UO

Cricket81 · April 2014

WasNotWas said:

Cricket81 said:

This. All of this.
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5062838?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

I disagree a little. When we were kids our parents didn't have to compete with the technology our children are/will be exposed to. The distractions kids are faced with today is so much more than we ever did, so while "not playing with your kids" may be what our parents did, doing that now might result in your kid getting into something you don't want them in (which, I know, could lead to an important life lesson, but I'd rather that lesson not be that naked selfies last forever).

The details of a birthday party and such are very competitive and overboard, especially at this age, but I don't think you can phone it in like the author describes her parents doing. I really think you have to engage your kids if you want to impact them...

~~~~~~~~no box~~~~~~~~~~
I guess I took it more as wanting to foster imagination and independence. I think that parents absolutely need to engage their kids, but I think a lot are focusing their energy in the wrong places. I think it's important for kids to not feel like they have to be actively entertained with super exciting things all the time. I know I will have to compete with technology, but I hope that my kid can enjoy things like playing with blocks, coloring, or digging in the dirt without me having to build a pre-made town for the blocks to go in, have individualized personalized coloring books with homemade crayons, or make a cement fossilized dinosaur for him to dig up. I've seen all of those on Pinterest. It just seems to take the kid out of just being a kid to me.

BC&LM · April 2014

You Disney haters are all crazy! And I believe IVF should be covered by all insurances.

phishgirl29 · April 2014

All I know is that my IVF cycle was/is less than the cost that it would have been to institutionalize me from a nervous breakdown after years of trying to conceive. Infertility sucks and if you haven't been through it consider yourself lucky and zip it!

phishgirl29 · April 2014

I miss the TOAT and don't read the spam thread much.

weddinginthecove · April 2014

In Newfoundland it doesn't cost anything to do a domestic adoption (obviously just gas and travel costs like a hotel if you need it during the initial visits). International adoptions cost a shit ton (like 60 + thousand). Yet most people choose international in addition to putting themselves on the domestic list. I worked as an adoption/foster care social worker for a couple of years and it was my favourite type of job so far. In our province it takes ten plus years to get anywhere near the top of the list for an infant (under three). For people who have struggled for years and this becomes a "last resort" 10 years is a lot of time to wait. A lot of people prefer a younger child because a) they want a baby b) they usually come with a lot less issues. My heart breaks for all of the older children on my caseload who are deemed "unadoptable" because of their issues. It is sad that so many people want kids, but nobody wants these kids. But, it is a reality that I have come to accept. I kind of wish that international adoptions were also covered by our government. I think all children deserve to be adopted no matter where they are from. I do not think that by not paying for international adoptions we are stopping anyone from adopting older children. I think these people have already decided they do not want these older children for whatever reason, and we are just creating childless couples who want children and children in other countries who will never be adopted. I also don't understand why we wouldn't want our government to pay for fertility treatment. In my mind we should do whatever we can to help people who really want children to have them. The same way I think we should help people become physically or mentally healthy. Also.... Not all social workers are terrible people who don't care. Some of us work our asses off to find the loopholes to help these kids and families the best we can.

WasNotWas · April 2014

@Steamboat1679 said:

BC&LM said:
You Disney haters are all crazy! And I believe IVF should be covered by all insurances.
But what is there to like about Disney- long lines, tons of people, over priced everything?

You are looking at it through the eyes of an adult not a child!!

weddinginthecove · April 2014

I understand @JustPlaneLoved‌ I have worked with a couple of those myself who you just want to shake. They seem to just want to do a minimum if that to get by. The job can be hard, but I think if you don't want to do the job justice move on. The clients and kids deserve someone who is there for them. Just wanted to let you know that after some bad experiences it can ruin your view of all social workers (you may come across a good one yet). Hopefully you get to adopt many more, the kids definitely deserve it and so do you guys. Also in my opinion a lot of the older ones just really need someone who is willing to love them and keep them forever. They may give you hell for the first little while and may test your limits, but god will they also break your heart with the love they have to give under it all when they finally learn to trust you. Eta: stupid autocorrect mistakes

