Name Sensitivity

IrishHoney123 · May 2014

I have two sweet, happy boys. I will be thrilled to have a third boy, and I will be thrilled in a different way to have a girl! I've been set on a girl's name since childhood, and DH also loves the name especially since it happens to be his grandmother's name. Soooooo, my brother and SIL are also expecting and found out electively that they are having a girl. My brother called me Friday night to tell me, and of course I am super excited for a niece! Then he said "I guess we'll be using your name (I thought he meant MY name, but found he meant the name I've always named my dolls and said I would name my child)." He says he called dibs since he already knows it's a girl, so even if we find we are having a girl he already told family what the name will be. My mom says it's not nice, but it would be rude of me to use it now.

Ha! If blessed with a girl I will still use the name anyway. I know I'm sensitive about the name, and I think I may be extra annoyed because I don't find out for a few more weeks....and because my brother and SIL are two of the very few people in the world who irritate me constantly lol. Girls, help! Have any of you been through something like this?? Or make me feel better by sharing what's getting under your skin right now?

AmandaJean12 · May 2014

I think the fact he even be referred to it as "your" name gives you the trump card. And I would say that to him if you find out you're having a girl. I wouldn't fight about it, I would just say "we're going forward with the name you all knew we intended to use for a girl."

Then again I totally have no problem being confrontational... I get the family harmony piece makes it hard. But I'd stick up for myself if I were you.

angeltennis3 · May 2014

If that has been "your name" and he knows it, I think you have every right to name your possible daughter that. I don't think you can tell him not to name his daughter that, though, even though I think it's crummy of him to do so. If you weren't currently pregnant it would be a little different, but since you are they really should have waited until you found out the sex.

jacquelinef09 · May 2014

Are you due first? I say it's your name so use it

ladybug0088 · May 2014

My brother always joked he was going to use my baby name if he had a girl first, but I wouldn't put it past him to actually so it. It really pissed me off. We juat found out we're having a girl and he is not married nor is his girlfriend expecting. I would have been devastated.

I thought a lot about it when we were pregnant because we didn't know the sex until last year week. I decided I was using my name either way. I say go for it! Sorry he is being a jerk about it bit I would just say oh well I guess there will be two -------'s.

Liss1481 · May 2014

Wow, that's a shitty thing for him to do. If you have a girl, use your name anyway!

lizlightning11 · May 2014

I say use it no matter what! That was rude and immature of them to do what they did.

AppleGrapeMSTK · May 2014

My sister is obsessed with the name Lily. She named all of her dolls Lily, and she once threw a raging temper tantrum (at 22 years old) when someone else used Lily as a girl name starting with L in Scatergories. I know better than to ever even consider Lily as a name, even though I am the only sibling having children at the moment, so I get first come first serve to all things baby. Your brother and SIL pulled a dick move, IMO.

My MIL named her kitten Milo when I was pregnant with DS, and she knew it was in my top 3 names for the baby. I was so angry, and it totally ruined the name for me forever.

CherylB1201 · May 2014

If it's your name and they knew it, I'd tell them that you've planned on this for a long time now and will be using the name. My bet is that your brother will change their minds and not use the name or maybe call the baby by it's middle name. Either way, what a crappy thing for them to do!

ladolcevita25 · May 2014

Girl if he knows it is "your name" you better use it!! Take charge lady love!

heatherjeanp · May 2014

That was a douche move on their part. He acknowledged it as your name, she must also know, so if you have a girl tell them you still plan to use it. Or tell them now that if you ever have a girl ( what if you have a fourth?) that you will still use it. You've loved it since childhood and he knows it. In my stepfather's family there are 2 cousins named Michelle. Michelle Lauren and Michelle Catherine- when clarification is needed they are referred to by their first and middle names. They are both adults now, grew up pretty close to each other, and it was fine. Use the name.

narabug · May 2014

I really don't think it's a big deal for cousins to have the same first name. Especially if they don't have the same last name. As long as DH is up for it let them know now you'll be using the name if you ever have a girl and leave it at that.

lrobi13 · May 2014

That is pretty low. I think if you have been vocal about loving that name for so long he and his wife should respect that. But go forward and name your child what you what to name him or her.

Emerald27 · May 2014

DH's BIL and SIL were pregnant at the same time last time as I was, but 5 months ahead. DH told his family our boy name pick, and BIL said "We love that name. Since we're pregnant first, we are going to use it."

DH was so mad for the longest time, and our nephew's name, formerly DH's favorite, has been forever removed from our list. We went with the second name on our list, which just so happened to be my favorite. :P This is still a really sore spot for DH.

