On the fence about breast feeding

ed16564 · May 2014

Hey ladies! I just want to move past some drama that's going on on this board and move on to the reason we're all here- pregnancy and babies.

Here's my situation,... I am little high strung and modest and am having trouble wrapping my head around breast feeding for a couple reasons- and I was hoping maybe some of you could help me work past them.

One of the reasons I've been considering using formula over breast feeding was because I wanted DH to be able to help. I feel like people make the first weeks after the baby is born out to almost be a terrible time where you literally get 0 sleep and you'll be a zombie and miserable. I liked the idea that with formula all the pressure wouldn't be on me. Some times when I feel like I'm the only one who can do something I kind of break down and I didn't want to do that- I wanted to be able to fully enjoy that time as a mommy. Plus- I thought it would be great that DH could enjoy feeding the baby too. I'm coming around to the idea of being the sole provider- but I'm still a little anxious.

My other concern is that I'm super modest. I don't get uncomfortable at all if someone else needs to bf their baby but I feel like if I was somewhere like my inlaws or out running errands I'd feel super self conscious to have to bf in the "open". I mean obviously there are covers and stuff but I'm still feeling a little bashful about it.

The last concern I think goes back to the bashfulness and almost I guess immature self consciousness- I feel really awkward that when I go back to work after about 8 weeks I'd have to pump. I'm in a cube myself- so while I'd have permission to use an empty office no problem- I'd feel kind of awkward about people walking by and knowing I was pumping.

I feel like all of those are terrible reasons to choose formula over breast feeding- but they are my concerns- anyone who can point out flaws in my logic please do- id love to work past this and breast feed. Please don't flame me too bad- I know these are all bad reasons- that's why I'm trying to learn to move past them.

CPM13 · May 2014

I totally hear on you on the wanting some help thing. I BF DD and it is pretty time consuming, especially in the beginning. I started pumping within the first week and that helped. I could usually sneak an extra nap from time to time (or even go run an errand without baby) and know that if she got hungry there would be milk available. DD also dropped a lot of weight the first week so we supplemented with formula until she was 13 days. A combination of BFing and formula has worked well for several of my friends.

And I TOTALLY hear you on the modesty thing. More power to the people who can do it anywhere but that is SO not me. I never had a problem sneaking away to another room to feed her if we had guests. If we were out in public I would just park my car a little further away and sit there and feed her.

I loved never having to pack a bottle and the bonding is great. I know it's not for everyone but just give it a try? If it isn't your thing you can switch to formula and be sure that it was the right choice for you. But if you never try you might second guess yourself. Good luck whatever you decide!

mamatohne · May 2014

You have every right to make the decision for yourself no flaming here!
I always said I wouldn't breastfeed but I decided to try with ds. I made it to 6 months and gave up. I miss it so much. I pumped and bottle fed a lot mainly because he would fall asleep while nursing and wasn't eating. I would suggest doing it for the first 8 weeks while you are at home. You may really enjoy it and all other concerns out the window. If you want dh to help pump and he can feed him/her with the bottle. What this will do is make sure your baby will take both your nipple and the bottle. So you have options. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Singingmama10 · May 2014

I don't have much advice for you because I am a FTM and really have NO idea what I am getting myself into LOL. However, I do plan to BF and am also nervous about how I am going to do with it.

I think with the sleeping thing, regardless if you ff or bf you are going to get 0 sleep. My sister has a breast pump and I plan on using that quite a bit, because I too want my husband to be able to bond with our child in that way.

I am also very modest and while I don't think there is anything wrong with people BF'ing in public it definitely is not for me... so I understand you there. but when your at your IL's just find a room or again if you plan to pump at all. Is it possible to plan ahead and bring some along (Remember FTM don't know how realistic this is)

I just told DH yesterday. BF'ing is going to be extremely hard for me... I have heard from many of my friends, though, that once you get through those first few months it gets so much easier. so please DH do everything you can it encourage me to keep going. I think his support would help me do this more than anything else.

TXSparky · May 2014

As far as being the only one, I completely understand. Honestly those first couple weeks my husband and I were both up almost every time together. I was recovering and needed help. He changed diapers and brought me the baby. This made me feel more supported. Also, something shifted after I had the baby and I just didn't sleep as deeply. I never could have slept through DD crying (still don't) even if DH is taking care of her.

I don't have any suggestions on the modestly. I think I freaked people out whipping my boobs out. I would literally forget to cover myself it just became so natural to me.

If you think you might want to, just give it a try. You can always stop if it doesn't work for you, but you can't go the other direction. Good luck whatever you decide!

