I am going to AW/brag for a moment. Colton slept from 9-3:15, longest stretch of sleep yet! I slept from 10-3:15! He ate and went back to dleep for another 3 hours! A mamma can get used to this
@saisongbird I agree with @rockopera. If the feelings persist I think it might be a good time to give therapy another go. I've had a mixed bag of experiences myself and find that the quality is totally dependent on having a good therapist. Shop around a little for sure and find someone you can work with.
Failing that I also agree maybe PM one of the moms here with a similar experience. I know @SassyFlats had a very similar story and also can't remember big chunks. I had a similar section with separation from LO but I do remember everything so that's different. Anyway you could certainly PM either of us!
I also don't remember much from J's birth. At three weeks I was still a huge mess, I know it's hard but you've gotta take it slow. The thing that helped me most emotionally was talking over all of the holes in my memory with DH. With time I'm feeling a bit better, even though it still hurts to think about. I think distance ans spending time with my awesome kid is really helping.
Thanks. I know I will probably need to consider it, especially if we want to gave another kid, but I am so scarred right now I can't even.
On another note - if thoughts could kill, MH would be dead right now.
Backstory - we had a rough day today that included refusal of the afternoon nap and a nasty giant poopsplosion resulting in me needing to change and wash her onesie, the mamaroo newborn insert, and another bath for her.
Lo went down around 7:30 as she refused her nap and had been up since noon. She woke just before 2, we changed her and I nursed her for an hour and she fell asleep. Success! (MH has been very anti-prolonged sessions as it affected my recovery but I am going to get my supply up, damn it!!) she goes down at about 3am.
4:20 rolls around and we wake to a sound and a smell. He pops out of bed and says, "that's it, I'm done with newborn diapers" and before I can stop him, he's got her out of the rnp and is off to change her even though she hasn't complained and is fast asleep.
Big mistake. Because not only is she clean, she's awake and now cranky. I get her reswaddled and say to MH that it's his turn to get her down. I go back into the bedroom and lie fine and he starts pacing with her but she's screaming. Msybe 2 mins go by. He then says "stop" in a harsh tone and all I hear is her sobbing. I get out of bed, figuring to nurse her down to find that he has left her in pitch black in the crib while he went to make a formula bottle.
I am PISSED. I get her out if the crib, start to soothe her and start nursing. He comes back in with the bottle and I admonish him for leaving her there like that. He asks what to do with the bottle and I tell him to put it in the fridge and go to bed. I was up nursing hr down until 5:10.
Jerk.
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me. You made my wedding day complete.
I really want to fast forward to a point when LO is going more than 3 hours between feedings at night... But I don't want to miss out on this newborn cuteness.
So exhausted.
Maybe I'll try napping more during the day so I can survive the night. Maybe I'm putting him down too early... I've been aiming for the 9ish hour because that's about the time I turn into a zombie... But if I just let him nap at the 9ish session and do a closer to midnight bedtime... Maybe he'll last longer? Ugh then the little voice in the back of my head is saying a midnight bedtime is a dangerous habit to establish because when I go back to work that will not fly.
Tell me I'm over thinking things... Sooo sleepy....
When I got back into bed, he was out. She woke 20 mins later and he got up to give her the bottle and apologized for messing tonight up. I said it was ok and went back to sleep.
I know he just wants to have a plan and strike pre-emptively but you don't wake a sleeping baby!!!
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me. You made my wedding day complete.
Re: clothing, I am wearing my pre-preg pants and skirts, just unbuttoned and with my bella bands from early in pregnancy. No muffin top!
And @SomersIsles I have a good sleeper of a baby so maybe what works for me won't help you at all, but pretty much I prioritize my sleep above everything except the baby's needs. Whenever he is quiet and content/sleeping I am also sleeping until I feel I have had enough sleep!
Some days this means that I am not out of bed until 1, or no housework gets done, but that and reading time are the two things I need to maintain my sanity and happiness...so that's what I do!
DH just told me he's not 100% sure he wanted a baby. Ummm too late mofo.
My heart hurts and I just spent my commute to work sobbing.
Harper was a very, VERY planned IVF baby and we had numerous discussions regarding our readiness to start IVF and have a baby. It makes me upset that he wasn't honest about it in the beginning. I of course told him this before I left, but I think it fell on deaf ears.
