Pregnant and have a 14 month DS that wont sleep.. HELP

Adoreb · April 2014

Does anyone have tips / pointers to get my DS to sleep through the whole night? I have not tried the CIO method only because I live in an apartment and dont want any problems with my neighbors.. I make sure he has a nice full meal at dinner, bathed and all.. No matter how much I play with him and tire him out... he still wakes up 3 plus times a night I can tell he is tired when he wakes, so i dont know what wakes him up in the middle of the night.. He slept throughout the night from 3 months old to about a 1 year.. now i cant keep him down all night to save my life.. and it is really working my nerves ANY HELP WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED... thanks mamas!

haleyusf · April 2014

Have you tried a white noise machine or other sound machine? He may be waking because of sounds outside or in the next apartment and the sound machine can help them tune out the outside noise. DS listens to the sound of birds while he sleeps (used to be rain but he likes the birds now) and since we started using the sound machine, he sleeps 11-12 hours straight. Used to wake up all the time.

Manateearmz · April 2014

I have no advice, just commiseration. My DD is 3 and still wakes up 3 times a night. Honestly, I've caved and just pulled her into my bed the past 2 nights.

mccall35 · April 2014

This won't be much help, but I'm in a similar boat. My DS is almost 14months and we are still up 2-3x/night. I just keep telling myself, "it won't be like this forever", and reframing it as "a bit more time to enjoy my not so little, little baby." But I feel for you, You're not alone!

Daneicy80 · April 2014

At 14 months he could be teething, you can use whatever remedy of your choice for that. Are you still nursing? Sometimes that would help settle my LO down in the MOTN. Other than that I've tried bringing them into bed with me then moving them back to the crib once they've fallen asleep or letting them CIO.

And like others said, this to will pass.

nopegoat · April 2014

The only way I was able to get my boys to sttn was through cio. My second was the worst. Are you close to your neighbors? Maybe bake them some cookies or something as a peace offering?

Honestly with CIO the first 1-3 days are the worst then it's gets a LOT better.

Daneicy80 · April 2014

kdm06c said:

The only way I was able to get my boys to sttn was through cio. My second was the worst. Are you close to your neighbors? Maybe bake them some cookies or something as a peace offering? Honestly with CIO the first 1-3 days are the worst then it's gets a LOT better.

Agreed, I was very hesitant to let my DS CIO because I thought it would wake DD. We put it off forever and then one night I just couldn't take it anymore and we gave it a try. They are in bedrooms right next to each other (with no insultion in the walls like a neighboring apartment would have) and she never woke up. It's only a couple nights then it gets better.

tarasantoro · April 2014

What is CIO?

Adoreb · April 2014

@haleyusf i have not thought about this... but i WILL be going out after work today and buying one! Im willing to try anything.. and this just might be the trick.. THANK YOU

Daneicy80 · April 2014

tarasantoro said:

What is CIO?

Cry it out, when you let a baby cry... basically until they fall asleep. Sometimes people go in at certain intervals to reassure the baby everything is fine but yeah just let them cry.

nopegoat · April 2014

Daneicy80 said:

tarasantoro said:

What is CIO?

Cry it out, when you let a baby cry... basically until they fall asleep. Sometimes people go in at certain intervals to reassure the baby everything is fine but yeah just let them cry.

Yep. It makes them learn to self soothe so if they do wake up during the night they can get back to sleep without needing your help.

Adoreb · April 2014

kdm06c said:

tarasantoro said:

What is CIO?

Cry it out, when you let a baby cry... basically until they fall asleep. Sometimes people go in at certain intervals to reassure the baby everything is fine but yeah just let them cry.
Yep. It makes them learn to self soothe so if they do wake up during the night they can get back to sleep without needing your help.

Im for sure going to try this first! Hate to hear DS cry... but mama needs her rest!

nopegoat · April 2014

@adoreb the first night is always the worst. But if you stay strong it will be so so worth it and everyone will be so much happier. I always felt bad doing it but it's nothing extra cuddles at night and in the morning won't cure. GL!!!

LupeVallejo · April 2014

Is he in your room? In a crib? In a bed? My daughter didn't sleep for more than 3 straight hours until 15 months old. The second I moved her from crib in our room to a big girl bed in her own room… she sleeps wonderfully. About once every 2 weeks wakes up from a bad dream. She's now 2.5.

