::FFFC::

Allison7 · May 2014

haliebabyx3 said:

MorseBrooks said:

Notchotchke said:

Allison7 said:

I am mad at DH because Otis, our dog, became ill and had to go to the vet yesterday. It cost $260 and I told DH that, but he didn't offer to even give me half of it (we have separate bank accounts). I work part time and my hours are going to reduce for the summer, so less pay for me and I have his huge bill. Well, DH is not getting the store bought treats he wants for the rest of the summer. NO more coconut water, no more cookies, no ice cream treats. Ad when I bake cookies, I am making my favorite and not his. This will go on until I have saved $260.

Huh? He's your husband not your roommate. Why is everything separate? I just find this so odd and on top of that having to go tit for tat in order to recoup $.

This. I understand wanting separate accounts, but we have always had a joint - for expenses like this - joint expenses. It's strange to me to have a line down the middle of the relationship like you are roommates, not lovers. If you have everything that separated why is your DH not buying his own damn treats anyway?

What about upcoming kid expenses? Have you guys discussed how those will be divvied up?

H and I had only one account together until recently. It was the type of savings account that we couldn't take out of it unless we went to the bank and got it. We now have our checking accounts together and it's amazing. It feels like we have so much more money, plus we are also more skeptical on what we spend. We had been meaning to do it just never found the time. Now I am so glad we did.

This all started because DH had a small business and I had a townhouse that I rented. DH didn't use a payroll system to pay himself and it was easier for me to keep two accounts - one for the townhouse and one for what I earned at work. We got into the habit of splitting things: so we both pay to the mortgage, but he pays the utilities, I pay the car insurance, he pays cable, I pay for the food. When it comes to Otis and Lucy, we usually took turns on who was taking them to the vet and if it was something major we split it. We also split major household expenses that weren't anticipated, like last year when our air conditioner needed repairs.

I didn't care much about this set up because we both earned relatively the same. Then last year DH took a job where he earned more than twice what I make. A few months later I had the opportunity to work at a college I really wanted to work at and leave a job that I hated, but it was part time. We agreed and what I contributed changed greatly - but I have no disposable income and I am very paycheck to paycheck now and DH complains about having to pay my health insurance even through he can afford it. Ultimately, he knows that he needs to treat my job as if I was a SAHM, but he just slow to getting on board. He has been good about some things (I need a new car and he is planning for us to pay that....with his salary), but he is bad about others (this week it is the vet bills). I know he is coming around because I could have put in for a few full time positions at the college (I will be full time in my current job in a year or two), but DH agreed that me staying PT was the better option until the baby is a little older. So...long story short, he will come around and we will jointly pay for things, but he just isn't ready to do that yet.

torooji · May 2014

Allison7 said:

haliebabyx3 said:

MorseBrooks said:

Notchotchke said:

Allison7 said:

I am mad at DH because Otis, our dog, became ill and had to go to the vet yesterday. It cost $260 and I told DH that, but he didn't offer to even give me half of it (we have separate bank accounts). I work part time and my hours are going to reduce for the summer, so less pay for me and I have his huge bill. Well, DH is not getting the store bought treats he wants for the rest of the summer. NO more coconut water, no more cookies, no ice cream treats. Ad when I bake cookies, I am making my favorite and not his. This will go on until I have saved $260.

Huh? He's your husband not your roommate. Why is everything separate? I just find this so odd and on top of that having to go tit for tat in order to recoup $.

This. I understand wanting separate accounts, but we have always had a joint - for expenses like this - joint expenses. It's strange to me to have a line down the middle of the relationship like you are roommates, not lovers. If you have everything that separated why is your DH not buying his own damn treats anyway?

What about upcoming kid expenses? Have you guys discussed how those will be divvied up?

H and I had only one account together until recently. It was the type of savings account that we couldn't take out of it unless we went to the bank and got it. We now have our checking accounts together and it's amazing. It feels like we have so much more money, plus we are also more skeptical on what we spend. We had been meaning to do it just never found the time. Now I am so glad we did.