I'm sorry @nlane0723 I hope he's just having a bad day. Regardless, she's here now and I hope he makes the best of her. I don't think very many people can honestly say they are "ready" for a baby. It's how you deal when they come that matters. *hugs*
I think he was having a bad morning after working all night. He has since apologized and said that he loves Harper and is so happy she's here. I don't think he expected his life to change so much when she arrived and he's having a SGR moment of late.
I decided today was the day B was going to take a nap in her crib. She was dozing off, did the 5 Ss(even swaddle) and she fell asleep. Awesome. I gently set her down in her crib. Cue screaming.
Thanks for the kind words. @DaisyCat11 and @mrsdahamm
I think he was having a bad morning after working all night. He has since apologized and said that he loves Harper and is so happy she's here. I don't think he expected his life to change so much when she arrived and he's having a SGR moment of late.
I'm glad he apologized. I think SGR so early for us ladies because we feel everything, and it's easy to forget that it can take longer for our partners because they don't get those experiences.
@AriaAmante143 you're not a failure! You've got a baby that loves to be near her momma. You guys will figure it out. Hang in there!
This x1,000,000! Your baby was probably loving the warmth from you and got all cozy. My LO does exactly the same thing. Me = warm and cuddly... Crib = cold and flat... It's no wonder my son thinks it's torture lol.
@AriaAmante143 you're not a failure! You've got a baby that loves to be near her momma. You guys will figure it out. Hang in there!
This x1,000,000! Your baby was probably loving the warmth from you and got all cozy. My LO does exactly the same thing. Me = warm and cuddly... Crib = cold and flat... It's no wonder my son thinks it's torture lol.
I have no idea how to make it easier for her. Or is it just a thing she'll grow into eventually?
@AriaAmante143 you're not a failure! You've got a baby that loves to be near her momma. You guys will figure it out. Hang in there!
This x1,000,000! Your baby was probably loving the warmth from you and got all cozy. My LO does exactly the same thing. Me = warm and cuddly... Crib = cold and flat... It's no wonder my son thinks it's torture lol.
I have no idea how to make it easier for her. Or is it just a thing she'll grow into eventually?
You are NOT a failure!!
Have you tried the heating pad in the crib first to warm up the sheets/mattress? This may help her adjust!
I'm not sure if we have a heating pad. I'll ask DH when he gets home. We're planning on working together this weekend on getting her more acclimated with the crib, since we will both be home. I will NOT let her CIO, but there's got to be some strategy we can employ to help her sleep better.
@AriaAmante143 you're not a failure! You've got a baby that loves to be near her momma. You guys will figure it out. Hang in there!
This x1,000,000! Your baby was probably loving the warmth from you and got all cozy. My LO does exactly the same thing. Me = warm and cuddly... Crib = cold and flat... It's no wonder my son thinks it's torture lol.
I have no idea how to make it easier for her. Or is it just a thing she'll grow into eventually?
Maybe cuddle her in her swaddle blanket so the whole thing gets warm? Then when you put her down the warmth goes with her?
We haven't had success with the crib yet. I use the bedside bassinet that rocks... Not sure what I'm going to do when we transition to the crib... Which obviously does not rock lol
I decided today was the day B was going to take a nap in her crib. She was dozing off, did the 5 Ss(even swaddle) and she fell asleep. Awesome. I gently set her down in her crib. Cue screaming.
I'm such a freaking failure.
Totally not a failure! My kid sleeps like a champ, usually goes to sleep with minimal fussing, but does the same thing- as soon as his back touches the crib mattress the screaming starts. Once I'm done with school we're going to really work on it, starting with the heating pad trick. It is tough that the crib doesn't move- he sleeps great on people, in the RnP, and in the swing. Two minutes of rocking and he's out like a light.
@DaisyCat11 mia is a snuggler(is that a word?) as well. Flame me, but i put her down on her side and back against the pnp side to see what would happen during a nap and she slept for three hours.
I swear I'm really trying to study for finals in between bump breaks.
Until now when two high schoolers decide that they need to go into the study room next to mine to do their world history project. They're trying to decide who is going to write it. Every other word out of this girl's mouth is "like." I want to stab someone.
@nlane0723 That is a very hurtful thing to hear no matter how intended or how not-well-thought-out. I hope he can turn that around fast and you feel better about it overall soon.
