I'M TICKED! This is long. So long.

chelseyestelle · April 2014

Ughhhjjhjjjnnnsbjjn.
Guise! My body has been killing me lately so my lovely husband booked me a massage. Woohoo. We live in Salt Lake City but the massage was in Provo an hour away. (It works so my parents can watch Jude)

Anyway, I just drove down, dropped the baby off, and went on my merry way. I got there and he took me back. PS. My husband bought a groupon so it came with an exam, something else, and a 60 minute massage. He tells me to lay on the table with my clothes on. Then he starts doing some weird crap. Like.. He asked me where I was hurting and then he would hold the spot and tell me I was holding onto raw emotions in my subconscious. Um whaaa? He was pressing on this spot in my neck and saying something happened to me on April 15, 2011 and I was holding onto those emotions and I needed to let them go.
I have no idea what happened on that day. NO IDEA.
This went on for about 30 minutes. He kept pulling my fingers and toes apart and letting them go telling my body it was okay to heal and let go. (HAHAHAHAHA)

He asked me how I was feeling after and I said, "oh a little better!" Lies. I still feel like crap! This guy is insane!

Then he tells me he accidentally double booked the massage therapist and I would not be getting my massage today! NOOOOOO! Nooo. Nooooo! I wanted to curl up and die. He said the good news is that I would get to come back and do this all over again plus get my massage. I'm pretty sure the receptionist just did some weirdo hooey on me.

I will be calling groupon in the morning and will be getting a refund. I am never going back. Ever.

Arod1087 · April 2014

I'm such a hippy..that sounds like an amazing experience. I'd be pissed about the massage, but he sounds pretty intuned with the human body.

deedee1017 · April 2014

Lolol wtf!?

MissLauraPants · April 2014

You better think very hard about what happened in 2011 lol

calibr8te · April 2014

Oh my god you just got Reiki'd (totes not a word, but I dgaf).

In my experience, all Reiki masters have their own fucked up problems and should be looking to fix themselves not laying their hands on other ppl and telling them about their energy.

I had no idea that my FIL's gf practiced Reiki. They were one of the first to visit after I gave birth. Remember I had an insane birth story and was right drugged up at the time. She wanted to help me and offered to do Reiki on me. I was like, ummm ok?? There were other visitors that came in by then and she just sat there warming up her hands and passing them over my body. SUCH an awkward moment.

Then she proceeded to tell me there was some messed up turbulence happening in my body. I was like lady, I just barely pushed out a 9lb14oz baby and had a three day labour. Clearly some messed up shit just happened!

jennlin · April 2014

Arod1087 said:
I'm such a hippy..that sounds like an amazing experience. I'd be pissed about the massage, but he sounds pretty intuned with the human body.

Haha this. Sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted though!

chelseyestelle · April 2014

calibr8te said:
Oh my god you just got Reiki'd (totes not a word, but I dgaf).

In my experience, all Reiki masters have their own fucked up problems and should be looking to fix themselves not laying their hands on other ppl and telling them about their energy.

I had no idea that my FIL's gf practiced Reiki. They were one of the first to visit after I gave birth. Remember I had an insane birth story and was right drugged up at the time. She wanted to help me and offered to do Reiki on me. I was like, ummm ok?? There were other visitors that came in by then and she just sat there warming up her hands and passing them over my body. SUCH an awkward moment.

Then she proceeded to tell me there was some messed up turbulence happening in my body. I was like lady, I just barely pushed out a 9lb14oz baby and had a three day labour. Clearly some messed up shit just happened!

Oh my gosh! So so strange! Yeah definitely not what I was expecting.

chelseyestelle · April 2014

I just wanted the old fashioned hurts so good massage. And yeah @MissLauraPants‌ I'm a little freaked out about the date! Haha

Jenball717 · April 2014

Am I the only one who read the title of this post and added a "that's what she said?"

#thatswhatshesaid

trackgirlparis · April 2014

Sooooo creepy!!!

emmylou78 · April 2014

What the heck? That sounds sooo awkward! Bummer no massage

tashad18 · April 2014

Note to Self: Don't buy groupon massages that require any type of "exam"

calibr8te · April 2014

I just looked up the date April 15, 2011 to see if anything significant happened. There were tornadoes that occurred in a large part of the States.

Psssst, it was just a tornado. Let your emotions go dammit.

jennlin · April 2014

calibr8te said:
I just looked up the date April 15, 2011 to see if anything significant happened. There were tornadoes that occurred in a large part of the States.

Psssst, it was just a tornado. Let your emotions go dammit.

Tax day--did you lie on your taxes?

chelseyestelle · April 2014

calibr8te said:
I just looked up the date April 15, 2011 to see if anything significant happened. There were tornadoes that occurred in a large part of the States.

Psssst, it was just a tornado. Let your emotions go dammit.

Those darn tornados!
I just went and looked back on my Facebook for April 15th, 2011. I was in California on vacation with my family. I put a picture of writing in the sand because it was my best friends birthday. I mean, my boyfriend (soon to be husband) didn't come with us and I wanted him to but i didn't think it would be so hard on me 3 years later!

kelle017 · April 2014

April 15 2011 was my wedding day!

But that whole experience does sound bizzarre.

chelseyestelle · April 2014

kelle017 said:
April 15 2011 was my wedding day!

But that whole experience does sound bizzarre.

Your wedding day stresses me out!!

chelseyestelle · April 2014

jennlin said:

calibr8te said:
I just looked up the date April 15, 2011 to see if anything significant happened. There were tornadoes that occurred in a large part of the States.

Psssst, it was just a tornado. Let your emotions go dammit.

Tax day--did you lie on your taxes?

I was a dependent on my parents taxes. I didn't file my own until 2012. Humph.

Painterlady · April 2014

Hahaha...what the hell???

ballygirl · April 2014

Hahaha omg that sucks

Ajoyd · April 2014

This reminds me of the Friends episode where Ross massages Phoebe's client.

Edited because grammar is hard.

chelseyestelle · April 2014

wedding06 said:
That's awesome! My crazy coworker-the one who shaved her head to clear her shakra- has shoulder pain and was told that she is repressing a traumatic memory. She is all freaked out and trying to emotionally prepare for when she remembers because she doesn't want to be "caught unawares". Maybe you need to do the same

HAHAHAHAHA!

Vickytoria1803 · April 2014

just an fyi - groupon may not give you your money back but will give you groupon bucks to use for a future groupon.

Want a personalized experience?

I'M TICKED! This is long. So long.

Re: I'M TICKED! This is long. So long.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards