Visitors and Helpers

katekat8721 · May 2014

Dang it's slow around here! So random question time...

What are you doing about visitors in the hospital and at home? Are you allowing only certain people in the hospital after birth, or no one at all? Are you planning on having or hiring help after baby(ies) born? Are you doing a sip and see? (I just recently heard about these, it's a shindig you have after babies are born so people can come check out their cuteness or something).

What are your plans?

crhein26 · May 2014

There is no keeping my family or DH's family away. They will be there when LO is delivered but no one will be in the room with us. I fully expect people to be in and out of the hospital the entire time we are there. Same when we get home. We will likely see more of DH's family because they all live closer. I was thinking about doing sip and sees, but our summer is jammed with events as it is. When people want to come over, they can call first and we will just tell them when to come over.

Edit to add: I do not plan on hiring anyone to help. MIL and DH's aunt live within a mile of our place. When I need help, I can just call them. Also, DH is taking 2 weeks off after she is born with FMLA and then another two weeks the first part of July because of GM shutdown. There is something that is still good about working for an auto company.

ashquack · May 2014

I don't think we are having friends to the hospital only immediate family (and no one other than hubbs in the delivery room)... Probably having friends occasionally over to the house as they ask. Not doing a sip and see but love the idea!!! May do a larger get together in August before we move to Atlanta (live in columbus, Ohio now).

snowpants · May 2014

We plan to have family visit at the hospital but not until we call them and say we are ready (after some bonding time for just us and baby). This should work out just fine for everyone except we'll have to keep an eye on MIL. She lied her way past a nurse last time and tried to get into our birth room before they had even finished cleaning us up. She claimed that DH needed a sandwich and had asked her to bring it to him, lol. Thank God she has a really loud mouth and we heard her coming. DH physically stopped her at the door and made her leave. So yeah, we're keeping an eye on her this time.

Family and friends are also welcome to visit us at home as long as they call ahead of time. We won't do anything formal. My mom will come to stay for a few days when we want her to as well.

steprozz · May 2014

only DH and I's parents and siblings will be allowed to visit the hospital the first day. then we will field all the extended family and friends the following days depending on how I feel. as far as people coming to the house we won't have a sip and see type thing people will probably just call but I have a feeling it won't be as many people wanting to stop by as there were when DS was born which is fine by me.

no help after the baby is born. my mom will stay with me the first week since I'll be having a csection but other than that I'm on my own.

lellymine · May 2014

Our siblings and parents (no nieces or nephews) will be invited up to the hospital. We're not hiring any child care help since DH is taking 2 wks off. Plus, my mom lives 10 minutes away and said she'd be happy to come over anytime to help with the baby or just to let us sleep. We have a bunch of friends bringing meals over when we get home so they can see the baby then.

ETA: we did hire a house cleaner recently. She comes once a week until the end of August and then we'll reevaluate if we should keep her at once a week or move to once every two weeks or once a month.

RaeJ004 · May 2014

My family will most definitely come to the hospital after LO arrives, but I'm not allowing anyone there until DD gets to meet it (she is staying with my parents so they will come with her). I can't really stand my inlaws and there was some animosity surrounding DD's birth so I'm not sure they will come or not.

Then all of our friends and more extended family will come to our house to see it after we're home.

katekat8721 · May 2014

I've asked that only immediate family come visit in the hospital. I had a Lap last summer and felt like shit for days. I imagine a cesarean will be much worse and I won't be up for a ton of visitors. My mom is thinking of having a sip and see for us to people can come visit, but it'll depend how long the little ones can cook for!

Afterwards I know my mom and grandma will plan on helping us. My mom is pretty good about stuff, and has just asked me to call and let her know when I need her. My grandma I am a little worried about. I love my grandma to pieces but she's already making comments about coming over and staying the night and how she'll need to come over every day to help out. This already makes me a bit itchy. I'm hoping that by saying "Ok tomorrow is our little family day, we'll let you know on such and such day if we need help" that it will work. Fingers crossed. It's delicate because I know she's sooo excited, but at the same time, hubby and I need time to learn to be parents too.

My in-laws are out of state but have made comments about visiting. They haven't given us a date and they've caused a lot of stress and issues for DH and I. They are NOT the best house guests. I'm thinking of having them come down end of June to get it over and done with.

hjl050308 · May 2014

My parents, sisters, nieces will all come up after he's born. My only request is that they wait until after the boys have met him and also after I've had time to get situated (I'm having a c-section). As far as when we get home, DH will have 2 weeks off; after that, I'll have help from my mom and my sister (she's a teacher so will be off for the summer). We don't see DH's family so I don't need to worry about them coming over or to the hospital.

babygabe614 · May 2014

Both of our families (immediate and extended - all of DH's cousins, aunts, uncles live locally and will want to stop by) will be welcome to come visit at the hospital after LO is born. My only stipulation is that we get some alone time with her before they arrive, and then DH can send out the "okay you can come now" mass text. I also want to make sure I'm cleaned up/changed/etc before any visitors come to the hospital.

As for after she comes home, no formal sip and see or anything like that for us. I plan on just seeing people when they call and ask to come by; I don't really anticipate many people wanting to come by right away since most of my friends don't have kids or know what to do/when to visit when someone has one. Also, the fewer unvaccinated people LO gets into contact with the better, honestly, so I could care less if we don't see anyone for the first two months lol. My mom lives 5 miles down the road and will probably be over almost every day if not daily once DH goes back to work after the first week home with baby. She'll be there to help with housework, watching baby so I can sleep, etc.

PressLove · May 2014

I don't expect many people to come to the hospital. However, DH has warned me that his family may be willing to make the 2.5 hour drive.

After we come home, my mom will be with us the first week and my MIL has the second week. DH plans to take the third week. Friends and other family members will be welcome at that time.

My MIL decided that she wanted to shower the actual baby and not an expectant mother. She expects a registry geared towards an older baby and not a newborn. I'm not sure if that still counts as a sip and see. Therefore, we'll see most of DH's family at that time.

k2k2tog · May 2014

We'll be playing it totally by ear. My mom and dad are not expecting to be welcome to visit us at the hospital, but I know MIL is. I, on the other hand, have no problem with my parents coming to visit, but I'm not sure I'll be up to seeing my in laws until we get a little settled in at home. I'm claiming my right to call the shots on this one, so we'll see how I feel in the hours after this baby is out of me. No other guests other than our parents at the hospital though, and our siblings if they choose to make the trek into town.

We won't be hiring help. DH will be home for a week or two with me, and my mom recently quit her job, essentially retiring, though she doesn't like to call it that, so I'm sure she'll be willing to come help at the drop of a hat if I need it.

As for a sip and see... my MIL is planning a shower with that side of the family for 3 weeks or so after my due date. Because I'm fairly certain I won't be up for the silly games and such, I expect it will likely end up more or less a sip and see with gifts thrown in. So, kinda? Also, we're having baby's baptism on July 20th, so that will be very 'sip and see'-ish for all our out of town/out of community family and friends.

LadyMacaron · May 2014

Having my mom with me at the birth center. Only people that will visit will be my sister and my stepdad, since I will only be there maybe 6 hours after labor. Once at home, my grandparents will be here because they are watching our dog while we are at the birth center. No other visitors planned for at least 2 weeks. I just want it to be us, in our little cocoon, for a little bit.

No help needed at home and No sip n' see. We will just make plans with whoever wants to meet baby individually. DH's family probably won't meet him until Thanksgiving, unless we attempt a beach trip to Rhode Island in September.

temursgirl · May 2014

We'll call my dad when we go to the hospital so he'll know we're there, and then we'll call him again when there's a baby ready to see. He'll probably bring my brother with him. He has specifically requested that we not call my aunt until he has arrived (they have that sort of relationship), so we'll do that. I'm hoping to not be in the hospital long, so we expect most people to visit after we go home.

Since we're having a Baptism, we won't also have a sip and see, but people are welcome to visit. Our house is pretty much like a train station anyway, so I'm sure we'll have lots of visitors.

I have no idea what to do about help, and I'm really worried about it. My dad lives a little bit far and I don't know how much he knows about babies, other than thinking they're cute. I've thought about asking my other aunt to come and stay at first, but I'm afraid it will cause drama with the aunt mentioned above.

