Since there are 20 posts about this BS let's discuss this here!

mamatohne · May 2014

First of all I cannot believe how many times these conversation has come up in last month.

"Cool kids" vs not. It's FING BULLSHIT. A lot of people have made the point that the supposed "cool kids" are the ones making connections, which is true however, they are are also people who read and want to know what is going on on the board. The problem on this board is when people come in, without Taking a single second to involve themselves in other people's posts at either AW or make a most that people have already spent their time answering. I can honestly say people on here tend to give advice about how board etiquette goes, and get their heads bit off by lurkers. And then of course the people who HAVE made connections stand up for each other and it turns into ww3.

I'm going to post this again. Bullying-use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
I have never seen this happen here. Stop fing using this word for circumstances of people just fing disagreeing with what you have to say!

As for plain ol' disrespect, I don't see these "cool kids" disrespecting anyone like what happened here today. I get an apology was issued afterward and the person it disrespected fully accepted it. That's truly all that matters.

I think we should all start over. I think most of the people here go things out that they needed too and if not I think this is a perfect thread to do so. But it's getting hard to be here with all this extra bull shit!

Opinions anyone?

smboswell1 · May 2014

Every time I read fing I said it exactly how it sounds and I'm like, that doesn't make sense! Lol! I agree with you:)

mamatohne · May 2014

smboswell1 said:
Every time I read fing I said it exactly how it sounds and I'm like, that doesn't make sense! Lol! I agree with you:)

Lol sorry! I do use it alot. :-\"

missnacholover · May 2014

I feel like the BS will never end. There will always be someone trying to come in and make this place something it's not.

Bandia12 · May 2014

I'm seriously so exhausted by all of this bullshit. I-)

Jatpa003 · May 2014

I am also tired of this bullying word being over used. I am a teacher and hear it all the time. It seems that anytime someone doesn't like another they use it as an excuse. Kids and adults need to grow a thicker skin take everything with a grain of salt and get over it, if you left out do something about it; ie get involved. Just because you are a new kid in a school and no one has come to play with you on the swings does not mean you are being bullied, also if you come into a group of kids as a new kid don't come in with a know it all attitude, it will push everyone else away.

Yes people on here have already formed bonds because they have come in with caution ( yes I was even late to the game) but never did I demand attention or actually start a thread without reading what was said before. I found a ton of info by just reading. They bonded with other ladies because they put in effort. And I for one love the N14 board people are super accepting I may not share every view on here but that doesn't mean I can't like them.

Thanks for all the support ladies and thanks for answering all my dumb newbie question. Again I love you.

lisaren · May 2014

I would love to see this list of the cool kids. Because as I see it, we're all equal.

KTgator · May 2014

I've answered the same question multiple times and it never bothers me. Many people come here just to "talk shop" about pregnancy related issues (I mostly fall in that category, too). I had horrible migraines/ headaches with my first pregnancy and every time I see that post on here I always give advice about what has worked for me ( same with nausea/ morning sickness this time). As fun as it can be to get to know others, I do think it is important to remember what n14 stands for (moms due in nov 14). We are here to help each other along that journey

I've had a great experience so far (even though like I said- I haven't posted often).

lisaren · May 2014

kakicloud said:
Also, I can't be the only one who saw this drama coming when the day of silence was announced. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
I'm not saying it wasn't a good idea, but this drama always follows the same pattern.

I did. Kinda. Which is why I suggested what I did.
The thought was beautiful. The words were beyond helpful. But I knew some would get all kinds of aggravated.

Nfranco973 · May 2014

Honestly , I'm so tired of the " cool kids " bullshit. Some people tend to feel some type of way for whatever reAson because they stay lurking and instead of joining in the discussions you want to blame everyone else for you being a wuss and not wanting to posts because your afraid the "Cool kids ( regular posters) will bully you" oh yeA & make a thread to talk shid and INTRODUCE yourself While you're at it!? Way to go!

Really...?!

P.s. I'm not a cool kid but I'm just awesome like that

Oh yea and sorry for the run ons and whatever else cause I'm lazy right now lol

mamatohne · May 2014

kakicloud said:
Also, I can't be the only one who saw this drama coming when the day of silence was announced. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
I'm not saying it wasn't a good idea, but this drama always follows the same pattern.