ETA: I would read a book or watch Netflix on my phone while pumping at work. It took my mind off of things (including "are people thinking about what I'm doing) AND helped my let down because I was more relaxed.

PineApple85 · May 2014

Don't feel bad. That's been YOUR body for a looooong time. I think these are completely normal reservations to have and I'll do my best to address how I worked past them because I faced similar doubts myself.

First, a NB is hard to care for, but bf-ing felt so right to me that I relished all of the cuddles and you learn that sleep doesn't just happen at night. DH can help - he needs to make sure that you are comfortable and that you have everything that you need while you are breastfeeding. He can help around the house. Not as much fun, sure, but he can also get some one-on-one cuddles in while you nap.

I am super modest, but you don't HAVE to NIP. It's a lot easier, but we timed our outings around DS's nursing schedule at first. Then I started nursing where I felt comfortable - LLL meetings, homes of close friends and family, and then I started nursing at restaurants and stores that weren't busy and went from there. Now I NIP without a cover all of the time because I practiced and learned how to do so more modestly than using a cover.

Pumping at work: I work in a small department with only men. It was uncomfortable at first, but I'm feeding my son. That made it easier for me. And to be honest. You can make arrangements with your boss and most people probably won't know what's going on.

I hope that was helpful. I suck at words in text. I'm much better in person. Good luck with your decision! :-)

emoxymoose · May 2014

I had the same concerns but I have to say this, IMO BF is far easier than FF if you're going to stay at home with your baby. I don't know what your situation will be, and I give it up to working moms who pump and freeze because I couldn't of done it. My DS wouldn't even take a bottle if we tried so the downside is that I couldn't leave him for more than 2 hours at a time the first 6 months and for about 3 hours from 6mos-1year. I hate the idea of cleaning bottles, and sterilizing, and having to pack them etc. If I was in public I either used a cover or I used a bathroom lounge area or a fitting room to feed him. My friends and family always respected that I wanted to feed him in a spare bedroom or empty room. Try not to think or dwell too much on it, you'll know when the time comes what is right for your family.

nonoemily · May 2014

I just want to ditto wag at other posters said about pumping and having your DH help with feelings that way. I never bothered with it and DS ended up refusing to take a bottle. If you are planning to return to work, start that bottle feeding as soon as you get BFing solidly established. I couldn't be away from DS for more than an hour or two until he was old enough for solids and it was pretty inconvenient.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

sweetbabyrahe · May 2014

I think that you don't have to make a choice now. I had a lot of your same concerns and bf DS for 1 year. It felt so natural. DH stepped in and helped out with so many other things: helping calm baby, cleaning, cooking. Feeding time was relaxing to me because I could sit in one place, DS was content and quiet , I could read a book or watch TV. I was very modest and still am . I always used a cover unless just in front of my sister, mom, or DH. I only bf in public a handful of times and had a cover . I would bring a pumped bottle for outings . You make it work if that's the route you go .

mussalynn · May 2014

Ditto to all the PPs who said there are lots of ways for your hubby to help out, and once bf'ing is established he can feed baby with a bottle sometimes. I was also very modest and would go into another room to nurse DS. I'm in Canada and we get a year of mat leave so didn't have to deal with the pumping at work issue, but from PPs it sounds like there are lots of options for you.

Really all I want to say is keep your options open. Be willing to try BF'ing (and know that it's really hard in the beginning but once you get through the first couple weeks it gets much easier). Having said that, you may love it or you may hate it. But if you don't try, you won't know.

ed16564 · May 2014

I love all you ladies and really appreciate the comments. I really really appreciate them. It's giving me a lot more confidence that I can do this. DH says he doesn't care one way, but he always figured I would breast feed. Not because he was or anything like that, it just seemed like something I'd do to him. I think because of that he'll be super supportive because it won't be something he doesn't "get" and he kind of expected I'd go that way.

I'm glad to hear other moms are modest and its worked out too...

Also- as far as pumping I do have another quesiton. How much space did you end up needing to "save" your milk? Our freezer isn't very big and I swear it 'burns' things pretty quick. We are trying to clear out some space in our little outdoor storage area (we're in a town home- so space = haha) for a chest freezer so that we could move some of our bigger freezer items out there. But I just don't know about that.

mussalynn · May 2014

ed16564 said:

I love all you ladies and really appreciate the comments. I really really appreciate them. It's giving me a lot more confidence that I can do this. DH says he doesn't care one way, but he always figured I would breast feed. Not because he was or anything like that, it just seemed like something I'd do to him. I think because of that he'll be super supportive because it won't be something he doesn't "get" and he kind of expected I'd go that way.