BC&LM · April 2014

Steamboat1679 said:

BC&LM said:
You Disney haters are all crazy! And I believe IVF should be covered by all insurances.
But what is there to like about Disney- long lines, tons of people, over priced everything?

If you know when to visit and how to tour, you won't even have to stand in most lines for more than a few minutes. I also don't think the crowds are that bad unless you go at peak times. And there are SO many vacation destinations that have crowds. I do agree that many things can be pricy, but that's the same as many other vacations destinations. Places that are popular usually become overpriced. And the resort stay/tickets/meal plan can actually be pretty affordable if you go when they are offering a good discount. A discounted week at Disney for us was only a couple hundred bucks more than a two-night stay at a spa resort in the mountains near us. And I was actually kind of bored at that resort, but I am never bored at Disney!

In terms of what is there to like--the magic of the place in general, the detailed theming of the attractions, the fireworks and shows, all the restaurants to choose from, a built in transportation system. I could go on and on.

But I think we will probably just have to agree to disagree on this one.

BC&LM · April 2014

WasNotWas said:

@Steamboat1679 said:

BC&LM said:
You Disney haters are all crazy! And I believe IVF should be covered by all insurances.
But what is there to like about Disney- long lines, tons of people, over priced everything?
You are looking at it through the eyes of an adult not a child!!

Even as an adult, I feel there is so much to love. My husband and I already went on three trips before even having our LO.

GraceInCA · April 2014

WorkinIt said:

I don't know if this is still an issue... Anyhow... My husband was adopted from Korea as a baby. My in laws had originally planned on adopting domestic. They got on a wait list. Waited 5 years... Moved to a different county ( 5 miles from where they lived). It forced them back to the bottom of the wait list due to this move. For that reason they went international and were able to adopt my husbands sister within 2 years. My husband was adopted a year and a half later. This is why I am pro international adoption

It's largely dependent upon geography. In many parts of the country, yes, it's not easy to do a public adoption through the foster system. I do work in the foster system here in Los Angeles, and of the nearly half million kids in the country in foster care, Los Angeles has one of the largest populations. The wait time here for fost-adopt (foster care with the intent to adopt) of just about any age is very short relative to other places in the country. While parental reunification was always a goal, the estimates for the number of kids who don't get reunified are high (some say as high as 40%). In an initial meeting with the prospective fost-adopt parents, the likelihood of reunification and level of risk is discussed. For the most part, when a child is placed into a fost-adoptive home, it's a child whose likelihood of parental reunification isn't high. The big problem? People claim they'll take any young child, but they don't mean it. They don't want biracial kids. They don't want kids whose parents are in prison. They don't want boys. They don't want babies who may have been born exposed to drugs. It's rough. Even when the odds for those kids to turn out great after being raised in a good environment are excellent, people just want that perfect baby without baggage. Which is why I see some people I know in town going overseas or spending $50K here on private adoption.

GraceInCA · April 2014

JustPlaneLoved said:

@GraceinCA I'll take another biracial boy any day, mine's pretty darn cute

You are right about geography though. In my state, there are only 40 listed as available for adoption, but I know there are probably more.

We comment (somewhat snark-ily around here) that if we're going to spend that kind of money, the baby BETTER be perfect, but we just can't bring ourselves to go through a private adoption because we feel like we are "buying" a baby. I know the money goes largely to attorney fees & helping the mother offset some costs, but I know of 2 families right now that the BM swears they didn't do drugs, but when tested in the hospital, they had meth in their system. The BMs are still asking for money & the adoptive parents feel that they are enabling them to do drugs, not pay rent.

At least with the foster system, you have an idea what you are going to get. We love the idea of adopting through DHS, but I can't get them to call me back!!!! Also, we are willing to take a sibling group of 4 children (any race) under the age of 5. You'd think they would be knocking down the door to place a sibling group...

It's too bad you're not in LA! With your willingness to take a sibling group and now almost 20,000 kids in our system, you'd have a fost-adopt placement within a week of getting that home study done.

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