My baby arrived.

singingirl96 · May 2014

Hi girls. Last week my vaginal discharge became very watery and after it got a bit worse, I made a trip to the hospital. Sure enough, my water had broken at 28 weeks. They were able to delay delivery by 3 days, but then there was no turning back. I was 10 cm dilated and the contractions were very strong back to back... so I delivered by c-section since she was breech. She weighted 2lbs 15oz and although she's doing well she'll be in the nicu till July.

I'm focusing on my recovery and although I can come see here at the nicu at any time, I'm feeling very little desire to go see her. I'm feeling guilty, and I can't explain why. I'm so incredibly sad.

Anyway. I just wanted to tell you all about what happened.

cuntasaurusrex · May 2014

Well congratulations on your birth, and don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. It's got to be heart wrenching to see that and maybe you're in a little bit of denial, and like you said, guilt. Maybe it would help if you look up a therapist in your area to work through some of it.

RNfromMN · May 2014

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time! I'm sure what you're feeling toward your little girl is 100% normal.

You're in my thoughts ::hugs::

Csltdk · May 2014

Congratulations on your little miracle! It's normal to feel like this, you will be able to get through it and there is a ton of support if you need it.

eortman · May 2014

Congratulations on your little girl! I'm glad to hear that she is doing well. It sounds like you are having some postpartum depression (and probably a bit of shock) not at all surprising considering the quick and unexpected way your DD entered the world. Please talk to your doctor and get some help.

Tjacks09 · May 2014

I'm so sorry you had to go through this! But so happy to hear she is doing so well!! I'm sorry you are feeling guilty and sad and I'm sure nothing we say will help, but please believe that you have nothing to feel guilty about. These things just happen sometimes and we don't know why. I'm currently on hospital bed rest because my water broke on Saturday and we are just waiting for labor now. I understand your feelings of sadness and guilt, I have felt the same, but we need to just keep reminding ourselves that sometimes these things can't be prevented! You both will be in my thoughts and prayers and please keep us updated on how you both are doing. ***hugs**** to you!!!

kmawb · May 2014

Congrats on your baby girl @singingirl96!!! What's her name?

I will second aliletz's comments to not beat yourself up. A c/s can be a traumatic experience nevermind pre-trem labour. See if there is someone you can talk to at the hospital regarding your feelings.

Is the guilt stemming from the pre-term labour being the cause of her in the NICU or is it something else?

tourqeyes · May 2014

Congratulations. I will be thinking about you and your baby girl.

abundancenow · May 2014

Congratulations! Be patient with yourself, you have so much to adjust to. I hear that often when women are not able to have the deliveries they expected, that it can impact them similarly as post traumatic stress disorder, plus with an unplanned C section, it probably was an emergency situation at times. This kind of experience can be traumatic and needs processing. Take care of yourself and it sounds like your baby is getting great care. Share your feelings with people who will care for you and share here if you are comfortable, you will find support. I hope you baby continues to be healthy and the stay in NICU goes quickly.

email2ash · May 2014

Congratulations on your baby girl! What you are feeling might be from not feeling well yourself. Hopefully things change when you are feeling back to normal! If not, definitely talk through things with your SO and doctor.

I know it sounds like a long time but July will be here before you know it! We all have to wait the same to see our LO

at least you get to see her each day.

Skeemer · May 2014

((hugs))

You've been through a lot. As others have said, this was a very fast & unexpected way for your daughter to be born. The sadness & guilt you are feeling may be because things didn't go the way they were "supposed to" or the way you had planned. There is nothing wrong with you or nothing you did to cause things to go this way. It would be a good idea for you to let your nurse & doctor know how you're feeling. Be honest with them & ask what suggestions they have. Meanwhile, your baby is being very well taken care of by the NICU staff. I remember there were times when DS was born that I felt guilty too for not doing this or that. That didn't mean I was a bad mother or a bad person. You're not either. Be easy on yourself. Take your time.

ginger313 · May 2014

Congratulations on your baby girl! I'm glad that she is doing well, and hope that she continues to do so. What an unexpected delivery though, I would be in shock about it as you probably still are. Take care of yourself, and don't make yourself feel guilty. Hope your recovery goes well!

TurtleMonsters · May 2014

Congratulations!!!
I had disconnected feelings for quite sometime and only a CS, none of the other stuff you're going through. Don't feel guilty!!! Between normal post partum stuff and what you went through, there is a lot going on. I would try to see if you can ask for help while in the hosp (since you likely have some time to kill;). Plus they can work with you AND you have easy access to your LO to bond.