I can honestly say I DID NOT see this coming. Maybe I'm naive but I thought that no one would try to disrespect someone who is amazing to EVERYONE who comes here.

Maelara · May 2014

lisaren said:

I would love to see this list of the cool kids. Because as I see it, we're all equal.

This! We are accepting of everyone. There are 'regs' but those are the ladies that post more and want to have a connection (

) with each other. If others want that, then post! All boards have unwritten rules and etiquette and if someone doesn't like ours, go to baby center or baby gaga because we aren't going to change. We are fabulous sparkly unicorns who eat cupcakes and shit rainbows.

Kristy774 · May 2014

Maelara said:

lisaren said:

I would love to see this list of the cool kids. Because as I see it, we're all equal.

This! We are accepting of everyone. There are 'regs' but those are the ladies that post more and want to have a connection (

) with each other. If others want that, then post! All boards have unwritten rules and etiquette and if someone doesn't like ours, go to baby center or baby gaga because we aren't going to change. We are fabulous sparkly unicorns who eat cupcakes and shit rainbows.

You forgot are also whore's knighting!

Jatpa003 · May 2014

Kristy774 said:

Maelara said:

lisaren said:

I would love to see this list of the cool kids. Because as I see it, we're all equal.

This! We are accepting of everyone. There are 'regs' but those are the ladies that post more and want to have a connection ( ) with each other. If others want that, then post! All boards have unwritten rules and etiquette and if someone doesn't like ours, go to baby center or baby gaga because we aren't going to change. We are fabulous sparkly unicorns who eat cupcakes and shit rainbows.

You forgot are also whore knighting!

Also this would be a great place to post the gif. Come ooooonnnn! (I would but I am a little slow, and still haven't done it)

sunflwra · May 2014

I've stayed out of most of this this weekend but I agree on most parts.

- The "cool kids" aren't that at all- they've just invested time, made friends and have built supportive relationships.

- It's disrespectful to those who have truly been bullied in their lives to use that term in reference to what goes on here. Just like everyone feels that they should be free to come here and ask anything- everyone else is free to disagree, make a smartass remark, etc. Calling it bullying seriously burns me- there are sad, horrible, hurtful and dangerous situations in the world where bullying really happens and to compare some of the comments here is just absolute idiocy.

- No one person or post is going to change the tone of this board. It's made up of its participants and those who spend time here establish it. If you truly want to change how things go here- PARTICIPATE in ways that are valuable (offering support, insight, etc) not by spending half of your posts complaining.

- Overall- things will settle in here, it's still very early but I think it's obvious that there are some seriously great people in this group. We'll see a big drop in participation as we continue through our pregnancies and then again after the babies are born. I feel confident in saying that those who stick around will be better for it. I have a fantastic group of ladies I'm close with from my daughter's BMB and I don't know what I'd do without them. If this board isn't for you, then please leave- there's a reason they call it the world wide web- there are plenty of other boards to check out. I don't say this to be mean, but I think life is too short to spend your time and energy on something you find negative.

Motherhood is a whole new world of judgment from all angles, so find a group that helps you deal- just know that it might include hearing some hard truths. I've got some great ladies in my corner and I think I'll find a whole new group of great ones here. I hope that for those who want it too.

Kristy774 · May 2014

Jatpa003 said:

Kristy774 said:

Maelara said:

lisaren said:

I would love to see this list of the cool kids. Because as I see it, we're all equal.

This! We are accepting of everyone. There are 'regs' but those are the ladies that post more and want to have a connection ( ) with each other. If others want that, then post! All boards have unwritten rules and etiquette and if someone doesn't like ours, go to baby center or baby gaga because we aren't going to change. We are fabulous sparkly unicorns who eat cupcakes and shit rainbows.

You forgot are also whore knighting!

Also this would be a great place to post the gif. Come ooooonnnn! (I would but I am a little slow, and still haven't done it)

I'm a loser. I don't have the gif

Maelara · May 2014

Kristy774 said:

lisaren said:

I would love to see this list of the cool kids. Because as I see it, we're all equal.

