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Sigh. Today sucks :( (prey mentioned, not mine)

Lindsey7348Lindsey7348 member
in Trouble TTC
I have dreaded today for obvious reasons. But today just plain sucks. 

I had a falling out with a friend a few months ago (a friend of 25 years!) I just felt she hasn't been supportive in my situation and is very judgmental. For instance, I have yet to even tell her I had ever even done IVF. Will feel judged and get the 'lecture'. After my first IUI when I told her, I learned my lesson after her eye roll "oh gaw just relax and stop stressing if it will happen." Says the person who has gotten knocked up twice 'accidentally.' Well, we haven't talked since our falling out and yesterday on FB she announced her third pregnancy. It literally sucked the life out of me. Like worst punch in the gut ever. I can't tell what hurts most. That it comes so easy for her, or that, even though we had a falling out, 25 years of friendship and her being my MOH in my wedding, clearly is disregarded and she didn't have the decency to tell me this prior to a fb announcement. I am beyond hurt. 

And all I wanted to do today was get two big hydrangea plants to plant in my front yard in honor of my two 'angels' and a sweet Mothers Day reminder for years to come, but the nursery was closed, and 3 other places didn't have any. 

Can I crawl in my hole forever please? :(
Me: 31 DH: 31
TTC#1 since Sept. 2011
March 2012-June 2012 - IUI's- BFN

Sept 2012= IVF #1- 14 eggs, 9 fert, no frosties. 2 blasts 5dt=BFN
Oct/Nov 2012= IVF #2- 20 eggs, 14 fert, no frosties. 2 blasts transferred despite mild OHSS=BFN
Nov 2012= hubby got transferred, moving to new state, time for a break until summer!
Feb 2013= Natural BFP!! Valentine's day surprise! 
Mar 2013= m/c @ 7.5 weeks :(

*New RE*
July 2013= ER for a freeze all cycle. 21 eggs, 9 fert, freeze all day 1.
Lab is closed in August! (Of course!) 
Sept 2013= FET #1 - transferred 3 not so great quality day 3 embies=BFN
Oct 2013= FET #2- transferred 4! 3 good, 1 poor= BFP! On hubby's birthday :)
Started bleeding at 5w5d. ER trip confirms one gest sac, one yolk sac, no fetal pole. 6w u/s showed nothing. Levels drop from 4,500 to 250. 
Nov.2013=meet with RE to discuss where to go from here.
       *Tests showed PCOS-ish. High testosterone. Start Metformin 1500 mg.
February 2014- CLomid, IUI, Trigger. 4 juicy and ripe follies (24,25, 28 and 34!) 111 million post wash sperm count. BFFN!!!! WTH?
March 2014- Over my RE. Year of fun for us and looking into RMANJ.
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Re: Sigh. Today sucks :( (prey mentioned, not mine)

  • brazenbibliobrazenbiblio member
    (Hugs) I'm so sorry your friend is being so unsupportive. Today is rough enough without dealing with that too.

    Me-36
    DH -35
    Married in 2008
    Started TTC in 2011
    Began testing May 2014
    Test Results
    HSG- clear
    Hysteroscopy- clear
    SA- 11 mil count
    45% motility
    Diagnosis: MFI
    July 2014: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    August 2015: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    September 2015: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    May 2018 after long period of not trying, starting adoption process with family friend's newborn
    November 2018 Adoption complete!


    Report Reply
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  • Sigh202Sigh202 member
    Hugs
    Ready to take the road less traveled. 
    Report Reply
  • athlete010688athlete010688 member
    So sorry :(  Hugs!

    DH: 34  
    Aug 2013 - SA: Counts & Motility = great, Morph = 1%; RE didn't seem too concerned

    Me: 26
    Jan. 2014 - Blood work ordered by obgyn:  Prolactin = high & AMH = low (0.73)
    Feb. 6, 2014 - Repeat blood work ordered by obgyn:  Prolactin = normal & AMH = low (0.9)
    Feb.  20, 2014 - First appointment with RE
    Feb. 24, 2014 - HSG scheduled;  DX:  one tube definitely open & one tube could be blocked
    Mar. 7, 2014 - CD 21 Blood work for Progesterone; DX:  Progesterone level at 5.2; shows I ovulated but was low
    Mar. 28, 2014 - Laparoscopy; DX:  Tubes open.  Found some endometriosis and had that removed.
     
    History:
    Started TTC:  June 2012
    June 2012 - March 2013:  When it Happens/it happens method = BFN
    March 2013:  Started using Fertility Friend
    Cycles 1 - 15 with Fertility Friend = BFN
    Cycle 16 - Benched due to Laparoscopy
    Cycle 17 - Natural Cycle = BFN
    Cycle 18 - Natural Cycle = BFN
    Cycle 19 - Natural Cycle = BFN
     

    Current Cycle:
    Cycle 20 = Natural Cycle


    image
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  • Pintobean39Pintobean39 member
    I'm so sorry. One thing I've learned through this whole process is it's better to surround yourself with people that will support you and not hurt you. You kinda have to be a little selfish, and look out for yourself.

