New job and hiding my pregnancy

ashleyvictoria · May 2014

I just started a new job 3 weeks ago and am dreading telling my new boss and employer that I am pregnant. I really want to make a good impression in my first few months as I am hoping to be with this company for many years, and really don't think telling them right away that I will be taking time off is going to give me the type of reputation I am aiming for. I am currently 15 wk 3d and have already gained quite a bit of weight and have a noticeable bump. Luckily my coworkers have only known me 3 weeks so they probably haven't all caught on just yet, but I don't think I can hold off telling them for much longer. I'm scared to break the news though because I really feel it's too early in my career with the company to be announcing my intentions to take time off already. Also the company has a very generous maternity leave policy, so I am afraid I will look like I just took the job to take advantage of the paid time off and intentionally deceived them somehow. When should I break the news and how should I approach it?

JessAnnJ · May 2014

Honestly, if I were you I would tell them ASAP. Waiting is not going to change how far along you are or when or how much leave you are taking off. Nor do I think waiting will change your reputation for the better. Especially if you are starting to show I think now is the time to tell. I think it will be much more awkward overall if you are walking around obviously pregnant but are not telling your boss. My thinking has always been that I want my boss to hear it first from me not through office gossip or by seeing my obviously pregnant belly.

ETA - You are also obviously stressed about it so it's probably better for you as well to just get it over with. When I told my supervisor I asked him if he had a few minutes and then I went to his office and told him.

AmandaJean12 · May 2014

I guess I'm the opposite. I wouldn't go past the 20 week scan/halfway point without saying anything, but you haven't even been there a month. If you need some time to feel settled, take it.

angeltennis3 · May 2014

I was incredibly stressed about telling my boss(es) despite working there for 4 years. It went really well and I feel so much better knowing.

I think employers appreciate open and up front conversations. I am taking extended maternity leave and will be mission the busiest time of the year. My bosses greatly appreciated me telling them as early as I felt comfortable so they could plan. I also plan to come back only 4 days a week and 8 hours a day (I work closer to 10-13 5-6 days a week now) and they appreciated that, too.

I think the key is just to be honest with your boss and let him know you are excited about the company and your career path with the company so maternity leave is just that and once it is over you will be ready to come back and move forward in your career.

AppleGrapeMSTK · May 2014

I started a new job at 15 w when pregnant with DS. I waited until my a/s to tell my boss. I personally wanted to give myself time to show them that I could do anything, but I also wanted to use the a/s as my excuse, "I wanted to make sure everything was fine with the baby before I started spreading the news." My boss took it very well and I was even offered a promotion- because I kicked ass and not from sympathy or anything.

Dani0329 · May 2014

Personally, I would tell them sooner rather than later. Surprisingly, a lot of companies are understanding of families expanding. If you love this job and want to maintain after the baby comes, be upfront. When you tell your boss, be sure to state how excited you are to continue working following maternity leave. In the long wrong 6-12 weeks of maternity leave isn't that long for someone who is planning to stay with the company indefinitely. Good luck!!

ashleyvictoria · May 2014

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. I'm thinking I might try to hold off telling my boss until after we have the gender scan done, but that won't be for another 3-4 weeks. I'm hoping I don't double in size before then, as my belly seems to be growing quite rapidly! I really want to show that I am dedicated to the job and a hard worker before I bring up the subject of taking time off. My employer offers a very generous 16-18 weeks maternity leave so although I feel extremely blessed to have so much time, I don't want them to think I am taking advantage of something I haven't really earned.

goober911 · May 2014

I told my new job as soon as I had the offer letter in hand (was 10 weeks then). Don't wait was the advice I received from friends in HR.

archi35 · May 2014

AmandaJean12 said:

I guess I'm the opposite. I wouldn't go past the 20 week scan/halfway point without saying anything, but you haven't even been there a month. If you need some time to feel settled, take it.

I feel the same way.

ashleyvictoria said:

Thanks for all of the advice everyone. I'm thinking I might try to hold off telling my boss until after we have the gender scan done, but that won't be for another 3-4 weeks. I'm hoping I don't double in size before then, as my belly seems to be growing quite rapidly! I really want to show that I am dedicated to the job and a hard worker before I bring up the subject of taking time off. My employer offers a very generous 16-18 weeks maternity leave so although I feel extremely blessed to have so much time, I don't want them to think I am taking advantage of something I haven't really earned.

Completely agree with your reasoning and this was also my final decision point in telling my manager. However that said, if you're getting big it could come off the opposite of what you're intending - if everyone already can tell. Maybe wait as long as you feel you can given both factors, and then if you really blatantly LOOK pregs, tell them just what you wrote above - that you wanted to wait but also want to be respectful and not seem like you're taking advantage. You could also ask that they not tell anyone else until later - this is what I'm going to ask my manager to do. GL!

Mnerani · May 2014

Even if I couldn't "legally" be upset at one of my new employees for not telling me about a pregnancy until halfway through, I would privately wish that they'd let me know sooner, for planning purposes. It takes considerable effort to plan around a maternity leave, particularly for a small- to medium-sized company. That's just my perspective as an employer. Also, I find that when I'm really worried about an upcoming conversation, I like to get it out of the way instead of stewing on it. Do whatever makes you feel most at ease. And definitely tell them what you told us about wanting to work there for years.

Lindzoid · May 2014

As an employer I would prefer to be told sooner rather than later. As someone else said it takes considerable amount of planning to cover someone while out and I would prefer to know so I can start planning.
I would go as far as saying I would have more respect for someone being honest and forward with me rather than waiting. I would almost wonder what else is this person not telling me?!?

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