I also really like the book "heathy sleep habits, happy child". Maybe that will give you some ideas.

Pros521 · April 2014

I also did CIO. My DD is 13 mo and falls asleep now with no problem. She sometimes wakes around 1-1:30 and easily cries herself back to sleep. My problem at this point is she wakes up so early. Between 4-5:30. So I've gotten in the habit of taking her to the couch with a bottle. And she (we) usually fall back to sleep for a few hours. But sometimes, she is up and raring to go

Pros521 · April 2014

@Adoreb‌, if you google the Ferber method, there are designated time intervals that you go in and give reassurance each night. They get longer as the night goes on and as the days go on.

LupeVallejo · April 2014

Pros521 said:

@Adoreb‌, if you google the Ferber method, there are designated time intervals that you go in and give reassurance each night. They get longer as the night goes on and as the days go on.

If you buy a book instead of "googling it", and do your fair share of published research written by educated professionals, you will find that this method can have terrible long term effects on children well into their adulthood.

Don't make sleep deprived rash decisions and end up having regrets.

Adoreb · April 2014

Pros521 said:

@Adoreb‌, if you google the Ferber method, there are designated time intervals that you go in and give reassurance each night. They get longer as the night goes on and as the days go on.

THIS WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I COULD HAVE EVER READ! thank you for sharing. Its great to know an actual technique to the CIO method.. rather than just letting DS whale all night. I will be following this technique starting tonight... again, thanks @Pros521

haleyusf · April 2014

I should note that we resorted to the noise machine after trying all kinds of things, but couldn't do CIO because DS was (and still is) a vomity crier. Whenever he cries for more than a couple minutes, he starts choking/gagging and vomits; has been that way since he was a newborn. I did use a staggered approach though to get him to fall asleep on his own that involved sitting further and further from him as he fell asleep from night to night until I was in the doorway when he fell asleep and then could leave the room before he was asleep. Not sure if you have that issue, but it might help with getting your LO to go back to sleep on his own if he does wake. It took us till 3yrs to get all his sleep issues worked out (allergies, nightmares, etc) but he's been a dream since then, so it does get better

Pros521 · April 2014

@LupeVallejo‌, I was just adding on to what others said about the intervals. She can google, she can buy a book she can do what she wants. My decision wasn't a rash sleep deprived decision.

LupeVallejo · April 2014

Adoreb said:

Pros521 said:

@Adoreb‌, if you google the Ferber method, there are designated time intervals that you go in and give reassurance each night. They get longer as the night goes on and as the days go on.

THIS WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I COULD HAVE EVER READ! thank you for sharing. Its great to know an actual technique to the CIO method.. rather than just letting DS whale all night. I will be following this technique starting tonight... again, thanks @Pros521

Richard Ferber is a pediatrician with no psychological training. I would do some research on HOW it works before jumping into it. You are essentially training your kid to know that when he cries, nobody will come. I know the desperation of needing to sleep through the night, I've been there… but do what's best for your child.

Adoreb · April 2014

LupeVallejo said:

Adoreb said:

Pros521 said:

@Adoreb‌, if you google the Ferber method, there are designated time intervals that you go in and give reassurance each night. They get longer as the night goes on and as the days go on.

THIS WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I COULD HAVE EVER READ! thank you for sharing. Its great to know an actual technique to the CIO method.. rather than just letting DS whale all night. I will be following this technique starting tonight... again, thanks @Pros521
Richard Ferber is a pediatrician with no psychological training. I would do some research on HOW it works before jumping into it. You are essentially training your kid to know that when he cries, nobody will come. I know the desperation of needing to sleep through the night, I've been there… but do what's best for your child.

I can see where you are coming from, but CIO seems to work for so many parents. Does your LO sttn? If so, were you just lucky; or how did you get them to sttn?!

nopegoat · April 2014

What?! @LupeVallejo‌? No. I did CIO with both my boys starting at 10 months old. I have no doubts in my mind that they know if they need me I will be there. So no you are not essentially training your kid to know that when he cried, nobody will come. You do go in and check on them. But you give them the opportunity to learn to self soothe they don't need you to do it for them.