This! We are accepting of everyone. There are 'regs' but those are the ladies that post more and want to have a connection ( ) with each other. If others want that, then post! All boards have unwritten rules and etiquette and if someone doesn't like ours, go to baby center or baby gaga because we aren't going to change. We are fabulous sparkly unicorns who eat cupcakes and shit rainbows.
You forgot are also whore knighting!
Also this would be a great place to post the gif. Come ooooonnnn! (I would but I am a little slow, and still haven't done it)
I'm a loser. I don't have the gif

I don't know how to gif from my iPad

(

mussalynn · May 2014

Maelara said:

Kristy774 said:

lisaren said:

I would love to see this list of the cool kids. Because as I see it, we're all equal.

This! We are accepting of everyone. There are 'regs' but those are the ladies that post more and want to have a connection ( ) with each other. If others want that, then post! All boards have unwritten rules and etiquette and if someone doesn't like ours, go to baby center or baby gaga because we aren't going to change. We are fabulous sparkly unicorns who eat cupcakes and shit rainbows.
You forgot are also whore knighting!
Also this would be a great place to post the gif. Come ooooonnnn! (I would but I am a little slow, and still haven't done it)
I'm a loser. I don't have the gif

I don't know how to gif from my iPad (

I have it in my siggy, will that do?

RedBirdFly · May 2014

I haven't read all the replies yet.

The fact that "bullying" is thrown around here whenever someone gets upset someone doesn't share their opinion is repulsive to me.

I was bullied badly in high school, to the point a TEACHER joined in. A grown man allowed his students to use his office white board as a list of all the terrible things I supposedly was because the drum major (and my ex bf) got in trouble for shoving me after we got in an argument. Bitch, whore, cunt. I was 16. I had multiple other teens tell me I should die, that the world would be better without me.

I dropped out. I couldn't take it. All they did was make the band director's office off limits and that made me more the subject of ridicule and verbal abuse.

ETA: Mobile posted before I was done.

I started cutting and had been made to believe I was worthless. I was toying with the idea of suicide. Getting out of high school was healthier than staying in. I'm better now but still have self confidence issues and still need to talk to my therapist frequently. Its awful.

Even when people here, "the cool kids," disagree with something I've said, I've never felt bullied, shamed, or hurt.

I don't think this conversation will change anything though - we are still going to get ignorant and insensitive people breeze through here and annoy us, or park their asses and piss us off.

pennyandandy · May 2014

@Getzy512‌ , that is where I'm at. I'm not a reg, I don't have as much time to post right now, but summer is coming and it's on like Donkey Kong. I tend to fly under the radar, but I will stick it out and someday I will be a reg

I have been around since pretty much the beginning, and I have yet to see bullying taking place. And I feel similarly to others, in that if you want to sit with the cool kids you have to participate, otherwise you can't complain.

sunflwra · May 2014

@redbirdfly - I'm so sorry something like that happened to you, that's exactly my point as well. What happens here, in the whole scheme of things, is nothing.

hjenni · May 2014

RedBirdFly said:

I haven't read all the replies yet. The fact that "bullying" is thrown around here whenever someone gets upset someone doesn't share their opinion is repulsive to me. I was bullied badly in high school, to the point a TEACHER joined in. A grown man allowed his students to use his office white board as a list of all the terrible things I supposedly was because the drum major (and my ex bf) got in trouble for shoving me after we got in an argument. Bitch, whore, cunt. I was 16. I had multiple other teens tell me I should die, that the world would be better without me. I dropped out. I couldn't take it. All they did was make the band director's office off limits and that made me more the subject of ridicule and verbal abuse.

Wow! I'm so sorry that happened to you. Did anything happen to the teacher? I hope there was at least some kind of punishment (hopefully fired). I was bullied too in middle school, but to have a teacher join in as well? Ridiculous.

mamatohne · May 2014

@RedBirdFly‌ that is horrible. I'm really sorry that happened to you.

hjenni · May 2014

hjenni said:

RedBirdFly said:

I haven't read all the replies yet. The fact that "bullying" is thrown around here whenever someone gets upset someone doesn't share their opinion is repulsive to me. I was bullied badly in high school, to the point a TEACHER joined in. A grown man allowed his students to use his office white board as a list of all the terrible things I supposedly was because the drum major (and my ex bf) got in trouble for shoving me after we got in an argument. Bitch, whore, cunt. I was 16. I had multiple other teens tell me I should die, that the world would be better without me. I dropped out. I couldn't take it. All they did was make the band director's office off limits and that made me more the subject of ridicule and verbal abuse.

