WDYT?

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

Please tell me if I'm being hypersensitive, as I know I tend to be that way. I'm just wondering what y'all think about this.

This morning, I stopped by the tiny babies' room before dropping DS off in the older babies' room. One of the little boys in the tiny babies room was sitting up independently, but lost his balance and fell against the book shelf behind him. So, obviously, he was crying while he waited for the teacher to help him. As soon as she saw him, she sat him back upright, and went back to doing whatever she was doing (I wasn't watching closely, but maybe filling out daily sheets or labeling diapers or something - not tending to another baby), and left him sitting there, crying by himself. I'm a big on the "If the baby cries, you pick him up until he's not crying" method, and this is really bothering me. She didn't even take a few seconds to cuddle him before leaving him on the floor.

Stuff like that just hurts my heart so much. It bothers me to see some of the older babies crying without being comforted in my personally ideal timeframe, but I feel like they can handle it a little better than a <6 month old, immobile, little squish. Am I being hypersensitive?

kbates85 · April 2014

I would honestly react the same way you are. It would bother me and I would feel so bad for the little guy. Of course, I would then wonder if I was overreacting and probably post about it on here just like you are! Ha! So, I'm of no help but now I have that visual in my head

Drea926 · April 2014

That would make me upset too! The poor little thing. Even if the baby wasn't hurt, those backward falls scare them!

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

How would I even bring that up to the director? I have a pretty good relationship with her, but I don't even know how to start that conversation... "Hey, one of the teachers in the tiny babies' room let a baby cry after falling backwards without cuddling him, and now I'm sad"?

kleigh926 · April 2014

That would bother me too. I could understand it more if she had another baby there that she was also taking care of, but it would upset me to see her going back to just doing paperwork.

That said, I am a very task-oriented person and I can feel an almost overwhelming sense of "I need to finish this now" when I'm in the middle of something. I hope I wouldn't respond that way when a little baby needed some comfort, but I can honestly see myself being so caught up in a task that I would go back to it once I made sure the baby was physically okay. However, I'm sure I wouldn't ignore any prolonged crying (which to me, would mean more than like 10-15 seconds because I'm not heartless, I swear!).

djm31012 · April 2014

this is totally me and sometimes why i struggle at daycare. I know DS can be clingy close to pick up time...but i HATE when I show up and see him sitting crying at the teachers feet while she is filling out papers. It drives me nuts.

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

@Sagen - No, she only had like 3 babies in the room, and she was working on something at the counter, not tending another baby. It could be like what @kleigh926 said, and she was just in "finish the task mode." I hope she picked the baby up shortly after I left, but I didn't stick around to see. He was definitely crying longer than 30 seconds Not hysterical tears, but actual crying vs. just fussing.

@djm31012 - Yeah, I am pretty sure I won't be happy unless I can SAH or get a nanny, neither of which are going to happen while DS is still daycare age.

kleigh926 · April 2014

je+suis=fatiguee said:

@Sagen - No, she only had like 3 babies in the room, and she was working on something at the counter, not tending another baby. It could be like what @kleigh926 said, and she was just in "finish the task mode." I hope she picked the baby up shortly after I left, but I didn't stick around to see. He was definitely crying longer than 30 seconds Not hysterical tears, but actual crying vs. just fussing.
@djm31012 - Yeah, I am pretty sure I won't be happy unless I can SAH or get a nanny, neither of which are going to happen while DS is still daycare age.

Leaving a baby to actually cry for longer than 30 seconds when she was doing something that could have been finished later is not okay, IMO. I do not see myself doing that, even when I am in task mode. I have no idea if or how I would address it though, so I'm no help there.

djm31012 · April 2014

je+suis=fatiguee i have only observed this with his old teacher...which is why i pushed to have him moved up to the next room before he was walking. She was filling in in his new room last week and I saw it again..he wasnt crying, but like just sitting at her feet waiting to be paid some attention. I actually said something to the director of the center before I had him moved, I wanted her to know why I was pushing the switch so they would make it happen. I LOVE his new teacher....I have seen her kiss him and tickle him when she didnt know I was there yet and it melts my heart.

Rynleigh · April 2014

That's not cool... I'm even the kind of parent who refuses to coddle a toddler who's crying because they want a toy or a treat and will allow them to just have their tantrum... but an injury, even a small bump to the head, should always be responded to - especially for a child who is too young to understand why they just got hurt. They need to develop trust and reassurance that others empathize with their pain so that they can learn to empathize with others... they need the security of knowing that someone will acknowledge that something is wrong... they need to be comforted and redirected so that they learn how to cope and overcome brief pain and move on to other activities and know that it isn't as bad or as frightening as it felt a moment ago. There is no reason, short of another child being in immediate danger, why she shouldn't have at least taken a moment to calm him before sitting him back down.

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

@Rynleigh, how would you bring this up with the director, then? I don't want to make a big fuss, but I feel like it should be addressed. Any ideas?

Rynleigh · April 2014

I would probably try to be courteous about it and let the director know what I'd witnessed, and express that it would be a great comfort to me if emphasis on empathy-to-injury and good practices could be discussed during the next staff meeting. I'd let the director know which teacher it was so that they can decide whether or not they want to pursue a more direct approach with that individual, especially in case there have been other complaints that you don't know about, but I'd still direct my concern as being something applicable to all teachers.

Rynleigh · April 2014

I would also make it a point to use a compassionate and concerned tone of voice rather than an aggressive or offended attitude, in hopes of triggering the director's own empathy rather than risking a defensive response.

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

Thanks, that actually helps with planning out how I'll word it. I'll try to remember to say something to her today or tomorrow morning.

djm31012 · April 2014

It will also help that its not your own child you are speaking about...so you dont look like a crazy parent. When I spoke to the director, I was honest. I said I have noticed DS on multiple occassions either in his high chair alone, in the crib standing alone, or sitting on the floor crying without being acknowledged. If it were once or twice Id say its fine, but its beena handful of times at this point and I am just not comfortable with Teacher B. He was super happy and easy with Teacher A and since Teacher B he cries every day at drop off...I am sure its partially the age as well but lets try moving him up a room where there are more active kids his age...

PhieryBFly · April 2014

Maybe you could broach the subject as a suggestions. "Director, have you thought about providing the teachers with ring slings so when the little babies need holding/cuddling the teachers would still have an arm or two free?"

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

@PhieryBFly - As much as I would loooove for the DC teachers to babywear, I have a strong suspicion that it's actually against state regulations. I would bet money on it, actually.

carriesu2003 · April 2014

I would say something to the director. You could pose it as "Just so you know....I know if that was my child and I had seen that I would be really upset. I don't want any of the parents thinking that the kids are being ignored. Maybe you should remind the staff that filling out paperwork is secondary to attending to the kids.

jesuisfatiguee · April 2014

I spoke with her briefly today. She was very receptive and said she'd talk to the teacher about it. I was way awkward going into it, but not in a confrontational way - more in a "I really don't know how to say this" way.

I feel a bit better after talking to her. Thanks everyone for the feedback. I probably wouldn't have said anything without it.

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