Loss check-in

shandorfml2

Sorry this is late ladies! I hope Mother's day was gentle to you all ((hugs))

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?

LyndseyTS

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I hate to say it, but no. This week has been a stupid tough one and I've just been hanging in to get up and go to work. Next week will be better.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Right now personal goals are mostly out the window. I'm trying to make it through the contract I picked up and need to make some food for someone whose husband has days to live. Maybe a goal is to be less stressed out and let myself heal.

QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?
MH and I went away to avoid church and all other Mother's Day related things. It was really good, but I think the emotion caught up to me yesterday anyway. that said, the weekend was lovely.

lexusolsen

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Kind of? This is my first full week at work because I purposely went back on Tuesday last week. It has been very difficult and emotional. I'm really having trouble focusing when no one else is around. Any tricks or suggestions?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

We have a busy weekend ahead including some family get togethers. I haven't seen my extended family since Ben's service and I'm kind of nervous. My goal is to get through it without getting angry but I'm anticipating several insensitive comments. Hopefully, I'm wrong.

QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?

It was ok. We went out to local amusement park that I had planned to take both kids to when I was off for the summer. I appreciated having my husband there for support.

Several people gave me cards, which was very nice of them. However, two of them (my grandparents and my ILs) said I was a great mom to my dd... What about Ben?! I'm afraid they are forgetting him already, which is my biggest fear. When I mentioned it to my parents they responded that I didn't mother Ben like I do Katie. I was so shocked that I was speechless. Very rare for me. I don't know which hurt more, the cards or my parents' reactions.

lexusolsen

@chickinNH‌ I'm sorry your h didn't acknowledge how difficult Mother's Day was for you. Good for you for sticking to the muchness challenge. The first few days I felt weren't helpful so I kind of lost steam. I'm glad you got something from it. And thanks for always responding to other people. Sometimes I wish this board were a little more active. I'm going to try to participate more and I appreciate the effort you put into participating.

Jellybean71514

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
Not really I feel Mother's Day set me back a bit thinking about Joseph.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
To find a new job! I'm ready to get into a better environment and scared I will hit dead ends but I'm just about done updating my resume so next week will start passing it out.

QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?
My DF spent the day with me watching good movies and eating yummy food so even though it was beautiful outside I opted to hibernate and that was fine for both of us.

mmsweeney1

@lexusolsen That is a scary thought that anyone could forget your angel. I'm sorry anyone in your family would make you feel that way!

@jellybean71514 I'm sorry that Mother's Day felt like a set-back for you. Hopefully you can start to feel better now that it's behind you.

@LyndseyTS I hope you have a better week coming up - hang in there lady!

LyndseyTS

@chickinNH‌ and @mmsweeney1‌ Thank you ladies. I think I'm just frustrated with life. I'm usually so hopeful that things can and will look up, but I feel like it's been one thing after another. I'm starting a habit of being grateful for at least three things a day and writing them down. Here's hoping it will help with a perspective shift. @chickinNH I'm really glad that the challenge was helpful for you. I really appreciated your blog post and needed to hear some of your thoughts (which feels ironic, because I'm the one who posted the challenge, but is truth nonetheless). I think I need to make a more concentrated effort to find my muchness. I am not who I want to be and I need to go back to my own words that inspired you to take the challenge! Thank you for blogging about it. I'm sorry that Mother's Day was tough for you, but I'm really glad that the challenge helped a little bit. @lexusolsen‌ I second chickin's comments - I hope that the anticipation is worse than the weekend. @Jellybean71514‌ I'm glad that you were able to "opt out" of Mother's Day by staying in. Sometimes we just need to let ourselves do what's best for us. I did something similar by escaping town.

ikrystal

shandorfml2 thanks for posting the check in!

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?  Not really.  Our pastor called, though,and he would like to meet with us, especially since Mother's Day has just passed and Father's Day is coming up.  I'm looking forward to that. I think we both need it right now.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?  To be less angry about... everything.  I have all of this built up frustration and anger in me and I feel like I can't really move forward with all of it weighing me down.  As for a plan for that... I have no idea where to start.  I think this is something that may come in time rather than something that happens as a result of a plan.  

QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through? I don't want to say it was awful, because my husband did so much for me to make me have a great weekend.  But it was pretty freaking awful.  I cried a lot, and we found out my mom has cancer that weekend too.  Plus, not everyone really recognized me as a mother that day and that really hurt. 

dadalou

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? I started a blog and made it public.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I went to a seminar about publishing and found out that I need to get a literary agent to be able to get my book published. I now know that will not cost me anything and I have a place to search for one. So I guess my goal is to actually do a search and send out my book to some agents. I should probably give myself a deadline otherwise I won't do it.

QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through? The day itself was not bad. Saturday and Monday were pretty terrible though. Saturday my MIL, who normally treats me terribly, wanted to have a Mother's Day lunch for me. It ended up that plans had to be changed to dinner because DH had a coworker who lost a child through SIDS the weekend before and the funeral was going to be on Saturday. We felt like we needed to go to support them. I'm so glad that we did. Not many people showed up. But after that I was getting a headache which turned into a migraine at MIL's house. We didn't stay long because I felt I was going to be sick and just needed to go sleep. I ended up getting sick as soon as we pulled in the driveway and went straight to bed at about 7.

Sunday I woke up really early, since I had gone to sleep at 7, and was feeling much better so we decided that we would go to church and then lunch somewhere and then for a bike ride. We brought our bikes to church and clothes to change into. It ended up to be a really nice day. I made it through church. Got lots of hugs from people. Had a nice lunch and a fun ride in the sunshine. When we got home DH made burgers.

Monday I started on my blog. Writing my story out again was really hard. There were lots of tears.

gracie5107

@lexusolsen Good job on your first work week.  I hope it continues getting easier for you.  I don't have any tips on the focusing, but I know my husband has had the same problem.  He feels like time has been the only thing that has made it better.  I hope your weekend with the family goes well

@jellybean71514 Lots of luck to you with the job search!

@lyndseyts I list things I'm thankful for too when I need a perspective shift.  I really do think it helps.  I hope it works for you too. 

@maitaibeth It was so nice of the nurse to give you a Mother's Day card from both of the girls.  I wish my husband would have thought to do something like that. 

@ikrystal I am so sorry to hear about your mom.  I hope there are some good treatment options for her.  Prayers to you guys. 

gracie5107

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?   I don't think so.  I think with Mother's Day and my birthday I backslid this week. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm still working hard to lose my pregnancy weight.  I was very frustrated earlier this week as I had been eating very healthily and the scale wasn't moving.  However, yesterday and today I've started to see the scale move.  I have 16 pounds to lose and I've lost 2.5, so it's a start. 

QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?  All of Mother's Day weekend was hard because it was also my 35th birthday on Saturday.  I kept thinking about how I had imagined this weekend so differently and I thought about how I had wanted to be done having kids by 35.  We celebrated by going out to dinner, planting flowers, and just hanging out as a family.  But I felt like I was just going through the motions.  I couldn't shake a pervasive feeling of depression.  I've also cried a lot more this week and I think it is still last weekend bothering me. 

mmsweeney1

** pgal mentioned **



@LyndseyTS I love your idea of writing down things to be thankful for. I've been dwelling on some negatives lately because this pregnancy isn't going smoothly at all. I have noticed everyone on Facebook doing the 100 Happy Days thing. I was thinking of starting something like that myself.

@ikrystal I am so sorry to hear the news about your mom. I've been there and it is such a horrible feeling! Stay strong because she will need you! ((Hugs))

shandorfml2

Want to give everyone (((hugs))). I know this week was hard. I'm doing ok. I worked mothers day, so it went by quick. Hard to think this should have been my second mothers day and Ana should be 14 months. I also really thought I would be pregnant or have my rainbow by now. I have my support group tonight, which is probably a good thing. Next goal....my birthday on the 24th.

