Where to post...warning pity party

Soulbyte · May 2014

Ok so I was trying to be reasonably quiet since Friday but can't and need to vent/look for support. I wasn't even sure where to post this. I probably need to jump on a cancer support group board now or something. Many of you know I had a lot of issues over the past 4 months. I finally stopped bleeding. Got the results of my pathology and it was triple x (chromosome abnormality). Ok I thought, that's an explanation. But my Hcg levels are slow as heck down to 30 last Thursday from 50 the previous Thursday. And now this. A shadow on my uterus. Suspected choriocarcinoma. Referral to oncologist pending (doc said she wanted to do 2 more blood tests first - this Thursday and next) to see if e can go down more. I'm so pissed off and angry. Not only do I get the face slap of the endless bleeding 3 d and Cs and miscarriage(s?) I now have to deal with possible chemo and no ttc for the foreseeable. Sorry for the vent, but seriously. C'mon.

Unknown · May 2014

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Soulbyte · May 2014

I hope so. I really do. Can an MRI show a shadow and it be nothing? I thought they we're pretty clever. I did try and read about what an MRI looks for on a website or two but mostly just found technician jargon that I couldn't understand.

dawnstar898 · May 2014

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Hoping and praying for you that it's nothing serious!

buggirl72 · May 2014

meladoriestar said:

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. Try to stay calm until you get the results. It could easily be nothing serious. I don't have any other advice but lots of ((hugs))

This. I know staying calm is pretty much not an option. I had a mammogram at 38. The radiologist saw calcifications that he was pretty positive were cancer - he read the scan while I while I was still there and had them bring me back for more scans and then brought me in to show me what he was seeing. I pretty much was on a low level of freak-out until my biopsy was done the following week.

Right now, they suspect that it could be cancer but it could be something else. (((hugs)))

Unknown · May 2014

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Soulbyte · May 2014

@buggirl72‌ Yes total freak out. It's almost like ttc has gone out the window and I'm now ttnd (not die). I obviously googled like a crazy person and it's a good cure rate, but still. This is my second cancer diagnosis (already 10 years living with mycosis fungoides, another rare one particular for my age) and not 34 yet. Grumpy and worried and going nuts.

jbasore1123 · May 2014

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. FX it's nothing and the shadow isn't there at the next scan

BookishMomma · May 2014

This blows. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this and there's really nothing to say except that I hope further investigation brings hopeful news. Big, big ((hugs))

On a lighter note, "ttnd" made me giggle in that dark-and-morbid-but-still-funny way. You have a good sense of humor. Really hoping all is OK for you.

edit- typos

Soulbyte · May 2014

@bookishmomma I fight overwhelming emotion with extreme wit

some people call it a defensive mechanism but I find joking about makes me feel better!!!

Denise91980 · May 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this. Huge ((hugs)) to you.

tlc35 · May 2014

I don't have any good advice other than try not to jump to conclusions and remember that your doc probably has a very high threshold to refer for this sort of thing. In other words, it is better for him to refer you to a specialist and have it be something that is not malignant than to not refer and have it be something bad. Does that make sense? I know that it is impossible not to worry and I'm sorry you are going through this. Sending hugs.

Soulbyte · May 2014

@tlc35 yes absolutely. Thank you everyone so much. My emotions are going back in the box.

MyFirstRaspberry · May 2014

Really scary! Its ok to vent. I'm so very sorry for all that you have been through.

StephieMK · May 2014

Sorry you are going through this. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let yourself stress before you have a definitive answer. Good luck!

Soulbyte · May 2014

@StephieMK‌ thank you. Btw your siggy is the best IMHO. Laughed my head off.

kate6214 · May 2014

That is so scary. Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way.

StephieMK · May 2014

@Soulbyte‌ Thanks. Glad it made you laugh!

Soulbyte · May 2014

And again. Hahahaha. Excellent.

TVLily · May 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Sending you lots of ((hugs)).

smcniff · May 2014

So sorry you have to deal with this. (((hugs)))

Lesliem0901 · May 2014

Sending lots of hugs and fx that this scare is nothing but that...it still really sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

LizBlue · May 2014

Inappropriate joking is my defense mechanism too - I get it. We're here for you - hang in there one day at a time and know this is a safe space to vent. I'm sorry life is throwing all its shitty shit at you. You will climb out of this- whatever "this" is- with the support of your loved ones. Sending ((hugs)) and good thoughts.

jesswein9 · May 2014

So sorry about the stress that this news has brought you. My heart breaks for you. Thinking if you and hoping you get more reassuring results soon.

RustyGirl3 · May 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this right now. FX for good news.

(((HUGS)))

heathersf11 · May 2014

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this right now. FX that it is not cancer. I'm sorry that you have already had to deal with so much. ((((Hugs))))

peggels24 · May 2014

((hugs)). I'm hoping that further testing will provide better results. I'm sorry that you have to deal with this though

Buttercup509 · May 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thinking of you and hoping you get good news.

Alicia_R1 · May 2014

((hugs)) so very sorry that you are having to go through this. T&Ps that it's not cancer and that you some quick answers with good new

MrsG80inTN · May 2014

I know this is freaky, but try to stay calm until you have more information. So many hugs as you deal with uncertainty and just freaked out feelings in general.

ngolimento · May 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through such a terrifying experience. My thoughts are with you ((((hugs))))

Soulbyte · May 2014

Thanks all. When I have an update il post it. Won't be for a couple of weeks though most likely other than blood tests. I have a stomach ache today, most likely from a dodgy Chinese takeout I had last night. But still I'm like OmG is that it or the Chinese?,

8-| stupid!

alm288 · May 2014

I'm sorry life has been so rough - sounds very scary. Hang in there! Sending lots of positive vibes your way. (((Hugs)))

stephy1221 · May 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this. FX the shadow is nothing. hugs

bumpuser9524622 · May 2014

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I hope it turns out to be nothing. (((hugs)))

Mrs Sweet Tea · May 2014

Oh sweetie I am so sorry! ((HUGS)) You have every right to be angry and pissed off. Hopefully you can find some type of stress relief to help get you through until you know for sure. You'll be in my prayers!

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