IDK if this helps, but just being near, she can smell you, hear you and is getting comfort. It may seem disconnected now, but whatever you can tolerate will be important in the future as you look back at this soon to be distant memory. I hope I'm not overstepping by offering that, I know NICU parents are very special people:). I you feel better about things and recover quickly. Keep us updated!!

runrinserepeat · May 2014

First of all, congratulations!

Second, please know this isn't your fault. Don't beat yourself up over it.

hope1017 · May 2014

Congratulations on your baby girl. Don't beat up yourself for the way you are feeling just make sure you talk to someone to see if they can help.

Soon2BMrsN · May 2014

Congratulations!

Nichole8787 · May 2014

Congratulations on your beautiful little girl! and the way you feel is ok. It's the way you feel don't feel guilty. Just try and work through it the best you can. Hugs.

katnipeverclean · May 2014

Congratulations on your new baby girl! I am happy to hear that she is doing well in NICU.

I would like to echo the thoughts of PPs and gently suggest talking to a mental health professional regarding your feelings. PPD can strike at anytime. Also, a c section is one of those tricky correlational things with PPD. Also, there are cases of PTSD after a traumatic labor and delivery. I hope you are feeling better soon.

abchittam · May 2014

Congrats on your baby girl! Hoping that things get better for you soon. Try to find some help with your guilt so you don't miss so much time that she needs from you right now!

alyssa719 · May 2014

Congratulations! As PPs have said, maybe find someone to talk to about the way you're feeling and work through everything. It sounds really traumatic.

However, also know that visiting her will make *her* stronger faster and help with her development (as well as maybe help you work through things). When DS was in the NICU, I was there all the time and it broke my heart every day when I saw the baby next to him never had any visitors.

mcvgal · May 2014

First of all, Congrats on your little girl.

Secondly, do not be so hard on yourself. It takes a while to come to terms with being a preemie mom, but the amazing thing about preemies is they have so much strenth that they give you more strength. Maybe it will help to talk to a therapist, but maybe it will help to talk to fellow preemie moms. the preemie board here on the bump is amazing. And feel free to PM at anytime if you just want to talk. All the feelings you are going through right now are completely normal.

It really does get better. I wish you the best and a very uneventful stay in the NICU.

middleschoolmommy · May 2014

Congratulations on your little girl. I understand, at least a little bit, how you feel. My son is in the NICU, born at 29 weeks. He is doing well but im also feeling guilty. Guilty when I'm not there and when I am. I think this must be normal? Just make sure you have loved ones to talk to about how you are feeling.

LuluPMW · May 2014

Congrats on your LO. I'm sorry you are struggling right now. Time to heal. ((Hugs))

Clined22 · May 2014

Congratulations!! I hope you are recovering well and your LO continues to thrive. My thoughts are with you as you navigate through this experience.

bullybutt · May 2014

TurtleMonsters said:

Congratulations!!!
I had disconnected feelings for quite sometime and only a CS, none of the other stuff you're going through. Don't feel guilty!!! Between normal post partum stuff and what you went through, there is a lot going on. I would try to see if you can ask for help while in the hosp (since you likely have some time to kill;). Plus they can work with you AND you have easy access to your LO to bond.

IDK if this helps, but just being near, she can smell you, hear you and is getting comfort. It may seem disconnected now, but whatever you can tolerate will be important in the future as you look back at this soon to be distant memory. I hope I'm not overstepping by offering that, I know NICU parents are very special people:). I you feel better about things and recover quickly. Keep us updated!!

I 2nd this. Please take care of yourself for your babies sake. I can't imagine the emotions that you may be going through. You are a tough momma and so is that little one! Congratulations on the birth of your daughter and the addition to your sweet family. I hope to see positive updates on the both of you!

AKbadwolf · May 2014

Congratulations on your baby girl!! I would talk to the NICU nurses, they may have a referral list for parents who need help healing and coping. You are doing what you can. We are here if you need us.

Shelleybell · May 2014

congrats to you and your little girl. I am sure what you are feeling is very normal. Hoping for a fast and uneventful nicu stay.

likeanoldtimemovie · May 2014

Congratulations! I hope all news continues to be good and that you start feeling better soon!

Hadynimogen · May 2014

congratulation on your baby girl but for sure speak to someone about the way you feel.

marsalisails · May 2014

Ditto to everything PP have said - be kind to yourself, and go seek help - there is no shame in it. Prayers for you and your little girl. Come July, this will all be a distant memory.

