So today opening @crazyaunt84
's thank you post, I was so touched and overwhelmed by all the love on this board. Seriously. We are so lucky to have each other! Now that said, yes, it's true, I'm doing an AW thank you post here - I had this all ready to go and was planning to post it this morning and I guess to me, it's big enough for an AW!
Yesterday was our first full day on Maui and J and I did I usual 'absolutely nothing' day by the beach. She was reading, but I was just staring off into the ocean and thinking when it hit me that last year we were here at the same time (honeymoon), and I got AF.
It wasn't just any AF, it was my *first* AF after our missed miscarriage/loss of Babykins, at 16w, and the D&E at 17w. I was 'lucky' because AF came about as fast as any doctor would promise me - 5 weeks or so - and I was on vacation so I could just lay around and feel icky without other responsibilities. It was a very, very hard time. J and I were supposed to be married when I was 22 weeks, and instead, when we were married my belly was empty and our little boy was gone. Still, the wedding was a fantastic distraction for both of us from the sadness, and awesome day in our lives and fortunately, I was not without hope for the future...
Fast forward to yesterday, a year later I was laying the same spot, staring at the same ocean, with a 22-week baby girl alive and well in my belly! And I immediately thought of all of you. YOU are the reason I was not without hope! All of you. This board has been my one place of safety, understanding, solace, and kindness. While IRL people 'get it' - you all, as a conglomerate, are like one giant super human friend! I love that here I have people who 'get me' in different ways - from other loss moms, to AMA moms, to people who have my same hobbies, or a great sense of humor, or who I simply identify and understand the struggles someone is having because I (as the old lady on the board) went through that too in my 20s or 30s or whatever - I love that I 'get you' as much as you get me.
So as I slogged through my loss, D&E, an adhesion that had to be surgically removed (delaying me 2 months from our second try), to my c/p, then BFN, and then finally almost a year-to-the-day that we had our first IVF transfer that resulted in Babykins, we put in our last chance embryo who is the little sparkle pony in my belly - you were all there for me, supportive and holding out hope when at that point, I really didn't have much left. I am not sure what I'd have done without you.
So with that, my heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you. You've all made a profound difference in my life, and are an integral part of my whole TTC journey. I am going to work very hard to stay here after Simone is born (and yes, I am finally letting myself believe she will be) - because I love the community, goodness and hope that is here, and only here!
Lots of love and thanks to you all for helping me get to where I am,
Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!
It's been a long road to here...
Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
June'12 - First RE Visit
Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
Loss due to umbilical cord clot...baby was perfect.
Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long. We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle