Does anyone else have a super traditional MIL who is demeaning? — The Bump
Working Moms

Does anyone else have a super traditional MIL who is demeaning?

I probably don't have to really ask that question...

I'm needing a second to MIL has been making me crazy lately.  Last summer, after a vacation spent together with them, I'd had enough and sort of distanced myself form them as much as I could without being rude.  Now that I'm pregnant again, she's been totally overbearing.  I'm having a hard time getting over a comment she made a couple of weeks ago...

She said that maybe I should take it easy and maybe I'm trying to do too much, "what with my little jobs and all".  Everything that comes out of her mouth now brings me back to that ignorant comment and I'm having a hard time getting past it!  I feel like shaking her so that she'll wake up the reality that my "little job" is quite possibly going to have her son retiring from his law career in five years...just because I work from home and she has no idea what I do doesn't mean it's "little".

Anyway, I figured you ladies might understand and I REALLY needed to vent!  Thank you!!
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Re: Does anyone else have a super traditional MIL who is demeaning?

  • Ha! That made me laugh! My MIL isn't a total loon, so she draws you in sometimes and you think all is well and then something like that comes out!
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  • Ugh. My MIL is 100% crazy and makes ridiculous comments all the time. I tune her out.
    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
  • I'm glad it's not just me, although I pretty much figured it wasn't. What is it with mothers-in-law?? :-S
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  • shannmshannm member
    Long-Lasting Membership 5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    I wouldn't view it as demeaning.  She is just ignorant.  My very traditional MIL has NO IDEA what I do but luckily for me, there are several women in the family in my generation who are in the same position and I think she realizes she has no idea.  But she does say other dumb shit that hurts so you are not alone...

  • jlaOKjlaOK member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I usually just smile and nod at 99% of the things my MIL says.  Last year when I was pregnant with DD she told me that I needed to come up with a list of projects to do while on maternity leave so I "wasn't so bored." Turns out that taking care of a newborn took up most of my time.
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  • ss265ss265 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic

    I actually get along pretty well with my MIL. Occasionally she will voice opinions regarding DS that I don't agree with (for example, she doesn't think we should move him off bottles until he is 2) but I usually politely reason with her and she does a lot for us so I can overlook the occasional annoying comment.

    Now my SIL really gets under my skin. She's 9 years older than DH and me and sometimes seems to be from a different generation than us. She was actually surprised that I chose to go back to work after DS was born because she didn't want to do that with her kids. And she just has set ways on how things should be done.

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  • My MIL got married right out of college and had a job for 2 years of her entire life, 30 years ago. She has never volunteered and has no hobbies except buying stuff for the sake of buying stuff. Now FIL is an executive and she spent the last 6 years planning their custom-everything 8,000 sq ft mansion. Completely different life than my upbringing and the future I aspire to. She's also totally overbearing and lashes out at anything that makes her feel insecure (eg she gave me tons of crap over breastfeeding)

    I basically tune out everything that comes out of her mouth, for my sanity.
    My husband has been key to surviving spending time with her, because his tolerance for her is even less than mine. Is your husband bothered by her or does he make excuses for her? IMO having your spouse to acknowledge her nastiness is essential to survival.
    baby girl  5.12
  • I could have written your post, except exchange MIL for FIL. He is totally opinionated and old school. He ruined our last big family vacation by being totally passive aggressive and/or just ignoring me and my family on the trip. We have been doing this for 10 years and I told DH after last year that was it. I am done.

    Even though he is semi-retired and MIL is still working FT he expects her to do everything for him. Like when he is getting ready to go anywhere she picks out his outfit for him, irons it, and lays it out for him. If she doesn't he will literally call down to her from the shower like he doesn't know how to dress himself.

    He acts like DH's job is such a big deal and mine is a hobby, even though I am a Director and as much in three days/week as DH does working FT.

    Anyway, sorry to totally hijack your post. The point is, I know what you mean and while I still don't like him, I know he is the one with the issues, not me, and I pretty much ignore anything he says. And I keep my dealings with him to a minimum.


  • My MIL was extremely supportive of me, my goals, and my career. She's gone though.

    SMIL however... She NEVER left her kids in daycare. Just ask.  She'll tell you. She called me once and asked where I was.  I said work, and she gasped, "Where's the baby?" I told her daycare, and she was all, "Oh my GOD!"

    I actually thought she was really cool up until that point; that conversation did some harm to our relationship. But that was a few years ago, and now I just feel sorry for her.

  • I love her, however... Visit with MiL? Valium. It's better for everyone.
  • AgoAgo member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper

    My MIL knows I work and that it is important, but I swear, every time we visit, she asks "What is it you do again?" 

    I'm a social worker, and I really hate talking about what I do, so getting this question every time...UGH!

    University of Kansas alum Geoff Folker applies food coloring to his snow sculpture at his home on Park Street in Olathe, Kan., on Sunday, March 24, 2013.  A storm that dumped up to 15 inches of snow on parts of Colorado and Kansas is making its way east, with winter storm warnings and advisories issued for today and tomorrow as far east as Pennsylvania. (AP Photo/The Kansas City Star, John Sleezer)

    January OAD Siggy Challenge: Creative Snow Sculptures

  • flclflcl member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Photogenic
    For the most part, I get along with my MIL.  However, she has a habit of making comments leaving me unsure if I should thank her or smack her.  

    @Klavanga74: have you talked to your DH about this?  I wish I said something to my DH earlier but her comments really didn't start bothering me until I was pregnant.  After LO was born, I mentioned something to DH. He's understanding about it but is completely oblivious to her comments.

    @kdc2007: you've inspired me to use that line... how does your MIL respond??
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