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Daycare dilemma and questions (LONG)
Please feel free to tell me to just get over it if you truly think I am overreacting. Here it goes:
1. DS just turned 1 over the weekend and he just started the 12-18 months room. When I dropped him off today, they told me that they expect the kids to fully self feed. They are going to work with us, but they clearly expect the self feeding. Well, DS was a late starter with food, he just recently stopped eating purees and I still mash things up for him quite a bit. He did not want to move with his textures too fast and I did not want to rush him because of my fear of choking. We have been taking it slow. He is not ready to fully self feed. Did you daycares have similar expectations at this age?
2. Talking about self feeding, what kinds of food do your DCs eat when they self feed? DS mainly self feeds snacks, but I prefer having well rounded nutritious meals, which need to be fed to him. I am looking for some good ideas of self feeding items for this age group.
3. Our daycare center expects all kids to eat their food. I don't like their food. DH and I are very concerned about quality of food when it comes to our family - we eat fresh foods, limit processed foods, and when we do eat processed, we screen for ingredients. I don't want my baby eating fruit in high fructose corn syrup, for example. I know Flyer23 (or something like that 
) had a similar problem. What do you do about this? do you just go with the flow or do you bring your own food?
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Re: Daycare dilemma and questions (LONG)
1. Honestly, he'll probably pick it up very quickly. I was amazed at how fast my DD went from purees to eating mostly tables foods and feeding herself. Heck she even can use a fork and spoon now and has for months already. I'm sure they won't expect him to 'get it' overnight, but just give him a chance and I bet he'll surprise you.
2. I would send a lot of cut up fruits, veggies, and cheese with either bread/butter or crackers for her lunch. They gave snacks and I was happy with their foods for snacks. Once she moved into the full toddler room I just let them feed her their menu as I was happy with 95% of it....and I figured the 5% won't hurt her.
3. I never really had any issues with what they serve since they make most of their stuff from scratch, serve only juicy juice brand juice (watered down of course), etc. If you are uncomfortable though I'm sure they'd let you send your own food.
I think realistically if your DC needs help, they aren't going to let him starve. Our daycare had similar policies but they helped him with a spoon because he's still not that great at spoon feeding. It does help a lot when the other kids around are feeding themselves. The policy is understandable because the ratios change and they can't possibly feed every kid or the kids would never finish eating. I'm sure he'll pick it up. I mostly sent food that he could pick up with his fingers. They didn't provide any food so we sent for snacks a lot of cut up fruit, veggies, and cheese and we sent yogurt, which they helped him eat. For lunch we sent sandwiches, mac n cheese, chicken, veggies, pasta, etc.
Once he moved to their food at 18 months (which is option at our daycare - most people don't use it), we were fine with the menu - it's a lot of chicken, veggies, cheese and pasta - and we feed him very healthy at home so I have no problem with it. A lot of the kids in his class eat food from home and it's no big deal.
YOU have to be comfortable with the expectations they have set for their program. YOU. You don't have to"get over" anything. You do have to be proactive, ask questions and get a plan that works for your child. Call often, ask hows he's doing with eating, asks what works. Its fine for them to have a general expectation for an age group - but that is not going to work for every child, and when it doesn't they much adjust to the child ... not the other way around.
My DD eats just about everything - soft and small .... cheese, pasta, rice, veggies, fruits,bread and butter,waffles, meats, everything. I still feed her yogurt, mushy foods and purees. Most meals are self-feed, but there is also things that require a spoon and I do that.
ASK the director about their food and meal choices. Get involved. They should have monthly menu and a nutition plan that they follow. But even that, there are different recommendations for 12 months and 2 years- like whole milk verses fat free. So know what's best for your child. Send food when you don't like the meal that day.
I think food is a big deal. And I think you have to ask a lot of questions when your preferences are different than your child care's. Be open to learning. And be open to tackling your fears (choking) in healthy ways. And know that YOU and YOUR opinion matter, too. They matter the most.
I'm assuming your DS was in the same center prior to this right? I'm very surprised that you did not know the expectations of the new room before now, and that his previous room did not help prepare him for the change. I would be upset about the fact that they did not help prepare him or you for the changes in the next class. I would definitely have issues with that. Is it possible that he stay in the previous class a little longer until he's self feeding?
