VENT bbies mentioned

TaylorTaylor13 · May 2014

I'm sorry to be this person right now. I just don't know where else to express my feelings. I'm not sure if I'm more frustrated with, what seems like, every single person in my life, or with myself for being so sensitive. I'd like to think I'm not normally this much of a downer but I figure if there's anyone that will understand my meltdown, it's you fine women out there on 3T.

I've looked at so many "trouble trying to conceive/infertility etiquette" blogs and lists, so I know I'm not the only one hurt by the things people close to us say. I know people don't mean to be hurtful (I'm sure they're doing their best to help!), but it seems like all of the closest women to me violate at least 2 of the suggested etiquette items on the daily. Ugh! It can be SO difficult when everyone (and I mean everyone) is announcing pregnancies and having babies and all I want to do is talk it out with my sisters, mom, friends, or even husband. But none of them seem to understand! I just want to snap when I hear some story about someone they've heard of that tried for 15 years and then when they gave up, unexpectedly, had triplets. Or when they say "You're still young", "it could be worse", "its not God's timing", "my kids have such tough issues, are you sure you even want kids?!". It leaves me thinking, "is there anything actually helpful someone can say to me to help during this painful time???"

I'm sorry, but don't you guys just lose your shit sometimes?? I'm trying to have faith and I want to be that strong person that doesn't talk about their depressing issues with not getting pregnant, but my gosh, its SO hard!!!

I'm sorry to waste your time with such a negative post. I just needed to get it out.

Pintobean39 · May 2014

I lose my shit all the time. It's perfectly normal. People just don't get it. I'm sorry.

You can always do what I do, drink to much wine and have an ugly cry. Once I get over the hangover a week later (sucks getting old) then I feel better.

TaylorTaylor13 · May 2014

I guess they just don't get it, do they? Well thank you very much. I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one that loses my shit and indulges in wine when I do. Thank you, I needed your comment.

MrsCMK2011 · May 2014

*** children and loss mentioned****

@TaylorTaylor13‌ ..... I want to drop kick people on a daily basis especially my SIL ... They have a super sweet little one ( almost 2) who they had no trouble trying to conceive went of BCP a few months ago and got pregnant right away only to have the pregnancy end in a loss the day after they found out she then preceded to tell me how hard it had been to get pregnant and they were ready to give up hope and now a few months later she has decided she's infertile and going to get a referral to an RE ..... I have thought about typing up a list of things not to say to people experiencing IF and just passing them out to friends and family . Would that be so wrong ? Lol ...... Don't apologize for your rant some people just need a good high dive to the face with a chair

:-w

Autumray · May 2014

Yup I have this feeling all the time lately! ((hugs)) People dont get it, they really dont. I get it from all ends. I work in a nursing home and a lot of my dementia patients ask me about my "children" all the time and since I am overweight and carry it a lot in the middle (TY PCOS) they ask me when I am due all the time. I know they cant help it but sometimes when I am having a bad IF day I just wanna cry. Then there are the staff that know I am trying and want a baby who ask every day if I am pregnant yet. I wanna punch them a lot. Being in a customer service job really sucks sometimes. I wish I sat in an office alone with my door shut and could shut the world out sometimes.

KimL725 · May 2014

I feel exactly the same way most of the time. It's so tough when the people that you would normally turn to about other problems in your life aren't able to help or even just listen to your frustrations with IF. The problem is, there really isn't anything they can say to make it better. I firmly believe that until someone goes through IF, they really can't understand the emotions that you go through. I think that's why most people say hurtful, offensive things- because they don't understand and they feel like they have to say something. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. And it is totally normal to lose your shit, I think it would be weird if you didn't.

jencity9 · May 2014

It is so frustrating getting the stories of people they know partly because there is probably so much more to the story and partly because it's so specific to that one person in the story! It's hard to hear when we're all STILL waiting on our miracles.

