Does anyone else have a super traditional MIL who is demeaning?

Re: Does anyone else have a super traditional MIL who is demeaning?

• mlee116 member

  April 2014

  I'm honestly not trying to diminish her comments or your feelings when I say this but: I disregard about 90% of what my MIL says.  Maybe its because she's bat shit crazy or I'm just totally disengaged from her, but when she makes stupid comments like that, I just say "uh huh" and move on.  And don't give them a second thought.  

  

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• Klavanga74 member

  April 2014

  Ha! That made me laugh! My MIL isn't a total loon, so she draws you in sometimes and you think all is well and then something like that comes out!

  
  

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• emberlee3 member

  April 2014

  Ugh. My MIL is 100% crazy and makes ridiculous comments all the time. I tune her out.

  DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
  

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• Klavanga74 member

  May 2014

  I'm glad it's not just me, although I pretty much figured it wasn't. What is it with mothers-in-law?? :-S

  
  

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• shannm member

  May 2014

  I wouldn't view it as demeaning.  She is just ignorant.  My very traditional MIL has NO IDEA what I do but luckily for me, there are several women in the family in my generation who are in the same position and I think she realizes she has no idea.  But she does say other dumb shit that hurts so you are not alone...

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• jlaOK member

  May 2014

  I usually just smile and nod at 99% of the things my MIL says.  Last year when I was pregnant with DD she told me that I needed to come up with a list of projects to do while on maternity leave so I "wasn't so bored." Turns out that taking care of a newborn took up most of my time.
  8-|

  

                                                

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• ss265 member

  May 2014

  I actually get along pretty well with my MIL. Occasionally she will voice opinions regarding DS that I don't agree with (for example, she doesn't think we should move him off bottles until he is 2) but I usually politely reason with her and she does a lot for us so I can overlook the occasional annoying comment.

  Now my SIL really gets under my skin. She's 9 years older than DH and me and sometimes seems to be from a different generation than us. She was actually surprised that I chose to go back to work after DS was born because she didn't want to do that with her kids. And she just has set ways on how things should be done.

  

  
  

  
  

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• Katelobster member

  May 2014

  My MIL got married right out of college and had a job for 2 years of her entire life, 30 years ago. She has never volunteered and has no hobbies except buying stuff for the sake of buying stuff. Now FIL is an executive and she spent the last 6 years planning their custom-everything 8,000 sq ft mansion. Completely different life than my upbringing and the future I aspire to. She's also totally overbearing and lashes out at anything that makes her feel insecure (eg she gave me tons of crap over breastfeeding)
  
  I basically tune out everything that comes out of her mouth, for my sanity.
  My husband has been key to surviving spending time with her, because his tolerance for her is even less than mine. Is your husband bothered by her or does he make excuses for her? IMO having your spouse to acknowledge her nastiness is essential to survival.

  baby girl  5.12
  

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• *sparky* member

  May 2014

  I could have written your post, except exchange MIL for FIL. He is totally opinionated and old school. He ruined our last big family vacation by being totally passive aggressive and/or just ignoring me and my family on the trip. We have been doing this for 10 years and I told DH after last year that was it. I am done.
  
  Even though he is semi-retired and MIL is still working FT he expects her to do everything for him. Like when he is getting ready to go anywhere she picks out his outfit for him, irons it, and lays it out for him. If she doesn't he will literally call down to her from the shower like he doesn't know how to dress himself.
  
  He acts like DH's job is such a big deal and mine is a hobby, even though I am a Director and as much in three days/week as DH does working FT.
  
  Anyway, sorry to totally hijack your post. The point is, I know what you mean and while I still don't like him, I know he is the one with the issues, not me, and I pretty much ignore anything he says. And I keep my dealings with him to a minimum.

   

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• EgoCommaAlter member

  May 2014

  My MIL was extremely supportive of me, my goals, and my career. She's gone though.

  SMIL however... She NEVER left her kids in daycare. Just ask.  She'll tell you. She called me once and asked where I was.  I said work, and she gasped, "Where's the baby?" I told her daycare, and she was all, "Oh my GOD!"

  I actually thought she was really cool up until that point; that conversation did some harm to our relationship. But that was a few years ago, and now I just feel sorry for her.

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• NunyaBennis member

  May 2014

  I love her, however... Visit with MiL? Valium. It's better for everyone.

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• Ago member

  May 2014

  My MIL knows I work and that it is important, but I swear, every time we visit, she asks "What is it you do again?" 

  I'm a social worker, and I really hate talking about what I do, so getting this question every time...UGH!

  

  January OAD Siggy Challenge: Creative Snow Sculptures
  

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• flcl member

  May 2014

  For the most part, I get along with my MIL.  However, she has a habit of making comments leaving me unsure if I should thank her or smack her.  

  
  

  @Klavanga74: have you talked to your DH about this?  I wish I said something to my DH earlier but her comments really didn't start bothering me until I was pregnant.  After LO was born, I mentioned something to DH. He's understanding about it but is completely oblivious to her comments.

  
  

  @kdc2007: you've inspired me to use that line... how does your MIL respond??

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