@AriaAmante143 I don't think you're a failure. I think babies can be very finicky about all sorts of things. Try to accept the limitations or idiosyncrasies of your baby at this time and know that things change. But definitely take the word failure out of your vocabulary. Every FTM and STM+ are going to have PLENTY of times where they don't know exactly what to do or feel they didn't do the exact right thing, and if you label every one of those times a failure, you're dooming yourself with the negative thinking. You are allowed to accept imperfection. (I hope that didn't come off preachy at all because I do not intend it that way. I in no way have this thing figured out either, but I just know acceptance and positivity are key.)
@FarmBoysWife I'm really sorry to hear about your work and pumping issues. I hope something gives, in a good way, to make it all work.
Anyone see this video on Ellen the other day? Hilarious.
I swear I'm really trying to study for finals in between bump breaks.
Until now when two high schoolers decide that they need to go into the study room next to mine to do their world history project. They're trying to decide who is going to write it. Every other word out of this girl's mouth is "like." I want to stab someone.
Why did I go to law school?
Oh great, now they're talking about me. Yes, I gave you a dirty look. The high pitched giggling is getting annoying. I CAN HEAR YOU.
And don't call me "that girl." I'm at least ten years older than you.
... I think I might be PMSing. I need a drink. Thank God the library is closing.
@saisongbird I agree with @rockopera. If the feelings persist I think it might be a good time to give therapy another go. I've had a mixed bag of experiences myself and find that the quality is totally dependent on having a good therapist. Shop around a little for sure and find someone you can work with.
Failing that I also agree maybe PM one of the moms here with a similar experience. I know @SassyFlats had a very similar story and also can't remember big chunks. I had a similar section with separation from LO but I do remember everything so that's different. Anyway you could certainly PM either of us!
I also don't remember much from J's birth. At three weeks I was still a huge mess, I know it's hard but you've gotta take it slow. The thing that helped me most emotionally was talking over all of the holes in my memory with DH. With time I'm feeling a bit better, even though it still hurts to think about. I think distance ans spending time with my awesome kid is really helping.
I only ever check this thread if I'm tagged, so sorry I didn't jump in sooner!
@saisongbird I agree with all of the above, especially that you can PM me any time and also that having my DH fill in some of the missing pieces was very helpful. I sat down with him and explained how hurt I was that I couldn't remember and that I needed him to recount as much detail as he could for me. He didn't understand at first because he thought "not much happened" and everything is fine now so I shouldn't feel so down about it. But I explained again, with tears, that I just really needed him to tell me exactly how things went, what I did, if I held her, when I first breastfed, what our parents said when they met Kara, and so on because I couldn't remember any of it and it was killing me.
He did tell me a lot about those "missing hours," and I felt much better after that and a good cry. It was so hard for the first month or so... I felt so guilty and cheated out of those memories. But time and new memories with Kara have really helped me heal that pain.
Also... I hope I'm not out of line saying this, but I really wish that your H wasn't so quick to shoot down breastfeeding. I know your recovery has been rough and you certainly need to do whatever it takes to stay healthy and feed your child... but you seem to really want to make BFing work and it just hurts my heart that maybe he's not as supportive of that as you need him to be (although it seems to be because he's so worried about you... which is well-intentioned).
I really think you guys SHOULD set aside some time to reconnect as a couple. Even if it's just for a little bit while baby is napping-- make romance a priority for just a little bit. Just hold hands or cuddle or sit down for dinner together or whatever. Just be peaceful and in love as a couple, even if it's only for 20 minutes.
All the M14 ladies have given awesome advice and we're all here for you. :x
Soo talk to me about the FB group. Worth joining? Is it mainly regs? I don't like the idea of putting my identity on the bump but if it's mainly regular posters on the FB group I'd join. I just don't want a bunch if randos knowing my full name, location, etc.
____________ Emma Rose Born 3.11.14 8lbs 14oz, 21.5 in
Soo talk to me about the FB group. Worth joining? Is it mainly regs? I don't like the idea of putting my identity on the bump but if it's mainly regular posters on the FB group I'd join. I just don't want a bunch if randos knowing my full name, location, etc.
Well I'm on the FB group and I don't know if I'm considered a "regular" here. It is just so much easier for me to participate on the FB group than here.. and I like it better because it's easier to identify people and their babies (IMO). But, then again, I am just some weird rando
Re: The Randomest Thread
On another note - if thoughts could kill, MH would be dead right now.
Backstory - we had a rough day today that included refusal of the afternoon nap and a nasty giant poopsplosion resulting in me needing to change and wash her onesie, the mamaroo newborn insert, and another bath for her.