@katekat8721 I have a ton of stress around IL visits! I am putting them off until LO is a month, hoping that will give me time to adjust a bit. I am planning on hiring help when they come. They create so much extra housework and I know I won't be able to do it. I'm not quite sure what help I'll need, but I'm thinking of having the housekeeper come more frequently and getting someone to make food.

lest12 · May 2014

Am I the only one who finds this a very stressful topic? Kidding, but not kidding.

My parents and probably sister will come to the hospital and wait while we are in L&D. They can come in and meet the baby after we have an hour or so to ourselves, and uh, after I get to clean up a little bit.

DH's mom lives about 2 hours away and I'm assuming she'll want to come up around the same time, but I don't know. I asked DH to talk to her about it and she was really non-committal, so whatever. We had thought she would want to be there but she also planned a vacation for about a week before my due date so apparently it's NBD for her?

I'm guessing the rest of our close family (my brother, DH's siblings, my grandmother & aunt) may come by the hospital over the next day or so to meet the LO. That's fine, but I told DH, no extended visits, please!

My parents will stay at our house for us while we're in the hospital and watch the pup... but in a really stressful conversation where I assumed my MIL would also be here, I told everyone I wanted the house empty when we got back. I'm really stressed about bringing the baby home to the dog and want their first meeting to go smoothly... plus I was getting overwhelmed by the idea of my MIL and step-FIL being at the house with my parents and us trying to bring the baby home for the first time... so I told everyone no. Come to find out that MIL never had any intentions on staying anyway, and my parents are a little 'thanks for kicking us out, Celeste' but whatever. I can't make everyone happy and I feel like no one is letting me breathe already.

After we're home and settled in, I imagine my parents/sister/brother will drop in occasionally, they all live close by, as well as a couple of DH & I's friends.

Our Christening will be in August so everyone else can meet the baby then.

I haven't thought much about whether or not I will need help, lol. DH works nights and will be home for a week or so. My mom and sister are around. Right now everyone is so IN MY FACE that I am more concerned about down time than I am about having help. Is that awful or what?

katekat8721 · May 2014

@Temurlang1 Sorry your in-laws are rough too

It'd be one thing for them to come, stay in a hotel, come over in the mid-morning and leave in the evenings, but when they stay with you the whole time it's like you can't ever just relax! Especially when all they do is make more work for you! Fingers crossed it works out for both of us!

cMichelle0423 · May 2014

I'm thinking we won't have any visitors at the hospital except for my MIL, but only because she's watching DS1 for us and in order for him to meet his little brother, she'd have to bring him. Then once we get home, we don't want any visitors for the first week. It's really important to us that we spend time as a family and let the boys start to get to know each other before we're interrupted by a bunch or visitors.

temursgirl · May 2014

lest12 said:

Am I the only one who finds this a very stressful topic? Kidding, but not kidding.

No. This is probably the thing that stresses me the most. Seriously.

Rosebud2587 · May 2014

My dad will be driving down (WI to GA) the 3rd so that he can watch DD and my dogs when I go into labor. FX I don't go into labor before my due date or I have no clue who will watch DD. My mother will be flying down at the end of June. She has a work trip in early June so can't come down with my dad. MIL will not be coming. She decided her other grand child's dance recital is more important so she is driving from FL to WI at the end of May to attend said dance recital on June 9th (my due date) and then summering in WI. I'm not bitter about that at all...

My parent's are it for family who will be visiting. If any of my friend's in the area want to stop by after the baby is born I'm cool with it as long as it's not like unannounced or something.

No sip and see planned.

JelloBean1 · May 2014

I am thinking only my DH's parents and sister will visit while we're in the hospital since they are the only close family nearby. My Mom will fly down after I get out of the hospital to come stay with me for the first week.

My DH will take off from work for about a week after my Mom leaves. My bff is planning to fly down maybe the 3rd or 4th week so my DH can then go back to work.

Then both my parents are planning to come down for the Baby Naming ceremony at the Temple which we're planning to hold around 5 weeks. We will host a party after the ceremony for all friends and family in the area to come meet the baby at that point.

