Sex Appeal

jenb_99 · May 2014

Now that we're nearing the end, I know we're all sexier than ever. Let us count the ways. I'll start.

I shave my legs maybe once a week. Usually only below the knee, and not very carefully. I ladyscape slightly more often, but I can't see anything so I know it looks like my crotch was attacked by a lawnmower.
I've given up on wearing bras in the evening. The regular ones pinch and bind, sports bras smash my boobs together and give me cleavage acne, and I'm not ready to bust out the nursing gear. This is particularly sexy, since my nipples look like giant raspberries and my breasts actually rest on the top of my belly, even when I'm standing up.
I can't sit normally on the couch. I must have my legs spread in some manner.
I've put away all my cute underwear and now wear nothing but granny panties. Fugly Fruit of the Loom ones that come up to my belly button. They're even sexier with an extra-long winged pad peeking out of the crotch.
I can't move without grunting or groaning, and I can't get up from the floor or the couch without looking like a beached whale struggling to get back in the water.
My belly button is still an innie, but if I pull up on my belly I can pop it out. This creeps DH out, so naturally I must show him at least once a day.
Speaking of belly buttons...I have a skin tag in mine. I also have a skin tag on my left areola.

Now your turn, bishes! How can you compete with all this sexiness?

CamrynnsMommy · May 2014

I pretty much can relate to everything you said, except the skin tags.

I'll also add that I'm very gassy and it often smells so bad that DH thinks it's the dog. I'm just going to let him keep thinking that.

Nmooney1 · May 2014

My DH is grossed out by belly buttons in general. Mine is half popped out (didn't do it all with my other LOs) and I too like to gross my DH out by moving my belly

laurblum · May 2014

I had a skin tag on my right nipple and it came off by itself. I have never had one before.. It was weird.

hbird0723 · May 2014

I am dying laughing! I can relate to almost all of these as well! I would have to add the gassy part as well and it just comes out like I have no control any more. It's pretty embarrassing at times!

lavendergiraffes · May 2014

Every time I have to fart I make sure I lean over so I can get it out and it's always loud... Dh usually laughs or just shakes his head. It's so satisfying to just let it out!!

fatbarbie0226 · May 2014

My left foot looks like I have elephantitus (sp?) While my right foot looks like a balloon with little smokies weenies sticking out of it.
Sexxxxxxy...

Also, lady scaping??? What even is that??

KBowen715 · May 2014

My sister likened my innie-turned-flatie belly button to that of a cat's butthole.

Sexy and I know it. Know it. Know it.

jenb_99 · May 2014

@CamrynnsMommy A couple of my farts actually smelled like dog poop last week. Rough.

jenb_99 · May 2014

@KBowen715 said:

My sister likened my innie-turned-flatie belly button to that of a cat's butthole. Sexy and I know it. Know it. Know it.

KBowen715 · May 2014

jenb_99 said:

@KBowen715 said:

My sister likened my innie-turned-flatie belly button to that of a cat's butthole.

Sexy and I know it. Know it. Know it.

Preeeeetty much.

fatbarbie0226 · May 2014

Ahhh! You can't un-see things like that!!!

My eyes, my eyes!

skyrockets · May 2014

My husband came home early unannounced and caught me using hair removal cream on my crotch. Winner?

KBowen715 · May 2014

jsquaree said:
This made my night.

The only reason I have shaved anything aside from my armpits in the past 3 weeks is because we spent the night at a timeshare earlier this week and there was a pool.
I have yet to invest in granny panties, but I'm actually looking forward to it. None of my underwear is comfortable.
I, too, have feet so swollen they jiggle when I walk. I'm down to one pair of shoes--the classic Adidas massaging sandals with the Velcro tops. Y'all know what I'm talking about.

Yes! This on the feet jiggling!!!!!

Unknown · May 2014

This content has been removed.

jsaffer01 · May 2014

I shave my legs once every 2 weeks, and I do my whole leg. However lady scaping is not happening, I would end up cutting myself and blood would be everywhere. One of my dogs and I have farting competitions, it gets to a point I feel like if you light a match the house is going to blow up!

jenb_99 · May 2014

@MK1013 DH claims the worst part of his night is when I go into the bathroom to undress for my shower and he hears the "rrrrriiiippp" of me pulling the pad out of my panties. LOL

LeeLee86 · May 2014

Well I just lost my mucus plug. Nothing sexier than stringy mucus coming out of your lady bits...