    Hopefully tomorrow you can get some hydrangeas, I think they are beautiful plants. I have 2 pink hydrangeas in my back yard that I planted for my two little girls I lost. I need to go get 3 more for my other 3 I lost.
    Fucking bump!!!!
    Report Reply
  • mrskovarikmrskovarik member
    I'm so sorry about your friend. It's so tough going through IF and finding out the people you think would be the most supportive can really be the most hurtful.
    Report Reply
  • theholmanherdtheholmanherd member
    She is beyond undeserving of your friendship. I'm so sorry you had to put up with that. I had a falling out of sorts with a close friend, but she was still there when my mom passed away and asked me to be in her wedding and we've since rekindled our friendship. That's what real friends do. You fight, something happens, they put the bullshit aside and are there for you (or vice versa), and you make up. Forget about her. (((HUGS)))
    Love 2010 | Marriage 2011 | TTC #1 since 2012
    PCOS | Anovulatory | Metformin + Letrozole
    Report Reply
  • BunnyBerryBunnyBerry member
    Sorry, how awful for such an important long-term friend not to be able to be there for you. :(
    January 3T Siggy Challenge - New Year's Resolutions
    image
    imageimage

    Me (29), DH (30) TTC actively 54 55+ cycles | All BFNs
    MFI (low everything) | Endo Stage 1 & Stenotic Cervix (treated) | PCO
    Married - July 2008 | Started TTC - Jan 2009 | RE Visit #1 - Mar 2014 
    IUI #1 ICI #1 - June | IUI #1.1 Laparoscopy - Aug
    IUIs #1.2, 2, 3 - Sept, Oct, Nov (Letrozole) - BFNs 
    IUI #4 - Dec (Bravelle) | IUI #5 - Dec/Jan (Bravelle) - 5 follies + TI - BFNs
    IUI #5.1 - Jan (Bravelle) Cancelled 
    Planning to start IVF in March!
    ***All Welcome***
    Report Reply
  • RachaeleighRachaeleigh member
    Sorry :-( ((hugs))

    4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
    All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal

    5 IUIs = BFN

    All AL are welcome
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

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  • VirgoWifeVirgoWife member
    edited May 2014
    I am so sorry...we all need a few close friends when TTC isn't going our way. And I can COMPLETELY relate. I am thinking I should deactivate my FB for a while, as logging on and seeing 2348735 pregnancy announcements and ultrasounds is wearing on me!

    *HUGS!*

    PS when people say 'relax and it will happen' it drives me up the wall!!!
    image
    Married 11/16/12
    TTC #1 since Aug 2013
    Report Reply
  • rella22rella22 member

    (((hugs)))

    She definitely does not deserve to have you as a friends...as upsetting as that may seem! 

    But the hydrangeas....beautiful flowers and beautiful idea!  I hope you find them and better friends soon.  I use this community as my friends for understanding what I'm going through...I have very few friends that "get it" outside of this board.

    ***SIGGY WARNING***




    me: 28 - all test normal
    DH: 33 - SA normal
    *unexplained*

    TTC since September 2011
    2011-Oct.2013 - trying off and on, ob/gyn, no meds
    November 2013-December-EOD, ob/gyn, no meds
    January 2014- ob/gyn ordered Clomid (50 mg) unmonitored, EOD-BFN
    February-Clomid 50 mg. unmontiored, EOD - BFN
    March-Switched to RE
    April- 100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel-BFN
    May - 100 mg Clomid/Ovidrel-BFN
    June-*BREAK/Switch RE*
    July- 5 mg Femara/Ovidrel + IUI #1- BFN
    August- 5 mg Femara/Ovidrel + IUI #2 - BFP!!!!

    EDD: May 7th, 2015: Team PINK



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  • TTCBabyJTTCBabyJ member
    I'm so sorry about your friend...I have to say in my experience with IF it is really hard to find people that get it unless they've actually been through it, which is so bizarre to me. There is just a lack of compassion and empathy for IF and I think that hurts more than the IF itself. ((((Hugs))))
    Me: +35 DH: +35
    TTC: Since January 2013 
    DX: PCOS. Severe Endometriosis, Unicornuate Uterus w/only left tube and left ovary, Pedunculated fibroid (on the outside of uterus) and Anovulation. All conditions diagnosed 8/13
    TX: Metformin
    DH DX: MFI - low morphology, low motility
    Ultrasound shows both kidneys in spite of UU. 
    HSG showed clear tube on the left side. 
    Lap Surgery performed 1/9/14 to remove fibroid and endo (Stage 3)
    • IUI# 1 June 2014 started 100 mg of Clomid - 7dpiui Progesterone: 13: BFN
    • IUI#2  July 2014 started 100 mg of Clomid - 7dpiui Progesterone: 5.75: BFN
    • Natural Cycle - so shocked to be in 2WW - 7dpo Progesterone: 15.5: BFN
    • Working with new RE starting injectables in late August.
    • IUI #3 August 2014  w/ Menopur: BFN
    • Finally ovulating on my own!!
    Waiting to start IVF hopefully
    **********All Are Welcome**************
    3T January Siggy Challenge: New Year's Resolution
    image

     
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  • sundaybrunchsundaybrunch member
    ((Hugs))  Falling out with friends is so painful.  I'm so sorry.  