I'm glad to hear other moms are modest and its worked out too...

Also- as far as pumping I do have another quesiton. How much space did you end up needing to "save" your milk? Our freezer isn't very big and I swear it 'burns' things pretty quick. We are trying to clear out some space in our little outdoor storage area (we're in a town home- so space = haha) for a chest freezer so that we could move some of our bigger freezer items out there. But I just don't know about that.

You can do it!!!!!

I didn't use much freezer space for pumped milk but I also didn't pump very much so I'm not a big help in that department, but I do know that the bags you pump into are just little plastic bags that really don't take up much room.

pennyandandy · May 2014

I hear you on all of the above reasons. Everyone has given you great ideas so far. With the whole nursing in public thing, I was also very modest about it-I would leave the room or if we were out I would stay in the car, find a dressing room, etc. I was very anxious about pumping at work to, but after a while it was nbd, and nobody really knew or cared what I was doing, except the other nursing moms. Like someone else said, for the first few weeks DH got up and changed the baby and brought him to me. He was also in an Arms Reach co-sleeper right next to the bed, so it wasn't so bad. Good luck!

TXSparky · May 2014

I didn't have a lot of extra milk but I used about 1/3 of our freezer. We had a fridge with the small freezer at the top.

ed16564 · May 2014

@txsparky I bet our fridges are about the same size- when we moved in they installed the fridge for us as part of the purchase price so its pretty much the smallest thing you've ever seen! Thank you!

And to everyone else THANK YOU AGAIN! You are all so sweet and totally encouraging me to reconsider. We can always have a little formula on hand that it's understood is ONLY to be used in emergencies (which will be only if mommy is about to melt down). But you are all definitely making me think I can do this.

Thank you all so much you have no idea!

KTgator · May 2014

Let me start with this: three years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter I could have written the same exact post. I was nervous about breastfeeding for many of the same reasons. As my pregnancy progressed and I read more books/ met more moms I became confident in my decision to nurse my baby. I am an anxious/ modest person by nature, so I decided that what would be best for me would be to set small goals for myself. Each time I met a goal I would feel proud, my confidence would grow, and I would set a new goal.

I rememer when I was in the hospital and was wheeled into the recovery room post c sec. My nurse (only had her for about an hour) was so amazing and gave me just the perfect advice I needed, "breastfeeding is hard at first- no one ever tells you that, but I swear if you stick with it past the first few weeks you will see just how awesome it is." Every time I felt like giving in those first 2-3 weeks I would think about her. That was my first goal.

Then (knowing how difficult it would be to go back to work and find the time to pump) I decided to set the goal of 6 months. If I could make it through the first six months I would be happy and proud of my accomplishment. The people at work were so helpful and encouraging that I quickly surpassed my 6 month goal and made it to 1 year. From then on my goal became focused on what my daughter needed and when she would want to wean. She naturally (well with the help of an anniversary trip out of state for a few days) weaned this Christmas. She was 2.5.

There were a few difficult times along the way, but overall it was the best experience I have had in my life. It's so cool to know that my body provided the nourishment my daughter needed. It was amazing to watch my body adapt throughout her nursing journey-- the science behind it alone is what convinced me nurse her!

I went from being on the fence/ too modest to consider bfing to now having a part time business where I bake lactation cookies and offer lactation support for moms that struggle with supply. Bfing has become a passion of mine, one that I could never had anticapted.

As far as the wanting the hubby to help- mine did everything around the house while I was nursing. He even learned to cook bc she wanted to cluster feed from 5-9 every night(b4 it was only frozen pizzas), and now he makes dishes from scratch. He knew how important nursing was to me, so he stepped up to fill the other roles in the house so that I could focus on feeding our daughter. Waking up in the middle of the night to pick my daughter up from her pack n play, nurse for 20 min, and then put her back down to sleep was nothing. I didn't even have to really wake/ get out of bed- much easier than making a bottle! Oh and screaming/ upset baby... All they ever need is a boob to make them stop crying-- it makes everything so much easier!

Overall you will make the right decision for you, your baby, and your family. Don't let anyone ever make you feel pressured to pick one way other another

Oh and more on modesty- just saw something super cute/ easy to make on Pinterest today and ran to the store to pick up some fabric to try it out (my sis and I are both due in nov and both modest and heavily endowed). It's an infinty scarf that doubles as a nursing cover! Super cute/ functional/ on trend! I'll post the link. And baby carriers (like the ergo) have hoods that can be put up for nursing too. I nursed my daughter on a flight across country many times and no one even noticed!

https://www.littlemomentslikethis.com/2014/01/diy-nursing-covers-and-infinity-scarves.html?m=1

KTgator · May 2014

@ed16564‌ as far as pumped milk for storage. We used a small freezer and actually kept it in our dining room. We have a tiny house and no attached garage, and it was an eye sore, but it did the job

TXSparky · May 2014

@ed16564‌ If you sign up at Enfamil and Similac they usually send you some free samples to have on hand. That was what I had for back up. They also send coupons. It does get you on mailing lists for lots of baby junk, but if you don't mind that, it's nice to get small trial packs for free.

