Not looking forward to working with practitioners even though they're good

cecilyandgautam · May 2014

I've picked the best VBAC practice in town - 92% success rate - but after going on the hospital tour, getting the practice's 3rd trimester guidelines, and taking a first crack at my birth plan, I'm just not looking forward to dealing with them, or anyone really. After looking over what I wrote for the birth plan, I realized I could sum it up as the "don't touch me, don't talk to me, and do your best not to look at me" plan - what I really want is a quiet dark corner to do my thing in peace, with DH there of course. But I pretty much want every one else to just stand 10 feet back at all times, unless baby's vitals drop, or something that actually requires professional help.

I'm excited about the birth and getting to do the whole thing again, this time better equipped, with a better team, and in a more peaceful setting, but that excitement just isn't there for the hospital part of the delivery & recovery. It's not that I want to do a home birth or have an unassisted delivery, I don't, but I guess the ideal for me would be "unassisted" in a hospital setting unless assistance is needed.

I don't know where to put this exactly, but I thought the VBAC forum might make sense since maybe others share my apprehension. I'm excited about so many parts of what's to come, but would like to not dread the thought of dealing with the team I've chosen. Any tips on letting this go? I'd love to read some positive hospital VBAC stories too, feel free to recommend or link if you have some to share.

iris427 · May 2014

I feel similarly. I'm having a hospital birth (my first VBAC was at home), but I just don't want them messing with me. I'm just trying to accept that I'll have to deal with a few things I don't like--heplock, cervical checks, etc--but overall my doctor has a really good reputation for VBAC. So I'm trusting her and hoping for the best.

Is there a specific reason you don't like this practice?

nosoup4u · May 2014

I had major hospital anxiety when I was ph with DS2. As in, almost had a nervous breakdown when I had to get a NST and it turned out DH couldn't come w me to the room. (I had some bad experiences w MWs bullying me and trying to pressure us into inducing when we didn't need to. DS1 also ended up being hospitalized unexpectedly, which was hugely stressful.) So I didn't want to do a hospital birth again, but I also wasn't interested in a HBAC. I went w the practice w the best VBAC rate and most VBAC experience as well.

I loved my MW I went to for regular visits, so that helped. And in the end, I didn't think about my hospital anxiety when I was in labor...having DH helped, and we hired a doula who knew her stuff and was v experienced. She would have helped us wade the waters of a hospital birth if we needed to (tho I showed up pushing, so there wasn't any time to!). Do you have a support team? I would also be honest w the practitioner about your feelings, they might as well know up front.

cecilyandgautam · May 2014

Thanks for both your replies. Nice to know I'm not alone. I do have a doula, who's great and has a strong track record of getting mamas to the hospital with no more than 2 hours left before baby's arrival, so that's good. I'm really looking forward to laboring at home and having the doula around for that. I'm hoping to show up pushing, or at least far enough along that I can just get my wireless monitoring device, then huddle up in some corner with DH & the doula and otherwise be left alone.

I had an appointment yesterday and went over some of the things I'm dreading most - triage, cervical checks, needles & wires, having half a dozen people handling me as the baby emerges. Pretty much all of it can be avoided under certain circumstances, some of which are under our control, some of which are not (like if there's a complication) and that's just life I guess. But, they seem really open to the idea of having a hands off approach and I feel better knowing that they're fully supportive of that aim - one way to keep people from being too handsy during delivery is to have DH "catch" the baby, and they said they do pretty often.

So, it's not that I dislike them, but more that there are parts of the process I don't like, even if I understand how necessary it might be under certain circumstances. I like that idea of giving them a heads up that I have this general distaste for hospitals, nothing personal of course, and that I intend to do whatever's necessary, but have a strong preference for having my own little quiet corner so long as nothing's needed. I think they'd understand that - they have a reputation for being very patient and just waiting, waiting, waiting and not intervening so long as mom and baby are fine, even if things are taking a long time. The last birth my doula attended with the practice - the mom pushed for four hours and apparently the midwives did not make one peep about it.

nosoup4u · May 2014

They sound good! I had to remind myself of the things I could control vs. things I had no control over when I was pg w DS2. Lots of things to ponder when you're a VBAC. And seriously, I was so far in my own world in labor that I didn't have time to worry about procedural stuff. You'll do great!

Not looking forward to working with practitioners even though they're good

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