It gets better, right? — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

It gets better, right?

I'm in such a funk right now. I feel like I'm trapped with only a toddler and a two month old to keep me company. It's been really hard for me to adjust to having two kids. We never get out of the house anymore because it just seems like such a hassle to wrangle them by myself, and by the time everyone is awake, fed, showered, and happy, it's nap time. My H helps when he's home, of course, and he watches the baby so I can take DD and go to the gym, but I'm really starting to resent his ability to leave the house every day for work. Not that I want to work, I just want time away. Plus, my house is a disaster.

Please tell me it gets easier. I keep hoping that we'll get into a groove, but it isn't happening. How long did it take you STM+ to get back to (somewhat) normal?

Re: It gets better, right?

  • 6 months maybe. No one tells you how hard it is to add a second child!! Baby wearing helped. And I made sure to leave the house at least every other day just for my own sanity. Mine are 1 and 3 now, and its pure chaos again. I didn't think they'd already fight and bug each other so much. And it never really goes back to normal. You just find a new version of it.

      DS1 4.4.11. &  DS2 4.18.13
    rachie1019[Deleted User]
  • I sure hope it does! I have a 17 month old and an almost 3 week old. I feel stuck and in a funk too!
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  • so sorry Magenta!

    Perhaps wear the baby and just go for a short walk with DD in the stroller or up to the park so she can run and burn off energy and you and can sit or walk and get some fresh air.

    Things will get better! It's just in a period of transition. Hugs mama!
  • It gets easier the more you do it, but there is definitely a big hassle factor whenever you have to take more than one young kid anywhere. We're still not exactly back to "normal" yet and the babies are 10 months, but we do get out and do stuff nearly every day (I'm just not sure when my house will recover and I'll get back to the gym someday).

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    Grant - 6/2/11
    Glenn and Caroline - 6/19/13

  • I promise it gets easier! I have Irish twins and I felt the same way! I would cry to get a job because I was desperate for adult interaction! It was a rough time but it gets so much better when the baby is able to play with siblings!
  • Thanks guys. I'm just kind of stuck right now. Logan is a lot fussier than Scarlett was, which doesn't help either. I guess I just need to get my butt in gear and get out.

  • It does get better! The first four months were so hard and then every day seemed to get a little easier after that. Will Logan sleep in the carrier? I know it's not ideal for them to stay in the bucket infant seat too long, but getting out saved my sanity. It was hard at first to get out, but each time I got better at it. I always had a ton of guilt if a kid missed a nap, but they will be ok even if they do. I know it's wasteful, but paper plates helped me so much. It may seem silly, but little cheats like that can help through this survival period. It will get better, hugs!

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    C  7.16.2008 | L  11.12.2010 | A  3.18.2013

     

  • @JenS2203‌ It's kind of hit or miss whether he'll sleep...he falls asleep in the car, but usually wakes up after a few minutes of not being in a moving vehicle. I do have the Bjorn, though, and he usually does pretty well in that.

  • I need to quit reading these posts. I'm never going to want to try for #2! The positive ones need to be bolded so I don't scare myself.
    vababy
  • It does get easier!! At 6 months I'm finally having more good days then bad days! Something about dd being able to sit made things better. Try to force yourself to get out. I did, even on my worst days and it always helped at least one persons mood. And sometimes just one happy person in 3 is all you need!
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  • I promise it gets easier. Going from one to two children was so much harder on me than having my first.  When I only had one it didn't matter where he napped, I could carry him everywhere and I only had to care for him.

    Adding that second one in, well sucked.  I love both of my boys individually but having them together was hell in the beginning. I dreaded DH leaving for work because i had no one to talk to and nowhere to go.  I literally went out one time by myself in 3 months with the kids, it was just terrifying.  Also, DS2 hated to be worn and I had like no ability to carry them both out of the house.

    Once 5-6 months hit and DS2 started STTN or just waking one time is when things got a lot better.  The sleep deprivation died off, and DS2 started having longer awake times.  He was more interactive and DS1 was a lot more interested in him.  It's also when he kind of grew up into a baby and left the newborn wanting to be held all the time stage behind.  

    And now at almost 2 and almost 4 it's so much fun to have them close in age and watch them play together and be friends.  