Then a few days later I plan to fly back north with my parents and we'll hold a "sip and see" type party for friends and family up there. I'll probably stay up there 2 weeks and then fly back home. Lots of stuff going on, I'm tired just thinking about it!

temursgirl · May 2014

@katekat8721 I so wish they would stay in a hotel! Or for less time. Or that just MIL would come. She's not really helpful, like she would never do housework, cleaning, laundry, or errands, but her personality is easy going, so she also doesn't care if things aren't done. FIL on the other hand is super demanding and is only coming because he won't "allow" MIL to come on her own. He already emailed my godfather to tell him he "hopes to make some use of his time" with us (wants GF to set up meetings for him). I can just picture him constantly demanding things while criticizing our parenting and complaining that the baby cries 8-|

elle_tee19 · May 2014

I decided to have my mom and DH in the room with me during the delivery. DH I know will be very supportive, but doesn't do too well with medical "situations", and my mom is a nurse so I felt comfortable having her there to help me and DH.

I've welcomed my immediate family to drop in as they wish during labor (in case its a long labor, I'd like the support and distraction from them) but they know to leave when asked and won't put up a fight, so I'm not worried about them being an issue.

After the baby is here, my family and DH's family (if they're in town) will definitely be in and out of the hospital...and our close friends will be welcomed as well, but if they come at a bad time, they'll just have to deal with possibly waiting or coming back at another time. I expect that they'd call first before coming though. Either way, I know I'll have the hospital staff, DH, and my mom to kick people out or keep people away.

After we're home, DH's family will be in town for 2 weeks, the week after my due date. I'm dreading this and I know they aren't going to offer up help in any way. They've already asked (re: told) DH that they'll be over for all the meals so they can use our kitchen to cook. This will be for 10 freaking people. 10! 5 adults and 5 kids. Not including DH, myself, and the new baby. I don't even have 10 chairs around my dining room table! ~X(

They are very sadly mistaken if they think I'm going to be a hostess and entertain them for those 2 weeks. I expect them to do their own grocery shopping, prepare their own meals, and especially clean up their own mess. I'll probably be hibernating in the nursery, breast feeding, avoiding the unsolicited advice from MIL and SILs, and avoiding the young children who will be climbing all over the baby. *shudders* X_X

katekat8721 · May 2014

lest12 said:

Am I the only one who finds this a very stressful topic? Kidding, but not kidding.

No. This is probably the thing that stresses me the most. Seriously.

not alone, this stresses me out too and is on my mind far too often. I don't want to be a dick but come in people, a little space and understanding would be nice.
My MIL is frustrated with me because I can't give her a date to come down. But I don't even know when they'll be born and I can't make any of my own plans! But I'm supposed to tell her a good week in the midst of having newborns and helping my sis with her wedding? Oookay.

Hairstylist16 · May 2014

This beyond stresses me out. My brother and sister in law will have my toddler and bring him down after everybody's cleaned up or the next day if its late. But I'm really hoping to get out of the hospital as fast as possible (had a 4 day stay last time and I was climbing the walls) so there won't need to be a ton of visitors at the hospital and I'd prefer my ILs not visit at all. They became super clingy and obsessed last time and I already don't have the energy to deal with the crazies.

lest12 · May 2014

It sucks. I say this ALL THE TIME, my parents are not perfect either, but at least I can tell them to shut up or calm down in a way I can't seem to do with my MIL.

I was really stressed out because I thought she would want to come up, be in the middle of the hospital, stay at our house, etc, etc., etc.

Turns out, she wants nothing to do with any of it so on one hand, I'm a little relieved but on the other hand, I feel bad for DH that she doesn't seem to want to be around and then on the 3rd hand, I have this fear of her just showing up whenever she wants without a plan beforehand, which is the worst.

It's all super lame.

cMichelle0423 · May 2014

Temurlang1 said:

lest12 said:

Am I the only one who finds this a very stressful topic? Kidding, but not kidding.

No. This is probably the thing that stresses me the most. Seriously.

