NBR: Wedding Reception Etiquette

Hoosier722 · May 2014

My sister-in-law is getting married in 2 weeks. My other SIL and I offered to pay for a sitter (including the plate) to help watch our 4 kids. It will be almost $200 for the sitter, so $100 for each family. I just found out that she is putting all the kids invited to the wedding (including one with special needs) at the table with our sitter ... Ok, seems like a lot and she's not paying, but that's not why I'm pissed. The only other adult she is sitting at the table is my mom, who is her GUEST. She said she's putting her there to help with the kids. My mom's single and I just assumed she would sit with us. She says she has no other spot to put my mom.

What do you think? Is this rude or am I over-reacting?

BoraBoraBaby · May 2014

I'm not sure why she would assume your mom would rather be sitting at the kids' table with a sitter who is getting paid to be there, than at a table with other adults. I don't blame you for being offended, it seems not much thought was put into that decision. In the end, the night is in her honor so hopefully your mom will be able to enjoy herself and get around to socialize, not be glued to her seat. I would be annoyed too, however.

jensavicci · May 2014

What age range are the kids?

Hoosier722 · May 2014

2-11. 5 under 6.

littlemissmarla · May 2014

i would make it clear to the sitter that her responsibility is to the 4 kids that she is being paid to watch, i'm sure it will be hard for her not to automatically help out with the others but if she's not being paid to watch them - it's not fair to her, and it's the parents responsibility to deal with their children.

and complete horseshit about your mom - that's totally rude to stick her at the kids table.

jensavicci · May 2014

So they're babies. First of all, any child who does not have table manners does not need to be sitting without their parent (at the wedding at all but eh whatever *shrug*). The little ones will wander especially depending on the venue location. Being that your mom is not being paid to watch these children, she may not be as much help as the bride thinks. So technically, that's a bunch of kids and one woman chasing after them. Not to mention the special needs child who her eyes need to be on 100% of the time IMO. So, several kids including one with special needs, a possibly helpful mom and a baby sitter who may or may not have the proper training. This doesn't add up.

First, It's incredibly rude for the bride to assume your mom will (or even want to) help out. She was invited to a wedding, not volunteered to help out at a daycare.

Second, It's also rude to place an adult at the kid's table because she can't find room elsewhere. Make room. I always tell my brides that there are always ways to make exceptions. I'm thinking she can pull one out of the hat for your mother's sake.

Third, I'm sorry but I think if you're going to pay that much for a sitter, you need to be guaranteed that the kids will get the attention they need. And that is not going to be at a wedding reception where ppl are drunk, mingling and paying very little attention to who's at their feet.

The older kids might be some help but odds are, they'll be trying to act cute or unsocial lol

knitsandgiggles · May 2014

Not sure where the wedding is located, but is having your sitter watch the agreed upon children in your hotel room? That way they can go down for naps/the night and not have to sit through the reception.

I would be pissed about her piggybacking on the sitter. If she wanted a kids table, then she should have arranged supervision herself.

And that's extra lame about your mom.

allrightmeow · May 2014

Hoosier722 said:

2-11. 5 under 6.

Lurking from June14. As someone who used to be a sitter, Id be pissed if I got to a job and there were more than the agreed upon amount of kids for me to watch. It's unfair to the sitter. A wedding is kind of a chaotic event, loud music, dancing, drinking etc. What happens if one or more of the kids have to go to the bathroom? What happens when the sitter has to go to the bathroom? Is the sitter supposed to take all the kids with her? This sounds like a two person job. Your mother, an invited gift giving guest, should not be forced to be one of those people.

Your SIL is an asshole.

pantherRN · May 2014

If the kids are that young, will the parents even want to be separated from them? Are they even aware of this plan?

If they are aware, I would need to know what she's telling them. If she is telling parents that there is going to be a baby sitter there that you and another family are paying for, I'd put the kybosh on that real fast. Not cool at all.

nicole336 · May 2014

I pretty much agree with everyone else- this is not ok. One person cannot watch all of those kids and your mom is a guest.

Hoosier722 · May 2014

So I ended up confronting her and she fixed it, but not until after posting all over Facebook how she just "wanted to scream" and is "so stressed". Now kids are sitting with parents and my mom is with my family. Problem solved. My husband's worried he's going to get an earful from his parents because I'm causing problems, but whatever. This is the same SIL that texted us a list of family names that we were forbidden to use because she wants them for future children. Now if I can just get over it... Thanks for all the input.

Nichole8787 · May 2014

Sounds to me like Sil is a bitch. I would kindly say something. Ecspecially about your mom.

MstoMrstoMom851214 · May 2014

Hoosier722 said:

So I ended up confronting her and she fixed it, but not until after posting all over Facebook how she just "wanted to scream" and is "so stressed". Now kids are sitting with parents and my mom is with my family. Problem solved. My husband's worried he's going to get an earful from his parents because I'm causing problems, but whatever. This is the same SIL that texted us a list of family names that we were forbidden to use because she wants them for future children. Now if I can just get over it... Thanks for all the input.

OMG, what is with SILs doing that with the lists of names?! My SIL did the same thing, and she's not even married yet!! Granted since then, she got engaged (to a guy she's been dating for 4 months, eye roll), but it was literally the first thing she said to my husband when we announced. "We're pregnant!"..."Don't use this name and this name and this name, because that's what I'm naming my future kids!" No exaggeration!!!

BoraBoraBaby · May 2014

So thankful for my two SILs. They'd never pull shit like that regarding the list of names we can't use. Total BS.

rattlecanqueen · May 2014

With the lovely moodd I've been in recently, I'd be tempted to just have a double date night with the sil you went halfsies with on the babysitter, and have the kids stay at one of your houses. That's so rude and inconsiderate of the bride.

Oooh , or you can tell her the sitter said there's an extra $30 a kid/hr. that she can pay for her other guests children.

I've just been a lil Ray of sunshine, can you tell?

Eta

Responded before reading your update. Glad things have worked out, but it's not your fault the bride did that without even asking or considering asking, especially since you guys paid for your sitter and her plate.

allrightmeow · May 2014

Hoosier722 said:

So I ended up confronting her and she fixed it, but not until after posting all over Facebook how she just "wanted to scream" and is "so stressed". Now kids are sitting with parents and my mom is with my family. Problem solved. My husband's worried he's going to get an earful from his parents because I'm causing problems, but whatever. This is the same SIL that texted us a list of family names that we were forbidden to use because she wants them for future children. Now if I can just get over it... Thanks for all the input.

Oh so your IL created this bitch faced monster? How did your DS and other SIL come out decent? Good on you for confronting her shit. Let her vent on FB. Im willing to bet a good amount of her "friends" secretly think she's a pain in the ass too. Post like that only help to confirm it. I bet she has endeared herself to all her bridesmaids too. She sounds like a peach of a bride.

bewilderingstar · May 2014

I would feel uncomfortable with having my theoretical young children sitting somewhere else while at a wedding.

More so I would be appalled if that was my mother being sent to the kids table. That is so inexplicably rude of her.

You need to say something for sure.

Want a personalized experience?

NBR: Wedding Reception Etiquette

Re: NBR: Wedding Reception Etiquette

Choose Another Board

Search Boards