Lo went down around 7:30 as she refused her nap and had been up since noon. She woke just before 2, we changed her and I nursed her for an hour and she fell asleep. Success! (MH has been very anti-prolonged sessions as it affected my recovery but I am going to get my supply up, damn it!!) she goes down at about 3am.
4:20 rolls around and we wake to a sound and a smell. He pops out of bed and says, "that's it, I'm done with newborn diapers" and before I can stop him, he's got her out of the rnp and is off to change her even though she hasn't complained and is fast asleep.
Big mistake. Because not only is she clean, she's awake and now cranky. I get her reswaddled and say to MH that it's his turn to get her down. I go back into the bedroom and lie fine and he starts pacing with her but she's screaming. Msybe 2 mins go by. He then says "stop" in a harsh tone and all I hear is her sobbing. I get out of bed, figuring to nurse her down to find that he has left her in pitch black in the crib while he went to make a formula bottle.
I am PISSED. I get her out if the crib, start to soothe her and start nursing. He comes back in with the bottle and I admonish him for leaving her there like that. He asks what to do with the bottle and I tell him to put it in the fridge and go to bed. I was up nursing hr down until 5:10.
Jerk.
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
I really want to fast forward to a point when LO is going more than 3 hours between feedings at night... But I don't want to miss out on this newborn cuteness.
So exhausted.
Maybe I'll try napping more during the day so I can survive the night. Maybe I'm putting him down too early... I've been aiming for the 9ish hour because that's about the time I turn into a zombie... But if I just let him nap at the 9ish session and do a closer to midnight bedtime... Maybe he'll last longer? Ugh then the little voice in the back of my head is saying a midnight bedtime is a dangerous habit to establish because when I go back to work that will not fly.
Tell me I'm over thinking things... Sooo sleepy....
I know he just wants to have a plan and strike pre-emptively but you don't wake a sleeping baby!!!
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
And @SomersIsles I have a good sleeper of a baby so maybe what works for me won't help you at all, but pretty much I prioritize my sleep above everything except the baby's needs. Whenever he is quiet and content/sleeping I am also sleeping until I feel I have had enough sleep!
Some days this means that I am not out of bed until 1, or no housework gets done, but that and reading time are the two things I need to maintain my sanity and happiness...so that's what I do!
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
My heart hurts and I just spent my commute to work sobbing.
Harper was a very, VERY planned IVF baby and we had numerous discussions regarding our readiness to start IVF and have a baby. It makes me upset that he wasn't honest about it in the beginning. I of course told him this before I left, but I think it fell on deaf ears.
Me: 28 DH: 27
I think he was having a bad morning after working all night. He has since apologized and said that he loves Harper and is so happy she's here. I don't think he expected his life to change so much when she arrived and he's having a SGR moment of late.
Me: 28 DH: 27
I'm such a freaking failure.
Emma Rose
Born 3.11.14
8lbs 14oz, 21.5 in
@FarmBoysWife fx you'll get to be a SAHM very very soon!
We haven't had success with the crib yet. I use the bedside bassinet that rocks... Not sure what I'm going to do when we transition to the crib... Which obviously does not rock lol
Flame me, but i put her down on her side and back against the pnp side to see what would happen during a nap and she slept for three hours.
@saisongbird I agree with all of the above, especially that you can PM me any time and also that having my DH fill in some of the missing pieces was very helpful. I sat down with him and explained how hurt I was that I couldn't remember and that I needed him to recount as much detail as he could for me. He didn't understand at first because he thought "not much happened" and everything is fine now so I shouldn't feel so down about it. But I explained again, with tears, that I just really needed him to tell me exactly how things went, what I did, if I held her, when I first breastfed, what our parents said when they met Kara, and so on because I couldn't remember any of it and it was killing me.
He did tell me a lot about those "missing hours," and I felt much better after that and a good cry. It was so hard for the first month or so... I felt so guilty and cheated out of those memories. But time and new memories with Kara have really helped me heal that pain.
Also... I hope I'm not out of line saying this, but I really wish that your H wasn't so quick to shoot down breastfeeding. I know your recovery has been rough and you certainly need to do whatever it takes to stay healthy and feed your child... but you seem to really want to make BFing work and it just hurts my heart that maybe he's not as supportive of that as you need him to be (although it seems to be because he's so worried about you... which is well-intentioned).
Emma Rose
Born 3.11.14
8lbs 14oz, 21.5 in