Whiney Toddler

lar2680 · May 2014

What are some strategies that you all have used for whiney toddlers? Do we continue our 1-2-3 magic and put her in time out for whining or do we continue to ignore the behavior? Help!

emberlee3 · May 2014

I can't see how old your LO is. I would not do time out. But then, I don't do time out or punish, in general. Why is your child whining? DS is almost 5 and when he uses a whiny voice or baby talk, I ask him to try again in his regular voice. DD is almost 2 yo and she doesn't really whine or fuss unless she is hungry or tired, so I address those issues and ignore the whining.

dglvrk2 · May 2014

My oldest is almost three. We are trying hard to make her more aware of whining. She whines a lot and we do want it to stop. However, I don't think it will until she can identify when she's doing it and use alternative forms of communication. Right now, DH, DCP and I tell her she's whining whenever she is. We'll say, "you're whining. Stop," quite firmly. I take favorite toys away from her -temporary- if it continues. She also does not get whatever she's requesting etc until she can communicate politely. Does she still whine? Yes. We've been pretty adamant about her talking in a normal, polite way in order to get what she wants for over a month now. The whining has decreased and I feel more in control of her behavior. I wish I had a magic answer. I hope this helps.
Oh- we rarely do time outs. I never use time outs as punishments. They're more for regrouping; for DD and me. I don't think they're effective means of teaching my daughter (given her personality, age etc) right from wrong.

mittensonkittens · May 2014

Time outs aren't as effective if you use them too much, so I try to reserve them for things like hitting (which we get a lot with a 3 year old and 5 year old). For whining when they want something, I tell them to ask again with a big kid voice. For the 3 year old I model how he should ask, and he repeats me. Then I respond. Once I tried demonstrating both ways of asking DH for a drink, throwing myself on the floor and whining, and standing up and asking nicely. I think that really helped (and they enjoyed it).

SunAndRain · May 2014

When DD whines I tell her, "no whining. Ask mommy, 'help, please'." Or another 2-3 word sentence that she is capable of. She is only 22 months so we will see how this plays out in a year or two. But my strategy is that I am teaching her how to communicate her needs.
I use time outs for hitting, biting, kicking, pinching, and occasionally for when she throws food on the floor because we have been working with the food throwing for over 6 months now and it is getting old!

it is too much time out though. DD literally walks herself over to time out now when I tell her to.
There must be a balance but I can't understand not punishing a child and holding them accountable for their bad behavior. Maybe there is a method unaware of.

cecilyandgautam · May 2014

Our response depends on how severe the situation is, whether she's missed a nap or might be sick, etc. If she's been whining for hours and our other attempts to get her to use her normal voice aren't working, then yes, we do a time out which generally gets her to stop and realize we're serious.

But most of the time I first ask her to ask nicely. Sometimes if she asks for something, I give it to her, and then she whines that she now has whatever it is she requested (the most annoying kind of whining IMO) - then I kneel down to her level, look her in the eye, and give her two options and then ignore any fussing that follows. She has her choice to make and I don't really engage further just because she wants the purple spoon instead of the orange, or whatever the beef is.

aglenn · May 2014

I play dumb and tell DS I can't understand him when he uses a whiny voice. That seems to work better than just telling him to talk in a normal voice, which seems to invite resistance in him.

dashofreality · May 2014

Hmm this just made me realize that we are out of the whiny phase with my 3 yo. I fully expect a regression though at some point.

I wouldn't do time out for this either. What worked best for us was putting it in terms of 'strong voice'. If it was the beginning of the day and I had patience I would make a game out of it. Overly exaggerate - 'T, what happened? You are using a baby voice, what happened to your strong voice?' Then maybe some tickling while searching for her big strong voice and having her try again. If she was still whining later I would just say strong voice or I can't understand you unless you use a stronger voice. We also wouldn't give in until she stopped whining. My ears only bled for a little bit.

emberlee3 · May 2014

SunAndRain said:
When DD whines I tell her, "no whining. Ask mommy, 'help, please'." Or another 2-3 word sentence that she is capable of. She is only 22 months so we will see how this plays out in a year or two. But my strategy is that I am teaching her how to communicate her needs.
I use time outs for hitting, biting, kicking, pinching, and occasionally for when she throws food on the floor because we have been working with the food throwing for over 6 months now and it is getting old! it is too much time out though. DD literally walks herself over to time out now when I tell her to.
There must be a balance but I can't understand not punishing a child and holding them accountable for their bad behavior. Maybe there is a method unaware of.

Yes. If you are interested, check out ahaparenting.com

seells · May 2014

DD will be 4 in June. When she whines I tell her to stop whining and to ask again appropriately.

Sometimes she's not into asking again and will start throwing a tantrum. At that point I give her some time to calm down. Once she's calmed a bit I will try to talk to her. If she throws another tantrum I send her to her room to cool down. She will let me know when she's calmed down and ready to applogize/talk.

We do time outs for more extreme behaviors. Like last night she went over to DH and bit him in the arm. That got an automatic time out and then we had a talk about why that wasn't okay etc. We take away toys/privledges (like playing games on the tablet, watching tv, toys are removed when she doesn't play with them correctly, like throwing them when she's mad) We also do spankings depending on the situation.

SunAndRain · May 2014

emberlee3 said:

SunAndRain said:
When DD whines I tell her, "no whining. Ask mommy, 'help, please'." Or another 2-3 word sentence that she is capable of. She is only 22 months so we will see how this plays out in a year or two. But my strategy is that I am teaching her how to communicate her needs.
I use time outs for hitting, biting, kicking, pinching, and occasionally for when she throws food on the floor because we have been working with the food throwing for over 6 months now and it is getting old! it is too much time out though. DD literally walks herself over to time out now when I tell her to.
There must be a balance but I can't understand not punishing a child and holding them accountable for their bad behavior. Maybe there is a method unaware of.
Yes. If you are interested, check out ahaparenting.com

Thanks! I'll check it out!

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