Our center also strongly urges all children eat the food that they provide, unless there is a problem with allergies. I don't have any problems with that. They feed them well balanced meals and alot of it is made from scratch. Obviously it's not organic and there are processed foods and preservatives, but he's going to get some of those things at home too to some extent.
But you are his mother, and you get to decide what's best for him. Unfortunately, that might mean you need to find a new provider if it's that important to you. But I would try to work something out with them, especially since you were give zero info on the expectations of the new class. DS is currently in the pre-toddler room, and I already know what's going to happen in the next class and what we/they are doing with him to prepare him for the changes.
I forgot to answer your question about what DS self feeds. DS prefers to self feed, so most of his meals are finger foods. Here's a sample of what he eats:
Breakfast-any kind of grain that can be torn into little pieces, pancakes, waffles, biscuts, muffins, etc. And fruit cut up into small pieces.
Lunch-shredded meats like chicken, or pieces of sliced meats like ham or turkey. Small soft veggies like cooked carrots, peas, even broccoli, or beans. Soft diced potatoes or other grain.
Snack-I think you've got this one, he often gets crackers, cheese, or a fruit bar (Earth's Best makes some good ones), yogurt melts and puffs
He eats dinner at home, but it's similar to what he gets for lunch.
1. DD moved up to the older infant room at 12 months, and the babies all self fed. They had little chairs around a table and all ate lunch together. Spoons were offered, but most kids just ate with their hands. I think it helps a lot to see all the other kids eating too. He'll pick it up quickly.
2. DD ate everything by herself at that age except things like yogurt or applesauce. She just got really messy in the process.
3. I don't worry much about things like HFCS or processed foods. When DD was at a daycare that served lunch she got similar food to what we ate at home. They might have some sort of pasta meat dish, a veggie, and a fruit. It never bothered me if the fruit/veggie was canned or frozen instead of fresh.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
1. Yes, DD's center has similar expectations. In fact, if a kid can't drink from a sippy (no bottles) and primarily self feed and be on table foods, they do not promote them until they are. So I am a bit surprised that they did so when your DS is clearly not ready unless they are hoping the peer pressure will help (or more likely, needed the spot).
2. Anything and everything. She will grab a nectarine or plum and eat it to the pit. She eats clementines (I section them out for her) and pretty much all manner of fruit. Veggies she is a little tougher on but depending on what they are, she eats green beans, asparagus tips, peas, zucchini and broccoli (and occasionally some other stuff, just depends). Not big on potatoes unless fried. She will eat bits of turkey, chicken, ham and beef. If he is just starting out, think well-steamed veggies (so they are soft), banana, avocado, mandarin oranges, tofu, shredded chicken. Let him see you eat it so he knows it's good stuff.
3. If you don't like their food, that's going to be an issue. Talk to your center about the menus they have, how the food is prepared (maybe it is prepared from scratch) and if you are still unhappy with that, what your alternatives are. I think you need more information from the center in order to be able to make a decision. GL!
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
1. My daycare doesn't really base their rooms on age as much as they do development. Children don't move to the Young Toddler room until they are able to self-feed, are weaned from the bottle, and are down to one scheduled nap a day. Until they reach those milestones, they stay in the Wobbler room - doesn't matter how old they are. And the Wobbler room teachers work with them to reach those milestones. I would have been upset had they moved DS up before I thought he was developmentally ready.
That said - your son will probably catch on really quickly when he sees the other kids feeding themselves. DS has learned a lot (like how to use a spoon) from watching his classmates.
2. DS can pretty much feed himself anything - I only feed him when I don't want him to get really messy. The only things that he can't really do on his own are applesauce and yogurt, simply because he's not good enough with a spoon and using his hands isn't very productive with those things. But we cut up most everything that we eat for him to eat....invest in a good pair of kitchen scissors and cut everything into little, bite-sized pieces. We also do a fair amount of the Gerber Graduates Little Entrees.....and those are already the perfect size.
