How do you define success?

PSU_Texan · May 2014

I'm hitting a crossroads in my career and I think I need to do some soul searching about what success is for me. I will always be a full-time working mom just trying to decide if swimming upstream at a large corporation and trying to achieve executive ranks is really what I want. Or do I want to go to a smaller company and possibly be able to climb higher there? Or am I happy reaching almost exec ranks at my large company? Not to say exec level at my large company is out of reach yet, just not advancing at the rate I thought I would be. They are still giving me great feedback on my performance and potential.

So to the moms who enjoy having a career, what is your definition today and in the future of success? Do you have a certain salary you want to reach? The prestige that comes with a certain title? Span of control in your job, either direct or indirect?

I think I'm also struggling with what I should want vs what I might want. I feel a lot of pressure to be high achieving.

groovygrl · May 2014

For me it is about progressing and feeling fulfilled & challenged but not about title- however, I don't work in that type of field where there are clear lines of promotion & titles & all that, so it is a lot different. I tend to change my focus area just slightly with each job move so I feel like I'm always building & expanding my skill set...my hope is that over time I might be able to put my various experiences (which all have a couple things in common, just different approaches/roles) into something either at a company that will allow me a lot of flexibility or that I could possibly one day work as a consultant or something along those lines, once I build my experience, connections/network, etc. Of course I do hope to make a little more with each job/role change and feel the value in that as well.

wholenewworld · May 2014

This is something that I'm also thinking about/wrestling with. I have always been a high achiever and a positional leader. This is energizing and fulfilling for me. I don't know if I would consider myself successful without having the title or at least being in the process of progressing quickly to the next step. Since having my son last year, I am still trying to work this out the "balance" (but to be honest, I don't think there is such a thing). I'm interested to see people's responses.

Maybride2 · May 2014

My definition changes over time. 10 years ago success to me was getting accolades for my work, being recognized and promoted, making a name for myself and gaining experience. Today, my definition is being content with where I'm at, content with what my job is, and having a lot of job flexibility and a good work/life balance. Maybe in 10-15 years my definition will be closer to what it was 10 years ago, maybe it will be something completely new.

shannm · May 2014

I understand where you are coming from. I always struggle with what I should want and what I actually want.

In terms of the money aspect, I feel like I am being compensated for my education and even though it isn't oodles of cash, I'm not really driven to add more. So money does not mean success to me.

I could progress up in title but I kind of like where I am for now. I am respected and I contribute and frankly I'm not sure how much management I want to do.

My personal definition of success is to feel happy and not stressed while being challenged and contributing. In the future for me, this could mean anything from staying at my current company to staying at home with my kids and putting in some volunteer hours at nonprofits or my kids' school.

I'm just not sure exactly what my future success looks like. My husband is in his last year of training and will be job hunting soon. I will reevaluate then because it could mean a move.

shakinros · May 2014

amy052006 said:
For me it's the flexibility that comes with people respecting what you do, and how you choose to get it done. Being at a place where I have control of my environment, and I feel I am being compensated fairly. And definitely enjoying not only my work, but the people I work with. I want my time away from the kids to be enjoyable and fufilling across the board.

This for me too. Success now is about a fulfilling job where I don't feel like I'm under a microscope. I like to check in with my boss but I appreciate the freedom to set my own work hours and task timeline. With one kid and thinking about #2, I value this more than anything else. Of course a little more financial stability wouldn't hurt either. I'm on track to get a 20% raise over two years as the company scales up (it's a startup) and I think that + more careful spending + our recent move to a lower cost of living area means we're going to have all we want/need for the foreseeable future.

jlaOK · May 2014

I have redefined success now that I am in my current job. I am lucky enough to be the only engineer working for one of the experts in our type of engineering in the state. I want to take full advantage of this opportunity and learn as much as I can from him. I hope that in time I will be looked at as an expert in the field. That being said, my boss is married with no children and his wife also has a very successful/busy career. He has the ability to work hours that I would never dream of working since I have kids. As much as I want to move up in my career, I would never do it at the expense of my family time.

Tink112011 · May 2014

I do not strive for exec level positions. For me, success is having a career that I enjoy, where I'm compensated fairly, where I feel valuable and that I'm making a difference, and that allows a good level of balance between work and home.