With my last pregnancy they sent me two full cans and several smaller samples. I'm a planner so having a little on hand made me more relaxed even if I didn't need it.

KTgator · May 2014

Just looked back at my post- sorry so long winded and rambling haha.

SummerB0607 · May 2014

I feel like I could have written this post! All of your concerns are mine as well, but since I'm a FTM I have no advice to give, but loved reading everyone else's. I really want my boyfriend to help in feeding. I think he deserves to bond that way with baby too. (Plus what is sexier than watching the man you love hold and feed your tiny baby?

) I'm considering Bf'ing AND Ff'ing.

mussalynn · May 2014

KTgator said:

Just looked back at my post- sorry so long winded and rambling haha.

I thought it was a really great post, that's exactly what I went through in the beginning as well. We didn't make it past 6 months due to supply issues but I was really proud of myself for making it that far. (especially since we had such a terrible time in the beginning with an undiagnosed tongue tie and severe thrush, but I don't want to scare OP!)

KTgator · May 2014

@mussalynn‌ oh I am soooo jealous of your year maternity leave! I get 12 weeks unpaid. Oh and my short term disability only covers 6 of those weeks

sunflwra · May 2014

I can't speak to EBF bc we had supply and latch issues from the beginning but I also was not fanatical about it either way, so it made it not such a big deal when we had to supplement.

What I will say is that you can pump so that your husband can participate in feedings as well- it doesn't have to automatically mean formula. Also- I never nursed in public. I either took a bottle of breastmilk, bottle of formula or just made sure I had opportunities that I could either find a private place to nurse or made sure I wasn't gone long enough to need to nurse.

Do whatever you have to for your family but just wanted to make sure you didn't feel like it had to be all or nothing.

KTgator · May 2014

@mussalynn‌ you did awesome to make it to 6 months esp with tongue tie! That took some serious dedication!

KTgator · May 2014

@mussalynn‌ (and an/ all moms interested) I'd be happy to share some of my lactation support recipes with you if you like to bake (to help with supply for this time). You can bake ahead and store in the freezer!

TXSparky · May 2014

@KTgator‌ Yes please! I've heard there is a recipe for cookies? Did you ever try something like that?

CPM13 · May 2014

I agree with @KTGator about sticking with it for a few weeks. I think someone told me to aim for a month and then reevaluate. And it made the whole thing seem less daunting than planning to do 6 or 9 or 12 months.

KTgator · May 2014

@TXSparky‌ yes! That's what I make/ sell/ develop recipes for

I'd be happy to share my blog with my recipes on them

the cookies helped me so much when I went back to work/ when my period returned and my supply dropped. The more brewer's yeast you add, the better. I usually add at least 1/4 cup to each dozen I sell.

Happy baking!!

https://onesmartcook.blogspot.com/search/label/lactation cookies?m=0

mrsodonnell12 · May 2014

Don't feel bad for your thoughts and reasonings. Bfing can be daunting! I feel like we are very similar. I'm super modest and bfing just sounded horrible to be with my first. By the time my son was born, I had decided to try it. I'm so happy I did. I nursed him for 18 months and it was such a great experience for us. when I saw my baby boy, modesty wasnt even a second thought (all modesty kind of goes out the door when you are I'm labor anyways).

As for considering formula so dad can help feed. There is plenty that dad can do to help. I promise, if you ebf your so will not feel slighted I'm the least. He can help with so many other things!

Pumping isn't fun, but its not that bad and you just get used to it. As a mom you grow thick skin. You will no longer care If your whole office knows you are pumping

nicnac817 · May 2014

I totally understand how this could turn into something stressful. Here is what I did with dd the first time around.... I gave bfing a shot. I didn't have any expectations. I just tried. It turned out to be wonderful. It was not nearly as complicated as I thought it would be. Try it out for a few weeks. If it works for you and LO great! If not, you'll never have to wonder "what if". Don't think about it too much, you'll go nuts.

mussalynn · May 2014

KTgator said:

@mussalynn‌ (and an/ all moms interested) I'd be happy to share some of my lactation support recipes with you if you like to bake (to help with supply for this time). You can bake ahead and store in the freezer!