---------------

It only stresses me out because I know my FIL and his gf won't agree with us wanting to keep everything so private. They're the type of people who feel entitled to be there during labor (in and out of the room) and after LO makes his arrival. Because "that's what they did with all the other grand babies." I'm really not sure why they think I give a flying fuck about what they did with the other grandchildren.

bumpuser9343355 · May 2014

Just family at the hospital and then I think we will deal with friends coming over after on a case by case basis. Our recovery room and the waiting room at our hospital are both tiny so there is no way I'm asking a bunch of people to come to the hospital. We went to see one of our friend's babies on the day he was born, sat around in the waiting room for three hours and saw mom and baby for all of two minutes before we were kicked out so family could come in. Definitely not doing that to my friends! I like the idea of a sip and see, but our house is too small so we will probably just do smaller groups of people.

Cherylwang · May 2014

With my last two babies I never invited anyone to the hospital but people come anyways. Once they get word that you've had the baby they will come if they want to. I feel like you have no control over it. At home I try to just set up visits back to back so that people can't stay too long and get it all over with. Having a lot of visitors stresses me out. We just had a baby and have been up all night and have to prepare for visitors? It doesn't make sense. But oh well everyone wants to come see the new baby!

anations · May 2014

I know our families will both come to the hospital as soon as we do! I beat my sister to the hospital when she was in labor and we slept all night in the waiting room we were so excited! I'll let people in for a little while, but when things get intense, it will just be the two of us. After a few hours of bonding with LO's, we will let the families in. I am ok with friends visiting too.
At home i am ok with visitors, as long as we get alone time as well. Definitely a good idea about not having anyone there when we arrive home to intro babies to dog. My dog goes crazy around my MIL Bc she spoils the heck out of him. He barks like crazy around her and it drives me nuts!! He is so much better behaved around us.
Not really hiring help. My mom lives close and MIL is a great help as well. We have been lucky. DH staying home for one week and I am off for three months. Future nanny will come out here and there to get introduced to them. After I go back to work, my mom and MIL both will take one day and just have to hire someone for the other 3 days.
Betcha a million dollars my MIL will want to do a sip n see, but nothing spoken of yet. It's gonna be crazy!! I hope for strength for all of us to stand up for what we need during this time! Good luck to you all!

Celesteloveschris · May 2014

xxx

MrsP419 · May 2014

I haven't thought too much about it because visitors don't bother me too much…but twins may be a different ballgame! No one will be in the delivery but DH and I since it is a C-section- otherwise I would invite my mom. I am planning on letting my parents/siblings come when I am out of recovery (providing I am not super groggy), and a dear friend to come take photos as soon as the babies are able to be photographed (providing they don't go to the NICU). I figured especially if I am drugged up I will want some photos of the moments after. Ideally the ILs will bring my DD and DS later in the afternoon, but it all depends on if I look rough; I don't want to scare them. If everyone is healthy I will probably keep things open to visitors while we are there, but I am not expecting much since the hospital is an hour away.

Once home, we will see. My best friend told me she and two other college friends want to come a week after to help, but they are planning on getting a hotel room and really being there to take care of us. DH will be home at least a week, and then my mom will be over to help 3-4 days a week all summer. I HOPE that will be enough, but if we need more, we will try to ask friends from church. I REALLY wish I could afford a nighttime postpartum doula!

sumochik · May 2014

This post is giving me agita. Ugh where to begin. My c has been scheduled for months so I know the in laws will be there no matter what I say since they already know the date. With my second LO they unknowingly took pictures of me breastfeeding which I saw on their camera over a year later. I am still pissed about that BC i always use a cover around people when I BF and it was only a few hours after my surgery and I looked like absolute hell. I found it to be in such poor taste and judgement. And when I asked them to delete those pictures they refused. Why the fuck do you want pictures of my humongous boobs all over the place I look like hell and you can't even see the baby in the pictures. Wtf?!? They also tried to take my first LO home with them when they live much further away than my parents so they could control the situation (oh well we will bring her home with us but we can't bring her back when you would need her and we're bringing xyz people with us) ummm no. You don't need to come back and I don't need you to watch my daughter thank you. Besides the fact that when they are there they literally tear the baby from my arms and the only reason I am there apparently is to feed the baby and once that is done it's right back to them. Makes me sick thinking about it. And since this will be my third and last and I had a lot of complications with my last LO I have a lot of opinions and needs as to how this is going to go. DH already knows I don't want MIL at the house after I have the baby but he can't take off from work and I am def going to need help. I'd rather eat shit than have her there. Our parents are all pretty young and no one is retired so everyone will be at work when I come home. So right now I am looking at coming come after a c section by myself and having both girls home with me, having to bring one back and forth to school a half mile away (I won't be able to drive). At my last appt my doc said since my incision didn't heal the way it was supposed to last time it will probably happen again and I will need the VNS to come every day for a while. I honestly don't know what to do.