This all started because DH had a small business and I had a townhouse that I rented. DH didn't use a payroll system to pay himself and it was easier for me to keep two accounts - one for the townhouse and one for what I earned at work. We got into the habit of splitting things: so we both pay to the mortgage, but he pays the utilities, I pay the car insurance, he pays cable, I pay for the food. When it comes to Otis and Lucy, we usually took turns on who was taking them to the vet and if it was something major we split it. We also split major household expenses that weren't anticipated, like last year when our air conditioner needed repairs.
I didn't care much about this set up because we both earned relatively the same. Then last year DH took a job where he earned more than twice what I make. A few months later I had the opportunity to work at a college I really wanted to work at and leave a job that I hated, but it was part time. We agreed and what I contributed changed greatly - but I have no disposable income and I am very paycheck to paycheck now and DH complains about having to pay my health insurance even through he can afford it. Ultimately, he knows that he needs to treat my job as if I was a SAHM, but he just slow to getting on board. He has been good about some things (I need a new car and he is planning for us to pay that....with his salary), but he is bad about others (this week it is the vet bills). I know he is coming around because I could have put in for a few full time positions at the college (I will be full time in my current job in a year or two), but DH agreed that me staying PT was the better option until the baby is a little older. So...long story short, he will come around and we will jointly pay for things, but he just isn't ready to do that yet.

I understand the rationale behind all of that, but it sounds so stressful! Hope you guys are able to come up with a system that works a little bit better for your current situation soon!

MeganEMcG5 · May 2014

I ate a Cinnabon for lunch and it was amazing.

MeggoWaffles · May 2014

I have a jug full of pee on the front seat of my car right now. I had to do a 24 hour urine study because I had high protein levels at my last OB visit. So now I'm bumping in my doctors parking lot because I'm too embarrassed to walk in with my jug of pee.

BlckRoses · May 2014

MeganEMcG5 said:

I ate a Cinnabon for lunch and it was amazing.

We went to Schlotzsky's for dinner on Wednesday after visiting my new niece and they have Cinnabon there. DH wouldn't let me take a box home with me. Granted, I did say I was going to take it home and just smoosh my whole head into the box, which he didn't really get on board with.

lookame3639 · May 2014

BlckRoses said:

MeganEMcG5 said:

I ate a Cinnabon for lunch and it was amazing.

We went to Schlotzsky's for dinner on Wednesday after visiting my new niece and they have Cinnabon there. DH wouldn't let me take a box home with me. Granted, I did say I was going to take it home and just smoosh my whole head into the box, which he didn't really get on board with.

Jealous you have a schlotzsky's. There used to be one by us and I loved getting their pizza. They went out of buisness a long time ago

marathonmommy82 · May 2014

LoisLayn23 said:

Since BumpJackie didn't announce the TOS updates on every board and didn't update on the mod board, I'm pretending nothing has changed so fuck this fuck that.

STUCK IN A BOX

Maybe @BumpJackie could respond to the three message I've sent over the past 4 months regarding changing my screen name.

dogperson11 · May 2014

stoofewok said:
@chase16 That sounds like a rough situation, but I bet you'll do just fine. I would take on the parent role. After all, once you and your FI get married, you are a parent too. You are engaged now, so you are a parent in my eyes already.

Take an authoritative approach. Most kids, if not at first, come around to this approach and can understand it. They need to know where their boundaries are.

I agree. I think your example if asking kids to help set the table is way more then fair. I'd be having them clean their own bathroom / bedrooms and doing their laundry, too, but maybe I'm a meanie...

shaylagirl · May 2014

lookame3639 said:

MeganEMcG5 said:

I ate a Cinnabon for lunch and it was amazing.

We went to Schlotzsky's for dinner on Wednesday after visiting my new niece and they have Cinnabon there. DH wouldn't let me take a box home with me. Granted, I did say I was going to take it home and just smoosh my whole head into the box, which he didn't really get on board with.
Jealous you have a schlotzsky's. There used to be one by us and I loved getting their pizza. They went out of buisness a long time ago

This makes my heart sad.

We had Scholotzsky's last night...because it sounded amazeballs to me. It is, hands down, my FAVORITE restaurant.

Been eating there since the early 80's, and I've only EVER had the Original with no onions. When I find something I love, I just stick with it. I figure 30+ years, I'm good with no change.

Chicky0727 · May 2014

Notchotchke said:

stoofewok said:

I swear like a sailor and H is just as bad. I'm worried we're going to produce the kid whose first word should have been censored.

I'm the same way and I'm still worried that dd will say fuck or damnit. However almost everyone I know has a bad mouth and their kids do not curse. They taught them right away what were grownup words and what were appropriate for kids. I think as long as you don't make a big deal about it and do it matter of factly the kid will understand. Of course there are always the asshole kids who will do anything to get a rise out of people so yea my theory probably won't hold water.

Funny story about the word fuck...

My son was like 4 years old at the time and we have a fireplace...my H and I were just talking about how we needed to clean it out that weekend. Well we woke to the cat running across our bed all covered in soot and ash. My first thought is, "damn cat was in the fireplace." Then my son came running into our room and he was covered head to toe in ash and soot. I was like Oh my gosh! I hand him over to my H to give him a bath and clean him up...I got downstairs to see the damage and lets just say that we didn't need to clean out the fireplace anymore.

There was ash and soot EVERYWHERE! It was during Christmas time, so we had our tree out and presents out and everything. My H had to take the tree outside to shake it out...I had to rewrap some gifts because it was so bad. My couches and carpets were disgusting. My kitchen and dining room looked like it hadn't been touched in years and was covered in dust.

So yeah he heard A LOT of F-bombs that weekend. We had to borrow a big industrial size carpet cleaner because it was literally everywhere. It was a pain in the ass to clean up.

Anyway, fast forward to Monday when he's at pre-school. I pick him up after school and his teacher pulled me aside and asked how our weekend was...I explained to her what had happened and then she let out a big sigh of relief and said, "well that explains his language today." I guess during lunch time he dropped his snack on the floor and said, "aww fuck." Then the kids turned to correct him and told him not to say that word. Well he says back, "I just said fuck. What's wrong with fuck?"

Out of the mouth of babes huh? So my FFFC is my kids know mommy has a mouth like a sailor and sad to say...I don't see that changing anytime soon. It's who I am and I definitely try to sensor myself, but there's just times where I don't.

lookame3639 · May 2014

@shaylagirl‌ i am the same way. When i find something love i won't order anything else. We have a really nice dine in theater down the road from us and when we go i ONLY getthe chicken and fries...FI makes fun of me but anytime I order anything else I just hate it :P

@Chicky0727‌ when DS was younger he didn't understand the difference between curse words and regular words so he'd drop a couple of "shit". FI and I don't really curse but I know ex has a sailor mouth. It took a few months but we were able to correct DS growing sailor mouth.

well DS (now at 7 yrs old) understands not to use curse words but when he repeats a sentence he will repeat it exactly. I was mad and frustraited and out of anger i let out a sentence involving "fucking dumbass" and DS repeated it exactly...i realized then that he is a lot smarter and listens much more than I give him credit for. O.O

BlckRoses · May 2014

lookame3639 said:

MeganEMcG5 said:

I ate a Cinnabon for lunch and it was amazing.

We went to Schlotzsky's for dinner on Wednesday after visiting my new niece and they have Cinnabon there. DH wouldn't let me take a box home with me. Granted, I did say I was going to take it home and just smoosh my whole head into the box, which he didn't really get on board with.
Jealous you have a schlotzsky's. There used to be one by us and I loved getting their pizza. They went out of buisness a long time ago

I'm obsessed with their pizza, DH makes fun of me. The only one in town is near my parents house and the hospital we're having the baby at, so I go every time I'm in the area.

chase16 · May 2014

dogperson11 said:

@chase16 That sounds like a rough situation, but I bet you'll do just fine. I would take on the parent role. After all, once you and your FI get married, you are a parent too. You are engaged now, so you are a parent in my eyes already.

Take an authoritative approach. Most kids, if not at first, come around to this approach and can understand it. They need to know where their boundaries are.
I agree. I think your example if asking kids to help set the table is way more then fair. I'd be having them clean their own bathroom / bedrooms and doing their laundry, too, but maybe I'm a meanie...

Thanks ladies. I think you're right, and those poor girls really need some structure/authority in their lives right now, because their mom is incredibly unstable and irresponsible. (We just found out yesterday that they have only been in school twice this week, after about a month of not going consistently.. On top of that, they are staying with his sister, because Ex can't afford to turn the power on in her trailer. We just paid her CS yesterday, and the money's almost gone.. things she's spent money on: Donuts, cigarrettes, eating out..) Ugh. I could go on and on about her.

Anyways, I will tell FI how I plan to involve them in our lives, such as how I want them to do some simple chores, and how I really feel like they need a set bed time, even if it is summer vacation. Hopefully it goes (mostly) smoothly.

Chicky0727 · May 2014

lookame3639 said:

@shaylagirl‌ i am the same way. When i find something love i won't order anything else. We have a really nice dine in theater down the road from us and when we go i ONLY getthe chicken and fries...FI makes fun of me but anytime I order anything else I just hate it :P @Chicky0727‌ when DS was younger he didn't understand the difference between curse words and regular words so he'd drop a couple of "shit". FI and I don't really curse but I know ex has a sailor mouth. It took a few months but we were able to correct DS growing sailor mouth. well DS (now at 7 yrs old) understands not to use curse words but when he repeats a sentence he will repeat it exactly. I was mad and frustraited and out of anger i let out a sentence involving "fucking dumbass" and DS repeated it exactly...i realized then that he is a lot smarter and listens much more than I give him credit for. O.O

This! About a year ago we had come home and my H didn't clean out the cat box and it was stinking pretty bad and earlier in the day I said that it smelt like shit, because well, it did. Anyway, we walked in and our son was the first one in the door and he says, "it smells like shit in here." He quickly caught himself and then pointed to me and said, "that's what mom said." Thanks kid. Lol. He definitely knows better than to say things like that, but I get it, it's gonna slip out sometimes...and we correct him and he knows better. It's been a while since he's slipped up though.

LilSip0611 · May 2014

I was eating a bagel with veggie cream cheese this morning while driving to the doctor and a huge glob fell on my stomach. I scooped it up and ate it without hesitating. No shame here. Oh and then I got Wendy's for lunch. This has not been a day of good eating.

Jennicillin · May 2014

Totally gave my toddlers popcorn and macaroni 'n' cheese for dinner....

.....aaaaaaand let them eat it in front of a movie

It's been a long day

marathonmommy82 · May 2014

1. I ate a lot of donut holes today
2. I roll my eyes at "my doctor said it's safe to take x but should I?" threads. I don't fucking know. I'm neither A doctor nor YOUR doctor. Maybe listen to the one with the MD after her name ?

kiley820 · May 2014

Valancyy said:

triumphgrrrl said:

I was picked for jury duty, and I'm really really hoping that I call on Monday and find out the thing was canceled and that I don't have to show up. I really just don't have any desire to ever be on a jury. Ever. I like to vote, but I wish that voting didn't go hand-in-hand with being on the list of people being able to be picked for jury duty.

I find it so annoying as well. I had to be on a jury this last September, my bad luck to actually be PICKED! Since I'm a SAHM my husband had to use vacation time to stay home with the boys. Some states give you a pass if you're a SAHM, not New York. Why couldn't I have been picked all those years that I was working? My company paid you for it, and I would have had daycare.

Plus, it was so boring.

I was picked also....AGAIN. Which annoys me even more because I just went and SO is never picked! It states that if you have served within the past 3 years you dont have to go but asks for location and date. Now I need to call the court house to see if I can find out the date I served. Just another thing to do,ugh.

Hopefully I'm right and it's been less than 3 years but if not I'm totally postponing, definitely not up for jury duty at 9 months pregnant (or ever, really! )

lookame3639 · May 2014

I don't vote often because the first time i voted i got picked for jury duty. I now am freaked that if i vote I'll get picked again lol. I was excused last time due to jury duty being a financial burden on me (i wouldn't get paid at work for the time missed and jurors only get paid $20 a day). This time I think i could be excused due to a medical condition but I just don't want to take that risk...

caballablanca · May 2014

kiley820 said:

Valancyy said:

triumphgrrrl said:

I was picked for jury duty, and I'm really really hoping that I call on Monday and find out the thing was canceled and that I don't have to show up. I really just don't have any desire to ever be on a jury. Ever. I like to vote, but I wish that voting didn't go hand-in-hand with being on the list of people being able to be picked for jury duty.

I find it so annoying as well. I had to be on a jury this last September, my bad luck to actually be PICKED! Since I'm a SAHM my husband had to use vacation time to stay home with the boys. Some states give you a pass if you're a SAHM, not New York. Why couldn't I have been picked all those years that I was working? My company paid you for it, and I would have had daycare.
Plus, it was so boring.

I was picked also....AGAIN. Which annoys me even more because I just went and SO is never picked! It states that if you have served within the past 3 years you dont have to go but asks for location and date. Now I need to call the court house to see if I can find out the date I served. Just another thing to do,ugh.

Hopefully I'm right and it's been less than 3 years but if not I'm totally postponing, definitely not up for jury duty at 9 months pregnant (or ever, really! )

Can you defer it if you can't get out of it?

lookame3639 · May 2014

lindalkelso said:

kiley820 said:

Valancyy said:

triumphgrrrl said:

I was picked for jury duty, and I'm really really hoping that I call on Monday and find out the thing was canceled and that I don't have to show up. I really just don't have any desire to ever be on a jury. Ever. I like to vote, but I wish that voting didn't go hand-in-hand with being on the list of people being able to be picked for jury duty.

I find it so annoying as well. I had to be on a jury this last September, my bad luck to actually be PICKED! Since I'm a SAHM my husband had to use vacation time to stay home with the boys. Some states give you a pass if you're a SAHM, not New York. Why couldn't I have been picked all those years that I was working? My company paid you for it, and I would have had daycare.
Plus, it was so boring.
I was picked also....AGAIN. Which annoys me even more because I just went and SO is never picked! It states that if you have served within the past 3 years you dont have to go but asks for location and date. Now I need to call the court house to see if I can find out the date I served. Just another thing to do,ugh.

Hopefully I'm right and it's been less than 3 years but if not I'm totally postponing, definitely not up for jury duty at 9 months pregnant (or ever, really! )

Can you defer it if you can't get out of it?

You should be able to get out of it. Just have your OB sign off on your paper saying it's not medically feasible for you to do jury duty since you are 9 months pregnant. Plus I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want you to go into labor during a trial so you probably would get dismissed anyway

Jennicillin · May 2014

The benefit of being in a military family and always voting absentee is I've NEVER (knock on wood) been selected for jury duty.

IF I were to be all I have to do is send of copy of my husbands orders and say "Sorry CA, I live in VA right now!"

However, when we go to TX we're both changing our permanent state of residence to TX. So I'm thinking that gravy train is about to end :-/

MC03 · May 2014

Jennicillin said:
The benefit of being in a military family and always voting absentee is I've NEVER (knock on wood) been selected for jury duty.

IF I were to be all I have to do is send of copy of my husbands orders and say "Sorry CA, I live in VA right now!"

However, when we go to TX we're both changing our permanent state of residence to TX. So I'm thinking that gravy train is about to end :-/

Just FYI to everyone about this. Most states now pull juror info from voting rolls AND drivers licenses so not voting isn't gonna help...

Also, as much as it sucks, someone has to do it. Our entire constitutional system depends on it.

dogperson11 · May 2014

MC03 said:

Jennicillin said:
The benefit of being in a military family and always voting absentee is I've NEVER (knock on wood) been selected for jury duty.

IF I were to be all I have to do is send of copy of my husbands orders and say "Sorry CA, I live in VA right now!"

However, when we go to TX we're both changing our permanent state of residence to TX. So I'm thinking that gravy train is about to end :-/
Just FYI to everyone about this. Most states now pull juror info from voting rolls AND drivers licenses so not voting isn't gonna help...

Also, as much as it sucks, someone has to do it. Our entire constitutional system depends on it.

Maybe this is my FFFC, but unless you have a true reason to not do jury duty I think it's our responsibility to participate. God forbid we needed a trial at some point, you better believe you'd want someone on that jury besides old retired people and long-term unemployed people.

Jennicillin · May 2014

MC03 said:

The benefit of being in a military family and always voting absentee is I've NEVER (knock on wood) been selected for jury duty.

IF I were to be all I have to do is send of copy of my husbands orders and say "Sorry CA, I live in VA right now!"

However, when we go to TX we're both changing our permanent state of residence to TX. So I'm thinking that gravy train is about to end :-/
Just FYI to everyone about this. Most states now pull juror info from voting rolls AND drivers licenses so not voting isn't gonna help... Also, as much as it sucks, someone has to do it. Our entire constitutional system depends on it.

Yeah, alllllll my stuff, license and everything is for the state of CA. That's my legal permanent residence. When you're military you maintain a "homestead state" which is where all your legal everything is, licenses, voting, juror responsibilities, etc. You can only change your homestead state ONE TIME when you're doing all that moving around and it has to be to a state you currently reside it. We're excited to take TX residency when we move there, mostly for the tax benefits. But it means for the next 4 years we'll be local if we're selected for jury duty, but then when we move again, we'll keep TX as our homestead state and won't be able to serve again if asked.

marathonmommy82 · May 2014

I'm surprised - and I guess a little disheartened - to see so many people who want out of jury duty. I'd love to sit on one but as a prosecutor I'm out for a criminal matter (I live in the jurisdiction where I practice ). It's one of the hallmarks of our system

dogperson11 · May 2014

TrishieTerp said:
I'm surprised - and I guess a little disheartened - to see so many people who want out of jury duty. I'd love to sit on one but as a prosecutor I'm out for a criminal matter (I live in the jurisdiction where I practice ). It's one of the hallmarks of our system

I was on a week long wrongful death case last year. Does my company pay for Jury Duty? No. I actually ended up using several vacation days, which wasn't the most convenient thing to do, but it was my turn to serve. They were also having trouble getting jurors who hadn't read all about it in the news when it happened about a year prior to the trial. Because I'm our only income (my husband is a full time college student) it would have been a financial hardship had I not had the vacation days.

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