How involved will your H be?

MrsCase1 · April 2014

Related: I had a best friend who married my other best friend. She no longer speaks to me but he and I are still friendly and also FB friends. Anywayyyyyyy, they have two kids. He was not in the delivery room for the birth of either one. He says it is "not his thing and not something I want to look at." I hadn't heard of a male being outside the delivery room for decades but I guess there are still a few of them that just can't handle it. Lame sauce.

katekat8721 · April 2014

I don't really know, I think he'll be as involved as he can be but we don't know if we're doing vaginal/ceserean and won't know probably till game day. He is really involved with pregnancy though and doesn't get squeamish, so no worries there!

hubbs173 · April 2014

DH had zero interest in actually looking at Henry coming out. He was really good at support and comfort. He fed me ice chips, held my hair when I was vomiting, refreshed the cloth that was on my forehead (the mag drip made me super hot), held my hand and encouraged me to breath and stay calm when the contractions started getting too much for me to handle. When I was actually pushing he just stayed by my side. Unfortunately he couldn't do anything with Henry right after he was born since he was so early, the dr and nurses did everything.

k2k2tog · April 2014

DH will be there to give as much support as he can. But, I'll be honest, I don't really want him seeing much below the waist. I don't want to see what will be going on down there myself... I certainly don't want him watching the baby crown or catching the baby. I don't know if I really want him cutting the umbilical cord either, but I'm going to leave that one up to him, since it shouldn't require him to get a good view of my lady bits.

Mia081081 · April 2014

DH will help with positions, massage, cord cutting, anything I need. However, we were all prepared for that last time and I ended up being the kind of person who just wanted to be internal and quiet through labor. He ended up feeding me ice chips and telling me when my contractions had finished peaking. He also held my leg during pushing and cut the cord.

Savvy122 · April 2014

lizardbreath14 said:

@Savvy122 -

Savvy122 said:

[snip]
I ended up with a c-section and he delighted in giving me a play by play of what he saw happening around the edge of the curtain. At the end he leaned over, squeamishly, and said, "They just took something huge out of you and put it in a bowl."
[snip]

That made me LOL!!! Men have such a way with words.

It's one of the only things I vividly remember from the whole c-section experience because it was so effing hilarious.

Pepper6 · April 2014

DH has no interest in seeing what's going on down there, and I don't want him to be full on spectator either. However, he's aware that the positioning of holding a leg will get him glimpses and that once her head is out, he may feel comfortable enough to watch the rest and cut the cord.

snowpants · April 2014

DH is all about the hand holding, brushing hair from my face, being vocally supportive (and knowing when the heck to shut up) but that's about as much as he wanted to do. And that's as much as I wanted him to do.

He did help hold one of my legs when I was pushing because I needed him to, and once the doctor caught baby (and baby managed to poop all over the doctor, lol) DH helped hand her to me while being the first to announce "It's a GIRL!" through tears. And that was awesome.

I'm pretty sure DH and I both laughed when they asked if he wanted to cut the cord. Thanks but no thanks.

MamaTree17 · April 2014

With DD, my husband was all up in my business which was no surprise. He's very inquisitive and with a nurse mom he was more educated then I was on most things. I remember very clearly when I was doing practice pushing and said - now I know why they say it feels like you're pooping and he said - it's because you are. Oh the love.

coffee89 · April 2014

DH keeps saying he doesn't want to actually see what's going on down there unless he has to. If he decides to look/help then more power to him. He wants to be there emotionally and cut the cord and aside from that, let the doctors and nurses do their thing.

rastrau · April 2014

This is our first, so I don't know exactly how things will go down. I've told DH that I don't want him on the business end of things when they get messy - I certainly don't want to see it! - but he's a very inquisitive person so it's likely he'll peek. I'm relying on him to help keep me calm and focused - I'm the type to get super anxious and worked up and he is excellent at keeping me grounded. We haven't discussed the cord-cutting yet - I guess we have to have that convo soon

Other than that, I've asked him to be with the baby anywhere LO goes without me.

jshrop · April 2014

We just were talking about this an hour or so ago. His take is "this is your show, I'm just here for support." I told him he's going to have a bigger role in supporting me than he thinks. His reply "the quarterback doesn't need the cheerleader to win the game." To which I replied "I'm pretty sure you're going to be the center lineman, not the cheerleader. Your job is to make sure l make it to the end zone alive!" So, we shall see how this works out.

SarahS11 · April 2014

DH and I just had our birthing class on Saturday... With his eyes turned during the birthing videos that barely showed anything, I don't see him looking at much of the bloody scene. That's fine with me. I know he will be amazing at keeping me calm and doing whatever I need him to do. He is nervous that he will pass out, so I am definitely not going to pressure him into looking at anything! As far as cutting the cord, it has always been a "no thank you", but I could see once the moment comes, he may change his mind about that. Birthing class just made me so excited that the event is getting so close to actually being here!

jclester614 · April 2014

Can I just say how entertained I am at the use of the word "business" in this thread? : )

We just had our birth class on Saturday (I feel sooooo much better about everything now!). DH has a better understanding now of what is even involved in labor, and what will be expected of him: setting up the room to make it more like home, communicating with the midwife and nurses and keeping extraneous people out, helping me into new positions, encouraging me, giving me water, keeping me calm and helping me focus on breathing, etc.

I don't really want him in my business (hehe), but I think that will be up to him in the moment. In my opinion, he can never unsee what has been seen, so he should choose wisely.

MissBHaven1024 · April 2014

DH is contemplating "catching" the baby this time. He had wanted to do it with DD#2, but when it came time to do it, he got nervous about it and backed out. It ended up being fine because there were some complications at the end and he wouldn't have been able to do it anyway. This time around, he is hoping to get the chance.

