Advice needed, got some poor SA results and IDK how to tell DH

kaynix21 · May 2014

So the RE called and filled me in on the SA results.

They are quite a bit worse than we had originally thought.

Originally we were told about 50% motility, count was about 61 mil which was just the bottom of the normal range.

DH went in to give specimen because we are cryo-freezing for IUI next week.

They said he only had 9.3 million (they wanted 20mil) and motility was only 36%. They said they froze and thawed a tiny sample to see how it will react when it's time to do IUI and that after the wash, the freeze, the thaw (basically each step of the process you lose some) that we will have just under a million if we were to do IUI right now.

He was bummed before but I think he's going to be so much more bummed now to know it's worse than we though. Combine that with work stress he's going through...I just want to make sure I tell him the right way and not upset him.

Anyone got advice on how to say it?

BunnyBerry · May 2014

I'm sorry about those results ! I call the office in a couple hours to get SA results for DH and am not anticipating great news, so I've been thinking of your question all week!

The last few days, I've been trying to pump up his ego - really admiring his body, and his prowess in the bedroom, lol. I've been saying things like (sorry if TMI), "I don't care what the doctor says when he judges your sperm, because I've been judging your p***s and it get a 10/10!" He knows I'm just trying to make him feel better, but that is enough to make him happy.

Is IVF ever an option for your family? For us, it is, so if our numbers move out of the IUI range, I'll probably say, "Honey, I got a call with updated news from the RE, with good and bad news...the great news is, you can like a million more sperm than necessary to make a baby...but the negative part is that it may only work through IVF."

Or, does your RE think that this could be a fluke and want to give another try? If so, I'd say something like, "Oops, turns out the lab thinks this your sample was bad for some reason this time, so they want to try again. It might push back our timeline a little bit, but even if there's another bad sample, then there are some vitamins that might be lacking in your body that could make a big difference" (i.e., it's not your fault, and it's no big deal, and it's not a permanent judgement on your manhood).

For me, look like we have discovered a few problems of my own body this testing month, so I also plan to say something like, "Oh honey I was feeling so crummy about all the problems with my body, but now I feel better because it's both of us! Isn't that romantic? I love you! We're a team, we'll figure it out together!" I saw in your siggy that Clomid easily solved your O problem, but maybe you could milk that?

Anyways, I just to do a man thing and focus on the long-term solutions, try to turn it away from a judgment or failure, and just show him how manly he is and how much I love him.

It's very sweet of you to field the scary RE office calls and help break the news to your DH. I hope the doctor is able to find a great plan for you two!

sundaybrunch · May 2014

I'm so sorry the SA results were less than stellar. We're pretty straightforward with each other and if I were you I'd just lay everything out on the table for him and be as supportive as he needed me to be. The key for us is to focus on a solution or next steps. It's very much related to our jobs though and how we handle our clients.

I was also wondering if it's possible to add two samples together. I also assume there's a reason for the cryo-freezing? Travel?

kaynix21 · May 2014

Thanks guys.

Poor guy wasn't allowed to leave work until 5:30am this morning (got there at 7 am yesterday). And I felt like I was keeping a secret so once I realized he was in a good mood I told him and he took it fine.

I go in for a follie scan today so I'm going to ask if IUI is still worth a shot or if we need to start preparing for IVF. I mean it only takes one right...

And since his numbers were better a few months ago they'd probably want to check again or give us a couple months.

princesskatie22 we can add multiple samples together, he's going to go back in again on Friday for another one. And he is in the military and trains a lot, so he's home for a week, then gone for three. Home for three then gone for six, etc. Like this cycle he's probably leaving the day we trigger so he will just miss it.

Waterlily234 · May 2014

I'm a military wife too, so I totally sympathize on the military issue. The schedules, the training and the stress of job adds to TTC troubles. I am sorry for the disappointment on the numbers, the only thing I can think of is these numbers can change and just as they went down they can go up, so a second sample might just do the trick. No hurt in doubling up! Hugs and good luck!

CarSaidYes · May 2014

I am sorry about your news... I think just telling him that you guys are in this together and we all have our demons to battle. If that weren't true TTC wouldn't exist. We'd get pregnant by sneezing. Reassure him that you love him no matter what and look for solutions not excuses. Remind him you aren't placing blame or judgement on him. The ultimate goal is to get pregnant and you cant do it with out him...Just keep trying. Take the Dr's advice, ask about medications or vitamins. Hope this helps.

KT416 · May 2014

I'm really sorry to hear about your DH's results. My husband took his really bad at first, but he did better once he realized we were in this together and was really happy when we formed a game plan. I hope you will still be able to do an IUI first!

chicory · May 2014

We are battling MFI, and DH has had several SAs in the last 10 months. The very first one, we obviously weren't expecting bad news, I think they mailed the results and he opened it first so I didn't see his inital reaction. All of the SAs after that, either rechecks or from our IUIs, I have gotten the results first. We usually plan not to talk about it until we're both home and done for the day, so if it's bad news, it won't ruin the day. Having a nice plan like his favorite dinner or one of his favorite craft brews, etc were some nice ideas given to me by other ladies on here. It's kind of like prepping yourself to do something you enjoy in the event you get a BFN. My DH really likes to see the numbers on paper as opposed to me just telling him it was better or worse, so I either have the nurse print it off, or print it from our patient portal online. It sounds like your DH took it as well as you could have hoped! I'm sorry for the bad news and hope your docs can get you a good plan to work with the numbers, be it IUI or otherwise! Edit: because words are hard, lol

Lillovebug79 · May 2014

I'm sorry for the bad news

I wouldn't worry too much though because it could have just been a bad batch. Our SA's all varied so much. And by the guidelines most facilities use, 20 million is the low end of normal. I can tell you that you lose about 40% in the thaw so it's good that he is giving another sample. FX that it will be a good one

kaynix21 · May 2014

So long story short, I had a follie ready way early so we actually did IUI today and did it fresh.

We had 34 mil sperm versus him only have 9 million the other day. Crazy how different it was.

So fingers crossed!

theholmanherd · May 2014

kaynix21 said:
So long story short, I had a follie ready way early so we actually did IUI today and did it fresh.

We had 34 mil sperm versus him only have 9 million the other day. Crazy how different it was.

So fingers crossed!

Yay!

Want a personalized experience?

Advice needed, got some poor SA results and IDK how to tell DH

Re: Advice needed, got some poor SA results and IDK how to tell DH

Me: 26 (IC/PCOS-2000mg of Metformin daily)

DH: 27 (SA results were great minus the slightly low morphology)

Started dating DH in 2002 at 14 years old

Married on 03.01.2014

Officially TTC since April 2014

January 2013- Surprise BFP, m/c at 6 weeks, D&C 2 Weeks later

April 2014- First RE appointment

July 2014- IUI#1-Canx due to scar tissue and polyps. TI with the help of Ovidrel. BFN

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