Katzalia · May 2014

You guise, you had me laughing so hard I cried. The moaning and groaning when I oh-so-gracefully try to roll over or get up, the fat sausage feet (particularly sexxxay with grooves from my indoor flip flops cut into the tops), and let's not forget the heartburn-induced burping, vurping, and vomiting.

I gave up on shaving my legs/ladybits a few months ago, but couldn't give in and accept being a hairy beast for four months. Monthly brazilian & leg waxes have been my guilty indulgence during pregnancy.

apinkpelican · May 2014

jsquaree said:
.
I, too, have feet so swollen they jiggle when I walk. I'm down to one pair of shoes--the classic Adidas massaging sandals with the Velcro tops. Y'all know what I'm talking about.

Omg. I would kill for a pair of theses right now. I can almost feel them on my feet. Can't believe I don't still have an old pair somewhere

usernewname · May 2014

I am right there with you on those things! The sex appeal is raging in this house.

dogsombrero · May 2014

KBowen715 said:
My sister likened my innie-turned-flatie belly button to that of a cat's butthole.

Sexy and I know it. Know it. Know it.

Haha I told DH mine looked like a cat's butthole too. Then I demanded secks to help get this kid out.

I feel glorious!

spacepotatoes · May 2014

Oh, how I love this thread!

Here we go:

My face has been in a state of constant breakout since conception.
My nose is almost always stuffed up and DH recently informed me that I may have started snoring
While getting changed last night, I took off my bra and found the left cup soaked from leakage. I had to show DH after he saw the horrified look on my face, who proceeded to make fun of me.
A good portion of my life is now consumed by poop habits, which have become something of an ordeal in the last few weeks.
Related to the previous: hemmies. While Tucks pads are amazing, walking around with a wet pad feels a little awkward.
Lightning crotch that strikes in public
Ladyscaping that requires two days to get done because it's been so long and the contortions required to do it are so exhausting.
Toe nails that are overdue for a clipping because I can't reach them, and see previous about the contortions.
DH came home the other afternoon to find me just finishing up a puking session. It's only happened twice now since 1st tri but the reflux seems to be bringing it back.

So, tell me again about how pregnancy is magical and beautiful?

theoryofwhat · May 2014

jenb_99 said:
Now that we're nearing the end, I know we're all sexier than ever. Let us count the ways. I'll start.

I shave my legs maybe once a week. Usually only below the knee, and not very carefully. I ladyscape slightly more often, but I can't see anything so I know it looks like my crotch was attacked by a lawnmower.
I've given up on wearing bras in the evening. The regular ones pinch and bind, sports bras smash my boobs together and give me cleavage acne, and I'm not ready to bust out the nursing gear. This is particularly sexy, since my nipples look like giant raspberries and my breasts actually rest on the top of my belly, even when I'm standing up.
I can't sit normally on the couch. I must have my legs spread in some manner.
I've put away all my cute underwear and now wear nothing but granny panties. Fugly Fruit of the Loom ones that come up to my belly button. They're even sexier with an extra-long winged pad peeking out of the crotch.
I can't move without grunting or groaning, and I can't get up from the floor or the couch without looking like a beached whale struggling to get back in the water.
My belly button is still an innie, but if I pull up on my belly I can pop it out. This creeps DH out, so naturally I must show him at least once a day.
Speaking of belly buttons...I have a skin tag in mine. I also have a skin tag on my left areola.
Now your turn, bishes! How can you compete with all this sexiness?

I think most of these still apply to me PP. I'm a hottie.

lrmrtn · May 2014

Most of the above. No ladyscaping. DH told me I look and sound like a seal flopping around when I try to get out of bed, turn over or try to get off the couch. And I've started snoring. Sexy...

andoll8 · May 2014

They should make reading this thread mandatory for sex education. Best.prevention.strategy.ever.

And yes...all this applies to me as well. I'm just a hot mess right now.