    You are not alone believe me. It's overwhelming suddenly to have 2 lives depending on you and it always felt like i Never had enough hands.
    To my boys:  I will love you for you Not for what you have done or what you will become I will love you for you I will give you the love The love that you never knew
  • Make it a goal to get out every other day. Even if you have failed outings you'll get more efficient at it with practice and it really does help keep your sanity. When I had a baby and toddler I found story time at the library to be great. It was a contained room and it was moms who understood. We did two different local libraries so that took up two mornings a week and made those days pass easier.
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    catycate
  • Going from 1-2 is way harder than the first born.  You never feel like you are doing enough.  You question how much attention you give the firstborn, and realize how many things you are not doing with the second born.  If you are someone who sticks with naps, it feels like a never ending cycle of eat, nap, and maybe play with your first born.

    Lower your expectations and try to get out of the house at least once.  This can mean just putting the baby in a carrier and going for a walk.  Or sitting the baby in the Bumbo and letting your LO use some sidewalk chalk.  It doesn't need to be a productive trip outside the house, it just needs to be out of the daily grind.  Plus, if you are out of the house, you don't have all the things you are not doing staring at you.

    DD was way fussier than DS.  She was, and continues to be, incredibly needy.  It got a million times easier at 6 months when she could sit in one spot with a few toys around her.

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  • You are totally in the NB survival stage. Do whatever it takes to survive. 

    That being said...it totally gets better!

    We have 3 LOs (3.5 yo, 2 yo, and 7 mo). And yesterday and today I got us all out of the house and we went to garage sales. Yes, I repeatedly buckled them in and got them out of the car. We spent all morning garage sale-ing this morning. It was so fun. The kiddos keep asking to go more.

    Even 2 months ago, the thought of dragging all 3 to garage sales (heck, even just to one or 2) would have probably had me in tears.

    Now, it's just the way we roll. 

    However, I can't help with the disaster of a house. I'm still working on that. 
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  • It gets better! DS and DD are 17 months apart. The first few months were tough but it got much easier by 6 months. DD was more on a schedule and we were all adjusted and in a routine. Hang in there!
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  • Routine and schedule. I definitely so not have it figured out, but dd2 is having to work with dd1s schedule. She naps on the go until the big afternoon nap and I make sure that happens in her crib because dd1 needs a nap too. Otherwise we have been out and about solo from day 9 unfortunately. Like others have said, just do it. It gets easier. I was terrified of taking dd to the park for fear of losing her or her needing me and not being able to help her, but she's doing great and ends up exhausted. Story time is contained so that rocks, the zoo and museum are a bit trickier and I'd be lying if I said I haven't lost her there a few times, but it never Lasts long and she's usually standing behind me or something stupid like that.
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  • cjcouple said:
    I need to quit reading these posts. I'm never going to want to try for #2! The positive ones need to be bolded so I don't scare myself.
    There are just as many people that will say going from 1-2 is way easier than 0-1. Lots of people have no problem managing 2. I'm not one of them :) It does get easier though with time. My kids actually just finished playing together while I bumped. It was awesome.
    I found it much easier. I was more relaxed because I had been there fine that. lol. plus I immediately knew tips and tricks that were used before. I also got ds2 into a routine right away. I mean with an older child the baby has no choice but to adjust. honestly though I do think age difference had a lot to do with it. my oldest was almost 3 (3 mo shy) so very independent, helpful and understanding. don't be scared. with ds1 my world was completely rearranged. with ds2. he just fit.
    This was us - also a 3 year age gap. 

    Honestly, I think what scares me so much is, DH rotates shifts every 4 weeks. Midnight, afternoon, day. Even now with just 1 LO I have 2 months straight where I have to do everything all alone at night time. It's kinda of hard bc DD is so stinking clingy. 95% of the time I have to take her with me to the bathroom to pee or to throw something away or she screams and cries. Like its bad. I'm worried how I would do it with another one. Which makes me sad bc I would love to have another. I always tell DH that we will have to wait to have another one when DDs married with children of her own. This clingy thing is rough.

    It also doesn't help that right now when DH is home he's working on remodeling our home so I never really get much of a break. I just want our house to be done already and have some normalcy around here. 
  • Little man when through a stage like that. If I tried to go to the bathroom, he either needed to sit on my lap or cried the whole time (even though he could walk and I never shut the door). He outgrew it quickly

    My husband also works swing shift and I feel you on doing on your own. That is a big reason why we want to wait at least 4 years in between. For my sanity

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    minerswife17
  • I knew there was a big reason I am wanting the 5 year age gap.  
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