Maybe Joleisa

@lexusolsen‌ : I had difficulty concentrating my first few weeks back (probably due to anxiety about being back at work around all the people who saw me pregnant everyday), so I would wear headphones and listen to music. Eventually I got my work groove back and for 8 hours a day I became my "normal" self at work. I still think about my boys throughout each day, but my work keeps me busy and busy is good for me.
@chickinNH‌ : Loved reading your blog post and felt I was reading a story about me. I was out of town for most of the muchness days, but I read through all the emails this morning and will visit the FB page for more inspiration. Thanks for sharing.
@MaiTaiBeth‌ : That was very sweet of the nurse to put both of your girls' names on the card.
@ikrystal‌ : I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope her prognosis is good.
@dadalou‌ : GL in your publishing ventures--sounds exciting! Please keep us posted.
((Hugs to all--it sounds like a rough week all around))

Maybe Joleisa

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? We just returned from vacation where I exercised 5 of the 6 days and disconnected from technology. It was wonderful and I'm going to keep up the exercise (finally hit #1 of my friends on my FitBit!) and today was my first time signing onto FB (where I just responded to a few things and then got outta there.)

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I find myself self-isolating again. I haven't seen anyone other than coworkers, family or DH in 7 weeks. I used to be a very social gal, but lately I just don't want to see anyone. (I'm gearing up for another IVF cycle, so that is part of it, too.) My next goal is to see a friend and the plan to achieve that is going away with her this weekend to the beach to shop and relax.

QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through? Had I not delivered in January, my c-section would've been Sunday. *ouch* We booked a trip to Aruba, whose slogan is "One Happy Island." We had a great vacation, but Sunday I was sad as I am most Sundays. DH did not say HMD to me, but at one point he looked at me and said he knows this day is hard on me. This, as I'm standing in the pool with tears welling up in my eyes behind sunglasses as I sipped a piña colada. We probably should've talked more, but I'm honestly a bad communicator and tend to keep things bottled up. Tight! We got back late Monday and when I turned my phone on I had many texts and FB email notifications of thoughts and wishes over the weekend. (No one knew we were in Aruba.) They warmed my heart. I heard nothing from my sister, which surprised me, but I had the most messages from my wedding anniversary board ladies from The Knot. I don't know what I would do without those ladies.

TwinkleTor

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

My mother in law purchased a personalized candle for Domenik. Its beautiful and it gives me chills every time I look at it. It was a step for me.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

My next goal is to get through my wedding and enjoy my honeymoon with my husband.

QOTW: How was Mother's day? What helped you get through?

My Mother's Day was terrible to be honest. I went to Maryland to watch my brother graduate from college. His graduation took place on Mothers day. There were so many infants there that all I kept think was how I wanted to be home holding the urn of my baby. And all I could think was how envious I was that all these moms had their babies to hold on such a rewarding day. And as much as I appreciated all the Mother's Day wishes, they made me angry because I didn't have my munchkin to hug every time I received a "Happy Mother's Day" text. But it hit me the hardest when my mother said it to me, and said "don't be sad, your sunshine is here shining down on you."

shandorfml2

When is your wedding @TwinkleTor‌

LyndseyTS

@Maybe Joleisa I feel like it’s good to disconnect sometimes. I’ve done the same a few times here and there.

@shandorfml2 I hope that your support group was helpful. Ours is monthly and I always find myself become “antsy” the week before. It’s one of the things that holds me together.

@mmsweeney1 The 100 days thing does sound like a good idea. For me, I just write down three positives (using www.lift.do, actually).

@gracie5107 I’m sorry Mother’s Day was so bad for you. It’s really hard to feel like you have no control over life and that your plans have changed without consulting you. I feel like that right now, too. I’m still working on the positive thinking (mostly because we keep getting new and different bad news). At least it’s helping me to keep my head above the waves.

@ikrystal Thinking of you and your mom. That’s some extra tough stuff too deal with on top of everything else. ((hugs))

@dadalou I hope you’re feeling better this week. Sending hugs your way!

TwinkleTor

@shandorfml2
July 3rd of this year! It's getting so close and I'm getting so excite/anxious. But I'm so looking forward to going on my honeymoon