Anybody have any ideas about how I would get some help? How much to pay, what they would do, where to find someone?

lest12 · May 2014

Celesteloveschris said:

xxx

I'm super mortified. I accidentally signed on under my old email address (Pregnancy brain, I couldn't remember which email my membership was under).

I totally forgot that I had two 'bump' accounts, and this other one was my old email account. From when I signed up like, 7 years ago. From when I was engaged and pregnant to my boyfriend Chris at the time. Oops.

Seeing that screen name was the weirdest thing ever.

lest12 · May 2014

What I was going to post -

@nutmegs8 - After reading your response, I am thinking maybe it is a damned if we do, damned if we don't situation. We'll be stressed with too many people around. We'll be stressed with no one around.

Maybe there is just no good way to prepare for any of this and we'll all be stressed until it comes and goes and we know what we're dealing with.

In the meantime, if it makes you feel better, I have a few family members or in-laws that I could easily send out your way if you want some help around the house at first Kidding, of course!

lest12 · May 2014

Bahahahahha @nutmegs8. How awesomely embarassing is that SN? Like, really?

Ashes92813 · May 2014

My DH, mom and older sister will be with me. However, since she may be in the NICU it will be difficult for visitors to see her. But, I have a big and supportive family, so they'll come anyway! Id like to keep friends and extended family to a minimum just because she will be a preemie and vulnerable. I think I'll be more open to guests coming over to my house when she is older and stronger. Some articles say 3 months, some say less. Any input is welcome...

lest12 · May 2014

I uh, must have been like 14 when I made that screen name or something.

Definitely not 26.

MollySm · May 2014

I loved having visitors at the hospital when laboring with my daughter, and I hope to have more this time. I t took my mind off things over the 32 hour labor. As far as after, H's mom might stay with us for a little time, but we'll see. Other than that I am open to people visiting, but also will likely be the one to visit. We'll need to get out some to keep Lucia entertained. My B and SIL are moving nearby around that time, and I just heard through the grapevine that they are planning on just doubling their dinner recipes so I fon't have to worry about cooking, which would be amazing. I also just started making extras to freeze yesterday. Other tham that I don't picture too muchhelp.

RaeJ004 · May 2014

I feel bad for those of you that are stressed! I would say start establishing boundaries ASAP. MIL wanted to be in the room when they were teaching me to BF last time because she's seen "tons of boobs in her day". I basically told her to GTFO. I regret not putting my foot down earlier.

LindsayDesigner · May 2014

Last time I was induced and my Mom wanted a play by play. They drove up to the hospital in the middle of the night, over an hour away. I was adamant that they wouldn't be there for the delivery so, instead they heard it from the hall. I was kind of annoyed. They came in the room after I was stitched up and covered. I'm actually grateful they came because my Mom took a ton of pictures.

After I was moved to my room we had a few visitors; ILs, my Grandma, my parents again. DH's sisters visited the next day after we went home. It was a little overwhelming with all their kids but it worked out.

This time around we'll probably call our parents when we head to the hospital. One set of grandparents will probably watch DD. As far as after we come home, DH will take a couple of days off but I'll be mostly on my own.

About a month or so after DS is born we'll have a baby blessing at church. Family and friends will be invited to that. We're pretty laid back and we haven't planned a whole lot.

lest12 · May 2014

nutmegs8 said:
Oh, and you can keep your IL's all to yourself @lest12

edit: I was going to be a butt hole and post that pic because you offered me your IL's, but then deleted it (I thought) and it showed up and now I really do feel like the a-hole.

edit2: the pic is gone and if you have no idea what I'm talking about, that's even better...

@nutmegs8 - I just saw this edit! I did see the photo andburst out laughing at it. Please don't feel like an a-hole! It was funny, I can laugh at myself and hey, I did offer you my IL's lol.

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