3. I don't think that our daycare allows outside food in. Regardless, I don't have a problem with their quality.....it's similar to what he'll eat when he gets to school, and probably healthier and better variety than anything that I could make to send with him every day. As long as they're not serving him junk food, I'm ok with a little processing.
Ditto! I'd be really annoyed that these expectations weren't relayed to you ahead of time and that his current room hasn't been working on it.
My DD isn't anywhere near moving up in her room, but there are a bunch of older infants that are recently moving up. I go see DD at lunch so I see a lot of the feedings of the older infants and had discussions with the teachers. All of the older infants in the room self feed at least a little. They really work on self-feeding at mealtime there. There was one boy who just recently moved up that had a lot of problems over the last few months with food. But I know that the teachers worked with him a lot on it, and they'd talk with the parents a lot about it in preperation for his move to the pre-toddler room.
As for food, I know that at our center they will aloow you to bring in whatever you want in the infant room but not the other rooms. The reasoning is that once they are older than the infant room they start noticing other kid's food and will want what they have, etc. They will accomodate allergies/dietary restrictions so that foods all look similar. So I'd talk to your center and see what their policies are regarding food. I haven't had to deal with food there yet so I don't know how I feel about their food.
It was me who had similar daycare food issues
1. When we were looking at daycares for DD when she was 12 months old, the daycares that did a toddler room at that age definitely expected her to self-feed. She was completely self-feeding at that point, so I didn't ask if there was flexibility on that.
Other daycares had a "walking infant" room that typically went up to 15-16 months of age and was run more like an infant room than a toddler room -- no scheduled naps, bottles still OK, etc. I think they did not typically require self-feeding, but again, I didn't really ask much because it wasn't an issue for us.
2. Are you still on Mom's Corner? There's a Finger Foods sticky in the Let's Eat! forum. I posted there when DD was 9 months old (she'd been self-feeding for about 2 months) about what she was eating. I direct people there because I always forget what she was and was not eating at that age
I know we did a lot of soft foods cut up really small, like mango, pear, chicken, ground turkey, steamed veggies, pasta, cheese, etc.
3. Being in Dallas as well, I know where you're coming from on this! All these other moms talking about made-from-scratch food, fresh fruits/veggies, even organic food... I've seriously visited every daycare center in a ~10 mile radius from my home, and NONE of them do that. The "best" menus at least avoid things like corny dogs (on the menu 2x/month at one place I looked at!) but still serve mostly canned fruits/veggies, etc. I think you're out in Plano and there are definitely more daycare options out there compared to here in Irving, but still.
Personally, even if a daycare center allows it, I'm not a real fan of bringing food, unless everyone is. I think that stigmatizes food as "good" or "bad," which is not healthy either. Even at home, if I'm eating, say, tortilla chips and DD starts screaming for one, I give it to her, even though it's not "good" food, because I think that's healthier than making her think tortilla chips are "bad" and therefore craving them more. (And then I usually put the chips away, because I shouldn't be eating them either!
)
So... my solution for the short term has been to put her with a SAHM, where we provide all the food. We're looking at daycare centers now because we think she would like more social interaction, and I definitely ask about food and ask to see a sample menu. I figure I'll probably need to lower my food standards, but we're hoping to do just part-time daycare (and send her to the SAHM the rest of the time) so she may not even do lunch at all at daycare.
That said, it was easier for us because we were switching child care anyway at 12 months when we moved. I don't know what I'd do in your shoes, where you're (presumably) in a center you like and it's just this one issue. I think I would just go with the flow, to be honest... definitely talk to them about the self-feeding stuff, but just put up with the less-than-ideal menu, and keep doing what you're doing with healthy food at home. I have a friend who is a nutritionist (so she eats super, super healthy at home) and she ran into a similar issue at daycare when her son got older, and that's what she did. She spoke up when things got really out of hand, like one day when her son had sugary cereal for breakfast, cookies for a snack, AND brownies for dessert at lunch, but for the most part, she went along with it and her son is doing fine.
Hope that helps. Good luck!
Mommy to DD1 (June 2007), DS (January 2010), DD2 (July 2012), and The Next One (EDD 3/31/2015)