We've also done Hypnobirthing classes this time around, so he will be really involved in the labor and assisting in keeping me focused and calm through everything. I'm looking forward to it because so far, it has bonded us together and I am looking forward to seeing how it translate into the actual labor.

jclester614 · April 2014

SCsikos said:

With DD, my husband was all up in my business which was no surprise. He's very inquisitive and with a nurse mom he was more educated then I was on most things. I remember very clearly when I was doing practice pushing and said - now I know why they say it feels like you're pooping and he said - it's because you are. Oh the love.

Holy shit. (Excuse the pun.) How do you come back from that?? This is the exact scenario I would like to avoid, haha.

feistybear · April 2014

DH was "Elbow Deep".

He was right there through the whole thing with DD. The nurse who spent the longest time with us, more then the doctor, had him holding my legs, showed him how she was stretching me down there, and when DD was low enough where she was beginning to crown he got to touch her head and hair. Once the doctor got there he had to move a bit out of the way but he watched her come out and he was the one to put her on my chest and of course cut the umbilical cord.

I was worried of what he'd think seeing that craziness since I didn't even want to see it, he said it was the most amazing thing he had ever experienced and was glad he was able to more then a coach.

Mrs_D_in_KY · April 2014

DH always said he wouldn't look when our first son was born. But next thing I know he's looking and watching him crown and the whole bit. He cut the cord and was so excited to see DS born.

I never gave him any rules, I just let it be and we just went with it

RaeJ004 · April 2014

From the beginning DH told me he didn't want to see anything, that he would be up by my head, and he didn't want to cut the cord. But he was the exact opposite when it came down to it. My doctor had to ask him to move at one point because his face was so close watching everything. He was the one telling me when I was contracting (I had the best epi ever and didn't feel any of them). The nurse started out doing it but he totally took over. And he did end up cutting the cord.

So they might surprise you!

MrsCase1 · April 2014

@KrystaJ a nurse took a ton of pics during my c/s. A few hours later when we were going through them, we were surprised to find a TON of placenta shots. She documented it from like every angle. LOL!

izzetoot · April 2014

Ive made it very clear to my OB I don't want anyone down there in my nethers, so DH will stand next to me and coach/count. I haven't even thought about the umbilical cord! He'd probably love to cut it! But as for the labor i'm curious to see how he'll act. My guess is he'll be really strong and helpful but then cry once LO is here and be super sentimental and gooshy

(

tnd1218 · April 2014

DH has delivered babies in the back of an ambulance, he's pretty much seen everything there is to see. With DS he held my hand but ended up watching and cutting the cord. I'm fine with it. Doesn't bother me.

emandjp · April 2014

With DD1, I was pretty nervous about how my husband would react to me being in labor, he is pretty squeamish so I kind of thought he wouldn't look at all. Besides leaving the room for the epidural, he was super involved! He couldn't take his eyes off of what was happening and was such a great coach! If some of you FTM are nervous about how your husband will react, he may surprise you!

temursgirl · April 2014

@mtgrizgirl‌ you're so lucky to have an amazing mom and such a good relationship with her!

@MrsCase1‌ apparently in India men still don't stay in the delivery room. My ILs were kind of shocked DH will be there. I thought here it's the norm since at least the 80s.

elle_tee19 · April 2014

I was pretty surprised when DH told me that he wanted to watch as she's coming out and cut the umbilical cord. I guess one of his friends convinced him that its something he should consider. He gets super squeamish when it comes to blood and things of that nature, but he's pretty much made up his mind that he wants to watch. We'll see how he feels in the moment though

cMichelle0423 · April 2014

DH actually confessed to me that he's been watching videos of labor and delivery lol he said it's a lot more intense than he imagined...I kinda think he's TRYING to get brave and prepare to get more involved... i guess we'll find out in a few weeks. Lol!

RaeJ004 · April 2014

KrystaJ said:

MrsCase1 said:

@KrystaJ a nurse took a ton of pics during my c/s. A few hours later when we were going through them, we were surprised to find a TON of placenta shots. She documented it from like every angle. LOL!

@MrsCase1 - I've seen pictures of other people's placentas - I'm of the belief that if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all (and you can't unsee that).

I'd like to think my placenta is unique and unforgettable. I'm totes posting a pic of it before y'all get to see my baby.

Cherylwang · April 2014

My husband pretty much stayed near my head. Lol He peeked down there to see progress here and there but he didn't want to get too close.

allrightmeow · April 2014

Very. Warm compresses to my vagina to stave off tearing and all that. Hell, we have already discussed the fact, half joking half serious, that he may end up delivering this baby if I labor at home too long.

potterybygrace · April 2014

Just hoping my husband doesn't pass out. He's already said he won't cut the cord.

cinnamonsmiles · April 2014

there's a chance that DH won't be there, though we'll have to see how things play out.
he is not good at all with blood, needles, or seeing me in pain and told me from the get-go that he would be by my head the entire time. he will probably be either holding my hand and looking completely helpless or letting my birth coach (really good friend) step in and take control.
DH is a pretty serious guy when it comes to medical stuff, so I think he will also leave everything up to the nurses/midwives (which is why my friend will be there as a mediator).

sparklenshine_89 · April 2014

So DH was there for the birth of our first son. He held my hand, massaged my back, kept me entertained, held my leg while delivering...extremely supportive. I had a third degree tear and he kept me iced down there, helped me to the restroom because I was so weak... He even helped me shower. He wasn't there for the second birth and that one was so much easier. I'm sure he will be super involved with this one...his only request is to try and not get the epidural because he hated that part the most lol

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