Intro

junebugjam · May 2014

*cross-posted on TTCAL*

Hi Everyone,

I have been lurking since my loss in March, and have finally decided to introduce myself.

My husband and I have been married since July 2012. We found out we were expecting our first baby in early November of 2013, and I was due just 10 days before our anniversary, in July of this year. I thought I was having the picture perfect pregnancy. No morning sickness, all tests coming back normal, everything was great. We had picked out a name for our baby girl, Amelia, just the day before our lives were turned upside down. At my 20 week anatomy scan, they discovered a severe heart abnormality. On that day, we chose her middle name - Hope. We went through a whirlwind of doctors in the next week, and ultimately made the heartbreaking decision to terminate for medical reasons. I was 22 weeks. I have no pictures of my baby, but we do have her ashes.

Since her loss in March, we had been benched. I had an amnio at the MFM and all results came back normal. My husband and I both had chromosome analysis done, both of which came back normal. We were told there was a 1 in 100,000 chance of Amelia having the heart defect that she did, but no one can tell us why. I'm sure even if I knew the why it wouldn't lessen my pain, but I wish I knew what it was so I could do something differently next time around. The doctors tell me it wasn't anything I did, but when there is no other medical reason, it's very difficult to believe that. I know from lurking that many of you share that feeling.

I am on the tail end of my second cycle since losing Amelia, and we have been given the go ahead to start trying again. I am anxious to begin again and hope desperately to get pregnant quickly, but I am also scared of history repeating itself. I don't know anyone IRL who has experienced a loss like mine, and I hope to find some comfort here, as I have already reading all of your stories.

I am sorry we are all here. I am sorry you all know my pain.

jess123456 · May 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of Amelia. We lost our daughter Grace in 2012 in a similar way (she had a terminal diagnosis that was chromosomal). Please know that you aren't alone and that you have come to a very warm and understanding place filled with those who understand. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jellybean71514 · May 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Amelia. I too found out I was pregnant for the first time in November 2013 and also was due in July of this year with my little boy Joseph who I lost at 22.5 wks for no apparent reason ....at least they can't find one - I hate to have to welcome anyone here but the board is a great sense of support through your journey - please don't hesitate to reach out especially as you and I will both hit milestones so close together so know I can relate as you push through this *hugs* xo

lexusolsen · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Noethola · May 2014

***ticker***

So very sorry for the loss of your daughter, Amelia.

mingaling2 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss of sweet Amelia.

shandorfml2 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss of Amelia

bunnybun4 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Amelia. We lost our daughter to a brain condition at 19 weeks and they also couldn't find a reason for it. I know it's hard to not blame yourself but it's not your fault. so many ((hugs))

erinel · May 2014

I'm sorry for your loss

LyndseyTS · May 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter Amelia. We lost our daughter to Turner Syndrome (a "fluke" according to the medical teams) and no definitive cause. I hope that you find this board to be a great support for you as your travel this journey.

luckyclover0922 · May 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our son at 27w5d due to bilateral renal agenesis which is also incompatible with life. Hugs to you and there are great women on here that can offer you a tremendous amount of support

schulme2 · May 2014

I am so sorry for your loss of Amelia! Please know that we are here if you need to vent. Sending lots of prayers and hugs to you as you begin to heal.

OSUWifey09 · May 2014

***SIGGY WARNING***

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Amelia. We are all here for you whenever you need us. I hate to welcome you here but am glad you found us; this board has been such a great source of comfort for me for almost two years, and I hope we can be the same for you. **hugs**

kflynn81 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our Jack in December at 20 weeks after he was diagnosed with a brain malformation. We were trying to obtain more information on his diagnosis to decide to continue to carry or terminate but were forced to terminate due to early and severe preeclampsia. No one can tell us why either happened for us, as we had a picture perfect pregnancy as well and no chromosomal abnormalities. Big ((hugs)) , its tough when there are no answers and the doctors can't tell you if it will happen again. This board is full of great strength and support hope you find it helpful.

stefuge · May 2014

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Amelia. Know that we are here whenever you need us.

JessicaG220 · May 2014

**Ticker Warning**

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Amelia. I know exactly how you feel. When we lost our daughter to a cord accident last April, I felt like I needed more answers and that I could have done something to prevent it. Try to remember that it was not your fault and that you did everything you could to keep your daughter safe. I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs.

VyD81 · May 2014

Edit, ***siggy warning***

I'm sorry for your loss of Amelia.

junebugjam · May 2014

Thank you all for the welcome and for sharing your stories with me. I've been having a hard time lately feeling like everyone around me is ignoring or has forgotten my loss after only 2 months. I'm looking forward to having a place to remember her with others who understand.

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