I absolutely agree that everyone needs to do their own research and do what they think is best for their child. What works for one won't always work for another.

nopegoat · April 2014

If you just throw your kid in their bed, shut the lights off, and leave them to scream then yea it might be damaging to them later on. Ferber does not say do that at all. It says get a good bedtime routine then go check on them in increasing increments.

LupeVallejo · April 2014

Adoreb said:

LupeVallejo said:

Adoreb said:

Pros521 said:

@Adoreb‌, if you google the Ferber method, there are designated time intervals that you go in and give reassurance each night. They get longer as the night goes on and as the days go on.

THIS WAS PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I COULD HAVE EVER READ! thank you for sharing. Its great to know an actual technique to the CIO method.. rather than just letting DS whale all night. I will be following this technique starting tonight... again, thanks @Pros521
Richard Ferber is a pediatrician with no psychological training. I would do some research on HOW it works before jumping into it. You are essentially training your kid to know that when he cries, nobody will come. I know the desperation of needing to sleep through the night, I've been there… but do what's best for your child.

I can see where you are coming from, but CIO seems to work for so many parents. Does your LO sttn? If so, were you just lucky; or how did you get them to sttn?!
My daughter woke up every 2-3 hours for 15 months straight. I was at my breaking point, when I finally made her a special big girl room, with a big girl bed, and made it about turning into a big girl, and big girls don't need to wake up in the middle of the night. If they do, they just grab teddy, and fall back asleep. I always read a book to her before bed, and lay next to her and sing… when fshe falls asleep, I get up and I leave the room. If she wakes up when I leave, I just tell her good night, I love you… and she rolls back over. They are VERY smart at this age, and it's completely possible for them to grasp this concept. She has slept thru the night ever since. On a rare occasion, she'll wake up from a bad dream and want me to come in until she falls back asleep.

You just have to consider what you're doing now and maybe adjust it. Big kid bed? Is he falling asleep with bottle? Does he have a pacifier?

Routine also works VERY well in my opinion. Since 15 months, we've done Dinner at 6, bath at 7, in bed by 7:45… lights out at 8. If I change that for some reason, like stay up for a movie on a weekend, or we're on vacation… things are a little wacky.

LupeVallejo · April 2014

And people say "you should make sure she can fall asleep on her own". But what 17 year old do you know that needs to have a lullaby to fall asleep? When someday she doesn't need her momma to sing to her while she falls asleep, my heart will be heavy, so I just take every night I get to do that as a total blessing.

colliebabe · April 2014

kdm06c said:
What?! @LupeVallejo‌? No. I did CO with both my boys starting at 10 months old. I have no doubts in my mind that they know if they need me I will be there. So no you are not essentially training your kid to know that when he cried, nobody will come. You do go in and check on them. But you give them the opportunity to learn to self soothe they don't need you to do it for them.

I absolutely agree that everyone needs to do their own research and do what they think is best for their child. What works for one won't always work for another.

This exactly. CIO is not for everyone, but can definitely a wise choice for some. It shouldn't be done at a young age, but at 14 months it would be appropriate if that is what OP decides is best for her child.

nopegoat · April 2014

LupeVallejo said:
And people say "you should make sure she can fall asleep on her own". But what 17 year old do you know that needs to have a lullaby to fall asleep? When someday she doesn't need her momma to sing to her while she falls asleep, my heart will be heavy, so I just take every night I get to do that as a total blessing.

Our routine involves reading a book or two, making funny shadows on the wall, then snuggling and singing. Then I leave my two in their room awake and they fall asleep. So you can have the same sweet and special bedtime experience even if you do decide to CIO/Ferber.

nopegoat · April 2014

@gradschoolmom1234‌ I only glanced at 2 of the articles but both were geared towards babies/infants that were 6 months old or less. OP said she has a 14 month old which IMO is very different because they are starting to be able to communicate and are able to self soothe.

nopegoat · April 2014

I would never tell a mom of a 6mo old or younger to CIO.

ETA I actually think any CIO method says 6mos is the youngest you should ever start.

nopegoat · April 2014

I think it all depends on execution. Like a PP said, at 14/15 months old they are able to comprehend more than you think. If you tell them that you love them and to go to sleep, let them cry for a bit to fall asleep, and then give them extra snuggles in the morning I am pretty confident you won't be ruining your kid.

nopegoat · April 2014

@SpankingShank‌ "There will always be arguments and disagreements about CIO, but in the long run you have to make your own decision. Do what is best for you and your family."