AnnaClaire256 · May 2014

You're totally allowed to lose your shit from time to time. I snapped at a friend today for giving me the ole, "I think you just need to relax and put it out of your mind." She told me I should try some combination of vitamins that some girl she knew took and got pregnant or some stupid shit. I tired to tell her it wasn't quite that simple....she told me just didn't want me to leave any stone unturned.

My response?

We practically live at the dr. Last time we were there he joked about having our mail forwarded. We are spending outrageous amounts of money each month on treatments. I'm taking pills, getting shots, testing (my husband's) sperm counts, getting up to four or five invasive ultrasounds a cycle, having bloodwork drawn constantly, we've cut down our carbs, cut out alcohol and tabacco, joined a gym, starting taking yoga, have sex more than any two people should, joined support groups, switched doctors, consulted specialists, drive hours to and from appointments and read case stories and statistics until my eyes cross. So trust me when I say...we are turning stones.

It felt so good to say...then I immediately felt bad. I know she's trying to help but sometimes I feel like there is nothing anyone can say. Don't apologize for your rant. Sometimes, they are needed to keep our sanity!!

jjgrl55 · May 2014

It is the worst when you can tell they are trying to be sensitive and nice, but they just fall back on all those old cliches that make you even more frustrated. I got the old "It'll happen for you, don't worry" from my dad today. And all that makes me think is, "Yeah, but it really might not. It might not ever happen." And then I just want to break down.

Seriously, never apologize for feeling this way. We all do from time to time.

BunnyBerry · May 2014

Totally normal feelings!! I did a little experiment with myself - I really thought it through to figure out if there was anything anyone could say that wouldn't hurt in some way.

I think it depends on my mood at the time toward IF - sometimes I want someone to say something hopeful, sometimes I want them to admit the possibility of it being hopeless, sometimes I want them to be available to talk for hours about the intimate details, sometimes I wish they wouldn't even look at me because I don't want to think about it.

I think a lot of the typical comments hurt (for me, at least) because deep down I have some of the same hopes and fears but they are irrational and I don't want to acknowledge them (maybe it's not meant to be...maybe if I just relaxed and stopped thinking about it then it will all just go away...maybe everyone else with IF really eventually does get pregnant with triplets if they just stop trying and I'm just impatient and immature...).

Participating in this board, and the wide range of healthy and normal feelings and mindsets and advice, really does help keep me emotionally on an even keel and better able to weather the mess of emotions and the unpredictable comments of others.

brazenbiblio · May 2014

@BunnyBerry‌ you echoed my thoughts exactly. I hate the little spark of belief I have in these stupid things people say. I'd love to think that relaxing will do the trick but I know that's illogical. It hurts to think that babies aren't meant for me but I just can't have that mindset. I just have to keep moving forward following the plan and tuning out whatever isn't helpful. I hope we can all do that.

TaylorTaylor13 · May 2014

You guys are amazing. Thank you for being so supportive and helping me validate that losing my shit is acceptable . I completely agree with all of your responses, I can really relate to all of them and it helps knowing I'm not being irrational. I'm so sorry that you all have to deal with this...wishing the best for all of you!

Danielle0311 · May 2014

((Hugs)) I am so sorry you are having a hard time, I feel this way almost every day as well.

My coworker complains every.single.day. about how tired she is and how she can't deal with the baby etc etc etc! while I know it's gotta be hard to have an infant I just wanna choke her because she knows what I'm going through and it makes me wonder why she would vent that to me? So insensitive. The best part is that her parents take the baby for 2-3 nights a week for her! Who even gets that much help?

That's just one example but I definitely relate. Everyone I know is pregnant and All of the closest people to me seem to say the worst things. I keep telling myself they just don't understand and don't mean any harm, but it hurts either way so I totally understand.

TaylorTaylor13 · May 2014

Ahh! that must be so hard to be around. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that...and every day. It's not like a friend who tends to be insensitive that you can just avoid on bad days...you have to see her every single day. I'm so sorry.

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