    I'm with you @TTCBabyJ...I just don't understand why people have such a difficult time understanding how difficult IF is or just plain old providing support to friends experiencing IF.  
    image
    Me:36 DH:40
    Married since May, 2012; TTC since September, 2012
    DX: Blocked Fallopian Tube, Hashimoto's
    March 2014 - Clomid, Trigger, TI = BFN, April 2014 - Clomid, Trigger, TI = BFN, May 2014 - Clomid, estrogen, trigger, IUI = BFN, June & July 2014 - Natural cycles = BFN, August 2014 - Femara, estrogen, trigger, IUI = BFN, September 2014 - Femara, estrogen, trigger, IUI = BFN
    Prepping for IVF in with ER/ET slated for early February


    Report Reply
  • Lindsey7348Lindsey7348 member
    oh goodness you guys!! See, this is where I will have my support. You all understand where I am coming from. You make me feel less crazy too, haha.

    I agree though, she isn't worthy of my friendship. Despite us having an argument over how she has hurt me during this journey, I have been an incredibly loyal friend to her. It's ironic, because we have a mutual friend who I am still extremely close with (funnily enough she and her don't talk anymore either) and I had mentioned a few days before deleting her off of FB but thought nah its childish of me. And my friend disagreed. Now I wish I would have, but I feel its too late now bc it might look obvious lol. I am just taking a hiatus from fb. after being unplugged in Mexico it was so refreshing. I have bigger things to focus on anyway :)

    Thanks again ladies you all are incredible!!! <3
    Me: 31 DH: 31
    TTC#1 since Sept. 2011
    March 2012-June 2012 - IUI's- BFN

    Sept 2012= IVF #1- 14 eggs, 9 fert, no frosties. 2 blasts 5dt=BFN
    Oct/Nov 2012= IVF #2- 20 eggs, 14 fert, no frosties. 2 blasts transferred despite mild OHSS=BFN
    Nov 2012= hubby got transferred, moving to new state, time for a break until summer!
    Feb 2013= Natural BFP!! Valentine's day surprise! 
    Mar 2013= m/c @ 7.5 weeks :(

    *New RE*
    July 2013= ER for a freeze all cycle. 21 eggs, 9 fert, freeze all day 1.
    Lab is closed in August! (Of course!) 
    Sept 2013= FET #1 - transferred 3 not so great quality day 3 embies=BFN
    Oct 2013= FET #2- transferred 4! 3 good, 1 poor= BFP! On hubby's birthday :)
    Started bleeding at 5w5d. ER trip confirms one gest sac, one yolk sac, no fetal pole. 6w u/s showed nothing. Levels drop from 4,500 to 250. 
    Nov.2013=meet with RE to discuss where to go from here.
           *Tests showed PCOS-ish. High testosterone. Start Metformin 1500 mg.
    February 2014- CLomid, IUI, Trigger. 4 juicy and ripe follies (24,25, 28 and 34!) 111 million post wash sperm count. BFFN!!!! WTH?
    March 2014- Over my RE. Year of fun for us and looking into RMANJ.
    Report Reply
  • brittany634brittany634 member
    I'm so sorry- *hugs*
    Report Reply
  • Waterlily234Waterlily234 member
    What a bummer this friend can't be more sensitive to you.  I'm so sorry!

    ME:      36, on BC since 1996,  irregular periods.   HUBS:      37, healthy

    2001—meet.  2005—marry.  2006—Furbaby is born. 

    On BC till end of 2009.  2010 NTNP.   

    New Year’s Eve 2010—BFP?! January 13, 2011—early loss, HCG peaked at 324, no D&C needed.

    +++++

    Feb 2011-Nov 2012—NTNP 

    Dec 2012 --present (TTC 20 months) Not even a hint of a BFP

    Me:  BW, U/S, HSG, HSN normal.  AMH 2.33.  Hubs: SA normal 

    +++++

    April 2014--IUI #1 Clomid 100 4-8 Follistim 150 9-14, 5 mature follies at trigger, Peak E2 5/5 1100, BFN 

    May 2014 ---IUI#2 Clomid 100 3-7 Follistim 150 8-13, 3 mature follies at trigger, Peak E2 6/6 547, BFN

    June 2014--IUI#3 Follistim 150/225 3-15, 3-5 mature follies at trigger, Peak E2 7/11 1450, BFN

    July 2014--IUI#4 Follistim 225 2-12, 3 mature follies at trigger, Peak E2 8/12 841, BFN

    Breaking till after Christmas, then IVF...taking 4000 mgs daily Inositol and Melatonin 3mg


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