Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
shandorfml2
member
Re: Loss check-in
I hate to say it, but no. This week has been a stupid tough one and I've just been hanging in to get up and go to work. Next week will be better.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Right now personal goals are mostly out the window. I'm trying to make it through the contract I picked up and need to make some food for someone whose husband has days to live. Maybe a goal is to be less stressed out and let myself heal.
QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?
MH and I went away to avoid church and all other Mother's Day related things. It was really good, but I think the emotion caught up to me yesterday anyway. that said, the weekend was lovely.
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Kind of? This is my first full week at work because I purposely went back on Tuesday last week. It has been very difficult and emotional. I'm really having trouble focusing when no one else is around. Any tricks or suggestions?
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
We have a busy weekend ahead including some family get togethers. I haven't seen my extended family since Ben's service and I'm kind of nervous. My goal is to get through it without getting angry but I'm anticipating several insensitive comments. Hopefully, I'm wrong.
QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?
It was ok. We went out to local amusement park that I had planned to take both kids to when I was off for the summer. I appreciated having my husband there for support.
Several people gave me cards, which was very nice of them. However, two of them (my grandparents and my ILs) said I was a great mom to my dd... What about Ben?! I'm afraid they are forgetting him already, which is my biggest fear. When I mentioned it to my parents they responded that I didn't mother Ben like I do Katie. I was so shocked that I was speechless. Very rare for me. I don't know which hurt more, the cards or my parents' reactions.
Not really I feel Mother's Day set me back a bit thinking about Joseph.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
To find a new job! I'm ready to get into a better environment and scared I will hit dead ends but I'm just about done updating my resume so next week will start passing it out.
QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?
My DF spent the day with me watching good movies and eating yummy food so even though it was beautiful outside I opted to hibernate and that was fine for both of us.
@jellybean71514 I'm sorry that Mother's Day felt like a set-back for you. Hopefully you can start to feel better now that it's behind you.
@LyndseyTS I hope you have a better week coming up - hang in there lady!
first son stillborn 7/20/13 at 39 weeks due to Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy
It's a girl! Baby Anna was born August 3, 2014!
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. Our pastor called, though,and he would like to meet with us, especially since Mother's Day has just passed and Father's Day is coming up. I'm looking forward to that. I think we both need it right now.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? To be less angry about... everything. I have all of this built up frustration and anger in me and I feel like I can't really move forward with all of it weighing me down. As for a plan for that... I have no idea where to start. I think this is something that may come in time rather than something that happens as a result of a plan.
QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through? I don't want to say it was awful, because my husband did so much for me to make me have a great weekend. But it was pretty freaking awful. I cried a lot, and we found out my mom has cancer that weekend too. Plus, not everyone really recognized me as a mother that day and that really hurt.
@jellybean71514 Lots of luck to you with the job search!
@lyndseyts I list things I'm thankful for too when I need a perspective shift. I really do think it helps. I hope it works for you too.
@maitaibeth It was so nice of the nurse to give you a Mother's Day card from both of the girls. I wish my husband would have thought to do something like that.
@ikrystal I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope there are some good treatment options for her. Prayers to you guys.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm still working hard to lose my pregnancy weight. I was very frustrated earlier this week as I had been eating very healthily and the scale wasn't moving. However, yesterday and today I've started to see the scale move. I have 16 pounds to lose and I've lost 2.5, so it's a start.
QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through? All of Mother's Day weekend was hard because it was also my 35th birthday on Saturday. I kept thinking about how I had imagined this weekend so differently and I thought about how I had wanted to be done having kids by 35. We celebrated by going out to dinner, planting flowers, and just hanging out as a family. But I felt like I was just going through the motions. I couldn't shake a pervasive feeling of depression. I've also cried a lot more this week and I think it is still last weekend bothering me.
@LyndseyTS I love your idea of writing down things to be thankful for. I've been dwelling on some negatives lately because this pregnancy isn't going smoothly at all. I have noticed everyone on Facebook doing the 100 Happy Days thing. I was thinking of starting something like that myself.
@ikrystal I am so sorry to hear the news about your mom. I've been there and it is such a horrible feeling! Stay strong because she will need you! ((Hugs))
first son stillborn 7/20/13 at 39 weeks due to Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy
It's a girl! Baby Anna was born August 3, 2014!
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
@chickinNH : Loved reading your blog post and felt I was reading a story about me.
@MaiTaiBeth : That was very sweet of the nurse to put both of your girls' names on the card.
@ikrystal : I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope her prognosis is good.
@dadalou : GL in your publishing ventures--sounds exciting! Please keep us posted.
((Hugs to all--it sounds like a rough week all around))
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I find myself self-isolating again. I haven't seen anyone other than coworkers, family or DH in 7 weeks. I used to be a very social gal, but lately I just don't want to see anyone. (I'm gearing up for another IVF cycle, so that is part of it, too.) My next goal is to see a friend and the plan to achieve that is going away with her this weekend to the beach to shop and relax.
QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through? Had I not delivered in January, my c-section would've been Sunday. *ouch* We booked a trip to Aruba, whose slogan is "One Happy Island." We had a great vacation, but Sunday I was sad as I am most Sundays. DH did not say HMD to me, but at one point he looked at me and said he knows this day is hard on me. This, as I'm standing in the pool with tears welling up in my eyes behind sunglasses as I sipped a piña colada. We probably should've talked more, but I'm honestly a bad communicator and tend to keep things bottled up. Tight! We got back late Monday and when I turned my phone on I had many texts and FB email notifications of thoughts and wishes over the weekend. (No one knew we were in Aruba.) They warmed my heart. I heard nothing from my sister, which surprised me, but I had the most messages from my wedding anniversary board ladies from The Knot. I don't know what I would do without those ladies.
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
My mother in law purchased a personalized candle for Domenik. Its beautiful and it gives me chills every time I look at it. It was a step for me.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
My next goal is to get through my wedding and enjoy my honeymoon with my husband.
QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?
My Mother's Day was terrible to be honest. I went to Maryland to watch my brother graduate from college. His graduation took place on Mothers day. There were so many infants there that all I kept think was how I wanted to be home holding the urn of my baby. And all I could think was how envious I was that all these moms had their babies to hold on such a rewarding day. And as much as I appreciated all the Mother's Day wishes, they made me angry because I didn't have my munchkin to hug every time I received a "Happy Mother's Day" text. But it hit me the hardest when my mother said it to me, and said "don't be sad, your sunshine is here shining down on you."
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
@Maybe Joleisa I feel like it’s good to disconnect sometimes. I’ve done the same a few times here and there.
@shandorfml2 I hope that your support group was helpful. Ours is monthly and I always find myself become “antsy” the week before. It’s one of the things that holds me together.
@mmsweeney1 The 100 days thing does sound like a good idea. For me, I just write down three positives (using www.lift.do, actually).
@gracie5107 I’m sorry Mother’s Day was so bad for you. It’s really hard to feel like you have no control over life and that your plans have changed without consulting you. I feel like that right now, too. I’m still working on the positive thinking (mostly because we keep getting new and different bad news). At least it’s helping me to keep my head above the waves.
@ikrystal Thinking of you and your mom. That’s some extra tough stuff too deal with on top of everything else. ((hugs))
@dadalou I hope you’re feeling better this week. Sending hugs your way!
July 3rd of this year! It's getting so close and I'm getting so excite/anxious. But I'm so looking forward to going on my honeymoon