@KTgator Thanks so much for the offer but I'm allergic to pretty much everything that goes in cookies. =( My biggest problem was that I only had a manual pump and didn't know any better, so the pumping I was doing wasn't putting out nearly as much as it could have with an electric pump, and therefore didn't do any good in maintaining/boosting my supply. I know better this time and have an electric pump so I'm hoping that will keep my supply going much longer.

*edit to fix spelling

KTgator · May 2014

@mussalynn‌ allergies stink ;( sorry you have to deal with that! If you list your allergies for me I will trouble shoot and try to come up with a recipe for you

I work with moms with all types of allergies. Hoping the double electric helps!!

mussalynn · May 2014

lissydee said:

In addition to what others said. I highly recommend taking a breast feed class if you are considering bfing in the slightest. Also very worth while are breast feeding support groups (LLL or another)....yes while pregnant. You'll be exposed to nursing and may be surprised to realize how modestly you can do it. That said, if you want DH to "help" there are always diapers.:) really though, feeding is not the only way to bond with a child and he will figure out his own special way to do so if you nurse.

Yes. Great suggestions!

moroccojade · May 2014

I encourage you to at least give it a try in the hospital. In order to give birth a lot of modesty has to go out the window.

Whatever colostrum and breast milk you are willing to give your baby will be very beneficial.

Melissa2216 · May 2014

TXSparky said:

my husband and I were both up almost every time together. I was recovering and needed help. He changed diapers and brought me the baby. This made me feel more supported.

We did this also. DH changed the baby in the middle of the night and brought him to me. Honestly, you are not going to get much sleep regardless of who is out feeding the baby. You are going to wake up with every little noise the baby makes.

I was self-conscious about BFing also, so much that I avoided leaving the house with DS for a few months. Once he got older, I realized outings would have been so much easier with an infant who sleeps most of the time. I ended up BFing for 14 months, and it gets to the point where you get completely used to it (as well as pumping). I would feed him in dressing rooms or in the car before going into a store. At other people's houses, I would just use a bedroom and it was no big deal.

Kristy774 · May 2014

I just want to add this too, breast feeding lowers your odds of getting breast cancer. My mom is currently fighting an ugly battle the past 5 years, they've recently given her 10 years to live and she's young, she's only 54. Just wanted to add this in.

mrsransom · May 2014

I had major reservations about it, but I felt guilty for not wanting to because everyone I know does/did. I tried to talk myself into it & even went to a breast feeding class. When it came down to it, there were too many reasons I didn't want to...the thought of it freaks me out, & it would not work with the job I had at the time (I was a substitute teacher with different breaks every day). It terrified me & I dreaded it, & it didn't seem worth the hassle...so I formula fed. Many made me feel guilty, but you know what? I was happy & DS was happy. He is healthy & rarely ever gets sick. He's about to finish his kindergarten year with perfect attendance & hasn't been to the doctor (other than his yearly check up) in over 2 years!

I have nothing against breast feeding & think its great if anyone chooses to do it, BUT I see nothing wrong with choosing not to. Formula is pretty advanced nowadays & I don't think it did DS any disservice. So, if you do decide not to, don't feel bad or let others criticize you! It's your decision how you feed your baby & both ways are perfectly fine

ed16564 · May 2014

@Kristy774‌ I'm really sorry to hear that.

I hope that they can get the cancer out snd the 10 year # is much longer.

jlaferne · May 2014

I chose to breastfeed because it is best for the baby.

I am modest too but nursing covers are great and you can always pump if u want your husband to help or if u want to have a bottle while you are out with your in-laws. Breastfeeding is a small sacrifice but one I chose to do for my son because it's what is best for him. He's 10 months old and never been sick. It's an incredible feeling knowing you are the one sustaining your little babies life and it's an incredible way to bond in my opinion.

Terrapantz · May 2014

I plan to try my luck at breast feeding. I will admit that the thought of breast feeding and pumping seems really personal and not something I would talk to my boss about. I'm sure awkward moments will arise but I'm too cheap to formula feed!

sunflwra · May 2014

KTgator said:

@TXSparky‌ yes! That's what I make/ sell/ develop recipes for I'd be happy to share my blog with my recipes on them the cookies helped me so much when I went back to work/ when my period returned and my supply dropped. The more brewer's yeast you add, the better. I usually add at least 1/4 cup to each dozen I sell. Happy baking!! https://onesmartcook.blogspot.com/search/label/lactation cookies?m=0

@KTgator - if you can ship, I just might be interested in ordering some when the time comes!

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