By that definition, I am currently extremely successful!

ss265 · May 2014

SandAndsSea said:

I want it all. I want balance and want to be at a place that respects/understands that I am a working mom and that in order to be successful, I need family time. Longevity in my position matters to me and I don't want to burn out, I've been there and learned that it's no way to have a long, stable, happy career. I want to be challenged, continue to learn, continue to manage others, and have a leadership position, but not have my life become all about work. I want to be paid well for the skills that I bring to the table (technical, interpersonal, great client service, mentoring, organizational, etc.) and while I'm not going to be the one pulling all-nighters and demanding 20 hour days from my staff, I will retain my staff and train them well and am dedicated to my clients. Having the balance that I need in order to be the kind of mom I want to be, while still being a great performer is success to me. I've decided that titles and positions aren't the end all, but more importantly, I want a place where I belong and they like what I bring and reward me for it. And, when it really comes down to it, I want to be a great mom more than anything.

This is me too - especially the bolded. I am very fortunate in that I currently have a position with a good title, good pay, flexibility and a good work/life balance. 95% of the time I am able to leave the office at 5pm so that I can spend time with DS before bed. Work/life balance is extremely important to me and I would sacrifice pay, title etc. to get it if I have to. For the most part though, I have always worked for companies and managers who understand that.

MommaP12 · May 2014

I consider myself mostly successful in that I have a great paying job that is flexible and I'm able to balance working and family time. I'm a director and likely won't get promoted for several years which is fine by me because I don't think I want to be higher.

However, I don't love what I do and that's where my soul searching comes into play. Do I stay where I have a great paycheck and feel "meh" about most days for 8 hours - but I can work from home if I need to and never stay past 5, or do I leap and try to feel better? And I don't know what I'd "leap" to. I feel that most people are "meh" about their jobs so I battle with myself to "just be grateful" for what I have even if it doesn't light up my soul.

mommaoftrips · May 2014

Sorry didn't read all the answers - but for me success if about knowledge and continuing to build on my knowledge base. It's not title, or position necessarily but that might be my field.

dashofreality · May 2014

Agree with others that my definition of success has changed, or well maybe I just don't want to be as 'successful' as I used to. I see the execs in my company working 80-90 hours a week, I will not do that, I want to enjoy my family.

I honestly don't have a definition for what my success would look like, mainly because I don't have dreams/goals of someday being c-level. I'm very content with my life and while I will look to move up within my career path, I'm not striving for a certain salary or position.

My only dream would be to have my own successful small business, but I'm definitely not ready to leave security at this point.

aglenn · May 2014

I'm struggling with this, too. I'm at a point where those above me are subtly pushing and setting me up to move up to the next level but I feel very "meh" about that and not sure I really want to do it. I am solidly mid-career now and kind of feeling like I don't know what I want to do next. When I was younger I thought I wanted to move up as quickly as possible but the appeal of that kind of career path has definitely dwindled. I don't really like managing people. I don't really like dealing with the internal politics and BS that come with higher level positions. Having the title doesn't seem like a big reward to me any more.

I don't know if it's a mid-life crisis, per se, but I feel like I am once again trying to figure out exactly what it is that I want to be when I grow up. Having a family definitely is a big part of that because my priorities are so different and my focus is so much less on myself as an individual, but it goes beyond mommy-tracking myself. I still have a lot of years to work and I am trying to figure out what I want those years to look like.

kmh2201 · May 2014

As long as I feel challenged and appreciated/recognized at an individual contributor level, that is fine with me. I am more concerned with having happy, successful kids and being able to spend time with my family. DH and I are both in individual contributor-level roles, and we earn enough for a comfortable life and some extras like a nice vacation once a year. Maybe when the kids are in college I would consider a management level role. My family will always be #1 and work will always be #2.

KL777 · May 2014

I define success by having a really good "work-life fit." I don't have to have the "top dog" position but I still do want to be challenged at work. Yes, a good salary is also a perk!

mae0111 · May 2014

I struggle with this, too. My boss is c-suite at a huge global company. My next promotion would be to that level, and I'm not interested. I'm part of the management team for our subsidiary (about 3K employees worldwide), and I don't have the desire to go beyond this to the executive level.

While I have the flexibility for good balance, I find it difficult to turn things off at the end of the day. The politics are suffocating. It's difficult to step away. I feel like I spend my downtime strategizing about how to handle the next day. DH is at a similar point in his career. It can easily become consuming.

I had goals of hitting my current level before 40, and I beat that (I'm 38). There are very few women at the next level in my company, and those that are there never see their kids. Seriously. One has 3 nannies to care for her school-aged kids. THREE. Because she and her DH are never around. It works for them. But I don't want that.

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