So I feel you! We had the opposite reaction and now don't even want to use the name. We also rarely see BIL, SIL, and nephew. Our plan for the future is to never ever tell our family what our name choices are before baby arrives.

I say, if you love the name, use it! It doesn't matter who else has the same name.

NYGWildcat · May 2014

Use it.

I hate name poachers, although I know one cannot really poach a name. Although if I ever heard a case of it, this would fit the bill.

manateeliz · May 2014

Wow, what a mean thing to do...I agree that I would just use the name also, and if anyone ever mentions it, just tell them that your brother loved your taste in names and took it from you.

Jellybean813 · May 2014

I'd be pissed too, I think that's super annoying of you brother. Like PP said, use the name still if its a girl! I would stand firm on that - and let him know that you aren't going to change your mind just because he says they are using that name too.

BobKat22 - That's really annoying of your friend!

[Deleted User] · May 2014

Wow, this would piss me off to no end. Seriously, I would be infuriated. Did he say why they are using the name? Have they ever shown interest in it before? Obviously this is your name, he knows it, you've loved it forever. They shouldn't even be considering it, that is so douchey.

Out of curiosity, what is the name? I promise I won't steal it!

ariel06 · May 2014

I would still use it. And who knows, maybe they'll change their mind if they know you still plan on using the name.

My BIL/SIL used our favorite first and middle name combo for their first born (before we were even expecting). The name we ended up using fit DS1 so much better, so I guess it worked out.

fisk2005 · May 2014

I think that's extremely rude and especially to rub it in your face by announcing it to family! But like you said...you have loved this name since you were younger so screw him! You have more of a connection with the name than he does! And shame on your SIL for not somewhat understanding that seeing as though she is a woman. I'd totally still use the name and unfortunately you will probably have to explain over the years why they have the same name!

IrishHoney123 · May 2014

Thanks, girls! @Emerald27, would your DH have still used the same name?

I know I don't have a copyright to a name...but...but...well, I think I may be even more irritated if I don't ever have a girl and don't get to stand up for myself!!!

He may not even use it, and even if he does I know I will get over it as soon as I meet her

cbriggs567 · May 2014

I say use the name anyways! We had a similar situation. When my DH and I were expecting our now 5 yo DD we were going to name her Jackson Lawrence if it was a boy and everyone knew it. A few years later my BIL gets married and they tell us if they have a boy it will be named Jaxson Lawrence. WTH??? And now that I'm prego again my SIL was all worried we were going to use that name and steal it from them. We have since changed our mind (for various reasons) and are going to use a name that starts with a C for a boy or girl but still using the same middle name for a boy. Once we do decide on a name I don't think we are going to tell anyone. They all know we are going to call him/her CJ but I want to leave it at that.

JessAnnJ · May 2014

All I could think reading your post is WTF. How old is your brother? Unless he was joking that is pretty immature of him to call you say he's using your name and say too bad for you since they've already told the family.

TinyTRex321 · May 2014

I wonder if he is just trying to get a rise out of you and annoy you but has no plans of actually using it.

Mewwwwws · May 2014

Yep, totally agree - that would irk me to no end too. If you want to use the name absolutely, absolutely use it . It is, after all, yours as even acknowledged by them!

golfingdarwinfish · May 2014

Ugh, so frustrating! I think you should definitely still use the name if you are having a girl.

Do you know if your SIL had any interest in using this name going into her marriage? Is there any chance it's somehow also the name she's been daydreaming about for years?

Emerald27 · May 2014

IrishHoney123 said:
Thanks, girls! @Emerald27, would your DH have still used the same name?
I know I don't have a copyright to a name...but...but...well, I think I may be even more irritated if I don't ever have a girl and don't get to stand up for myself!!!
He may not even use it, and even if he does I know I will get over it as soon as I meet her

He did not want to use it once his brother did. There are currently only 2 grand kids on his side of the family, both boys and just 5mo apart. If they had both been given the same name, it could get really confusing.

DH also was frequently accused of trying to copy his brother growing up. People said that DH is living in his brother's shadow...which is insane, 100% wrong, and actually pretty mean. DH and BIL are both intelligent, capable guys, but they're very different, and DH resented being compared all the time to BIL.

That contributes to the decision to never name a son that name. People would say that poor DH is copying his brother again. Childish? Maybe...but it's a big deal for him.

IrishHoney123 · May 2014

He is a very young 25. He frequently makes offensive comments to my whole family, and is generally difficult-we all have someone like that in our lives, right? SIL asked about what names we were considering when we saw them around Easter, because she said she "really didn't have any ideas and [my brother] is no help." I didn't have a boy's name chosen, but shared the girl's name. She didn't say she liked it or anything....DH thinks they are both just pulling my leg. NOT COOL!

