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Advice needed for help with a Strong willed/Stubborn 3 year old

MJN9510MJN9510 member
in Parenting
I have a 3 yo DD who will be 4 in September.  She has always been a strong willed/stubborn natured child. My mom always tells me to be glad that I have that kind of child, because as an adult, that will be a great thing.  But for right now, I want to scream!   i was reading the post about toddler discipline in 18 months olds and DD is the same way.  I say the same thing to her over and over again and she just doesnt listen.  She knows right from wrong but if I tell her to stop doing something, she looks right at me and does it again.  It seems as though she is doing it to purposely disobey and be defiant.  I put her in time outs, taking away toys, and have also tried putting her nose in the corner because I just am at my wits end figuring out what works with her.  Nothing seems to work. When she goes into time out or has her nose in the corner, she literally screams the entire time.  After the 3 minutes are up, I try to calm her down so I can talk to her but it just goes in one ear and out the other.  Any suggestions on how to get this under control?  I have tried to be consistant, as I know she is testing me to see how far I can be pushed.  Some days, its just exhausting.
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Re: Advice needed for help with a Strong willed/Stubborn 3 year old

  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    We aren't to age 3 yet, but some days seem to be similar. I can't imagine all the time. I can't advise but I'm sending you all the virtual coffee & booze!


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  • ByeBabyBuntingByeBabyBunting member
    We have had the worst time with listening. DH and I talked it over and made a strict game plan that we're following. I ask once, when he doesn't listen I say "listening ears DS, please ..." then if he ignores me again he goes straight to time out. Since we're doing this 100x a day we're only doing 1 minute time outs. It took almost a full week, but things have gotten better. When DS hears "Listening ears!" he pays more attention. It still only works half of the time, but it better than him NEVER listening, which is hwere we were.

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  • MJN9510MJN9510 member

    Thanks ladies.  I guess I am just so frustrated because I have tried all of these things.  yes, she crys and throws a fit when I take a privelage away and also when I put her in time out.  But it doesnt affect her enough to get her to stop what she is doing and start listening.  I guess I will just have to continue to be consistant, in the hopes that one day it will click with her.  Until then, bring on the booze.  LOL

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  • bumpuser1691848bumpuser1691848 member
    I'm going through the same thing. DD loves to test the limits and see how far she gets. She's gotten to where she doesn't even cry when I put her in timeout anymore. I hate this stage.

    I wish I had advice for you, cause then I'd be using it, too!
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  • aforstaforst member
    It's the age. 3 sucks. Hard. Just be consistent and know that it will get better.

    With DS2, he gets 1 reminder, 1 warning and then a consequence. It might be time out or losing a privilege. It doesn't usually correct the behavior, but it teaches expectations and results of disobeying. We might have to do it all day long, but it's important for him to know we won't back down.
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  • LaurelBeeLaurelBee member
    I do think it's an age thing. 3 has been really difficult!! As far as TOs go OP, I would walk over to her corner and say in a calm voice: Your TO is over now, but you may not leave the corner until you've calmed down. It might take another 10 mins, but eventually she will chill out and come find you. Remind her why she was put in TO and give her hugs. Rinse repeat.
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  • Snapdragon750Snapdragon750 member
    This might help with the screaming time-out situation: 

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  • NCMichelleNCMichelle member
    You just described my DD at age 3 EXACTLY.  Four has be so, so, so much better.  Hang in there!
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  • bluejaywaybluejayway member
    MJN9510 said:
      I say the same thing to her over and over again and she just doesnt listen. 
    I read something the other day to the effect of: If you ask a child 100 times to do something, she will come to expect you to ask 100 times. 3-year-olds are master manipulators and they are known to test you to see what they can get and what they want (like if you ever give into a whining demand, they know they can break you, haha!). I have a 3, almost-4, year old and she's exactly like this. It's tough to deal with, so I totally sympathize. I have been reading a lot about Love and Logic, which you might want to check out...some of it isn't applicable to that young of age, but some of it works really well. 

    You always give them a choice of doing something, and you always make them choices both of you can live with, and not threats. You stay calm and cool. Ex: "You can walk out to the car, or mama will carry you out to the car..." "Would you like to go read a story now? Or stay in the bath for 5 more minutes?" "Do you want to come eat breakfast and cut your banana up yourself?" Choices like that...all day long.  

    This works really well...It's hard to make that mindset adjustment, and of course, not everything works for every kid. There is also a book called "Raising Your Spirited Child" that I found to be a good read. Good luck!
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