Marcella05 · May 2014

Cannot love this post enough. My list matches OP 100%. And doctor wants us to have sex to help ripen my cervix... Sex with Sasquatch isn't my idea of sexy, but DH is happy to be getting ANY, so fuck it. Here we go!!!

pistolpackinmomma · May 2014

Here's mine:

• Last night I thought I had a dog hair on my thigh. Nope mine. And very much attached. I haven't shaved above the knee for quite some time evidently.

• DH informed me that the forest that was once my nicely groomed/trimmed ladybits now expands to the point he can see it peeking out of my underwear. From the backside. I informed him he needs to do some shaving for me tonight since there is no way I can see to do it myself. I don't even think a mirror would help at this point.

• While showering with DS (let's face it, it's the easiest way for me to get both of us clean) he discovered he can hide from the water under my belly. Also, I could not see him. That's right, I can now hide a toddler under my bump. He finds this hilarious. I do not. I have run him over because I couldn't see him.

• Every night I pee no less than 5 times. Getting in and out of bed has become interesting and typically requires the use of my adjustable base on my bed. I lift the head up to sit me up and then roll. Thank god I only have to share the bed on the weekends!

• My morning trip to the bathroom normally sounds like the bathroom is exploding from the massive gas that escapes with so much pressure it's a wonder I haven't actually lifted off of the toilet.

• I can only take an actual bath when DH is home. Just in case I need someone to lift my whale ass off of the bottom of the tub. Right now I'm sure I would wind up stuck seeing as I am barely fitting in the shower right now. Damn sliding doors.

• One word: bacne

• When I do get a little sleep I have quite the sexy snore of an old man. DH recorded it the other night because "there was no way in hell to sleep with that noise" and he had nothing better to do.

• Boob sweat. And pretty much all other sweat. I typically don't need deodorant but now I need it hourly.

• Swamp crotch. I don't know how much of this is discharge and how much of it is sweat but it's super sexy either way.

yvanehtnioj · May 2014

Babybarlow2014 said:

Most of the above applies to me. Also, I can't eat anything lately without it hitting the bump or boobs. Its hot.

Yup. I always have dried up SOMETHING on my boobs or bump.

LabbyLove · May 2014

This thread made me laugh so hard I cried. Nothing to add but I can relate to so much of it.

Katzalia · May 2014

Babybarlow2014 said:
Most of the above applies to me.
Also, I can't eat anything lately without it hitting the bump or boobs. Its hot.

Umm, this. Can't take me anywhere. I got orange salsa on a white shirt the other night. In public. And didn't notice until I was about to leave the restaurant. Classy.

stephierd81 · May 2014

I'm with you ladies. I can't stand not having smooth legs and lady parts (just for myself) and so I keep trying to shave but end up bleeding everywhere. DH said our towels look like they were used to clean up a murder!

Months back I purchased granny slip on tennis shoes to wear to work since I'm on my feet all day. Literally my grandma has a matching pair. The slip on easy spirits in a size larger and in Wide.. Of course. Last week I noticed my feet were smelling from wearing compression knee high stockings with my sexy lady shoes!

And I probably smell like pee too. I've graduated from the panti liner to a giant maxi pad.

I burp all the time uncontrollably. Also of course puke in my mouth a little and sometimes swallow it.

My feet look like pure elephantitis. I'm pretty sure this week my nose is even swollen.

britab · May 2014

yvanehtnioj said:

Babybarlow2014 said:

Most of the above applies to me. Also, I can't eat anything lately without it hitting the bump or boobs. Its hot.

Yup. I always have dried up SOMETHING on my boobs or bump.

I changed coats for work because mine had food on it. On the way to work I spilled food on the other coat.

babyaotw · May 2014

So, so much of this. Add on a sinus infection that causes me to stuff tissue up my nostrils so the snot doesn't drip down my face...I'm glowing dammit.

Bootsie327 · May 2014

I'm with you OP. Waddling and cankles are probably my sexiest features right now. Or maybe second to the shoddy ladyscaping. I'm a hot mess in general.

Mwyld · May 2014

We had sex last night to try to get things going... I asked if it still felt good to which he replied "yes but the discharge kinda stinks"

sheriot · May 2014

I can relate to most of this. I mentioned the thread to my H who just nodded and said, "You're a beluga, babe. It's ok." Laugh it up, bro, but you're going to service me later on so we can try to get this baby whale out of me.