I feel better already seeing all of the support from you all, and can't believe how many have gone through something similar.

ETA: pulling leg theory doesn't seem logical to me since he told others?

ohioloveyou · May 2014

I think name stealing is just kind of the ultimate bitchy. But with that said, I wouldn't hesitate to still use a name I loved even if a sibling or friend used it. Mostly because I love the names we're considering and wouldn't want to change them, but also a little because I know it would annoy the person who stole my name in the first place.

Emerald27 · May 2014

Care to share the name? I'm just too curious! :P

ETA: our first girl is already named, Cora Frances, if this LO is a girl, so I promise not to steal!

IrishHoney123 · May 2014

If only it were something exotic!

It's Elizabeth May

Emerald27 · May 2014

IrishHoney123 said:
If only it were something exotic!
It's Elizabeth May

Stunning! What a classic, beautiful name. Use it! Use it!

BreandMikewedding · May 2014

What a punk! Really? They can't find a different name they like? And they are going to punish you because they found out they're having a girl before you know what your having? Let's go egg their house! Who's with me?
Can your mom step in and tell your brother this is not ok? Can you tell your brother you have dibs on that name and he needs to pick something else?

AppleGrapeMSTK · May 2014

Emerald27 said:

If only it were something exotic!
It's Elizabeth May
Stunning! What a classic, beautiful name. Use it! Use it!

On the bright side, Elizabeth has soooo many nicknames, even if you both use the name, you could always call her something different:

Elizabeth, Liz, Lizzie, Eliza, Beth, Eli, Libby

fireflyrebirth · May 2014

AppleGrapeMSTK said:

Emerald27 said:

If only it were something exotic!
It's Elizabeth May
Stunning! What a classic, beautiful name. Use it! Use it!

On the bright side, Elizabeth has soooo many nicknames, even if you both use the name, you could always call her something different:

Elizabeth, Liz, Lizzie, Eliza, Beth, Eli, Libby

Too true! I'm an Elizabeth and I go by Beth. I'll add Ella, Ellie, Liza, Betsy to the list of nicknames...there are probably even more I'm not thinking of!

Sorry your brother is being such a douchecanoe. Hopefully this is some elaborate and stupid joke on his part.

JessAnnJ · May 2014

Are they also using your middle name choice?

MagentaMouse · May 2014

Your dear bro is being a buttface. I agree with PPs, tell him to shove it and use YOUR name anyway.

And your SIL, well, she does have the cursed "IL" part. She's a buttface too.

ladybug0088 · May 2014

IrishHoney123 said:

He is a very young 25. He frequently makes offensive comments to my whole family, and is generally difficult-we all have someone like that in our lives, right? SIL asked about what names we were considering when we saw them around Easter, because she said she "really didn't have any ideas and [my brother] is no help." I didn't have a boy's name chosen, but shared the girl's name. She didn't say she liked it or anything....DH thinks they are both just pulling my leg. NOT COOL!
I feel better already seeing all of the support from you all, and can't believe how many have gone through something similar.

ETA: pulling leg theory doesn't seem logical to me since he told others?

My brother is older--31 and still hasn't outgrown the childish behavior. Really stinks! Maybe I can still trade him...HAHA

hippohat · May 2014

That's just absurd! I would be furious.

SIL had a baby before we were able to get pg and named that child using every single one of DH's family names. Seriously, her full name is ridiculous, and now SIL is divorced so throw in 2 last names on top of it... His mom donated her kidney to DH so we had decided years ago to name our child (if we were able to have one) after her and his family. We ended up using a family name for DD's middle name, there was no way we'd use the same name. I was pretty annoyed at the time, but his family has distanced themselves (and their drama!) from us so I don't really care now.

Hugs, and good luck - I hope they're playing an awful joke!

trisharenee0316 · May 2014

I read the OP to my husband to get his impression because my first impression was that your brother is being a tool. His response: "Use it anyway. Fuck him. That's a dick move."

I agree with MH. Even if you found another name you love for a girl (assuming you have a girl), it would probably always irritate you when you hear your niece's name. Or at least it would for me--it would really irritate me that I let my jerk sibling influence what I named my kid.

melaniedel · May 2014

I agree with PPs. Tell him to get him to get his own name. Even if you have a boy, that is still strange. Doesn't his wife want to name her own child? I would take back that name. Say, so I'm naming your children now? I don't think you're being too sensitive. I would e pissed.

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