You are exactly right. This is what it all really boils down to!

MommyKristin88 · April 2014

Have you asked your child why he/she is waking up?

calibeargirl · April 2014

I never did CIO with my daughter. She did well with routine and has slept through the night since 3 months old. I even had to wake her up to breastfeed! I must be lucky!

SummerLove21 · April 2014

We did CIO when LO was 8 months. He had previously STTN starting at about 3.5 months. The first night was horrible, the second night was great, the third night was just a little bit hard, and by the fourth night we were smooth sailing.

CIO is not for everyone; it's a very personal choice. One of the things Ferber does point out (that I agree with) is that we, as parents, also need a full night of sleep regularly to be effective people and parents and to keep ourselves healthy, in addition to our child getting all of the benefits uninteruppted sleep provides.

I can tell you firsthand...my parents did CIO with all three of us at between 6 and 9 months, and we all have great relationships with our parents, two of us have successful marriages and are college graduates, and none of us have psychological deficiencies as far as we can tell. :-) That in and of itself was a huge part of my CIO decision. I hope whatever you chose works soon!

nopegoat · April 2014

@cafemamawoods‌ I hope you also do research on the effects restless sleep for toddlers as well as adults.

I get it. CIO definitely isn't for everyone. But after a certain age something has got to give. Every kid is different and some methods will not work with certain kids no matter what. I am home alone for days with my boys with absolutely no help at all. If I never got any real rest it would be dangerous for me to be home alone with my boys especially for extended periods of time.

I haven't seen a study yet that has shown the effects of CIO of older babies. And I can promise you that I will, and have already, come across more impeding situations that may or may not screw up my kid.

chicorojo · April 2014

I used CIO with both my boys, just for going to bed at night though. We did baths, stories, bed and tuck ins and prayers, and at about 15 months or so (its been a long while I cant quite remember) they both had a hard time going to sleep without me laying with them. I
Just kissed them and told them night night and walked out they would cry for no more then 10 minutes and it lasted like 3 days.
Just my experience.

nopegoat · April 2014

Educate me on these stages please.

Oops pressed enter before I was ready. I am having a really hard time understanding how sleeping training an infant is not different than with a toddler. Do they not go through different cognitive stages where they can understand and make sense of things better.

nesenotes · April 2014

I haven't read through all the comments yet but read a book before you try CIO. It's not just cut and dry. There is a method to the madness. My fave sleep training book is Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. Worked wonders. And I read 3 different ones. Hope that helps.

nesenotes · April 2014

::::zips up flame retardant suit::::

I started sleep training at 3 months

I can assure you she has no emotional or psychological damage. As a matter of fact she told me today that she was ready for her nap and climbed into bed. She has STTN since about 3 months. I have also had her on a schedule since she was 3 months old. It seems young but you know your child best. She was already almost STTN herself and had plenty to eat during the day so she was not being harmed. The schedule just helped her along into the routine of STTN. I will absolutely do it again.

Now with that said all kids are different. I have a friend who's son would wake up a million times a night screaming until he was almost 2, but it turned out he needed adenoids removed. After that he was able to sleep. You know your kid best. I just advise people read methods and have a game plan and be consistent. Otherwise you do more damage than good.

nopegoat · April 2014

We are never going to agree and that is ok.

Like I said before, I haven't seen a study yet that shows negative effects on CIO with an older kid. I understand the stages a little better now but I also recognize those stages in my 3yr old when he is having a temper tantrum because he can't have another piece of candy from Easter. I also have a hard time believing that leaving my kid to cry for a few minutes a night for maybe a week tops will detrimental to my kids confidence, independence, and trust in me and this it completely outweighs everything I do/ say to them 99% of the time.

I understand this is just my opinion and my experience and you definitely don't have to agree with it. Parenting is so tough. Do whatever works for you. CIO did work for me. Twice. I have two healthy, confident, independent little boys and that is all that matters to me.

Want a personalized experience?

Pregnant and have a 14 month DS that wont sleep.. HELP

Re: Pregnant and have a 14 month DS that wont sleep.. HELP

Choose Another Board

Search Boards