October 2014 Moms

mom and MIL throwing my shower?

My mom mentioned this today and I know that with weddings this is kind of frowned upon. I'm a FTM and FTM amongst my inner circle of friends, so I don't know protocol here. My mom said she Googled etiquette and she thinks it's all good, but I wanted to hear from some more experienced mamas and shower-goers :)
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Re: mom and MIL throwing my shower?

  • Technically it's considered faux pa for family members to throw you a shower but it's certainly not unheard of. I, personally, wouldn't but I've been to a few and didn't think much of it.
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  • I don't think it really matters. My sister and mom threw one of my showers and I was fine with it.
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  • My mom plans to throw me one if none of my friends offer. A lot of my girlfriends are in the process of getting married or just don't have much extra financially, so I am not sure if anyone will feel like they have the funds to volunteer, which is totally ok.
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  • I think it's totally fine especially since your MIL is involved - good diversity in hosts there!

    I personally think baby showers get ppl more excited than wedding showers because FTM's actually need baby items (vs most brides today have stocked homes when they wed) & most importantly----a new life is being celebrated! Baby showers seem more genuine to me, so have it & enjoy worry free!
  • I've never heard of family throwing a shower being faux pas either!! I think its great that your mil & mom are working together to plan it! My mom, sister in law and bff threw mine :)
  • I think as long as you are not hosting it yourself then you are ok. But if you really want to be to the letter on etiquette the Emily Post Institute says traditionally no immediate family members should do it.

    Its a baby shower, not a wedding. As long as your mom isn't going crazy and throwing out all etiquette I would probably not worry about it.
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  • My mom plans to throw me one if none of my friends offer. A lot of my girlfriends are in the process of getting married or just don't have much extra financially, so I am not sure if anyone will feel like they have the funds to volunteer, which is totally ok.

    This is a really good point. Showers are expensive to host! It's nice to have the grandma's footing the bill.
  • I wouldn't care of my mom wanted to but she's already told me its for friends and against proper etiquette. Lol



  • I think it depends on your family/friends...in my family, family members don't throw showers, so mine was thrown by my 2 best friends. I know other families where it is fine.
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  • My mom and sister threw my baby shower. I've never been to a baby shower that wasn't thrown by a family member so I personally wouldn't consider it faux paus at all.
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  • Honestly I am shocked that this is something anyone would think twice about. I thought the question was going to be about MIL and mom getting along or something like that. I have never heard of this being improper etiquette. This is not intended to be snarky towards OP, I am just genuinely shocked by this baby shower etiquette stuff.

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  • Thanks for the replies so far. My question wasn't if a family member was faux paus, just specifically my mom. I wouldn't think twice about a sister, aunt, etc. Stupid etiquette... I should just feel grateful and move on! :P
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  • I don't think there is anything wrong with your mom or anyone else other than yourself throwing you a baby shower. The most important thing though is that you let them take care of the shower completely and it's not you planning your shower through them. 
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  • I am also a first time mom, and my mom is ridiculously excited to throw me a shower. She asked me if that was alright and I told her I didn't care because I know she can throw one heck of a party. Honestly I am not sure I'd trust my friends to throw me one. I am on the younger side (23) and am the first of my group to have a baby. 

    I'd say go for it! I don't see any reason why she can't. I just want to make sure that even as the host my mom and mil get time to enjoy the party.
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  • I think it's totally fine. My mom together with my aunt gave me a shower for DD and I never thought twice about it.  In my circles many showers are thrown by family members.  If it were a second shower it may be a different story, but for baby number 1 I wouldn't give it a second thought!


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  • My mom is doing it and I think she is going to ask my mil to help. Not sure what's wrong with it
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  • glggirl said:

    I don't think I've ever been to a wedding/baby shower NOT thrown by a family member. It's considered pretty normal where I am.


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  • I think this varies by region/family. In general I think nowadays it is extremely common for the mother/mil to host a baby shower. I don't blink at it. However, my mil said she would not be doing mine (with DD) because she didn't think it was proper etiquette. Honestly I think she just didn't want to host, which is fine too. My two best friends ended up offering anyways.

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  • jalara48 said:
    Technically it's considered faux pa for family members to throw you a shower but it's certainly not unheard of. I, personally, wouldn't but I've been to a few and didn't think much of it.
    How is that a faux pas?

    I didn't write the etiquette book, Emily Post did. :P I've always heard immediate family members throwing you any type of shower is tacky. It's common, yes, just not something I would do.
  • I don't think I've ever been to a wedding/baby shower NOT thrown by a family member. It's considered pretty normal where I am.
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    Ditto.
    My mom and MIL threw my baby shower together.
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  • My mom and MIL threw my joint wedding shower and are doing the same for the baby shower. Around where im from its considered normal for family members to throw the showers.
  • I think protocol for baby showers is different. A friend threw mine with my Mom's help. My SIL is due in July, and her sister and I are throwing her shower with both our moms' help. Every baby shower I've been to has been done by the grandmothers or sisters or close friend (if no sisters are to be found).

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  • The only baby shower I went to NOT thrown by the mother of the pregnant woman was thrown by the MIL because her mom walked out on her family when she was 12...I did not know it was a faux pa! My mom is throwing mine, she already started planning it, though friends are helping b/c they like doing stuff like shower games and centerpieces etc.

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  • As long as neither you nor your husband is throwing the shower, I don't see the problem.
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  • I don't think I have ever been to a baby shower that was NOT thrown by the mother/family.  Here that's pretty much how it is done.  I wouldn't worry about it. 

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  • I had three separate showers due to geography. Two were mostly all family and one was friends. My sister hosted one and MIL the other.
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  • I posted the same question here, got a lot of good responses.
  • My mom & MIL threw my two showers together, it's very common in my area for family to throw baby showers. 

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  • FamousEa said:

    My mom and sister gave me a shower and GASP it was a second shower! I don't get the whole etiquette thing I guess where I live no one gives a shit who throws the shower or if it's your first second or third, it's just fun to get together have some good food and celebrate a new life.

    This. Maybe it's just a Midwest thing? Here in good ol' Northern Michigan, I've never heard of anything like this NOT being ok.






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  • JessAnnJ said:
    Honestly I am shocked that this is something anyone would think twice about. I thought the question was going to be about MIL and mom getting along or something like that. I have never heard of this being improper etiquette. This is not intended to be snarky towards OP, I am just genuinely shocked by this baby shower etiquette stuff.
    100% completely agree!  I thought this post was going to be about some drama!

    I've never thought twice about who is hosting a shower of any kind.  No one in my family or any friends of mine would ever think about who is hosting the shower.  That's ridiculous.  In fact, one of my best friends is getting married in a month and when I thought about her shower, I thought, "Oh, I won't worry about throwing her a shower since she has 2 sisters and a million cousins."  I think that's pretty typical for where I'm from.  

    I hosted a baby shower for one of my other best friends, not because it's etiquette (didn't even cross my mind) but because I was so excited that she was having a baby!

    I don't think it should matter at all who is hosting the shower for you.  Who ever it ends up being obviously loves you and wants to give you a great experience and I think that's all that should matter. 
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  • Around here most baby showers are thrown by the mom/sisters.  I think it's fine, and it's who will probably throw one for me if anyone does.
          

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