Sorry didn't see that before. That's truly disgusting!

RedBirdFly · May 2014

hjenni said:

RedBirdFly said:

I haven't read all the replies yet.

The fact that "bullying" is thrown around here whenever someone gets upset someone doesn't share their opinion is repulsive to me.

I was bullied badly in high school, to the point a TEACHER joined in. A grown man allowed his students to use his office white board as a list of all the terrible things I supposedly was because the drum major (and my ex bf) got in trouble for shoving me after we got in an argument. Bitch, whore, cunt. I was 16. I had multiple other teens tell me I should die, that the world would be better without me.

I dropped out. I couldn't take it. All they did was make the band director's office off limits and that made me more the subject of ridicule and verbal abuse.

Wow! I'm so sorry that happened to you. Did anything happen to the teacher? I hope there was at least some kind of punishment (hopefully fired). I was bullied too in middle school, but to have a teacher join in as well? Ridiculous.

He eventually was but it was because he was allowing students to have sex in the band storage room and someone showed proof. Not because of what happened with me.

hjenni · May 2014

RedBirdFly said:

RedBirdFly said:

I haven't read all the replies yet. The fact that "bullying" is thrown around here whenever someone gets upset someone doesn't share their opinion is repulsive to me. I was bullied badly in high school, to the point a TEACHER joined in. A grown man allowed his students to use his office white board as a list of all the terrible things I supposedly was because the drum major (and my ex bf) got in trouble for shoving me after we got in an argument. Bitch, whore, cunt. I was 16. I had multiple other teens tell me I should die, that the world would be better without me. I dropped out. I couldn't take it. All they did was make the band director's office off limits and that made me more the subject of ridicule and verbal abuse.

Wow! I'm so sorry that happened to you. Did anything happen to the teacher? I hope there was at least some kind of punishment (hopefully fired). I was bullied too in middle school, but to have a teacher join in as well? Ridiculous.
He eventually was but it was because he was allowing students to have sex in the band storage room and someone showed proof. Not because of what happened with me.

Wow. Just wow.

Jatpa003 · May 2014

@RedBirdFly‌ I am really sorry that you had shitty peers and a teacher! Wtf is wrong with people and I teach in a high school where kids are mean, and there is bullying that happens.(my brother was physically, mentally and emotionally bullied so I have empathy for shit like that that goes down) But I have yet to see that on here I do agree that people get butthurt but that is absolutely no reason to throw that word around willy nilly. To me that word is just as bad as throwing the word retarded or gay around where it is not meant to be. Gah it makes my blood boil.

RedBirdFly · May 2014

Thanks guys. I'm glad that most people (other than my family and therapist) agree that it was awful. I'm glad he got fired, even if it was a year or two after what happened with me, because I'm sure he causes problems for other kids. He also didn't really teach.

I see other people get bullied all the time and I always say something. There are times when I can understand why someone feels hurt by what something is said - but I've never seen anything harsh.

Like I said, though, this word isn't just casually used here. I lurk all over the bump just to see what other boards are like and I see the word "bullying" thrown out everywhere and over the smallest things. That's not going to change.

I don't know how we can make it seem like the "cool kids" aren't out to get the newcomers when the "cool kids" are not actually out to get the newcomers. I'm lost as to why some of these people think that's a problem, and how they can be so ignorant.

Jatpa003 · May 2014

lissydee said:
I have only skimmed over this in between working and sleeping, but I just have some general thoughts. I get the original discontent, even though I think the delivery was less than ideal/tactful. I think sometimes regulars get so wrapped up in day to day musings/happenings to realize that this board is public. We have many lurker and we have many newbs to the bump that just don't know the etiquette. Yes we have stickies, but fact of life is that they will still get ignored. So sometimes when the aforementioned posts without familiarizing themselves with board norms, things tend to get misconstrued.

This isn't an exclusive board/group and never will be. So we have to figure out how to better deal with newbs and them us, otherwise this "bs" is just going to keep on happening.

I am not sure what you mean by "how to better deal with newbs" I was brand spankin' new as of March 9th, and I think I figured this sh*t out because I figured out how to read...

Maelara · May 2014

RedBirdFly said:

I haven't read all the replies yet. The fact that "bullying" is thrown around here whenever someone gets upset someone doesn't share their opinion is repulsive to me. I was bullied badly in high school, to the point a TEACHER joined in. A grown man allowed his students to use his office white board as a list of all the terrible things I supposedly was because the drum major (and my ex bf) got in trouble for shoving me after we got in an argument. Bitch, whore, cunt. I was 16. I had multiple other teens tell me I should die, that the world would be better without me. I dropped out. I couldn't take it. All they did was make the band director's office off limits and that made me more the subject of ridicule and verbal abuse. ETA: Mobile posted before I was done. I started cutting and had been made to believe I was worthless. I was toying with the idea of suicide. Getting out of high school was healthier than staying in. I'm better now but still have self confidence issues and still need to talk to my therapist frequently. Its awful. Even when people here, "the cool kids," disagree with something I've said, I've never felt bullied, shamed, or hurt. I don't think this conversation will change anything though - we are still going to get ignorant and insensitive people breeze through here and annoy us, or park their asses and piss us off.

This is so terrible.

I also hate the bullying word because I used to get bullied. I still have a lot of anger issues to do with it to this day. It was so bad that in grade 8 I dropped out and I went to school on the Internet. My gym teacher joined in and everyone made my life a living hell. I have a much thicker skin these days and stand up for myself and people I care for. Whenever anyone says I'm being a bully, I take it extremely personally and it's also why I go to extremely lengths to explain everything to people who pissed everyone off, with my own angry rant in there as well, of course. I do have flame powers after all

Melissa2216 · May 2014

There is absolutely a group of "cool kids" that the rest of the board looks up to and/or envies. There is on every board. It's called the regulars who post all the time. For anyone who says "what? there is no 'cool group'!" Guess what...you're probably in it.

Those of us due at the end of Nov. haven't been around as long as those due at the beginning of Nov. I can't Bump from work AND I'm on the West Coast, so I'm late to respond to everything. I know this. The entire time I've been on the Bump, I've been in that middle group of regulars who aren't quite in the "cool group." It is what it is...(I hate that phrase.)

It's too bad that some people equate "cool" with "bully" just because the regulars are the first to respond with tips for following the rules of etiquette on this board. It's sad, but that's how things are on the Bump and I don't see that changing any time soon.

lizgrace03 · May 2014

@RedBirdFly‌ and @Maelara‌ I'm sorry to hear these awful stories. It's disgusting especially that educators joined in.

Regarding the board, I tend to agree with PPs that BSC people are probably never going away. Sometimes it can be entertaining- this time it was upsetting because of the timing.

People will be people, for good or bad. I try hard to focus on the good. I am thankful for the board because of the "connections" but also the information. I have learned so much from the STMs+ and some of the FTMs too.

jlove253 · May 2014

@RedBirdFly‌ and @Maelara‌, I know it's been said but I am so sorry you experienced bullying at school that teachers participated in! How terrible! Those teachers have serious issues try need to work through, and probably were trying to fit in with the "cool kids". Disgusting.

I know that "cool kids" is a term that to some just means the regular posters who clearly are friends and have clicked, but it's such an exclusive term that I don't think it really applies here. This board has been very inclusive, while also feisty as hell. I think that regulars fits better.

I almost didn't comment because I kinda want the thread to die, "cool kids" makes me that uncomfortable. My own school trauma I guess

renbee · May 2014

Cue cc-whateverthefuckhernameis to come spew her hatefulness in 3...2...1...

runningmama14 · May 2014

Well, I don't think I really need to add my opinion here, as I've made mine known throughout the day. I will say though that it seems that what makes someone a "cool kid" is to post often on all manner of threads (and not be a total jerk). Not everyone can or wants to do that, but no one is prohibited from doing so. The only thing that limits someone from being a "cool kid" is themselves. That's why I don't get what the big deal is.

Post a lot, or don't, but don't get all insulted when the ones that do post a lot seem to know each other better. It's not rocket science.

