Preparing for Loss

kreardon11 · April 2014

Bumpers,

I'm fearing that my wee one will join the angels soon. I've gone in for a series of blood tests and have had one ultrasound. My first blood test, HcG was 23,000 and Progesterone was 14.01. Second test HcG was 27,000 and Progesterone was 11.50. When I went in for my first ultrasound at 8 weeks, the sac was empty and measured in a 6w6d. My second ultrasound is in three days. My doctor is preparing us for a loss. I am devastated and my mind is spinning with questions...

How do you prepare mentally for a D&C? What is the day like?
Has anyone taken the oral medication? Do you wish you would have gotten a D&C?
How long did you wait to TTC? I know it's 1-3 cycles, but I worry mentally I won't be prepared for a long time.

Love and peace to anyone else in this horrific situation.

gabbagal · April 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this, the waiting for confirmation is truly horrible. I really hope you get good news in three days, but if not, there is a lot of great information and support on this board. In fact, a lot of advice was just recently collected and consolidated into one message (with separate links for different situations) that you might find helpful:

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12309228/advice-and-experience

Unfortunately I have no great advice on how to prepare mentally other than to look at any procedure as some sort of closure and a way to reset physically so you can focus on healing emotionally. And as far as TTC it's a very personal decision and as long as you wait the minimum as recommended by your doctor based on your situation, the rest is up to you. For me, I was definitely not ready for months and had to gradually ease back into the process. When you are ready, there's a TTC after a loss board (TTCAL) that might be a good place to lurk, just make sure you read their announcement before posting.

Please feel free to ask as many questions as you need b/c chances are someone here has thought, wondered, or can answer the same thing, or just vent your feelings if that helps.

stephy1221 · April 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this.

As far as mental prep for my D&C it was hard. I just kept telling myself though " I will be home in my bed by noon" It also helped that the hospital staff was amazing.

I also posted a lot here to feel less alone.

Hugs.

barely · April 2014

So, so sorry. I don't know much when it comes to numbers, but I also measured way behind at my first u/s and had to have a D&C. It was much more difficult emotionally than anything else. Physically I had very little pain, but woke up from surgery crying because I knew my baby was gone. It was very difficult, but for me, I think waiting to lose the baby naturally was harder. T&Ps to you, inbox me if you have any other questions.

LisaG09 · April 2014

How do you prepare mentally for a D&C? What is the day like? The one thing that I kept in mind was that the D&C meant that it was over and we could start to heal. I was so scared the day of. The nurses were all very kind and considerate as was my doctor. They took time to explain things to me. Then I just went to sleep, felt like two seconds later I was in recovery. I too cried because I knew the baby was gone. I felt physically fine though groggy. I bled only that day and the next day it was gone and over. I felt nothing more than very mild cramps, light bleeding, and a sore throat from the tubes while I was under. My doctor advised me that taking the pills resulted in much heavier bleeding, bad cramps, and as others mentioned the passing of the sac. I didn't want to go through that. It was much quicker this way I believe.
How long did you wait to TTC? I know it's 1-3 cycles, but I worry mentally I won't be prepared for a long time. I'm currently still waiting. We were told to wait three cycles and that is how long we will probably wait. At first we discussed never trying again pretty seriously but it wore off and now we are eager to try again. I know everybody is different.

I'm thinking of you during this difficult time and I hope you find support here as I did while I was in waiting. I wish you the best and I'm so sorry you are going through this.

kreardon11 · April 2014

Thank you for the responses. It's really helpful. I just broke down thinking how I won't see my belly grow in the coming months and feel my baby. I know we'll try again, but I can't even fathom thinking of the future.

AggieBeth06 · April 2014

How do you prepare mentally for a D&C? What is the day like?
See the link above. I chose the d&c because I was depressed as I had felt the loss coming for weeks and just wanted relief physically and emotionally. Unfortunately that wasn't as cut and dry for me because I had a RARE complication (rare emphasized because it is a routine procedure and most women have no complications with the procedure. If it were healthy for me to endure another if I had to, I would.)

I had to wait 5 days once the loss was confirmed to have the d&c. It was agonizing. I felt pregnant but empty. I couldn't sleep the night before and was emotionally numb by my procedure time. Afterwards I felt angry and in pain, but that was due to the complication. I have read that many women felt peace and their pain was not too intense.

Has anyone taken the oral medication? Do you wish you would have gotten a D&C?
Yes, but only because my d&c was incomplete. I'm not sure the cytotec really did anything for me though. It's complicated.

How long did you wait to TTC? I know it's 1-3 cycles, but I worry mentally I won't be prepared for a long time.
Don't pressure yourself. You will know when the right time for you is. Many women say that you know it is right when your desire for having a baby outweighs all the negative that you feel. That can take a while. It's time to focus on you.

I would like to add that each person's reasons for choosing their miscarriage path is highly individual. Please don't let my complication stand in the way of your decision. I would recommend a d&c to anyone who thinks they prefer that method.

meredithcarole · April 2014

I am sorry you are going through this. I had a missed m/c so my journey wasn't quite the same, but I don't regret the D&C. It really wasn't that bad physically and I think it was worth having it "over with." That is not to say that the emotional journey ends at that point, but at least it streamlines the process. On the other hand, many have written about needing the closure they got from a natural m/c. Go with your gut on it so that you can be at peace with the decision. The ladies here are so great at sharing their experiences and talking you through the tough times.

AprSnow59 · April 2014

I am so sorry for what you are going through. The waiting is so hard. I had my d&c the day I found out since I was already bleeding but the first time I waited it out after finding out about my mmc and let it happen naturally. The choice is a very individual one and I was comfortable with my decision both times. Think about if you want to be at home or under medical care. I wanted the d&c so they could do testing but the other time I wanted to be in the comfort of my home. Recovery wise, for me the d&c has been a faster recovery physically than the first time but that differs from person to person. For ttc, listen to your doctor but you will start trying again when you are ready. There is no correct timeline for being ready so take as long as you need. We wanted to ttc right away but waited a few cycles per the doctors recommendations and got pregnant again three cycles later. This board has some wonderful women so lean on us as much as you need to. Let me know if you have any questions. ((Hugs))

kreardon11 · April 2014

I'm so torn between the two..

I've had no bleeding or cramping so I still feel very pregnant. Part of me thinks maybe if I do it at home, experiencing the mmc will bring me closure. However, my husband and I want a child so much and feel ready for the adventure that I'm tempted to go D&C. I see my doctor tomorrow, so perhaps he can help me think through this.

The women on this board have been very helpful in my healing and understanding. In this devastation, I am beginning to see light and feel some peace.

AprSnow59 · April 2014

Good luck in making your decision and at your appointment tomorrow. Let us know what you decide.

nohalo21 · April 2014

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure you will make the decision that is best for you.

kreardon11 · April 2014

UPDATE:

We found out today that I had a blighted ovum. At my appointment today the sac was beginning to become deformed.

I'm overcome with so many emotions. I feel numb, sad, robbed, happy to have closure, and scared for the future.

This has been an awful, but I'm glad to have found this group of women.

jan2015rainbow · April 2014

I too am going for a D&C. I am scheduled for Saturday, with general anesthetic. I found the link on D&C info very helpful. Sorry you are going through this. My midwife said the procedure won't affect fertility in the future so that is good news.

longcat07 · April 2014

(((hugs))) i can't imagine that kind of waiting.

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