Community› The Bump Month Clubs› July 2014 Moms
July 2014 Moms
New Discussion

Hormones + Family= Anti-family Pregnancy

chrinikki1chrinikki1 member
in July 2014 Moms
Spent the last month stressing over my bio-father wanting to visit for a week right after birth. I see him/his daughter maybe every 3-4 yrs. We are trying to establish a relationship after the first 20 yrs of my life he was less than stellar in his addiction. Although we have made so much progress (and I am truly thankful) I feel like he is still very much a stranger, his daughter (my 12 yo half-sister definitely is) and I would not feel comfortable letting it all hang out around them. Whether it be BFing, comfy clothes that show my ppg diaper lines or just being a hot mess with no sleep learning/adapting to LO. So I called him tonight to tell him I changed my mind, can't predict how I'm going to feel and blah blah blah. He was unbelievably supportive!!! saying we'll figure it out but me stressing over it isn't good and on and on. Which made me cry even harder and want to take it all back and let them come. I didn't but Ugh. Hormones!!!!
He then proceeded to tell me I'm weird about family and want to stay distant/secretive from the people who love me the most. Which is TRUE. I'm like this with ALL my and DH's family. My truth... I relate "family" to "talk shit behind everyone's back, be too involved in each other's business and WARNING: STAY AWAY". This is the 3rd talk I've had from family (including DH) since becoming pg about my avoidance. I do not know how to stop the associations I've made because every time I try, one of them confirms my fear either giving me unsolicited advice, talking shit about another family member or just crossing boundaries in general. HELP?! I know I need a therapist but truthfully I'm lazy and would rather just avoid the whole problem. Ugh...oxymoron.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Hormones + Family= Anti-family Pregnancy

  • ghostof5lettersghostof5letters member
    Nothing we can do will help :/

    What are your plans for incorporating your family into the life of your child?

    What about your husband's family?

    Avoidance of an issue will never lead to resolution
    image

    User Banned You have been banned from posting on the forums until 01-11-2165 8:18 AM. The reason for this ban is Inappropriate Links or Signature. Please return to participate in the forums after the ban has elapsed.
    Report Reply
  • Nichole8787Nichole8787 member
    I have a completly fucked family situation and so does dh. They are still our family. I don't give them the power to make decisions in my life but I do love them and I do keep them involved. Let him come see you. Maybe not first week but 2nd or 3rd. You will always feel that things are broken if you don't try and fix them.
    image
    image.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • abundancenowabundancenow member
    I've done therapy to try to help resolve family issues, but to me it can only go so far, if those I'm in relationship with are not very self aware or willing to do some work too. I know therapy seems to be what's deemed responsible, I've found it to get to a point of a waste of time and money after you've talked it out and have become aware of what's behind what's going on. I've shifted in to personal development and taking total responsibility for my reactions, emotions, relationships. This is not easy, but understanding I will never really know the motivations of others or understand in totality what another is thinking, but I can control myself, my thoughts, my actions and reactions. I think you're doing good, its about you and what your comfortable with and exploring the feedback from others is helpful, but ultimately its your life, your decisions your feelings. Trust yourself.
    Report Reply
  • chrinikki1chrinikki1 member
    Thanks for ur input! I guess my first decision I should see a therapist about is how much I want them in LO's life. Stupidly, I didn't think things w family would have to change w a baby... Technically I didn't even consider it. Now that it's happening, I feel overwhelmed and want to avoid it altogether rather than deal with it.
    Report Reply
  • SuperTinkerhamSuperTinkerham member
    I think if you're bio dad had addiction issues and was crappy the first 20 years, it is TOTALLY reasonable to tread lightly and be somewhat standoffish with family. I do think you will need to figure out how much you want them involved in the baby's life. A therapist might help you identify what you want, need, and what is best for you.

     I am very standoffish with my family, too. They didn't earn a large place in this baby's life.

    *hugs*

     

    image

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"