Mamaduncan · May 2014

Congrats! Praying that baby continues to grow healthy and strong

ahjahbaba · May 2014

Congrats on the little one! I haven't been in that situation but I know when the Drs told me my LO had a heart defect I lost interest for a few weeks. It felt like I was mourning the loss of my perfect child...and birth. With time things got better and I'm back to where I was.
Hang in there and keep us posted on how LO is doing!

TRS48 · May 2014

Sending you & your family lots of T&P! Please take good care of yourself! Your little one is in great hands and there are sooooo many babies who go on to live normal & happy lives after being born at 28 weeks! Please don't beat yourself up. I know doctors always tell you the worst possible outcomes and that can't be helping you right now but please know you will all likely be just fine! Someone sent this to me today and I want to pass it onto you, it is a beautiful story of a baby born at 27 weeks who stunned doctors, thanks to his mom, and he is now a healthy 5 month old boy today, it might give you some encouragement. https://news.distractify.com/people/a-clinically-dead-baby-was-revived-by-his-mothers-touch-and-doctors-cant-explain-it/?v=1 Big hugs!

Huahine · May 2014

Congratulations to you and your little fighter!

DS1 was born via emergency c-section, at the end of a pregnancy where I had taken a very Ina-May-Gaskin-my-body-was-made-for-this approach to the pregnancy. I beat myself up for weeks by torturing myself with all the woulda/coulda/shouldas. If I had been with a more interventionist practice, rather than the hippy crunchy birth center, maybe we would have known that my placenta was in the 5th percentile. Maybe an OB would have mentioned to this old lady with GD that placentas deteriorate at a faster rate in a) old ladies and b) those with GD. Maybe I would have paid more attention to the fact that I hadn't been feeling much movement for the prior few days. Maybe, maybe, maybe . . . maybe I wouldn't have then spent the first few weeks of my kid's life feeling guilty and wondering what harm I'd caused him.

At my 2 week pp checkup, my midwife recommended a therapist who specialized in birth trauma and ppd. I can't tell you how helpful that was. Please see someone and take care of yourself. Your little girl needs you now as much as ever.

priadean · May 2014

Congratulations! Hang in there... I am sure everything is a shock to your body happening so early. Be patient with your self

Dcwtada · May 2014

Congratulations, keep us updated!

That said, you both will have a hard road in front of you. Don't feel guilty or ashamed of how you feel and use this board for support if you want and just allow yourself to feel what you feel. This will be a recovery for you, both mentally and physically, so take it slow and lean on others as much as you can. Focus on being there for your little girl and it will get better.

Jillybean100 · May 2014

Congratulations on your baby girl! It sounds like she is a fighter. Like others have said, be sure to take care of and be gentle with yourself. I think talking over how you're feeling with someone else might help. And definitely don't feel bad for how you're feeling. My daughter wasn't early, but she did spend time in the NICU after an unplanned c-section, and I remember feeling disconnected for some time after her birth. I couldn't go see her right away since I was still hooked up to an IV and catheter and it was hard to not be able to hold her or feed her and have to hear reports from my husband on how she was doing. Please keep us updated on how you and your baby girl are doing.

Miski84 · May 2014

Congratulations! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

PregsMcSnoozalot · May 2014

Oh, @singingirl96, I'm so sorry things have turned out this way. I'm sure it's not what you expected and whatever feelings you have about it are totally normal.

But you have a SECOND beautiful baby now! That is so fantastic and wonderful, and I'm so happy for you, even as I understand your sadness.

NICU doctors and nurses are miraculous gifts we receive just by living in this day and age. We are so very lucky that your baby girl is going to be just fine. July probably sounds dauntingly far away, but it will come.

I know you've shared the difficulties your baby boy had with his heart condition, and this is a new trial for you. It probably feels unfair to have to walk through another scare like this...and I guess it is unfair, but you are a strong mama and I know you will make it, and you will love those two babies like crazy.

Please know that we are here for you, and support and love you, especially us IVF girls, who really understand what you've been through to get here.

Wishing you all the best and I have all my fingers and toes crossed that you'll hang around here on the bump so we can hear all about baby girl's growth and successes in the NICU.

Lots of love!!! :::::::::::hugs::::::::::::::

hminer4 · May 2014

Congratulations! I imagine that what you are feeling is pretty normal considering how quickly and unexpectedly this all happened. Plus hormones can make things very unstable right after birth. Definitely talk to your doctor and maybe reach out to the preemie board for more support. I'll be keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers!

iris427 · May 2014

Congrats on your new baby. I have heard a lot of parents with babies in the NICU express similar feelings. Please know you are not alone and this is not your fault. Don't be afraid to talk to someone, even though I know that can be hard. Lots of love to you.

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