Eta: spelling

VanillaTwilight13 · May 2014

As many PPs have said, I don't think the term "cool kids" is appropriate here. I've been around lurking since the beginning and I definitely notice that there are regulars, but I haven't noticed anything super cliquey; they all seem very helpful and I've enjoyed getting to know them even if I haven't contributed much.

Side note, however, I hate the term "lurker"... it makes me feel like a creeper lol! But, i totally get it and I know it's used for all forums. I would post more often, but I'm also on the West coast and even though I check this board 7 or 8 times a day, by the time I see a thread, the post has 2 to 3 pages of responses, all generally saying the same thing (unless it's a GTKY sort of post). At that point, I don't feel the need to put my 2 cents in just to say I've contributed something. I've decided, however, I'd prefer to be redundant than be considered a lurker, haha! Also, I know the forum will eventually die down and responses probably won't come pouring in immediately like they do now.

Kristy774 · May 2014

I was on a board before where they would talk about the "newbs" right in the thread to each other. And then if a newb made a comment one of the regs didn't like they would tell that person they didn't know what they were talking about because they were a newb. I haven't seen anything close to that on here and it blows my mind when people bitch about this board.

So sorry @RedBirdFly‌ and @Maelara‌ that's horrible. I had a really shitty experience in high school too that I don't want to share the details about but I know exactly what you guys are talking about.

I haven't seen anyone make anyone bullied.

missnacholover · May 2014

Want to know what I find amazing? This is the INTERNET. People who are on this board choose to be here. You consciously go to your browser and type in thebump.com or look it up in your favorites. No one is forcing you to be here. If you truly, honestly feel bullied and uncomfortable, just leave. This isn't school, this isn't a job, this isn't something you have to do every day.

There are 900 million baby-related websites. If the tone of this one isn't for you, find another one who is. Be a fucking grown up instead of crying and calling us all "bullies" and trying to change the tone of this board.

ETA: I can guarantee if any of the regulars/cool kids actually saw real bullying behavior, they would be the first to step in and shut that shit down.

lisaren · May 2014

missnacholover said:
Want to know what I find amazing? This is the INTERNET. People who are on this board choose to be here. You consciously go to your browser and type in thebump.com or look it up in your favorites. No one is forcing you to be here. If you truly, honestly feel bullied and uncomfortable, just leave. This isn't school, this isn't a job, this isn't something you have to do every day.

There are 900 million baby-related websites. If the tone of this one isn't for you, find another one who is. Be a fucking grown up instead of crying and calling us all "bullies" and trying to change the tone of this board.

ETA: I can guarantee if any of the regulars/cool kids actually saw real bullying behavior, they would be the first to step in and shut that shit down.

WORD.

lisaren · May 2014

This is what I'm doing... You start shit, the whole whining and boohoo the board hates me and you start spewing your negativity, you're on ignore.
I will gif something so ridiculous behind every single one of your comments that you will have no choice but to shut up or leave. Or we can have a gif war. Whichever.
I'm not wasting anymore energy or time on these assholes.
The way I see it, we're all equals. How you choose to play here is your choice, just be prepared for the ignore gif war if you start the shit.

JustJainey · May 2014

It's the interwebz. Sometimes I don't understand why people take it all so seriously. Maybe I just compartmentalize it because I've been going to different kinds of chat groups (decorating, knitting, weightloss, fertility - whathaveyou) for decades - seriously they had something calls "shells" on my University system named JANET (can you believe we named systems?) back in 1993.

These types of dynamics emerge every time! People get to know each other better than others and form insider relationship which sometimes is perceived as exclusionary to others. I think the only way around that perception is to get to know people and let them get to know you. Share, relate, show your humanity. Reflect back to others and be yourself.

I do think the newbies (old school) should get some leeway if they break rules, even where they could have read about things if they'd looked. Frankly, most people don't look before they leap!

And I think that people with complaints should be heard and not burned at the stake. Even if you don't agree or in fact think they are offensively wrong! No situation improves when the personal attacks start flying, imnsho.

I'm enjoying getting to know you ladies better. I know there are going to be up's and down's coming our way over the next 6mths and I'd rather ride the storms than drown along the way

Want a personalized experience?

Since there are 20 posts about this BS let's discuss this here!

Re: Since there are 20 posts about this BS let's discuss this here!

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