Spent the last month stressing over my bio-father wanting to visit for a week right after birth. I see him/his daughter maybe every 3-4 yrs. We are trying to establish a relationship after the first 20 yrs of my life he was less than stellar in his addiction. Although we have made so much progress (and I am truly thankful) I feel like he is still very much a stranger, his daughter (my 12 yo half-sister definitely is) and I would not feel comfortable letting it all hang out around them. Whether it be BFing, comfy clothes that show my ppg diaper lines or just being a hot mess with no sleep learning/adapting to LO. So I called him tonight to tell him I changed my mind, can't predict how I'm going to feel and blah blah blah. He was unbelievably supportive!!! saying we'll figure it out but me stressing over it isn't good and on and on. Which made me cry even harder and want to take it all back and let them come. I didn't but Ugh. Hormones!!!!
He then proceeded to tell me I'm weird about family and want to stay distant/secretive from the people who love me the most. Which is TRUE. I'm like this with ALL my and DH's family. My truth... I relate "family" to "talk shit behind everyone's back, be too involved in each other's business and WARNING: STAY AWAY". This is the 3rd talk I've had from family (including DH) since becoming pg about my avoidance. I do not know how to stop the associations I've made because every time I try, one of them confirms my fear either giving me unsolicited advice, talking shit about another family member or just crossing boundaries in general. HELP?! I know I need a therapist but truthfully I'm lazy and would rather just avoid the whole problem. Ugh...oxymoron.
Re: Hormones + Family= Anti-family Pregnancy
What are your plans for incorporating your family into the life of your child?
What about your husband's family?
Avoidance of an issue will never lead to resolution
I am very standoffish with my family, too. They didn't earn a large place in this baby's life.
*hugs*