if it's on Facebook then they don't need to know.

As for the OP, I'm a pretty private person and I'm not looking forward to pregnancy small talk. Currently, we don't plan to tell anyone until after the A/S and a name is decided.

missiemae · May 2014

I have told 3 people other than bf. A friend, coworker, and an instructor at the Rec Center that I go to (I tend to have problems with low blood pressure and losing color. I have known her for over 15 years, and if anyone in class steps out or looks like they are not feeling well she worries) We will tell my parents soon.
Even with my two losses Oct 2013 at 5 weeks and Feb 2014 at 10 weeks, I am glad that some people already knew. It made things a bit easier that I didn't feel that I had to always put up a front that nothing was going on. I was at work when I began to actively miscarry with the first loss, it was nice that I could just say "something is wrong and I need to leave" and my coworker just knew what was going on and made a few phone calls and found someone to come in and cover. Because she did that no one else in my department had a clue and it didn't count against me. With the second loss I already had an obvious baby bump and people were already asking if I was...

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